Relatively Speaking

It sounds like your sister just wants company. If these people haven't been the first to reach out, then I wouldn't do it. If they have asked for you to come, then it would be appropriate if you felt you could do it.

In the end, it's your call and since it has been 15 years, it is not a big deal if you decline.

D.

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I'd stay home.

Why put yourself in an uncomfortable situation for no good reason?

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I'm wondering why your sister is pressuring you even though she knows you don't want to go?

I wouldn't go. It's fine if your sister wants to, but she should respect your feelings.

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That's pretty far down the bloodline to have to put yourself in such an uncomfortable situation. I would decline.

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I see this as less about the cousin ---- ( who cares about them if it's been this long and you have no inclination to rekindle)---
I see this as more about your sister.

Why does she want you to go? How will she handle it if you politely decline?

If you can anticipate and deal with what ever her reaction is,,, then make what ever choice you choose :)

Personally, i have a very hard time in new situations and i would have to believe that it was so extremely important to sis that she literally would b crushed if i did not attend. AND i would also have to know she had my back and woudl agree to any escape plans should they be needed.

It sounds to me that you just need to communicate to her in a way she can hear you that no you don't want to go but you love her and hope she has fun.

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I wouldn't go. There's likely a very good reason that you haven't visited this person in 15 years, and unless they were reaching out directly to you, there's no need to feel badly about not going.

Tell your sis that you are glad that she enjoys her relationship with this cousin, and that you won't be joining her. I can't imagine being overnight on someone else's turf in this situation, but if you are not interested, it's fine. You don't owe that person--or your sister--anything in regard to this.

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Say NO and stick to it. I don't see the problem. You are an adult. Your sister can make her choices adn you can make yours.

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absolutely no way would i do this. if and when YOU are ready for contact you can do it on your terms. tell your sister you're happy for her but you're not going, period. do not allow her to pressure or guilt trip you.
khairete
S.

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my sister and i are kinda the same way, my late mothers family is always inviting me to stuff my sister still has things to do with them and still goes to see them, i cut my ties after a falling out we had and i told them i would never come back and that was 15 yrs ago, no one has met my kids, im sure my sister shows pictures, even at my grandmothers funeral i set in the back away from the family.

i made my choice and wild horses couldnt drag me to go, and my sister knows that she still ask me sometimes but knows i will never go, she knows my reason are mine.. and their is no changing my mind.

dont let ppl pressure you if you dont wanna go... good luck!!

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I had to think about this one. I see 2 sides. I'll try to explain best I can what my brain came up with.

On one hand she loves this family member. They remember you and probably have no idea why you dislike them, why you have chosen to never speak to them again. Your sister probably has a wonderful time with her family and wants you to get to know this family member as an adult gets to know another adult before they are too old or gone.

I see this because I was a child when my Aunts and Uncles started dying off. I look back now and wish I could go back in time and meet them as the adult I am now. To spend time with them like a neighbor would, visiting at the back fence, over a cup of coffee. What would they be like, what kind of person were they, were they kind and loving?, were they strict and unwavering?, would I have liked them or hated every minute of it?.

Hubby and I went on a road trip one year, my FIL went too. We drove our van and he rode along. We stopped over at my cousin's house in Rawlins WY. She is a much older cousin and is married but they never had children. So we are at least one generation apart.

My FIL really liked them, he actually made friends with them and has seen them since....odd huh? Anyway. I wanted to go see her mom, my aunt, in the skilled nursing unit in the long term care unit of the local hospital. We got there too late to visit so we had to spend the night. I felt so odd, out of place, but they insisted we stay with them.

They cooked a full out breakfast for us, kept my FIL entertained while we went to visit my aunt for about an hour, she knew me, and was able to talk to me rationally for almost the whole hour. It was a miracle, she had not been rational for some time. She died a few months later so I am really glad I took the time to stay over night and go visit her.

I got to spend time with this cousin and get to know her and her hubby a bit and really felt like I had made a connection. She lives in the same state as me now and I have seen her a couple of times since.
*************************

Now the other side of the coin.....

I have hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of relatives alive today. I am like a Jones or smith or something. I have tons of relatives that I have known at some point in my life. Mostly before becoming an adult.
Nearly half of my 500 FB friends are relatives that I have not seen in over 15 years and some that I have never met. Cousin's children that were much older than I was that lived in other states that I have never been to.

My sister has absolutely no desire to spend money or time to go visit people she has no interest in. She could not care less about any of these people. We have a family reunion once a year in another part of the state. I have gone several times and really had a good time visiting with my family. Getting to know them better.

She would not go across the street to meet one of them. So I understand your decision. She has a hard time because she enjoys these relationships and thinks you would like these people too.

Try talking to her and find out what she is trying to do but pressuring you to come. Maybe the person she is going to visit really want's or needs to visit with you, maybe they are sick or just really want to tell you some stories about fond memories of you. You won't know until you talk to her about the why.

I would tell your sister that you are not going. You are an adult your choice

I vote do the visit - if the overnight eeks you out, get a hotel or cut the visit short.

But go - at least for a little bit. :)