Relationship Question

There is obviously something bothering him, even if he says there is not. I would insist that he seek some help somewhere, whether from a doctor or a concelor, or something. Sex is an important part of marriage. It's more than just pleansure, it's a huge emotional connection as well. A marriage can't survive without sex. Sex also has so many health benefits too. How is he otherwise? Does he have less interest in other things he used to really enjoy? He could be depressed. Even if everything in your life seems to be in order, he could still be depressed. I would keep pushing the issue because it is an important one. Maybe try setting up a romantic evening, dinner, wine, a sexy dress, candles, purfume, the works. See if he'll see a councelor with you. All you have to tell him is this is to make your marriage stronger. My husband and I see one. We're nowhere near a divorce, but the councelor helps us problem solve together in a productive way, things like that. It might help. When you bring the issue up, tho, do it in a nutral, calm setting, not in a moment when you are arguing about sex or when there is any tension. It will come over much better than and he will be more receptive. Good luck!

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my hubby is 17 years older than me and we started to have the same issue, he had his testosterone checked and it was low, also making him overly tired. They gave him the option of a shot or a gel that he rubs on his belly- he opted for the gel and says it has made a difference in the way he feels

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Well it most certainly is something. Maybe something you don't understand maybe something you do understand and he doesn't have the courage to speak of it.

If he doesn't have stress... and again maybe to him he DOES have stress. Not everyone interprets their amount of stress the same. Maybe he stresses over things you think insignificant. I know my husband is that way. He doesn't worry about the things I consider valid stressors and stresses about things that make me scratch my head.

Maybe it is something medical.

Maybe he is repulsed by his own body or stamina anymore. And maybe it is one of the horrid things that woman don't want to be true. Although, I think that if it is indeed one of those horrid things we think about ourselves. You would be able to note a change in how he looks at you, his behavior towards you, the things he says to you, the way he touches you. If nothing has changed there I bet your safe and over reacting in that department. Even if it has doesn't mean that it couldn't be an outside factor that changed it as well.

All I can really say is that you can sit and go through every scenario in your head of what it can be till the cows come home. So could everyone here! You pry won’t be able to draw a conclusion. The only one that can is him! You two need to talk. You need to have a candid conversation about it. Tell him it is the only way to avoid a doctor visit. That will pry inspire him to share…. LOL! Best of luck!

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Maybe try changing your diet. Make meals that are healthy and full of lots of fruits and vegetables. Go for walks at night and have him take quality multivitamins. My husband seems to have a much better sex drive when he is healthier. Good luck

J.

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First, let me say I'm sorry you're going through this. I can' imagine how difficult it must be. I think the initial step in getting to the bottom of this is for him to go to the doctor. Is he just not psychologically/emotionally interested in sex or is it a physialogical problem? Basically, does he want to have sex but can't and so he's creating this image of not wanting it in order to protect his ego? It could be a serious problem... or a very simple one, easily remedied.
If everything checked out with an MD, I would ask him to go to couples or even individual's counseling. Maybe he has something in his head going on that is preventing him from enjoying (and therefore wanting) sex.
But in my mind, the most important issue here is that he is not responding to your requests to make things better. Obviously this is a huge issue for you, and after 2 years, it should be. I would be more concerned with the fact that your feelings are not being acknowledged and dealt with. Whatever his reason for not consulting with a professional about this (fear, shame, etc.), they should all be trumped for your health of your relationship.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

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hi there- I am so happy to see someone else having the same issue- I just got remarried to my husband Todd and we have been married for almost 2 yrs and I am going throught the smae thing- except he tells me he doesnt care about sex and he never has. I am 34 and I could not wait to get remarried so I could have sex whenever I wanted and so on and after and before(becuz I was trying to be a good girl so we did not have much sex befroe we got married because I wanted to wait)Surprise to me that I am waiting for a long time. I had him go to the docter by fighting and he finally gave in- of course he did not tell the docter what he should have- he got his thyroid checked and everything else and of course nothing was wrong then I finaly had him go back and now at least he takes viagera but he still could care less if we have it or not-I have to beg and then I dont want it if he doesnt want to give it to me- so now we have a schedule- He says that he does not think about it or care if he would ever have it? I know I dont get it either- but I know how frustrating it can be-
talk to you soon.
B.

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I am almost 29 and my husband is 43. It's been about three years now that we have had problems. However, during my last pregnancy my sex drive increased and I was pratically begging for it. At that moment something changed in the relationship. When I was working I noticed how in most relationships it's always the female that holds the reins. If her husband makes her unhappy then she just witholds sex. Doesn't work in our case. I've noticed that I have had to become agrressive and I don't mean by asking...I am constantly "attacking my husband" or making innuendos all the time. It use to be if we did have sex it was same o same o. I brought that up to my husband and things changed but not for long. I actually bought a "toy" online and was very open with him about it. (I was hoping to kind of make him jealous or tug on that macho ego they have.) Things have gotten better and instead of once every three months it's now about once every two weeks. My husband has a lot of heart problems and was not able to take viagra. Men are macho and don't want to admit when their health is failing, let alone when their sex drive is.

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Go together to get some professional help whether it be w/ a medical doctor or licenesed professional counselor. Do not let this go any longer, it's only going to make you resent him and affect your self-esteem. There is help out there take adavantage of it!

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Your honey may have low testosterone, but, he'll need to confirm that with a doctor. If it is low, usually injections are administered.
You also mention that you have 2 children, but didn't mention their ages. Sometimes that can contribute to this issue. Not to use children as an excuse. But, it does happen.
Be patient w/your honey. This is a very sensitive issue for a man. I would still encourage him to see a physician.
Hope this sheds some light into this difficult situation. I truly sympathize w/you. Hope all goes well.

Warm Regards,
L.

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I think all relationships go thru a period like this, whether it be on the guy's part or the gal's. The important thing to remember is that things need to be shaken up. My hubby went thru this for a period of time too, and like you, I thought for sure it was all me. Now the real trick is you are a busy woman, with full time work and then kids. He may feel a bit left out, however, if you make time for him already, then it just you guys have fallen into a rut and need to get out. Try some creative things, as I have stated in the past, turn any game into a strip game, its fun, creative and different for both of you, I bet. If you have someone who can take the kids for the night, do so and have a romantic dinner with as little or no clothing on. If you cant, then send the kids to bed early and still have a romantic dinner, wear modest clothes (heaven forbid if one woke up) but no undies and remind him thru out the meal that you arent wearing any. Romantic movies help (we love Casino Royale, when one of us says, want to watch Casino Royale, we know we wont make it to the end again ;) lol) Showering together is a great way to reconnect too and all bathroom doors have locks, as long as your kids are old enough to be alone for a bit, or are in bed. There are many many more ways to stay in touch with each other, snuggling, cuddling and so on while watching TV with the kids around is good too. I hope I have helped you some. If it is a medical problem, and he sees a doctor on a regular basis, then talk to his doctor about it too. Guys are embarrassed about that stuff, why I dont know, but girls are can be too. His doctor will be the best source of info on how to help, but also will be your best allie in something like this. Good Luck!!

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