REVISED INQUIRY: My Four-Month Old Wakes Every Hour or Two During the Night

Well, first of all- I totally empathize. My daughter did not sleep fully through the night until she was almost 2, and believe it or not, that's totally normal. Looking back there were times when I was so tired and cranky and sleep deprived I wanted to pull my hair out and just leave town, but I am SO thankful that I trusted my daughter to know when she needed me at night and to wait until she was developmentally ready to sleep throught the night without forcing her.

There are several gentle ways that you can encourage your baby to sleep a little "better." Check out the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley- a great book. I also want to tell you that your baby is still very young, and still needs you at night, and is NOT trying to manipulate you . Comfort needs are real, and are just as important as physical needs.

Good for you for nursing "on demand." It can be so exhausting but really is what your baby needs. i would definitely NOT follow some of the advice that you were given, specifically to feed him formula before bed and to let him cry it out. Feeding him formula could really backfire on you since it may upset his tummy if he's breastfed. And since he's already sleeping 4 hours for the first stretch (which is great!) it is unlikely that formula would keep him fuller than that anyway. And it;s great that you haven;t left him to "cry it out" at all yet- keep going! Babies are not meant to be left alone anytime, night included, to cry by themselves with no one to comfort them. Before you consider doing something that drastic, please imagine how a baby must experience being left alone to cry themselves to sleep. What a lonely, sad way to go to sleep, wondering where your loving mama is and why she is not coming to help you. Besides, crying it out often causes sleep problems later on because of the negative associations with sleeping and bedtime.

Basically, with my daughter, there was always a reason that she was waking up so much, but sometimes I just didn;t realize it till later. Teething was a HUGE issue for her, plus there were developmental milestones that kept her up, other illnesses, discomforts, and sometimes i trusted that she just needed a little extra love at night. Now she is 2 and 2 months, she sleep through the night almost every night for 10 or 11 hours straight (and yes, in our bed- that is where she sleeps the best) and best of all, she likes going to bed and will ask to go to bed and take naps when she is tired. To me, that is the ultimate proof that I did the right thing by waiting it out,a nd I know I'll do the same with the second. And believe me, it;s not easy- I feel for you so much, but it sounds like you're doing a GREAT job so far- keep it up!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I'm betting on teething for this one. They start teething usually around 4 months (from my experience)...even if they don't get an actual tooth till 8 months. Sounds like he's not really hungry but sucking sooths his discomfort. Both my babies co-slept with me for at least a year and after a while, I just stopped guessing at what was wrong. The big sleep disturbers are: teething, adding solid food to their diet (tummy starts working harder), and learning a new skill.

I would try hylands teething tablets - they work well for a lot of people. I wouldn't start trying to bulk his tummy up with anything- that's just gonna upset it. For getting more sleep - maybe you could try keeping him up a little later and you yourself going to bed a little earlier, so you can sleep during that first good block. And just latch him on and try and go back to sleep (before he's totally awake).

This too will pass...the first year is always the hardest...their sleep is affected by everything...I feel for you, and I wish you luck :)

I am having the exact same experience. Baby(4 months) did great in the hammock for a while and now sleeps a good 3-4 hours at first in the crib and then is up every 2 hours to nurse. Of course then she sleeps with me for the rest of the night. Hubby is now sleeping with our other child downstairs to get sleep. I just can't let her cry in the middle of the night but ultimatly that is what had my other daughter sleeping through the night, that and a regular feeding schedule-no nursing at night. I am hoping this too shall pass. Good luck

I had this same experience and we night weaned and it did the trick within 2 nights.(We still nursed during the day) When she realized there was nothing fun to wake up for she stayed asleep. We were co-sleeping at the time and it worked fine. I only wish I had done it sooner, I held out for months hoping it would change, finally the night weaning did it.

It's hard to keep up with all your baby's transitions, but remember too, that he may just be wondering where you are, but you don't have to nurse him. If he starts to cry just go in and pat him so that he knows you are there. This may take awhile, but if he is warm and snug and you comfort him without nursing, he will adjust soon. You may want to try a pacifier that he likes. You may have to try a few different ones. Mine only liked the soft kind. It may be that he is feeling hunger, as he is growing, but is too comfortable in your arms and falls asleep before he can get enough. Maybe it's time to add a little more in his tummy before bedtime.

have you thought about co-sleeping? in my experience, we slept much better together. it is an adjustment and a sacrifice, but if your baby needs comfort in the middle of the night, there's nothing like being able to calm him or nurse him without getting out of bed. also, babies don't sleep through the night. i have a 3 1/2 year old, and she has yet to sleep through the night. we hear from friends or other moms that their babies sleep through the night. not true: they probably don't hear them when they wake up, because the parents sleep through the night. so, don't worry if your baby is waking during the night. it's so natural. once he's a bit older he'll sleep more consistently, but he is still so little. he's getting used to a rhythm. if co-sleeping is completely out of the picture, then i would suggest to expect being tired. it's just part of being a parent with a super little one. when my daughter was super tiny, i remember her being up at night, she wouldn't nurse, but just wanted to be walked around. it was almost painful how tired i was, but we do what we have to do. and most of the time it's a phase and lasts for but a brief time. i'm rambling now. much luck and seriously consider co-sleeping. making your baby cry it out is unnatural. ~sb

Back when my 3.5 year old was that age, he had similar behavior. I was advised by my doc that he probably smelled my milk. That if I were going to a crib anyway, I should transition sooner, rather than later. It got better...but he still got up 3x/night to nurse until about 10 months. Then I had to let him cio. Good luck!

With all of my children, I kept them in the same bedroom with me for at least a year. I don't think that they should be by themsleves too early. When they start becoming more independant is when I would start putting them in there own rooms. (Which is when they start walking.)They don't have to sleep with you, just seeing you or knowing they are near you is all theat they need. It may be a comfort issue or a feeding issue. Listen to your intuition and he will let you know what he needs. Maby daddy could start some feedings. -Washington

Hi F., I have a 7 month old girl and went through the same type of thing. We realized "vibration" soothed her so my husband disasembled the vibration box out of her bouncer, it comes out really easy, where you replace the battery, and we placed it under her materass and above the springs. When she gets fussy at night we turn it on and it ALWAYS soothes her back to sleep. Just an idea if he likes that. Take Care, A..

I am a mother of two boys 11 and 13yrs so its been a little while, but
I would keep him up a little longer make sure he's good and tired. I would also feed him something that fills his tummy
more than nursing.
I would get him out of your bed asap that will only bring problems later if it has not already.
when he wakes if you left him alone for a few minuites would he go back to sleep?
I am not a fan of letting them cry, but give him a few minutes to try and get back to sleep on his own. If you must go to him try a soothing sound before a touch or picking him up. Hang in there we all have these things to learn and go through. waking during the night for a quick nurse is a confort thing get him out of that routine.
J.

the best thing for this problem would be a book that was recomended to me by my sons doctor while we were going to childrens in seattle, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, by Dr Marc Weissbluth. It helped me when my son was having sleep problems, andi have refered back to it on a few occasions since new problems can arise.I started it when he was 8months old and kick myself for not getting be book when she started to tell me about it casue it could have saved me four months of sleepless nights.I bought the book for under 10 at amazon.com. The doctor told me it will change the way you think about sleep and it has. Heck i learned why i have problem now as an adult, because ofthe kind of sleep i had as a child. The author is very knowledgable and informative. As far as the co-sleeping, I didn;t do it only becasue my husband was against it, i might have done it for convenience if he wasn't. I think that some babies do need that closeness when they are small and some are just all hunky dory so to speak about it, and are fine being alone at night. I think that you are the only one who knows your child and that should be only your decision, and if anyone has a problem with it, remind them of that fact politely with a smile. Good Luck. Oh yeah and another note, sorry for rambling, but i have been told and it seems to be true with my son that by the time he was 8 months old he didn't need food in the middle of the night. He is in the 95th pecentile for his height and weight too, so not eating didn't not hurt him one bit.(we did let him have a binky and he unfortunatly still uses it only when he sleeps)

I personally have our children when they are babies sleep with us. My advice would be let him stay in your bed. Latch him on and don't worry how much he gets and go back to sleep. Sometimes I even sleep topless and my son just finds it himself and I am still barely woke. I know that some people are against having the babe in the bed but I have never slept better then when I brought them into our bed to stay. We have no problem either transitioning them to their own bed at around 1 1/2. Good luck!

F.,
My oldest 3 children (I have 4) are 3 years apart from oldest to #3. My sister-in-law, who is a Internist with 3 children, saved my sanity with a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It is written by a pediatric sleep expert. He says that children wake up out of habit to be comforted and not because they are hungry. He says that sometimes we need to teach our kids to turn over and go back to sleep by themselves. He advocates letting them cry themselves to sleep. This can be difficult and doesn't always work. Some kids just won't stop crying. (I have a friend whose child cried for over 2 hrs!)It did work for my kids. Keep a regular bedtime and establish regular bedtime rituals, like reading a bedtime story and singing them a lullaby. Then say goodnight, close the door and keep it closed until the morning! My oldest cried for about an hour for 3 nights. He did not wake up during the night. I started this when he was about 19 months old and I was 7 months pregnant with #2. I needed to be able to put him straight to bed and not take 1/2 hr. rocking him as I had been because my husband was often not home at bedtime and I couldn't leave the baby alone for that long. I don't remember how long it took for the other 2 but I know it wasn't nearly as bad because I started shortly after they turned 3 months old. This is when they can first learn to go to sleep on their own. They all slept wonderfully as young kids and never fussed about going to bed. I kept bedtime the same time every night. I would highly recommend the book, it is easy to read and you don't have to read the whole thing. I wouldn't recommend trying this without reading the book as without an expert to refer back to, you might give up.
As I said, judging from the posts I have read this isn't a popular answer but it works. I believe that a rested happy mommy is a better mommy. Chronic lack of sleep can cause resentment towards your children. It can also be dangerous to yourself and others, I know that when I am very tired I easily nod off while driving. Not a good thing! Your children will also wake up happier. They need a good nights sleep almost as much as you do. As I said, my kids were very happy kids and I think I can rightly attribute some of that to good sleep habits.
Hope this helps.
B.

I always have to respond when it comes to sleep issues since there are so many parents on here that are in favor of 'crying it out'. Do not do that. Obviously there is something your child needs that he is trying to communicate with you. Right around 4 months usually begins teething, and of course, disrupted sleep. Try Hyland's Teething Tablets before going to Tylenol. Beware of topical numbing agents, as they can also numb swallowing reflexes.
It sounds as if your baby is needing extra comfort from you right now. Whether that is because of teething pain, or from the transition into a crib, he needs you. The worst thing you could do is ignore that and teach him that you won't be there when he needs comfort.

My daughter is 14 months and still doesn't sleep through the night. Depending on the night she will wake up 3 times (on a good night), and up to 7 times (on a bad night). She sleeps with us, always has. I know what sleep deprivation does to you. Just remember to tell yourself that it is temporary. If your baby is sleeping better in your bed, then do it (as long as neither of you are heavy sleepers and are likely to roll over onto him).
When he nurses, try doing something else at the same time to soothe him: rub his back or feet, pat his back, rock him a little bit. When he wakes up in the night to nurse, but he's just not really hungry, eventually you can break the latch and do whatever other technique he will associate with nursing (rocking, patting, rubbing) to get him back to sleep. The next time he wakes up, he'll probably be more ready for a meal.
I would really advise against using any kind of formula unless you really really have to for nutritional reasons of not producing any milk. Formula will increase the risk of allergies later on in life by something like 40%. It also greatly increases the risk of asthma as well. If you have a successful breastfeeding relationship, there is absolutely no need to expose your child to the risks of formula.
Your baby will go through teething and growth spurts so often for the first 2 years of life, that it's really not right to expect any baby younger than 2 to sleep soundly through the night. Some do, there are always exceptions, but if yours doesn't, he's not the only one.
Most of all, listen to your instincts when you are not sleep deprived. He needs you. He needs comfort. Follow your motherly instincts to best take care of your baby and his individual needs. It's all temporary, it won't last forever, you will sleep again. Promise.

If it's a growth spurt he'd be eating more frequently throughout the day, too, I'd imagine. I have a daughter the same age who was falling into the same pattern and here's what my pediatrician suggested (that is actually working!) First of all, my daughter falls asleep around 8 or 9 but alway wakes up after 3 or 4 hours. I am usually still up because I need some down time before I can go to sleep! so I feed her a full meal and get her back to sleep. Then: Feed baby at his first waking in middle of the night for 10 minutes. If he pops off the breats, put him back on. Try and get him to eat for 10 minutes. The next night, feed him for 9 minutes, next night 8 minutes and so on(so you have 10 days to get to 0 minutes, which idealy would "wean" baby off night feedings.) If you wanted to try that with the first waking at around 11 or 12pm you could, otherwise try and get baby to go to sleep later at first then eliminate the middle of night feeding. I'm down to 3 minutes and the fact that it's working shows me that she's not actually hungry but just habitually waking for that feeding. There were a few nights when I did the same amount of time for a feeding because she wasn't quite ready (I think it was 2 nights of 6 minutes) but it's really working! By the last day if baby wakes again rocking or soothing baby (using a binky, walking around with him, etc) should get him back to sleep (and you, too) at least just in time for the next growth spurt to hit! Now, as for the subsequent feedings that come after that first waking up, they eased away as the days went by. I do still feed her a full feeding around 4-5 am when she wakes up, but plan on trying to wean that one out after I get that first one completely gone! Good luck!

Hi, I too was in a similar situation with my 4 month old. We made a few changes and now he sleeps a good 7 hours at night. Every child is different but the following worked for us (1) We did the forbidden...allow our child to sleep on his belly (2)Prevented the cool temperature from his bedroom window from entering the room (can be accomplished by putting plastic in the window or by another method) (3) Raised the temperature at night so that he remained comfortable in the cold night hours. So in summary, position and room temperature were causing our child not to sleep through the night. Good luck!

I have atteneded quite a few "mommy-groups" and, unfortunately, it sounds like typical 4-mo old sleep patterns. My advice - do whatever will work for your family. If it works - do it! Also, what works now, won't necessarily work in 2-3 months. Sleep deprivation is terrible...since you are "mom-in-charge" (I love that!) you might have a little time to nap during the day when your son is napping. Might help. Good luck!

This is probably a phase and there is probably some reason - growth, brain development causing brief waking, etc. I don't think you should let him cry it out at this stage - -that may make things worse. Give it a couple of weeks to see what happens. Hang in there -- its temporary:)

Let the kid sleep with you. When he wakes up just cuddle him up next to you and hold him down. Let him nurse. Have your back to your hubby, so he gets his sleep. My motto, sleep when he sleeps, eat when he eats, and pee when he pees. Live the same schedule and things will work out.No one said that parent hood would be easy. Think of all the men in Irac, they are constantly sleep deprived as they protect our country!

I skimmed through the other responses, but wanted to add my two cents. We had this problem too when we were co-sleeping at that age. I think our daughter woke up when she heard us moving around and when she smelled my milk. We were putting her in the crib to start the night and then keeping her with us after her first wake-up. At first, it helped us get a little more sleep, but then I noticed that she was waking up all the time. So I got her back into the crib for the rest of the night. It really helped. Good luck.

F.,

I agree, I think he's either teething or just needs comfort. My son cut his first teeth at 4 months old, then we had a 7 month gap of no teeth. Instead of nursing him try either you or your husband going in and swaying with him right near his crib/rocking him. If he's just looking for some comfort he should go right back to sleep. He could also be growing. I remember both my kids being a little extra fussy around that age. One for teething, the other for growing.

Hope this helps,
Supportively,
M.

Hi F.!

I think your friend who suggested that your son may be going through a growth spurt is correct. 4 months old is the correct age for growth spurts to happen. They commonly happen about every 2-3 months for the first year. Sometimes babies do need comfort in the night, they can have bad dreams too, but for it to happen so consistently, makes me think it's a growth spurt.

Also, what a lot of people don't know is that 4 hours of sleep for a baby under 6 months, is a full nights sleep for the baby. At this stage, although it may be inconvenient for you, is to go to bed when he goes to bed and to nap when he takes a nap to get some of your own sleep in, so that you aren't so tired. A lot of families do take turns getting up with baby, and maybe your husband can try comforting him at night at least during one waking to see if that helps him not to nurse.

I also live in the PDX area, and resource that you may not know about is Nursing Mother's Counsel. I am a counselor with NMC, and we have phone lines so that you can call in and get help from either a live line counselor or you may have to leave a message and someone will call you back. http://nursingmotherscounsel.org/

###-###-#### is the phone line.

I really hope this info helps you some, call the help line if you need someone to walk you through or you can ask me more specific of question(s) and I can try and get the info for you too.

4 months old is too young to let him cry himself to sleep. Provide comfort or food or whatever he needs.

My youngest daughter went through something similar, and I found information on foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, which leads to gassiness, discomfort, and frequent waking (in our case). She was waking often, nursing only a tiny bit, and just getting the foremilk (and not enough hindmilk). So she kept getting gassy, kept waking up, etc. The solution was to make sure that any wakeup that involved nursing involved at least five minutes of nursing, to make sure she got enough of both. Don't know if this is a factor with your little guy, but I do know how tired you are, so I hope the situation resolves soon for you!

If the baby is waking up to feed, then keep him awake with a tickle under the chin until he nurses down. He hasn't ate enough to sustain any real sleep. If they are just seeking that soothing feeling, try a pacifier. Sleepless nights are a part of parenting, the cry is a baby's way of communicating they have a need, a problem. Look at your diet, make sure you haven't changed your eating habits and introduced something spicy, gasey to your menu. Are you drinking a lot of milk? could be a lactose tolerance problem for him via you. You have the luxury of staying at home with him, so nap during the day when he does to re-charge your batteries. This phase will pass and then you'll find yourself doing it again when he reaches the age of 17-18 yrs old. You'll be waking up every hour or two until he gets home. Enjoy these moments in the middle of the night when you can rock him, nurse and cuddle him. They grow up way too fast. This is the best of times.

My son did the same thing. The doctor told us to feed him cereal before bed. It helped and he would only wake up once a night for a bottle. He was always hungry.

It might work.

C.

it could be absolutely anything! growth spurt, teething, working on crawling, working on sitting up, needing comfort.... my daughter is 15 months and she still wakes quite a bit at night. we tried the "cry it out" which worked, but then she reverted and i don't really want to do it again. i think you have to just go with the flow and do what works. (i have heard that formula before bed is just a myth for having them sleep better)

Hi F.,

I sure can relate. I nursed my babies and I did have some level of sleep deprivation with most of them at this age but it is wonderful you are nursing! First my advice would be not to give formula unless you want your nursing to fail. I also really don't think it would help. Have you contacted La Leche League? They might have some very good advice for you. I think your friend who said it might be a growth spurt could be right. He may not seem to nurse a lot but he could be getting more than you realize. Could you encourage him to nurse longer when he does wake up,perhaps offering the other breast after he is finished with the first one. It might be easier on you if you put him in a bed of his own connected to yours so all you would have to do is roll over and pull him to you. I don't know if he stays awake after he nurses but it would be best if you could keep everything very quiet and not turn on the lights no stimulation like talking to him or changing his diaper ( if you can help it) etc... to encourage him to understand this is not play time but eat and go back to sleep time. I would just douple diaper for night time. I don't think crying it out is fair to the baby and it would probably be horrible for you. They grow up contented,trusting and safe feeling by having their needs met when they are so dependent on us. With my last child I was miserable for a while with sleep deprivation and wondered how I would survive. Finally part of what worked was to realize this was just going to have to be until he grew out of it and to not expect so much from myself. I would try and nap and rest where I could and worked on patience that it would pass which of course it did. Again don't forget La Leche League,they have a wealth of experience to share from so many nursing Moms who have been there. Hang in there!

L.

I didn't read all the responses to see if this has been mentioned yet, but, I ask my husband to get up with my 2 month old daughter during the night when I know she has recently been well fed. (We did this with our older two also.) She already knows that dad can't nurse her, and she settles down and goes back to sleep without me being the human pacifier. My husband is reluctant to get out of bed at first, but always thanks me the next morning for sharing that special quiet time that is normally only my experience. (Which doesn't always seem so special to me, being anemic and sleep deprived!!)

We had almost the exact thing happen. It turns out she wasn't getting enough to eat during the day so she was waking to eat during the night. "The no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantly is a great resource! I strongly discourage you from letting him "cry it out" since that can be detrimental to his social development. There's also no evidence that giving solids or "bulking formula" helps a baby sleep longer. Check with the pediatrician to see if there's anything going on, love your baby through it, and remember that it does get better!

Don't I sympathize! I have a 7 month boy who is just starting to only wake up once a night. I understand being up at night. It will pass! ;P Be glad he is your first!

You know what's best for you and him. If you feel like he needs to yell it out, try it. I can't stand much screaming at night myself, but if I'm tired enough and I know he's full and changed and NEEDS to sleep...!

I would stay away from any formulas. He needs your milk especially now.

See if you can get your husband to watch him so you can take a nap or sleep in the morning. I still do that!

I've been working on Jason sleeping in his bassinet since he was three weeks old. (My oldest son was in bed with us for 7-8 weeks and it was horrible!) Just this last week we put Jason is his crib in his room on the opposite side of the house. I just felt like it was time. And he is sleeping BETTER than ever!!! Wakes up once a night.

I hope you get some sleep soon!

I am sure you are tired, so you need to find something that works for all of you. do you have anything against co-sleeping? when done safely there is nothing wrong with it. also your baby is only 4 months and is STILL a newborn! what he/sh is doing by eating that often is totally normall. 4-5 months is the age for a growth spurt. also if you supplement with formula you will just be shooting yourself in the foot for breast milk, 1 it will decrease your supply all around and 2 its not going to help. some people may say pacifier, which also for a nursing baby may not be a good idea because they can get what is called nipple confusion, this is where they may choose that or you they will start to think that you are not reliable and turn to something else. YOU are providing your baby with the best, the breast! we are a natural made pacifier, your baby will thank you latter! 3-- find a local La Leche League group, you will meet moms who live around you who have similar issues, you can also speak with a LLL Leader and get tips and advice from her. her eis the link where you can find a local meeting and leader, its free use it!!

http://www.lllusa.org/web/PortlandOR.html

Hope this Help
WarmLLLy
R. D
LLL Leader and mom of 5

My son started teething at 4mo which of course caused more fussiness at night. We gave him a little tylenol before bed and that helped him.