38 answers

Relationship Conflict - Solution?

Just a little background, I am a 30 year old, full time working mom of a 7 year old. I have a boyfriend that I've been with now for 6 months and we really hit it off great right away. He has met my son several times now and we've all hung out and played games together and such. But, there is one issue that I just can't seem to let go of and i want to know if i should just try to forget about it because i'm silly for being upset about this, or if i should keep pressing this issue that seems to come up more often than i'd like.

Basically the problem is that he is a very busy, social person with lots of friends. If we both were invited to something on the same day and same time, no matter what it may be, he will always go to what he was invited to and not come to my invited event. Another issue that ties into this alot is that I believe that family is VERY important and comes first but he always says his friends are very important to him as if they were his family. If my son has a special event that he is in for school or for cub scouts and my boyfriend already has plans to,for example, go to a movie with his friend that day, then he would go to the movie because he already has plans for that day.

A current conflict example is that he is invited to 2 birthday parties of high school friends, that he hasn't seen or spoke to in awhile; he RSVP'd by e-mail that he was going to go to both of them even though they are on the same day. Then the next day we were invited to a party at my uncle's house (on the same day as the birthday parties he'd already rsvp'd to) because my cousin, whom just got married and lives out of town, is going to be in town with his new wife. I want to see my family because i haven't seen them in a long time, i didn't get to go to their wedding and my boyfriend hasn't gotten to meet them yet. But, because it is on the same day as his 2 birthday parties for his friends he is unwilling to go. And, on top of that if i want to see him and spend any time with him on that particular day, i have to drive to one or both of his friends houses' by myself to meet him there.

I hope i've explained this well enough for you to tell me if you'd be upset by this too (because i feel that he keeps choosing to be with his friends than with me and/or my family), or if I'm over reacting and should just try to get over it and not be upset when these situations come up. Please let me know what you think.
Thanks.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I have to second the 'he's just not that into you' thing. That's the first thing that came to mind. Someone will move mountains to hang out with the one they are totally into, it's just that simple unfortunately:(

7 moms found this helpful

He sounds like a trust worthy friend. As I see it, you don't change plans when another offer comes along. You do what you say you are going to do.

With that said, he isn't that into you.

6 moms found this helpful

No offense to you, but you are expecting this man to be much more invested then is realistic after only 6 MONTHS of dating. You say that 'family comes first'... but you need to realize that you are not his family. You are his girlfriend. He has commitments that he made as a single man and it is unfair for you to suddenly expect him to drop all of them because you want him to attend an event with you instead.

Just my 2 cents.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Um, you've been dating for only six months and he's been with your son several times... Sorry, but I disagree with most of the previous responders and see your expectations as somewhat clingy and demanding. I surely wouldn't be expecting a six-month boyfriend to attend my child's school events and/or be excited to meet an out-of-town cousin of mine.

Be glad he has friends. You don't mention his family? Do you ever attend his events with him, or is he the one that is supposed to drop his social connections to take up yours??

But, talk with him. Let him know what you are feeling and listen to him in return. Differing expectations are a good reason to have a sit down. If you are looking for someone ready to join in with your life in short order, then this may not be the guy.

13 moms found this helpful

It's only been 6 months - live your life and don't worry about what he is doing with his social life. You have your life with your family and friends, and he has his. He is letting you know how he prioritizes things and is being pretty transparent, and this might also be his way of maintaining appropriate boundaries and sending a message that you and your son are not instant family to him, at least not at this point. As a mom, it is early for you to be getting very serious with someone so if you can take things slowly, do so. I don't see anything wrong with him honoring commitments to his friends and valuing friends like family but there is also nothing wrong with you having different values. This is an area where your values differ. If it's something that upsets you and you want to change about him, then I would say that it's best to reconsider this relationship and accept that you may not be compatible.

7 moms found this helpful

I have to second the 'he's just not that into you' thing. That's the first thing that came to mind. Someone will move mountains to hang out with the one they are totally into, it's just that simple unfortunately:(

7 moms found this helpful

He sounds like a trust worthy friend. As I see it, you don't change plans when another offer comes along. You do what you say you are going to do.

With that said, he isn't that into you.

6 moms found this helpful

I think you should live YOUR life and keep putting you and your son on the TOP of the priority list. Do what is important to YOU and your family.
If I were you, my son and I would be going to my family party without my boyfriend.
Also, I'd personally extremely limit my son's exposure to my boyfriend of 6 months. Especially one that appears as immature and "not in it for the long haul" as this one seems to be.
Keep focusing on your son's needs and you can't go wrong!

6 moms found this helpful

He's letting you know his boundaries. He's not willing to live "your" life at this juncture but allowing you to live his.
He sounds non committal at this point. Youve only been seeing him for 6 mos, that's not very long.
I doubt he's ready for a prefab family right now. He enjoys your company but is in no way ready for the Father part.
I'd move on if I were you, or continue enjoying him but without your child.
Your child should come first and he comes second.

6 moms found this helpful

This is the exact reason it's best to NOT introduce men to your son or your family. It sucks to bring guys around that aren't/shouldn't last. Get rid of this 'friend with benefits'. And hold off on introducing the next guy til you and he are ready for a full adult commitment.

6 moms found this helpful

If he has only met your son a few times, I don't understand your perceived obligations to your son's activities. I wouldn't have wanted a man to attend my young daughter's activities if they have only met a few times.

It seems like you have different realities about your relationship. I think it's time to get on the same page or move on.

5 moms found this helpful

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