July 24, 2008,
K.R. asks from Houston, TX on July 23, 2008
Relationship Advice - Houston, TX
My cousin husband of 2 years asked me could he do something to me that only my husband should have the opportunity of doing at their sons birthday party one day. After being asked that question I immediatley told him NO Absoulutley not and I grabbed my baby and we left the birthday party. When I arrived home I told my husband what happened and I called my cousin and told her what her husband said. Now, keep in mind at the my husband and I was not married and neither was my cousin and her husband. Still to this day 3 years later my husband is still blaming me for not confronting my cousins husband in front of my husband regarding this issue. I didn't because I thought I handled it the way that I was supposed to and I thought it would only cause a confusion. My husnad says thatit makes him think that I like the idea of that happening. I say that is wrong. I am not a confrentational person and I like to keep confusion down at all cost. PLEASE HELP!
L.M. answers from Houston on July 24, 2008
L.M. answers from Houston on July 24, 2008
You handled that situation like any adult should. If you had confronted him right then and there, maybe a fight would have started in front of your children and that's not good for them. Your husband is acting immature about the situation by placing the blame on you. He sounds like he is displacing his anger because he has not gotten over the fact that he did not (or could not) put the guy in his place. Tell him to take it out on the guy if it is still such a big deal. Let him know this is unacceptable and he is no longer to blame you for a situation that was out of your control.
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M.L. answers from Houston on July 24, 2008
From the info u provided, I think u handled it as best as u could. I would not want to ruin the party either by making a scene. Also, u did not have to tell him anything, but u chose to tell him. To me this shows that u have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. Hopefully your hubby can see the fact that u have been straight forward (more straight forward than a lot of people probably would have been). I do not know if he realizes this but his reaction to this may cause u to distrust him simply because u may not trust his reaction in the future. If u should decide to tell him something in confidence again will u be risking him divulging your confidence and/or judging u.
B.M. answers from Houston on July 23, 2008
It sounds like your husband is feeling insecure about your feelings for him. I know when I dwell on things, it's because I actually need to hear my husband tell me how he feels about me. Reassure him that you would NEVER do that to him and let him know what your feelings are about him. I would also express that at the time you tried to handle the situation the best way you thought and that your intension was not to make him less secure about y’alls relationship. If you feel this way, I would also express that you are being hurt by him thinking you would do anything with someone else. Ask him what he needs to be secure in your marriage and tell him what you need. I personally would have decked your cousin’s husband right then and there, but that’s me and I know everyone reacts differently. So help your husband understand that the way he would reaction doesn’t dictate what your reaction would be or what your reaction meant. I wish you the best.
G.M. answers from San Antonio on July 23, 2008
Why is your husband still bringing this up? Does "he" want to confront him? Leave the past alone and focus on today and your future. Tell your husband that the day you married him, he knew this had happened and that you can't go back and change the past, but that in the future if this ever happens again, you will take his advice and confront him...or what ever he feels you should have done. Sometimes husbands just want to hear "you're right" even if they're not. Keep your husband's mind off of the past, live today to the fullest, do fun things, go on dates, make plans for the future. Life is too short to keep wishing we had done things different in the past.-Good luck