Reward System?

I don't see anything wrong with finding one thing that works and sticking to that...children need consistancy and in so many words changing things all the time can be hendering as well...then they will continue to expect more from you which is when you become exhausted because you should be getting more from them. I hope that you find that thing that works even if you have to go back to something that worked before and stick to that. take care and lotsa love.

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I agree with another poster...LOVE & LOGIC. It is great and has really made a difference with my kids. We have done a marble jar with my son. It worked pretty well but honestly, Love & Logic itself worked best. You could most definitely use the marble jar/reward system in conjunction with. One thing on chores I have heard works is this: if you have to do one of their chores say to them, "because you didn't do (insert chore here) I had to do it taking away from what I needed to do. So, because of that you must now do this (insert whatever you need done) for me or I now don't have time to take you to rent a game/to your friends house/etc." What I have now learned, but still need to practice myself, is that we shouldn't remind them. Let the consequences of them not being done speak for itself and you won't have to be on them to do their chores. And with our kids they know the rule is if your stuff isn't done then don't ask!!! Our oldest knows this and is good with this...we are still working on the youngest one! Life is a work in progress! GOOD LUCK! I know EXACTLY where you are coming from ... I have been there many days! :)

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After trying several creative ideas, I went the simple route, and it's working. I made a chart using Excel, and made it extremely thorough. The headings across the top read: Week of March 16; Things to Do; and the days of the week. The first column on the left divides up the responsibilites by time of day: Before breakfast; AM; After school; and Before 9PM. The second column lists the individual responsibilities, such as Make bed; Get dressed; Have breakfast: Brush and floss teeth; Do homework; Practice piano 15 minutes; Pick up room; Feed hamster; Shower; Choose clothes for tomorrow; and so on. Even though some things seemed to obviouse and basic, and included them because I was having to remind her almost daily to do them. There is a check box for each item under the daily column headings. I grayed out boxes that don't apply on weekends, etc. The chart has to be completed daily. After she goes to bed, I draw a smiley face if everything is checked, and a frown if anything is missed that wasn't "pre-approved." Every frown moves up the next week's bedtime by 5 minutes, which is then written in large numbers in the top right corner. I keep this on the refrigerator. My work was really just in created the spreadsheet. The lack of nagging, etc., has been wonderful, and my daughter has grown to take great pride in seeing her accomplishments. She even likes to give me a hard time if I've forgotten to draw a smiley face on a day. What used to be a nightmare is now a source of fun for us. Whew!!!

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My boys are 8 and 10 and we've used "earning privilege" as motivation for a few years now. Anything from poor behavior, messy room, or not doing daily chores would lose privilege - video game time, TV time or an early bed time. (video games are one night a week and weekends and TV time is limited to one hour a night.) They have daily chores that include feeding and cleaning up after the pets, doing dishes, trash, etc. that earn allowance. WELL, if they choose not to do a chore they lose part of their allowance. Their allowance covers their fun stuff so they need their money. Holidays are the only time we purchase much more than clothing for the boys. They are learning the value of money, as well as the group effort needed to keep a home flowing while being responsible. It's worked well so far.

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Whichever way you decide to go about handling this, remember a few key points that should always be driving your decisions. Decide what is really important to you for them to learn and keep that in mind when setting guidelines for chores. For example, you may want to teach your children responsibility and intrinsic value, not just that they should do things in order to get rewards. I know this is easier said than done, but you don't want your kids to say, "ok, now what do I get for helping you with that?" every time they do something nice. There is a difference between kids who want to get good grades because they want to learn and kids who get good grades so that they can get a prize or reward. Sure, some kids need more motivation than others, but you can do it in a way that focuses on the intrinsic value of the matter, rather than a prize. What you want to teach them now are the values that you want to instill in them for the rest of their life.

This would be best if it modeled real life situations and the work world. For instance, like other moms suggested, an allowance for doing their weekly chores (like a paycheck at work). If they don't do the work, they don't get paid just like at work. This model is more like the real world than earning a prize. It can also teach them how to manage and save money. Another way to go, like other moms suggested too, is to just have a chart of things that need to be done. You could even get this established first without having a reward (chores need to be done because they live at home too and are old enough to help out with a few small responsibilities). You could start the allowance thing when they are a little older, like teenage years.

You also may want to make sure you teach them that nice things should be done even when they may not get something in return. You can easily model this for them yourself. Helping out a neighbor, doing a favor for someone anonymously, etc.

I read that another mom suggested that they could save up their "points" and spend them on something big like a special night just with mom. I believe this special time with mom should be done anyway and they shouldn't have to earn points to do that. I don't think that doing special things with kids from time to time spoils them as long as you teach them how to be appreciative. Sometimes kids "earn" special privileges like ice cream or a movie just for being your kid.

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L.,
I read a book by a mom/banker called "Money Doesn't Grow on Trees". It spells out a reward/allowance system that not only teaches your children the value of money, but gets them to do their chores. It is age appropriately developed. One of the keys is that you treat it like a pay check. You set a deadline/payday and if the chores (even one) are not done, then they don't get paid! It teaches about long-term saving, short-term (spending money), taxes, etc. I found it to be ingenious in holding my kids accountable. However, as with most things in life, you are the one who must stay disciplined and not give in to your children when the whine or you feel sorry for them. I would check it out. Good luck and God Bless.

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I have a chore chart on the fridge and pay them for each chore that is done. They are very involved in youth at church and other school activities which cost money. I got tired of just handing them money all the time and getting little help so I came up with the paid chore chart. They can choose what chores they want to do and they know that they have to work around the house to make the money for their outings now. I typed up the chart and put it in one of those clear plastic covers. We write on it with a dry-erase marker and I add up what they have earned every week and put their total at the top. When they need money for something I subtract what they need from their total. I still have to remind them to do chores often but if they have a big cost outing like camp then they know they need to do more to earn it so there isn't as much of a problem but if they don't have something coming up that they need money for then they have to be reminded to do chores more often.
I have things listed like, do dishes, wipe off table, counters and stovetop, clean microwave, clean bathroom, dust a room (they get paid for each room they dust), vacuum, mow the lawn (this one the 2 oldest usually fight over because it pays more), shovel snow in the winter, clean out a vehicle, sweep and mop kitchen, fix dinner, carry down clothes and sort them, wash and dry a load of laundry, fold a load of laundry, take out trash, make a pitcher of tea or kool-aid. By having all those choices they can choose something they want to do. I have the prices ranged from .25-5.00 depending on what the chore is. I do not pay them for cleaning their rooms or putting their clothes away. That is an expectation that they keep their rooms clean and isn't an issue for arguement. They do pretty well at keeping them clean. I also have a rule that if I have to clean it I will charge them 1.00 from their earnings for cleaning it.
My kids are ages 15, 12, and 8. They have been doing some type of chore since they were 3 years old and started cooking around 8 and the older 2 can cook about everything and love it. They typically make $5-20.00 a week if they do a few chores a day. My 15 year old son usually picks sorting the laundry everyday and washing/drying laundry which we have 8-12 loads a week and cleaning a bathroom, usually cooks 1-2 meals a week, and does dishes a few times a week. 12 yr old daughter usually picks dusting living room and maybe another room, clean a bathroom, dishes a few times a week, cook 1-2 times a week, and sweep and mop kitchen floor. 8 yr old son takes out trash 1-2 times everyday, usually cooks once a week with me, vacuums whole house, and also does dishes. He also likes to mop but doesn't do real well at sweeping yet.

We all work together and I don't have to be everyone's slave. I work part-time and we are all very involved in several different ministries at church, and the kids are involved in sports, youth, and drama with fine arts competitions, so we are on the go a lot but everyone pitches in so we don't get overloaded by housework when we have a quiet day at home we can relax and not spend the whole day cleaning the house.

It seems like a lot all written out but they don't work over an hour a day on chores if that long and the kids still find time to play video games or watch tv when we are home.

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We tried a "ticket" system. Much like the Chuck E. Cheese concept! We bought a roll of fundraiser tickets (I think from Michaels or Target) and everytime I saw my son doing things nice or following directions, he earned a ticket. We had a point system that equaled a reward at the end of each day. He is four and loved it. You could make your rewards daily or weekly since your boys are older. I just cut a slit in the top of a large Folgers coffee container and decorated the outside. Then I made a chart to record his totals for each day. Our system was 5 tickets equals a sweet treat; 10 tickets equals an extra book at bedtime; 15 tickets equals a new matchbox car; and 20 tickets equals a new book from the store. Then after a while you can change the prizes.

Good luck!

I am actually a Nanny/Sitter and have seen several families use the reward program and it has worked quit well for them. If they do their chore then the put a sticker or something in that marker and then once all tasks are complete for the day they either have added to the reward bucket of say lets go bowling, to an arcarde, to a movie, out to eat, etc. or if they have failed to complete half or more of their chores then they loose something like TV for the evening, no video games, no friends over for the day, have to read, etc. It can in the end work greatly if you give them good rewards that they want to work for and acheive and adventually remove them from the reward program and have them learn they have to do things without rewards also and if they continue to do chores without rewards then i would treat them to something special for you not having to keep up on them with the chore chart anymore!! best of luck hope this helps.

My sister in law has kids about the same age as yours and recently they have done what she calls "Maughan Bucks" (their last name is Maughan). The way that I understand that it works is that if the do their chores without being asked or if the exericise instead of watching tv for so many minutes or whatever thing she wants them to be motivated to do, the get a "Maughan Buck". They can either cash in their "Maughan Bucks" for priviledges like tv or video game time or the can save them and they get really money for them so that they can earn money for the things that they want to buy. I don't know if she does it dollar for dollar or if so many "Maughan Bucks" equals a dollar but it has been working wonders for her girls. It is a general concept that they all can understand but it rewards them in the way that the choose to be rewarded so that they are more motivated individually. Good Luck!

I have also started a reward system in the last few months in an attempt to get my children to do more around the house. What I developed was a "smiley face chart" for each of them. I just made a table graph on Microsoft Word with like 30 squares for my six year old and less squares for the other kids, and at the bottom is space to write what their reward will be when the chart is filled. Then I put the printed graph in a clear plastic page protector and taped it up in the kitchen. Now whenever they complete some kind of job or chore, they put a smiley face in one of the squares with a black dry erase marker (when its filled you just clean it off and start again). Or if I am trying to encourage them to do something, I will say "you can have one (or two) smiley faces if you do..." and this does help to motivate them. However, I do have to say that they go through spurts where they do a lot and then times when they don't care to get the smiley faces. The trick is to have a reward that is something really appealing to them. For my kids, it is things like a whole can of soda to themselves (any kind that they choose) or some kind of ice cream treat (from the store or something added to ice cream at home) or their pick for supper that day. These things make them feel special whenever they finally fill their chart and the benefit of having the chart posted in the kitchen is that they can see their own progress and can count how many more squares they have to fill. There are other ways to modify this idea, like by actually listing the exact chores for your boys to do and having them check them off as they go and if they complete them for a whole week, maybe getting a day off from doing chores. That would motivate me! Good luck with whatever you do. It wasn't necessarily what I wanted to do, but with a little extra effort on my part, things are getting done with less hollering and arguing.

I am the queen of systems - tried many that have failed. However, one system that worked and we actually used it for many years was something we called "Kid Points." They looked kind of like Monopoly money, in denomenations of 1s and 5s - just made them on the computer and printed out sheets of them and cut them up. They said Kid Points - Good Work, Good Housekeeping, Good Attitude. Then I had a chart of what they could do to earn Kid Points and how they could spend them. They earned Kid Points for doing jobs, getting A's on report cards, being kind and helpful to others, etc. They could spend them on things like watching a movie at home, drinking a soda, going out for ice cream - little things that they like to do. Or, they could save them up and do something bigger with them - like have a night out with just mom.

My kids are all teenagers now, but a far simpler system is working, at least for Saturday morning chores. There are 5 major jobs to do for 5 kids. Whoever gets up first on Saturday gets to choose first which job he/she will do. Second one up chooses second. This rewards those who get up early. They are so trained in this that even when they spend the night at someone else's house they try to get up, call home and ask if they are the first one up! They call in to reserve the job they want! They each get an allowance, but only if they do their job.

That takes care of Saturday. I've been kind of feeble on the rest of the week. However, what I've tried and works well is when I get the question - can I go to my friends house? When the answer is - if your room is clean and you did the laundry, sure. No fun until the work is done.

Reward tham with what you know they like, but NEVER use food or candy as a reward or punishment (extra for good or none for bad)! This causes children to develop an unhealthy relationship with food, and as adults may turn into obesity or anorexia (if they feel like thay have to deny themselves or try to overcompensate or medicate with food).

It doesn't have to be extravagant you can set up a monthly chart for chores and reward them at the end or do it weekly for now till they get the hang of helping out and then start doing the chores without being told.At this age i'm sure they would like money to save for something they want and that can be a reward to them in itself. But how much is to much,it depend's on the chores and if you want to reward them with money. I would talk about it as a famliy and get idea's from everyone.
sahm of 2 and married

The reward system does work & or allowance. Give them their chores...you can make up a chart & buy the the little stars & put them by each one that is completed daily/ weekly (how ever you want it done) & after the end of that week or two weeks...you can reward thwm with something that they've told you that they wanted, or wanted to go, movie, allowance, shoes clothes...what ever it is you CAN'T compromise what your expectations are. One may do it & not the other you should reward the one who did & say to the other "see what happens when you do your chores". It's worth a shot...my son has an account called Max the Money Bunny & he likes to go to the bank & make deposits & ask for a print out after his transaction so he can see all the deposits he made & all the money he has in there....he doesn't like to spend his money but loves spending mine:-). I don't mind when he's doing what is expected of him but the moment he slacks I don't do any extras just what's required by law:-). Good luck & God Bless!

I made and laminated a two week chore chart that listed all the chores and which was assigned to each child on each day of the week. There are little squares under the days of the week that they can mark out when completed. At the end of the two weeks we wipe off the chart and start again.

I choose two weeks since I have two kids and it made it even for each chore over a two week period.

They know that they must complete the chart in the morning before school and before they go and play. It has made life so much easier here and there are no rewards attached to the chart. If they do not do their chores they have to do ALL the chores the next day. I have not ever had that problem once I explained the ALL part.

Good luck

well hey are old enough for such rewards as a chart on the frig with the chores. then for each day the chores are done they get a point then after (you gage) so many points they can pick the restaurant or pizza party or perhaps a new dvd or movie night something that you know will encourage them. I would also let them know that chores are not a punishment but it will help them as they grow up to be more responsible. Now I also say they get one day earned with no chores if they do a week straight without missing. tell them they can pick the skip day. AND for each day they do not do a chore that is scheduled they loose a priviledge. Like they cannot watch their program or plays games. Good Luck.

When I was bucking at a reward system, someone pointed out to me that I get rewarded for doing my job; I get a pay check. It isn't a bad thing to reward your kids, but you have to find out what they want and you have to stick to it. Good luck.

I have tried everything to keep my boys motivated too. I finally started to give them their allowance per chore. Instead of waiting until the end of the week, I assign a value to each chore and give give it to them as they do their chores. We use quarters and 50 cents. This adds up by the end of the week and they are getting immediate rewards for their chores. This seems to be working pretty well.

Ever try putting up charts? Put on each childs name and what their chores are everyday, give them stickers to put on or u can use checkmarks and after the whole month is over and they got all stickers or checkmarks they get a treat at the end of the month,wether its a toy or getting an icecream or something. If a day goes by and they dont have a sticker or a check mark its a minus meaning they dont get anything at the end of them month.

Just an idea, u can do something like that.

Buy (or get from the library) the Love & Logic CD called "Didn't I tell you to take out the trash?" It's about 90 min. (easy listen in the car) and it's all about chores and how to motivate your kids! It's great!!!! Good luck!

My son has a magnetic responsibility chart that hangs in his room. It has everything on it from brushing his teeth to doing his homework to taking care of the dog. He absolutely loves it! When he fills it up for the week, he recieves his allowance. The big ticket items he wants we let him save his money to purchase. That way he's more likely to take better care of his things, because he knows how hard he had to work to get them.

hi, you can purchase a nice chart with magnets on it that says responsiblities on it and you can make your own as well then use them each night before they go to bed for a week then at the end of the week they get a reward of some kind and it also helps if you let them help and decide on the reward within reason. this works well with my 2 girls age 3 and 5. they love the praise and reward I got the chart at toys r us and it is by melissa and doug it was around $20 or so but it may help you.

When I was younger, my mom did this with us:
She put up a chores chart. If we did the chores, we put either a sticker or a smiley face next to it. There were three of us, so here's where it got sticky: if I did all my chores, I got to choose one 30 min. TV show the whole family would watch (one TV in the house). If my sister did all her chores, she could choose our supper that night (from three options: spaghetti, fish fillets like Mrs. Paul's, or pork chops... something she planned to do anyway). If my other sister did her chores, she could choose a game we played that night. The rewards would rotate, and it really worked! And if none of us did our chores, my parents chose everything... maybe no TV, a supper we didn't like, and homework or chores instead of games.
Good luck!

The best rewards are spending one on one time with a parent, whole family outings, choosing and helping to prepare a special meal etc. These are things that will have lifelong rewards in addition to immediate gratification. As well as teaching responsibility and the skills your boys will need in life.