Refusing to Eat - Is It Normal?

Do you make her sit at the table for her snacks? Some kids don't want to stop playing in order to eat. If you let her snack while playing, then you are making it harder for you to keep her at the table at meal times. Try only offering snacks when she is sitting at a table, or not at all.
Good luck.

Hey- I'm also from Texas! What a coincidence. What part of town do you live in?
This too long to qualify as normal food refusal. Anyway- how much milk or juice is she drinking? If she's not eating and still gaining wt, she must be getting in the calories somehow. I would start by giving her anything she wants to eat at the table. If she reacts or throws a fit, ignore it. You should sit down and eat something and tell her if she wants something she should come sit with you. Try to stay positive and don't react with too much concern. She is likely seeing that she can make you very anxious and is enjoying the attention.

Hi J.,

Here is a web site:

http://life.familyeducation.com/toddler/behavioral-proble...

Hope this helps. D.

I would say pretty normal at this age - as long as she's still hungry for snacks. Just make sure that she's eating healthy snacks if this is where most of her calories and nutrition are coming from. I traded my daughter's fruit snacks for dried fruit and she didn't bat an eye!

Hi J., Welcome to PA!! If your little one has gained over 2 lbs she's eating or drinking alot of something! Maybe she is drinking too much inbetween or right before meals, remember that water, juice and milk can fill up a little tummy with only a few oz. Watch when and how much she is snacking, she might be eating more than you think. Try keeping her plate fairly empty by giving her only a small amout of veggies & meat when you first offer her the plate, and don't give her a drink until she has eaten something first. My youngest has always been a light eater and looking back it has always been because she drinks before she eats. As long as she is growing and triving keep working on it, but don't let it "rule your world". As mom's it's easy to feel worried and guilty about everything and many times we fuel the problem (without meaning to) with our feelings! Best wishes!

J.,
This is SO frustrating! You want them to eat the food they need and they are just not interested! My son is 5--he will eat, and LIKES--virtually every food you can think of but getting him to take the time to sit and eat is often still a losing battle. I set the timer at dinner for 15 minutes and that causes him to get down less and focus a little more. After 15 minutes, if he's still eating fine but if he's not--I take it away. I will not fight this battle three times per day!
If I were you, I would make sure that what she IS eating is healthy--fruit, veggies, milk, yogurt, etc. --not snacks or lots of juice and I wouldn't stress over it. It's often said--but it IS true--that kids will eat when they are hungry!
Oh! Two more things--don't follow her around with food--spoonfuls of this--a bite of that, etc. and our rule is : NO Toys at the Table!

J. -
I have a 4 1/2 year old son who is autistic and because of his diagnosis, I am a bit familiar with feeding disorders, which affect children on the ASD spectrum as well as children who are neurotypical. I wouldn't be too worried if your child is still gaining weight and eating some snacks, but I would mention it to your doctor. If her behavior continues for another few weeks, it might be worth looking into an evaluation with an Occupational Therapist to determine whether this might actually be a feeding / eating disorder that they can help with. Sharon Regional RehabCenter in Hermitage has some excellent therapists -- my son's OT is actually working on eating / feeding with him right now and it has been going really well -- he's even started eating broccoli for us these days!

While things could have changed since my 16 and 13 year olds were that age, I distinctly remember the situation you describe. I was told by my pediatrician that they are developing more emotionally and with motor skills rather than physically growing at the rate they were for the previous two years. Therefore, they don't need quite as much food. The guideline I was given was that if the child eats the equivalent of one good meal over the course of the day then the child is getting enough nutrients. And kids need to snack through the day; I don't think their stomachs are big enough to allow them to eat enough to make it to the next meal. It would be good to make every meal or snack count as much as possible. Of course there will be situations where she will not be eating the best -- such as birthday parties or other treat times, a snack on the run when it was unexpected that you would be out, or over someone else's house who might not have the kind of snack you would normally give. Be cautious, but not militant -- that makes everyone crazy.

Don't bargain with your child or force her to eat when she says she's not hungry. Chances are you that will only foster food issues. Your child knows when she is hungry, and will not go too long before eating something.

Now, if you want her to sit at the table for meal times, or with the rest of the family at mealtimes, you can tell her that she doesn't need to eat but she needs to sit with the family. Up to you how long you "make" her to sit there, and whether you allow a toy or coloring book to accompany her while she's there.

And sometimes it is a power struggle, sometimes she is just letting you know she's not hungry. It's a power struggle you can't win, so don't even try.

As my kids have gotten older, they became better eaters and willing to try more variety. Now that they are teens they make fairly good food choices -- not perfect, but better than a lot of other teens.

Take care.

Like with everything else, for your daughter's happiness and security, she needs to know you are in charge. You mention her psychology-you don't want her to feel confused or like she may be in charge if she wants to be. This causes terrible twos and unhappy whining and tantrums etc. leading to parental disrespect and bigger problems later if she thinks you're a wimp.

Whatever YOU decide for the food program in your house, You must enforce. If you have a lifestyle which is busy and on the go, family meals aren't important to you, and you feel she should eat whenever/wherever she wants, then make that the system, and don't worry about it. Don't expect her sit nicely at a table and eat down the road-because that won't be what she has learned, but just go with the flow and do it. Don't "lose a battle".

If you want her to eat her food at the table whenever you serve it, then that is what you must teach. Every child will fight it (and everything else) as human nature at first. It's not about the task at hand, it's about control. My extended family (very large families) makes children eat meals at the table, and eat what they are served, so from the time they can sit up, they are served in their seat at meal time and no bad manners are allowed. They are treated and included like they are already part of the group and must behave accordingly. If they refuse to eat, they just get water, and no snack, until the next meal. Any disciplinary action needed for playing with food etc is handled in itself, but the actual "eating" isn't forced.
For new "yucky" stuff, like veggies they haven't had, they only have to (and it's enforced) eat a few tiny bites before moving on the the part they like. Gradually they get used to them and eat normal servings. Within a few meals, they learn that there isn't an alternative to what/when they eat and good table manners are never in question.

This system totally worked for me, my 2 and 1/2 year old eats well at the table and in restaurants and gets to have snacks in between. but at first she didn't get snacks, because I was having a hard time getting her to eat meals.

Don't worry, your daughter will not starve. Eating is the oldest challenge in the book for kids-the ultimate power play. Pick a lifestyle and enforce it. Your strength and love as a mommy is the best gift you can give her.
GOOD LUCK

Totally Normal. I have a 2.5 yo and if she said "ALL DONE" one more time,I thought I would scream! I spoke to my PED and he said if you get one good meal in them a day your doing good. How I remedy the situation is I continue offering meals at the same time and the same way and eventually they catch on.I keep to her "favorites". Some days are better than others as far as eating. You just gotta hang in there and it gets better. Currently she is on a milk strike so thats the new battle.
I keep offering and hoping eventually she will take it one of these days. In the meantime,offering cheese on
every meal,ice cream and yogurt.

Oh and ya cant force,that only makes it worse. I tried that and she just cried and I just got upset.no good for either of us.

I limit her juice one hour prior to meals as well.Hope this helps! I am in the same boat with ya!
Sincerely,
S.

J.,
yep it's normal and a power struggle. Do not "cater" to her. Give her food at normal meal times, if she does not eat, let it go. She will regulate her calorie comsuption.

If you want you can let her help preparing or chosing what is offered. For instance, do you want apple juice or oraange juice. this gives her some power, but the out come is that she is getting some nutrition.

Children need to eat or "snack" every 3 hours or so. Is she learning anything new? This sometimes changes childrens eating and sleeping patterns.
Relax, as long as she is gaining weight and not losing it, she is fine.
Good luck
C. T.

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I know this can make a parent panic, but this is totally normal, especially at this age. Kids get picky. And at this age, kids have growth spurts where they'll eat more, and then inbetween eat less, sometimes much less. It's all ok. Just keep offering her healthy foods and don't push too hard. Try letting her eat smaller meals and larger snacks inbetween that are healthy as well. Some kids tend to graze through out the day, many smaller meals rather than 3 large meals. This will eventually pass. Meanwhile, offer her a vitamin daily to supplement anything she may be missing. Praise her for the times that she does eat, don't punish for not eating. Have you thought about Pediasure drinks? How about veggies and low fat dips? There's veggie wheels and puffs and crackers that can help with staying healthy. Apples and peanut butter too.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

You mention eating some snacks, but what about drinking? Is she drinking alot of milk, or juice, during the day? Dehydration is a concern, but from my experience, my daughter would fill up on drinks, and then not want to eat at all.

If that is not the case, try making her stay at the table w/o a plate of food, and with NO discussion about the meal or her eating, as you and your husband eat peacefully, and keep telling her that she has to stay at the table during dinner, but when you are done, she can go play. She is 2 and WILL NOT respect dinner time unless you make it mandatory--not the eating part, but just the being at the table together. This will NOT be easy for awhile, and you can still offer food, but if she says All Done, just take away the plate and then you eat in front of her to show her that it is a family time just like bath time, bed time, play time etc.

Be careful that you don't worry about her happiness so much that she takes advantage of you, because that contributes to problems down the road--in the teen years and beyond.

Hope that helps. If it continues after you try other things, you should call the doctor for advise in case she has reflux or something that makes her feel sick when she eats. Probably just the 2 year old thing, but wouldn't want to take chances.

It's normal, especially if she is snacking between meals. She will be hungrier at meal times if you don't allow snacking.

If she is gaining weight and doesn't seem to have health problems, then I wouldn't worry about her eating. Some kids go through phases when they eat less.

Just make sure her meals are nutritionally balanced so she is getting what she needs. Don't let her fill up on sugary starchy foods.

I have 2 boys one 3 & one 22 months. I never know if they will eat at a meal or not. Over the last few days, I cut out milk during the day except before bed & have not given any snacks except before bed and sure enough they are now eating 3 meals a day. Try cutting out snacks and cutting down on milk and she should eat at meal time because she will be hungry then. My kids are now even now asking for seconds at meal time. Good Luck!

My daughter went thru this too at about the same age. Don't worry unless she starts losing weight. My daughter also went thru a stage where she would only drink out of a bottle and nothing else. It was like she put herself on a liquid diet. It only lasted a few weeks and she was fine. If you are really worried, talk to your pediatrician.

Offer her healthy snacks thruout the day, or give her nothing till meal time, and only put a small amount in front of her at each meal. As long as she is gaining weight and seems healthy, it's prob just a phase.

Is she drinking alot during the day, like milk and juices etc ? I know my daughter loves choc milk, and if she has too much, she has no appetite when it comes time to eat.

My daughter is almost 6, and most of the time, does not really eat very good at meals. She will have go gurts and cut up fruit, etc during the day. My niece who is 7 mos younger than her, eats about 5 times what my daughter eats, literally, lol, and has no weight issues, just a higher metabolism i guess.

I don't know. But I hear your concern about getting good food into her. I guess I wouldn't make a big deal about her not wanting meals at the table as long as she gets healthy food in and continues to be healthy. You should probably keep a written log of what she DOES eat all day long, for a week, and then see if she's getting all the food groups, and that way if you have concerns when you go to the doctor for a routine check up, you can show him/her what she eats, and if that's okay.

You can also make mealtime look special. If she doesn't want to come, whatever, but you and Daddy can make it look like fun. find things to talk about, animatedly, and make sure you are having really good times. Maybe she will want to join you ? Getting her to participate at the table and have fun there, might be a good way to start getting her to eat there again. I would try very hard not to scold her or make antagonism a big thing over her eating habits. She appears to be "grazing" rather than eating all at once, but if you are giving her healthy snacks that add up to 3 healthy meals a day, it's more a matter of "programming her" to begin to eat 3 meals a day again - and you have until kindergarten to succeed at it. So don't rush. But DO have fun eating together. And when she joins you, make her the star at the table, so it's a place where she has fun. Also, be sure to ENJOY your food !!! :-) emphasize the positive, and make it a quality family time. Later you can cut down on snacks, and save a snack for supper time, so we can share it with Daddy -- or something like that.

J., Yes it is very normal for your daughter to be acting this way. I have to say so far this time around I havent had this problem yet with my daughter she eats everything, now 18 months, however my son did the same behavior, now 19 years old. Children need to eat small meals/snacks throughout the day. They are not like us where we can sit down and eat 2 meals in a day and be satisfied. Their little bodies are growing and need the nurishment throughout the day, they have also found that eating this way(snacking)during childhood reduces the chances of obesity. We found that it was easier to deal with the small meals/snacks throughout the day because fighting with them at the dinner table is a no win situation. If you are crunched for time and cant make snacks throughout the day, then prepare them the night before, cut up cheese, fruits, etc anything you can make finger sized and put it in snack containers.
Now in regards to dinner time, we did not allow him to play during dinner time, he didnt have to eat but he did have to stay at the table until everyone else was finished. Pretty soon he started eating some food during designated lunch and dinner. The most important thing is that your daughter gets nutricious snacks throughout the day, stay away from the junk foods. If she is being picky about what she eats, hold those food items and retry them later. Their tastes change as they get older and try your best to not just give her the food she wants these habits are incredibly hard to break later in life. Good luck and dont worry so much if she is happy and healthy.

I am going through the exact same thing. Trust me, your child will not go hungry. Try looking at what she eats over 2 days instead of 1. Mine seems to eat lightly every other meal and I make sure the snacks are good ones. She has energy and looks good, so I try not to worry.

Also, do not let her down just because she is finished. I make everyone stay at the table until we are all done eating. She might not eat a lot, but she does start to nibble her dinner out of boredom. It's the little things. ;) Good luck.

P.S. I am also from TX (Dallas)

Please! She is not a princess, she is a little girl who really knows how to get mom's goat! I can't wait to see your letters as she gets older! Her happiness will be a strong mother who gives guidance and direction, security and stability in her life.
A normal child will not starve herself in the presence of food. Stop the snacks and present her with food at mealtimes. Give her the choice of eating or not. She will get hungry eventually although I predict you will have numerous episodes of attempted manipulation on her part...i.e. yes, J., she is into power struggles with you.
Don't force her to eat. Just don't give food except mealtime. Welcome to the terrible twos!

Grandma

My oldest daughter went through the same thing. Here is what I learned.

At age 2, it is time to start insisting on regular meal times. No snacks in between meals and limit the amount of fluids. It is partly a power struggle and partly because she is more interested in playing than eating. So, as long as you keep giving her snacks in between meals and allowing her to drink as much as she wants (whenever she wants), you will not be able to get her to eat at mealtimes. To limit the fluids, move her from a sippy cup to a regular cup. Also, make sure that she is only allowed to have her drink in the kitchen. Also, make sure your mealtimes are in the kitchen or dining room.

It won't be easy to insist on these things. But, in the end it will be worth it. There were times when we were at the table trying to get her to eat for 30 minutes to an hour. She would also continue to get down from her chair before she ate a satisfactory amount of food. So, I took a length of rope and tied her to the chair. She was only allowed to get up until I was satisfied that she had eaten a satisfactory amount. I did this at every meal until she learned that she had to stay in her chair until I was satisfied that she had eaten enough. This may seem harsh. But, take it from a women who had gone through exactly what you are going through...it works and it was all worth it.

Very simply, cut out the snacks and no juices. Offer water in between meals. If she prefers snack type foods, offer those with the meal time in addition to other items. Stand your ground here, no child will starve herself!

My son is 4 1/2. He eats very small amounts still. He's always been like this. He is very tall and slim. He runs all of the time and burns off every calorie that he takes in! In fact, now if he eats a lot in a day, he calls it his "eating day". He always drank milk, and lots of it, even if he didn't eat a lot in a day.

We had similar concerns like you. We asked the doctor and he said just to keep trying and keep trying a variety. He wasn't concerned because he was still gaining weight/growing and he was drinking milk. He told us to keep putting food out and he'll eat when he's hungry. Also not to worry about little amounts, that they have little stomachs.

Over time, he got better about eating. Yours will too!

Hang in there and keep trying!

is she drinking lots? could be filling up. Limit the amt of fluids.

Don't give snacks and just put healthy food in front of her.

Her behavior can be a power struggle, off timing or both. Assuming that you are looking at a power struggle you do not want to make a big deal and you do not want to give in to her and just let her snack throughout the day on junk. That being said, her body my just work differently than yours. All of us are not hungry at the same time. To work with this scenario make her a meal. Put it on the table and eat yours with her. If she does not eat, put it in the fridge. When she is hungry for a snack that is what she can have. Another option is a snacker plate or actually an ice tray. Put different snacks or foods in the different compartments of an ice tray ( you can use a fun plate too). That way she can choose what to eat and it is all good. Chose turkey, broccoli, pasta, chicken, cheese......... whatever she does not eat goes in the fridge for another time that she is ready to eat. You cannot make her hungry. It is her body BUT you can teach her about healthy eating and mealtime behavior. She does not have to eat but she can sit with you (assuming your dinners are not hours long). Making eating and food a big deal can lead to eating issues later in life.

I would love to hear how it all turns out.

B.
B. Davis
Child And Family Coaching
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Hi J.~~ Hang in there.. My daughter who is now 6 almost 7 just started to eat recently meals. Otherwise she would not eat. My son who is 2 1/5 does the same thing. He can snack if you let him but put a meal infront of him and forget it. He use to try everything you gave him too.. Now those days are gone. My ped told me this is the only thing you cannot make them do so they do use it a lot as a form of independence and there way of saying I am the boss now. It is hard to see and you just want to give them anything they will eat. After being a new mom with my daughter I kind of got over the upset part for my son, if my son doesn't want what is made for him he waits for the next meal. If he pulls out something healthy inbetween like yogurt or fruit then he can have it. Otherwise I just say after you eat whatever meal. It is hard cause you hate to see them not eatting but they will eat when they are hungery. It may be days too. Just make sure that she gets her vitamin and drinks enough and gets her milk. You can also try asking her what does she want to eat and give her 3 choices. That has worked with my son for breakfast. (just recently for lunch) so good luck and remember if she is not loosing weight I would not be too upset :) My daughter didn't gain weight for about 1 1/5 years. (grant it she was a BIG baby she weighed 29 pounds on her 1st and 2nd bday) GOOD LUCK & Hope some of this helped

I can't wait to see the responses b/c Im going through the same thing with my 21 month old twins!