Refusal to Toilet Train

I had the same problem with my little one...he will be three in April....I got him envolved in washing his hands and playing in the water...Then I got the bubbles out and told him that big boys like bubbles when they sit on the toilet...Now he cant go to the bathroom enough and bubbles are forgotten...I slso put him facing the back..it was easier to aim and he could push for #2....good luck

Do not worry about it. If he is not ready to potty train he won't do it. I have taught preschool for 8 years and have 2 kids who didn't potty train until they were ready right at 3 years. Every child is different and they will do it when they are ready. You don't need the extra stress!

One thing I have learned just recently from my 3 year old. I am not in charge of her potty training. If I pushed her more the more she went in her pants. I just let her go at her own pace. They need to learn what the sensation is to go. He will get it and being a teenie preemie has nothing to do with it.
Just try to relax and go with the flow... Hugs!

I would say to just stop completely for a while. With my son, he just decided he was ready one day (shortly after turning 3). Prior to that we would ask him from time to time to sit on the potty, but he was not ready. When he finally was ready, he was potty trained in a day. Good luck!

My son didn't pee-pee potty train until he was 3 and a half and he poo-poo potty trained just 2 months ago (he just turned 4 yesterday). I was so anxious for a while, thinking he was behind. He is just so strong-willed. After tons of reading and asking our pedi for advice, I layed off and didn't mention it. ...but left the little potty our in our kitchen (sounds kind of gross but they say keep it where it's REALLY convinient). Anyway, after a few months of not mentioning it (out of no where) I told him I would give him a fire engine if he'd use the potty). I had it hidden. He was so excited over that, that he actually went. After he got the fire engine, he reverted back to his old ways. Anyway, we eventually hid his diapers and told him we were out (we had to sneak one out in time for bed but he didn't know where we kept them). He peed and pooped his pants for a couple of weeks (sometimes in public but not as often as home...because he would have been embarrassed). Cleaning the poop out of his undies was a royal pain. It worked though! I just stuck with it. The difference here is that your son isn't even 3. I really would just hold off until he's a little older. Maybe wait for a time that he's not in school so you can deal with the mess. Christmas or Spring Break. He is by no means at that age where you should feel pressured. It's only been two months that my son has been COMPLETELY potty trained and it feels like forever ago that we were dealing with this. Good luck to you!

It sounds like he is telling you that he's not ready. No big deal. Since you aren't getting pressure from school that he needs to be trained, I wouldn't worry about it. In a couple of weeks, you may want to ask if he wants to play a game. If he agrees, then you can both throw some cheerios in the toilet. After he shows no anxiety about the seat, you can ask him if he wants to sink the cheerios (or whatever you would say to see if he can do target practice). If he agrees, then you can try.

Sitting the toilet will be a bigger deal, so I wouldn't push too much. Lot's of boys take a long time for this process. Good luck! Take it at his pace.

do NOT pressure your son in to potty training before he indicates he is ready. Our son just turned 3 years old and less than a week after he turned 3, he initiated the potty training by going into the bathroom and announcing that he wanted to go potty. Of course we were ecstatic but kept our cool. We are in the midst of potty training and he has accidents but that's okay because it's a process that takes time.

Don't stress about it!! He will do it when he's ready, and pushing him just makes both of you tired and stressed about the whole process. For months, when I would put my oldest on the potty, he would cry, saying, "My pee-pee won't come out!" I finally just backed off for awhile, but one night (about a month after he turned 3) he was about to pee in the bathtub, and I said, "Oh, wait, let's go on the potty," and he did, and that was it. Something clicked that time, and there was no stress for either of us, and that was all it took (at least with pee-pee)--only occasional accidents. So just relax and wait awhile before trying again. Hang in there--he won't go to school in diapers!!

Relax Mom. He appears to not be ready. Boys tend to potty train later than girls. It is not the end of the world. If when he is ready to play soccer, and other more social activites, he is not toilet tranined, then worry. Give it another 6 months and reintroduce the potty chair. My sister's boys did not start using the potty until they were well into their 3rd year. They are all happy healthy boys now with a great ability to control their bladder. If this is your last one, enjoy the ride. It will be over soon! They grow up too fast!

The best thing for us was waiting for our daughter to tell us/show us that she was ready. Pushing gives you a battle, and if there isn't a reason to have to learn early (like a school he's starting) then you can take your time and it will be a lot less stressful.

My daughter decided she was going to use the potty when she was 2 1/2 and basically taught herself--and then decided after a week that she was done. She refused to use it again AT ALL and we went through the whole potty training thing again when she was 3. We were lucky to find a preschool with a class that did not require kids to be potty trained yet. But, waiting for her took tons of the stress out of potty training.

Hi D.,
I just have to say "what were you thinking?"...lol. Im a more mature mom myself. My kiddos are 24, 21 and 2 1/2. My son also went through the stage of not wanting to sit on the potty chair. He didnt want anyhting to do with the big potty either, until I found the Bob the Builder toilet seat. He then, without an arguement, started sitting on the big potty. When he realized the big potty wouldnt eat him, he took the seat off and now just sits on the regular seat. We are still training though. He'll peepee but has yet to poop. Someday soon, I have my fingers crossed. My oldest was 2 months shy of turning 3 when he finally was pottied trained. So dont worry. He'll do it when he's ready.
Good luck,
J.

Hi, D.! I have three boys and my last one (who turned three in June) gave us the hardest time with potty training. He was so stubborn about the whole process. I explained to him that he would not be able to move on to the next class with all of his friends if he didn't start going to the potty. He didn't care. Finally, we stopped asking him. We bought him some "big boy" underwear. He could change from his pull up to his underwear if he went to the potty twice in a row. We would leave the underwear on until he had a accident. Then, we would switch back to the pullup. Because he had picked out his own underwear, he was very proud of it and wanted to wear it as often as possible. Letting him know that he could only wear it if he went to the potty really worked for us.

My son is three (as of Monday!) and won't even try either. I've been changing diapers for 7.5 years now without a break, so really really want him to get with the program (ha ha) but his pediatrician assured me that until he feels uncomfortable in the poop or peepee diaper, most forms of training are useless.
I've quit asking him what kind of prizes he'd like or if he'd love to be like his big brother (whom he adores) and just trying to be patient with yet another aspect of parenting this terrific, strong-willed, funny boy.
Hang in there. Until they decide to be ready I don't think there's much else to do. (But I'm going to read all of the other advice, too, just in case!)

P. (mom of three boys...two still in diapers...sigh)

Probably he is just about 6 months behind in that area. If you make a big deal about it you will just be making it worse. You may just have to put is off for a few months and see if social pressure works. They apparently do it themselves when they are ready. I would also talk to the teachers about it.

Wait a little while and then try stickers on the potty.

A few years ago, a coworker mentioned to me that her 2.5 yo daughter was going thru a worrisome phase in that everything was frightening to her... like the light switch, the smoke detector, the electrical outlet... etc. And her daughter was freaking out, screaming and crying, refusing to go to sleep, etc. My coworker was at her wits end. I suggested that she call the free mental helpline that our health insurance offered... The "experts" suggested that she and her daughter pick out/buy stickers together and every time that she said something was scary, to put a sticker on it and see if that made it less scary. And it worked-?! (I know, it sounds so simple!)

So, a few months ago, my two year old started to refuse to use her potty. She had been ok with it and then, just suddenly decided against it... So I asked her why she didn't want to use her potty. She said it was scary. So I found her mickey mouse stickers and over the next 3 days, she plastered stickers all over her potty, especially the lid. And voila! She was comfortable with using it again.

Worked for us. Maybe it will help you...

Hi! First of all as a teacher you know that all children learn at different times does not matter the age. Don't get discouraged. Have you considered buying a potty ring for the regular toilet? We used potty rings and they are sold at Walmart or Target. They come in all kinds of themes like Dora, Diego, Sponge Bob Etc. You can make it fun and let him go out and pick his own seat. I would consider getting rid of the potty training chair all together. This only confuses children. Another thing to do and this must be done on a three day weekend or longer if you can spare the time, have him wear big boy pants and do not revert to putting him in pull ups. This too confuses them. If he has a couple accidents or accident he will not like the way it feels and get the idea. My daughter was trained by 21 months and my son was trained by 25. Good Luck.

For some boys, they need to see it done. Your husband should help with coaching him. He may need to see daddy go potty. Maybe even applaud day and do a cheer for going. Bribing is a no, no! Don't buy any more pull ups. One weekend that you necessarily have to go anywhere, put some underwear on him and let him go. If he potties on himself, it is ok. He will feel the wetness against his skin. This is an uncomfortable feeling for him. Let him know that when he potties on himself that is bad. After that, each time he does go correctly applaud and cheer for him. "Yeah you did it! You went potty like a big boy!" It is a good feeling for them.

After struggling with 3 kids who were not preemies, I'd say lay off the training all-together. He's simply not ready. I started way early with my first daughter and she didn't train until 3 years 1 month. She also refused. The other two also took until 3 years and a little after. It is all in their timing and sometimes I think the more we push, the more it delays them. Maybe leave the potty chair sitting there and occasionally ask without any urgency if your son wants to go potty. If he says no, then let it go. Over time he will come around. Other than that, the only thing that seemed helpful with my kids was to let them run around with no diaper. I know that sounds nuts, but I took away the security of the diaper and they were uncomfortable peeing on themselves. This worked particularly well with one child. She then trained in 2 days. But I have friends who found that their kids just urinated all over the house. Every child is different!

D.-
I am glad to hear you are getting support on this subject. I remember the reticule I received about my son. He was 4 before he potty trained. He was born 3 weeks early and weighed 5lbs 3oz but I never considered him a preemie. Anyways, my son is a very smart kid who knew his ABCs, phonics, numbers, etc. by the age of 2 BUT he refused to use the potty. I didn't push it even though people were telling me too. I didn't worry about it until right before he was to start Pre-K because they would take him if he wasn't potty trained. At that point I pushed the fact he had to use the potty to go to Big Boy school. We did the sticker thing and the potty ring. He got Sponge Bob and still uses it. He feels more secure on it. One day he decided he was ready and we never had a problem after that day. Just keep the door open and he will let you know when it is time. Good luck!!!!

D.
If I were you....I would play along with your little boy. Agree with him that he is not going to use the potty and let him watch you put it away.
Get a toilet seat for toddlers and tell him that since he is 3 years old and such a "big boy" that he can use the toilet instead like everyone else in the house!
Perhaps that will appeal to his ego!
Good luck!

Potty training my boys was much harder than my duaghter. I had them sit on the toilet backwards facing the lid. I tried the stool and put cheetoes in the water and told them to aim for it!! That was fun. #1 was easy, #2 takes more time. Be patient. We had a Celebration when my second son finally #2'd in the potty. I heard from a coworker that he trained his son using a coffee can because it made alot of sound! It may seem like forever but it really isn't! Before you know it they are graduating from high school and you will look back and laugh!! Good luck and GOD BLESS!!

D.,

My sister was having the same problem with her son. What she realized is that he didn't want to sit, he wanted to stand like Daddy. She put a stool in front of the big potty, threw a Cheerio in and told him to try to hit it with his pee. He thought that was great! He has been in big boy underwear for a week now with no accidents! She doesn't use the cereal anymore, but now he like to do circles. I figure what ever works is a good method.

Good Luck!
T.

I am a grandmother watching my 2 1/2 year old grandson and we were having the same problems. I thought it was me since I had never raised a boy but it wasn't. He does not like the little potty chair and will sit on the big one but of course we face him backward so he is facing the toilet for better aim. I promised him a potty party once he is going potty on his own and he is so excited. That is all he has been talking about and so far so good. We are still having some accidents but that is OK as long as he is aware of it and still attempts to go to the potty vs his pull ups. Today he has gone on the potty 4 times and that is up from yesterday already. I also keep reminding him of the party and he likes to tell me what he wants at the party, ie; a present, a cake etc. and I will keep my promise when he succeeds.

It sounds like the pressure to go on the "big boy" potty is coming from YOU. Bribing him and telling him he needs to do are not going to do anything. Children start potty training when the nerve that connects the brain to the bladder and bowels myelinates... that's what allows them to feel that they need to "go"... until that happens there is NO WAY that they will be able to know that they need to go to the bathroom and sit on the potty. Until then, trying to get them to do it will only leave them (and you) frustrated. You should be patient... he WILL tell you when he's ready to start. Good luck!

It sounds like he's just not ready. I would completely stop all potty training, until he shows signs that he is ready. Rest assured, he will not go to kindergarten in diapers. Some children just take a little longer to potty train.

I think you know what the problem is and it isn't really a problem. He is a preemie who is still behind on the developmental curve. I am a preemie parent. My DD is now 20 months old. She was born 3 1/2 months early. We utilized ECI and all the therapy that went with. Are you taking advantage of ECI? Like you said he is still about 6 months behind, which means he is well within the range for being not ready to toilet train. Don't push, he will train when he is ready. I am assuming that he is your adopted child and if so, you are his Godsend. Continue to be patient with him and continue to work with his delays. He will get there.

Good Luck. Amanda

The key is to be positive. Take him out of pull-ups and diapers and put him in big boy underwear. Have him help pick out the underwear. Set the kitchen timer for every hour and put him on the potty. After a few accidents, he will get the idea. This is part of the process. A good time to try to go is first thing in the morning. Is your son night dry? If he is, than that is a good sign that he is ready. Also try putting blue food coloring in the toilet and when he goes it will turn green. He will be thrilled! Enrourage him and cheer him on and it will happen when is ready. My son didn't train until he was 3 years and 3 months. Good luck!