49 answers

Respect fromHouse Guests Suggestions for Handling Sticky Issue???

Info: my 30 yo never married sister and her boyfriend of one year (divored with two teens--the teens are not coming) were going to visit. I have met bfriend once for about an hour. They can't say with my mom because she won't give up the cats and sis's boyfriend is allergic. that's a whole nother story. I offered that they could stay with hubby, me and my two young kids. I said sis could have my son's room and Boyfriend could have my daughter's room because she has a queen bed and son has a single. Boyfriend is very tall.

I thought this was a nice way of saying, hubby and i don't want an unmarried couple sharing a bed in our house with our children around. Do what you want in your own house or in a Motel, but that isn't an example that we want set for our 8 and 6 yo. Any time hubby and i traveled and stayed with realives before being married, we slept separately. We have also had houseguest that know we don't smoke and would leave and drive around the block to smoke just to be respectufl of us and our children.

I'm not asking if you agree with me or not, but do you have any suggestions for how to handle this. sis is up in arms that I am being "creepy" about this and is now refusing to come, I don't particularly care if she does or not because she has always been a pain in the you know what, but i don't want to totally cut my kids off from her and that might happen if she decideds to take it out on the kids. suggestions??

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to weigh in on either side. It has really helped me ALOT. I've come to the conclusion that she is probably mad at my mom and taking it out on me, and bottom line really doesn't want to come. Sadly, she isn't very fllexible nor is she very thoughtful of others. My kids really love her and so far she has managed to have a decent relationship with them, we'll see if that survives. thanks again.

Featured Answers

I don't think it is her that is being disrespectful at all. She is a 30 year old woman, not a teenager, and can decide for herself if she wants to share a bed room with her BF. If I was her I would feel like you were being judgmental of me and my relationship, and would not come either. It would be different if they were 17 or even 18, but these are fully grown adults, and to separate them is treating them like they are children. Many couples decide never to get married, but still share a bed.

4 moms found this helpful

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we have the same house rule. stick to your guns and your peace of mind.

11 moms found this helpful

Your house, your rules. What is "creepy" is that she cannot sleep without him for a few nights. I would love to sleep alone!!

Reread this part of your post....."but i don't want to totally cut my kids off from her and that might happen if she decideds to take it out on the kids". I don't see anyplace YOU are cutting your kids off from her. She would be the one doing it, if she does. If she "takes it out on your kids" the way you anticipate she may, I wouldn't want her around my kids anyway.

I get why you are worried. But, if them sleeping separately means a lot to you, then it doesn't appear you have much of a choice. Simply kindly explain to sis what your reasoning is (the kids and examples set) and let her make her decision. Anything beyond that is out of your control.

Good luck!!

10 moms found this helpful

I totally agree with your house your rules. She needs to actually grow up.

9 moms found this helpful

Your house, your rules....]

You're being gracious enough by moving the kids out of THEIR beds and allowing your sis and her boyfriend to take over.

If she doesn't like your rules, she doesn't have to come..... heck, even if they WERE living together, I would want them to sleep in separate rooms just out of respect for YOUR kids!

9 moms found this helpful

Stand your ground. You have young kids, and if she thinks you are being creepy, too bad. Let them pay for a motel.

Letting her "blackmail" you into letting her sleep with a man you have known for an hour just to keep her seeing your kids would be a big mistake. If she is SO self-centered that she cares more about getting her way in your house than she cares about her niece and nephew, then you don't want her to have much of a relationship with your kids anyway.

YOU hold the reins in your house and with your children. NEVER let family be mean to your kids.


8 moms found this helpful

I agree with you - your house - your rules! For all the people posting saying you are being disrespectful and you are making this a huge deal that's so not true. You are offering your sister a place to stay for a night - free of charge!! If sleeping with her boyfriend of one year means more to her than visiting you and your family then she is being extremely childish! I do agree with the one poster that said maybe she really doesn't want to come and is using this as a scape goat. I personally would not allow the couple to sleep together in my house. I don't think I should have to tolerate something I disagree strongly with in my own house. Guest or not she shouldn't be allowed to do anything in your house that you disagree with.

8 moms found this helpful

She's 30 and is acting like, well, a 30 year old who doesn't have kids and just doesn't get it.

There is nothing wrong with asking them not to sleep in the same room while at your house. Stick to your guns. You're the mom.

But I would five her a call and tell her to come and either live by your rules or get a hotel. Tell her it means a lot that she visits - but your rules are your rules.

Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful

Like another said, your house your rules. If they can't abide by them then they can get a hotel room. Period. If your sister can't understand that then it's her problem not yours. She would expect you to respect her rules so why can't she do the same? I have the same rules as you do. It's a matter of setting an example to our kids. You in no way are cutting your kids from her, she is the one choosing to do this. She is being very immature if you ask me. Stick to your guns.

I just had to add one thing, to me this could be based on religious views but I also see it as a moral issue. So for the poster to say it's based on religious views solely I disagree with.

7 moms found this helpful

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