J.S. asks from Tampa, FL on May 25, 2010
Retaining Child in Second Grade.
My son is 7 years old, very young for second grade (born in August 16). He also has ADD. For many reasons the school, my husband and I decided that it will be better for him to stay another year in second grade, but he doesn't want to stay another year.
WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HIM HAPPY ABOUT STAYING ANOTHER YEAR IN SECOND GRADE?? (By the way, he doesn't want to move to another school).
E.C. answers from Miami on May 26, 2010
I don´t know what to do to make him happy but for a while try NAET therapy for the ADD....visit www.naet.com
Also Brain works therapy
V. answers from Melbourne on May 26, 2010
You aren't going to make anyone happy about failing a grade. That is how he will see it, he failed 2nd grade. As for the comment that someone said it's easier for them to fail an early grade, I do not agree. I failed 1st grade and it made me feel awful. Kids see it as, wow school's so easy then, how could you fail. How do you think you would have felt if you had to repeat second grade? If it's needed fine, but he's not going to be happy, no matter what kind of spin you put on it.
M.R. answers from Columbus on May 25, 2010
He may be right.
Especially since your son has a disability, this applies to you. Go to www.wrightslaw.com scroll down the left side of the page and click on "retention." Read about holding kids back and why it is not a good educational strategy for children with disablities. The data is very clear. It is easier and cheaper for the school to do this than it is to address his educational needs. Please read about this first. If he has any issues with reading whatsoever, you owe it to him to learn about the ineffective nature of this educational strategy.
As an educational advocate for children with disablities, I see what happens to kids who have this happen to them, and it is a chance I would never take. A good many of the parents I help have held thier child back and are fighting to get services for thier child that are well over due becuase services are provided based on grade, not age. Unfortunately, if reading is an issue, the window of opportunity closes for learning to read without great difficulty between the ages of 8 and 9. He is already 7. If second grade did not work the first time, it will not work the second time either, and kids with disablitlies need new strategies to learn, not a second helping of what did not work the first time.
Voice of expereince here, but don't just take my word for it, do some reading on the concequences. The school has a vested interest in taking the cheapest, easiest route. You should never know less about what your son needs than they do, and depending on them to tell you everything you need to know is a mistake.
3 moms found this helpful
N.H. answers from Pittsburgh on May 25, 2010
How about home schooling? I had a similar situation and my son was delighted to stay home with me and home school. We joined a home schooling group in our community and he did lots of activities with this group of home schooled kids. There were field trips to museums, ice skating, sleep overs. He had his weekly private piano lessons and daily piano practice. We got books from his school and we had a lot of fun together doing science, writing and math. I spoke to the principal and got the support of the school. He went back to rejoin his classmates in third grade (something he'd lose if you held him back) with a new level of confidence and maturity. Because he knew his multiplication tables (we counted out beans "three groups of... equals.. " and so on), they decided he was advanced in math and this designation followed him through high school and college. He was recomended for a Saturday program for kids at Carnegie Mellon University in robotics and is currently finishing up his last year in engineering! :)
1 mom found this helpful
T.B. answers from Miami on May 26, 2010
I've never had this happen but it's really not up to your 7 year old if he stays in second grade or not. For reasons the school has given to you, they feel your son would benefit greatly by repeating the year. Sometimes my children don't want to go to school just because they don't feel like going. Oh well, is how I feel. I'm the parent and the one in charge. And so are you. It's better to repeat second grade than a grade higher than 4th where other children can be mean with their teasing. Your son is young. He'll get through this and over it. He doesn't have a choice.
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S.B. answers from Redding on May 25, 2010
Do they offer 2nd and 3rd combo classes? We have those here and it works out well for kids who aren't ready to step up a grade, but still can be introduced to the things involved with the 3rd grade as well. Technically, they're doing the second grade over, but in a mix with other third graders. Is there a different second grade class that might that might have a different curriculum model that he might follow better?
I would talk to the school about these types of options.
My friends retained their son in the 4th grade because he had just struggled and struggled and they had a combo class so it wasn't really obvious to anyone if he was in fourth or fifth grade. That extra year took so much pressure off him and he bounced forward like a champ.
He knew he was struggling and he was worried about things getting even harder so they found a compromise.
The upside was that he did very well, he knew the routine, his self confidence returned, along with his self esteem. As he improved he became involved with music class, school plays, sports and science projects. He was a whole different kid when all that pressure was taken off of him. They could have let him just continue to struggle which made him feel bad about himself. Retaining him was the best decision for him.
There are pros and cons, but your son being in the best place is the main focus in my opinion. See if your shcool offers combo clases.
I wish you the best.
K.B. answers from Sarasota on May 25, 2010
Since u r from Fl How about choice schools. My kids go to imagine schools which is awesome because they teach with more hands on. maybe he needs a different kind of teachind r smaller classroom seting. Check out choice schools in ur area!!
K.P. answers from New York on May 25, 2010
** If you read the literature on children with disabilities and retention, it's not pretty. You may want to consider requesting a special education review before finalizing your decision. Children with disabling conditions who are also retained are very likely to drop-out.**
Retention is very difficult for older children. They often feel like they have "failed" a grade, thus the need to repeat. Make sure that you have really thought this through- do you think he will do better the second time around?
If you are wedded to this decision, then make sure that he has a different teacher. When you talk with him, focus on his areas of success in second grade and that you are hoping that he will find more success in the fall. I would allow him to be upset, but keep focusing on the positives of having the opportunity to learn the information and meet new friends.
R.W. answers from Tampa on May 26, 2010
It's always harder to hold them back once they have started school. He should have been held back and not started until he was ready. Did the teacher suggest that he be held back? Most teachers will be honest and let you know if they think your child is not ready to go on. Talk to the teacher and go from there. If you do hold him back talk to him about all the new friends he will make. Why would he have to move to another school?
My niece allowed them to hold her daughter back in school and it is terrible. Now she is a lot bigger than the other kids in her class. If he is a big boy you need to consider this also. She is teased all the time and is having a lot harder time with school then she would have if she had not been held back. It's a lot to consider. Listen to your son and his feelings and do what you feel is best in your heart. Only you and your son know what is best for him.
K.N. answers from Miami on May 26, 2010
Excuse me, but is he getting passing grades? If so, as I did with my son, allow his imput and then decide what is truly Best for HIM. If he is at grade level, allow him to move on, if not, take him out and calmly explain that due to no -fault of his own, he has to stay another year. Point out everything that is good about staying in 2nd grade an extra year! I allowed myself to follow my sons wishes; and he graduated at 17,; went and did military (Marines) service; and is now home and furthering his education and working part time too, all while out on his own! Close by us, his family, but he is doing great! I almost fell for what the teachers were saying back in first grade, because of his age; and I Know that would have made hm an angry student! I will keep you's in prayers! Good luck and God bless you both!!!