Resource for Encouraging Daughter's Confidence?

The book we used raising our son and the one I recommend to parents most frequently is The Family Virtues Guide, by Linda K. Popov. You can learn more about the strategies taught in this book at www.VirtuesProject.com. You can get the book through various local book stores, but can find best deals online at www.dealoz.com.

This book not only teaches parents the language skills for encouraging children effectively, it teaches stategies such as 'recognizing teachable moments'. At the Virtues Project website, you can also find recordings of seminars and workshops on CD. As a parent, an aunt, and one who has worked extensively with children of all ages, I've never found a more effective or simple approach.

If you are in the St. Louis area, I facilitate a free discussion group once a month for parents/teachers/etc. who want to develop these skills. These are 2 hour sessions on the third weekend of the month. This month it will be on Saturday, March 21. I do not have a flyer up on a website, but can send you a flyer with all the details as an attachment if you send me your email address.

This book will not only help you encourage your child's confidence, it will help you understand what other skills a child needs to develop in order to support confidence, such as respect, courtesy, audacity, etc.

A little about me: Married 35 years to my most constant encourager, mother of a 22 y/o young man who is my best teacher, 9 years experience in early childhood enrichment, 12 years experience in natural therapies, specializing in brain integration for specific learning difficutlies and neuro-muscualr re-activation.

3 moms found this helpful

Check out your local Parents As Teachers group. Your daughter's getting to the age where she's getting to be too old for the group but take advantage of what time's left. The teachers there can help you with other ways you can get her out and about.

You might want to get her involved in a martial art. Not only will she meet new kids but also give her much needed confidence. The Tae Kwon Do place in my town starts kids out at five years old.

Good luck and give your daughter a hug for me! ls

I have an almost 5 year old with similar challenges and she has been in daycare since she was an infant, so she has had lots of socializing. She has lots of friends she loves, but when in a new situation she is still very nervous. Having her go to dance and swimming lessons seems to have helped, because she is learning new skills she can be proud of. I also have given her a special angel charm she can keep in her pocket and hold when she is anxious. Some might say that is a bad idea because she could lose the charm and it is an external help, versus coming from inside her, but it really helps her a lot.

Socializing is the best way to get kids into a comfort zone. Not just with other kids, but also with introducing your daughter to new & exciting things.....& springtime is the best time to get out & have fun. The zoo, museums, the farmers markets....anything where she can learn to interact with others!

On a weekly basis, (as another poster responded) Brownies/Daisies - preschool youth group - Parents as Teachers- are all examples of fun ways to meet other children. Have fun!

My 5 soon to be 6 year old is the same way. She is in kindergarten now. I was able to send her to summer school last year where all they did was get to know the school, meet some of the teachers and learn some of the things that they would learn over the school year. This really helped my daughter as well as gave her the confidance of riding the school bus. She had not ridden in one before. She ended up with the teacher who had her in summer school being her teacher. This also helped because my daughter is not one who likes changes. She did not want to move up into the three year olds room in the day care I had her in two days a week. We also had a problem yet not near as bad when it was time to move her into the preschool room. The one thing that did help with that one was that all her friends were moving up as well. I also belong to Parents as Teachers, however we do not have but one or two play groups a month. Now that she is in Kindergarten that is over for her.
We are know looking to put her into a karate class or something simular. I know that most places will not take her till she is 6 years old. I wish that I could help you out more.

You might want to enroll her in Girl Scouts. They promote courage, confidence and character. Daisy Girl Scout's start in kindergarten. Go to www.girlscouts.org to find a council near you.

My son now 15 was very much the same way when he was young, change of any kind really made him uncomfortable. They only thing I found was to talk to him about all the changes what he could expect and when. The more we talked about it the better able he was to cope. He still doesn't like surprizes but it's not near as bad as when he was younger.

My daughter is shy as well. We just moved here, and she had to start kindergarten in a strange place. She did much better than I had feared. Preschool probably helped with that. I think one thing that has really helped her is joining a Daisy (Girl Scouts for little ones) troop. There are only a few girls, so it's a comfortable way for her to get to know some of the girls in her class/her age. You might also try getting her into a few classes at the local recreation center this summer.

I don't know any books or programs. However, I would encourage you to be very patient and not push TOO hard. I know you said you try to let her be herself, but I wanted to try to push my daughter...even though I understood how she felt because I was shy when I was younger. Encourage her to try new things and experience new things, but if she becomes uncomfortable, then ease up. My daughter was pretty shy, but we have helped to encourage her to speak up by little ways of getting her to speak to people...such as having her ordering her own dinner when we go out and saying "thank you and Please" to the waiter. Also agree with previous posters...I think pursuing sports or girl scouts is a great idea...the Little Gym is a wonderful place too(though not cheap) When she does start K then speak to her teacher about your concerns. We were lucky to have a WONDERFUL teacher that assured us she would be just fine, and helped us/her to get more self assured. She is in the 2nd grade and still has a picture of her and her K teacher in her room.

My twins went to church,had play groups with my friends kids, have neighbor kids to play with, had a year of pre-school at 4 years old and are very verbal. In kindergarten at the last parent teacher conference both of their teachers commented on their lack of self confidence.
I don't have an answer for you. I just wanted to say that it is not due to any lack in you as a parent. I'll keep reading the responses you get and see what others suggest.
Oh, and I do like Jamie Lee Curtis's books for kids.

well my question is how much socializing has she done with children her own age? This could be part of her issue. I'm going to have a hard time myself once my daughter gets to that age. We moved to a new town when she was 6 months old and the only friend she had her age moved cause we moved into their old house. I don't know anyone other than one neighbor. so I don't know anyone who has kids close to my daughter's age.

Take her out more and remind her it is ok to be scared but if you don't try new things you won't know if you like it or not. remember keep any explainations very simple. it is easy to forget they don't always understand what we mean to say. I'm not sure where you are but it may be a good idea to take her somewhere there is a playground with children her age or playcenter in a mall.

Tell her that you'll take her somewhere for a special treat when she's up to ordering the treat herself...(Sonic, Subway, Baskin Robbins, Appleby's, Culvers, etc.) Make sure she knows that the purpose of the visit is to work on bravery skills of talking to someone, and that if she doesn't feel comfortable when you get there, she doesn't have to do it. If you take her there and she backs out, make sure you have a happy face and say, "That's okay, honey, we'll try another day." (And if she cries b/c she won't get the treat, know, Mom, that that is okay--it's a natural reaction and another great learning opportunity that Mom really means what she says.)
But let her know that she was brave for even attempting it and give lots of hugs and praise for her attempt. But no treat unless she orders herself. It might take several fruitless trips, but it's an investment worth taking. My daughter hated ordering herself at first, but after about a dozen times, she got more comfortable, and it's not a problem for her now as an 8 year old. Also, make a big deal with hugs and congrats if she does order. In the end, it's a great confidence booster. (The, "Yay, I did it!" feeling.) Good luck!
Angie