Redshirting My 5 Yr Old?

Personally, I would help her embrace the routine of school. It will be good for her socially, teachers will expect more (social skills-wise) in 1st grade. Kindergarten teachers are a magical blend of half-mom and half teacher!

I think waiting will only prolong the inevitable and make it harder for her to fit in.

Good luck!

My daughter is a June 12 baby. She was 4 this year, but I plan on redshirting her next year. I was the youngest in my class growing up... it has nothing to do with academics since I was the valedictorian of my graduating class, but I was never socially in tune with the other kids. I would have been better off had my mother held me back one year. I always say people regret sending their kids early... I never hear anyone regret holding them back.

It is OK to not start her in K this year, but I would say it is not wise to continue to keep her away from some sort of socialization to get ready for school. She needs pre-school or private kindergarten and then just keep her out when you travel. It is not good to keep her away from socialization all together like that or she will have the same separation issues next year. Sign her up for something. I sent my daughter to a great half day pre-school and she learned so much and loved the interaction.

Sorry I haven't read the other responses but just wanted to let you know that my twin boys also have a June birthday and we have given them that extra year before kindergarten. They will be starting in a few weeks as 6 year olds. We did have them in a half day Christian preschool for what would have been their official kindergarten year and I really liked what I saw with them being the oldest so I can't imagine regretting this decision later. My daughter who is 13 has an August birthday and she started kindergarten 8 days after her 5th birthday and for the most part, she's been very successful. However, now that she is in middle school with all the drama and craziness, I really wish she was dealing with all that with an extra year of maturity on her. I try to look at it this way...my time with my kids at home is so short compared to theirs and my lifetime. By holding my boys back, it's like getting two extra years at home with them. One being the year before kindergarten and the second being their senior year...instead of going off to college as 18 year olds, they will be going off as 19 year olds. I know it is going to break my heart when my baby girl goes off to college in 5 short years just after she turns 18....sort of wish I had taken that extra year with her, too. There are plenty of us out here that have done it, don't let yourself feel pressured by anyone who says she's five so she *must* go, you do what works best for YOUR family :-)

Considering your family situation with you guys having to travel to see Daddy AND the fact she has never gone to Mom's Day Out or pre-school. I would hold her a year.

Get her into a pre-school program that she is able to miss when you travel. This will give her a chance to learn about going to school and the rules/what is expected/and how to interact with other kids. Before she is thrown in for 7 plus hours a day, 5 days a week.

I would then look into either you guys moving to where your husband is located or he moving back. Being separated from your husband and the kids from Daddy is just too hard for years on end.

I have never heard of a parent regretting holding a child back, but I know many parents who wish they had held back but didn't...good luck!!

One of the best things about homeschooling is the freedom to travel when you need to travel, and the freedom to teach her wherever you are. So since your husband works in a different state, and it is important for kids to be around both their parents as often as possible, I think you should homeschool your daughter for this year. Then, once your family no longer needs to travel, you can consider whether you should put her in kindergarten, or see if you can have her go straight to first grade, or maybe even continue homeschooling if you like it. This way you can also spend the year finding activities for her to do without you around, and she can warm up to the idea of doing things on her own (like classes at the YMCA or some other activity that she would enjoy). Good luck!

I cannot address the issue of home schooling, it is NOT for me.

I can say that it will be h*** o* her for the rest of her school years if she is a year behind. If she ever plays sports she will not be on the same teams as her school friends, she'll be in a different age group. If she stays behind a year she'll be 18 before she starts her senior year. What if she decides she is done and won't go to school anymore, you can't legally make her go due to her being an adult. She will be wanting to date at 16 and she'll be dating 15 year old boys if she is held back.

My oldest grandson was held back in 1st grade due to his dad not getting him to school on time, ever. Each tardy added up and after 3 that counted as a half day missed. He was more than a head taller than every one in his class. He was in a different soccer age group, he got teased and picked on for being stupid even though he is super smart and could easily be put a grade which is what he is begging for my ex and his wife to do. He prays during prayer time that he can be moved up. It is a serious issue with him. It might not be with her, only you can tell.

So, I have a strong opinion about holding kids back from kindergarten. In most cases they are worried the kids aren't mature enough. That's not your case, in those others I always feel like yelling "Why are you expecting your child to fail before you even give them a chance to succeed?". It is usually so sad.

In your case though...I don't know. Home schooling might work but also all the kids are making friends they'll have through high school and maybe even college in these classrooms. I think going to daddy on long weekends and school breaks might do a good job. It seems there are at least 1 a month, plus fall break, thanksgiving, Christmas break, labor day, school meetings they make into long weekends..... If dad wasn't around it might be easier such as being deployed. Hopefully he can find work closer to home our the whole family move together.

Personally, I homeschool and love it...however, I homeschool through the K12 program (which is in almost every state) and it's online. If you had internet access in both places, that might be an option to check into...their K program is SO AWESOME.

I don't know what else to say, though...you have a different situation right now. I think you need to concentrate on putting your family back together, but at the same time, your daughter needs to start school. My daughter never had daycare, preschool, etc, but around the age of 3 I started her in Sunday School and that broke her "attachment" problem for short periods of time...but like I say, I homeschool, so we're never apart for long.

If it were me, I would take a step back and help her get prepared. You said yourself, "She has never been to pre-k or mom's day out. She has extreme attachment issues and won't even go to church class!" So, put her in mothers day out, church class, and pre-k. Get her acclimated to standing in line, taking turns, being away from mom, in small bites. Start working on school readiness with her. That way you aren't just throwing her in to sink or swim. Start working on a skill set now, so that you both will be ready next year.

I have a young 6 year old (she has a July birthday) I held her back last year. I have no regrets. The only bad thing....she will be the oldest in her class. Who cares. She will academically be ahead of everybody else. My daughter had a whole preschool class of older kids, so I know she isnt the only one. I was always the youngest in my class and wish I hadnt been. I would have been much more mature and had way better grades.
It doesnt sound like she is socially ready. If you stop seeing daddy because she is in school, that would make it even harder for her. Why make her first school experience a battle. I say wait--IMO. If there is an option of a older preschool program in your area that is a few days a week, i would try that.

One part of your question hasn't been addressed by anyone else. I didn't know the state "rules" or guidelines at the time so when I went to an "information" meeting about Kindergarten (when I signed up my _youngest_ !), I was almost shocked to hear "Kindergarten is not a requirement for children in Texas, but if your child enters Kindergarten, attendance throughout the year will be required".

I don't mean that Kindergarten kids don't get sick and miss some days of school. I just mean that missing more than 8 school days is a "big deal" to my school district. Consider how you and your kids' dad want to handle this next year. Find out what are the requirements in your school district.

After choosing, embrace your choice!

One thing I did during the "separation anxiety" phase was to ask the teacher to allow me to look in, without being observed by my child. Wow! It was so encouraging to me to see my child busy doing what all the other kids were doing and without a "care in the world." I felt so much better after that. It was easier to say "it's school time now. I will see you after school!" and let them join in. At all times, whether you walk your child to the classroom or to the bus, you are turning your child over to someone you will learn to trust (and _do_ get to know him or her!).

Good luck!

Also consider the back end of this and at what age she will Graduate and go to college. I say right now the freedom to see her father out weighs going to school. Consider putting her in a Kinder readiness class and start that ball rolling.

DH

Hi J., I understand your dilema. My daughter (with a late July b-day) was redshirted because she just wasn't ready for K at age 5. She started K at age 6 and she's now going into 5th grade. She's one of the oldest in her class, but not the oldest. It was the best decision I've made. The extra year at preschool helped her tremendously. She was shy and reserved. She's now confident and outgoing. My son was not redshirted (also a July b-day). He was the youngest in the entire school. It worked great for him because he has a big, outgoing personality and he already had an older sister at the school. In your case, it sounds like she may benefit from an extra year at home or in a preschool program. In my experience, the K readiness issue has a lot to do with emotional and social readiness, and less to do with academic readiness i.e. reading. I wrote a blog piece about this issue a few days ago, if it helps, based on an article last week in the Los Angeles Times. Here's my blog, www.beyondthebrochure.blogspot.com. I write about private schools in Los Angeles, where the schools want kids who are redshirted! Best of luck, C. S.

I usually recommend keeping summer and Sept babies back a year, but a June Bday is prob not going to make her the youngest in the class. and it sounds like she needs K to get over her attachment issues. It wont get better on its own and a first gr teacher isnt going to have the time to help her deal

For your situation I would homeschool if your able too. Just for the first year while your husband has to work away from home. The most important thing is family first. That being said I would only do this for the first year. If your husband needs to travel for work that is fine but the kids need a bit more structured and repetitive situations. Especialy if your daughter shows attachment issues. Its good for her to step outside her comfort zone in a safe, fun and educational setting. School will be great for her! Our son loves people and only one church did he protest. we ended up switching churches and have no problem now! She can still get dressed for home school it makes it fun! I do not think you will be delaying her in education but perhaps social or attachment to you. (it sounds a bit negative when i read that but its not ment to at all) Good luck. If there is anyway you could move to a central location so your husband can come home each night that would be great. But it sounds like it might be too far each way??

As a kindergarten teacher I say keep her at home. School and socialization are important, but not important enough to rush her into a situation she is not ready for. Academics are only a piece of the kindergarten puzzle, social and emotional readiness are very important. If a child is immature, afraid of being away from mom, or emotionally unprepared for the rigors of kindergarten it will be a terrible start to her academic career. Not only will she be unhappy, she will not be able to focus on learning and making new friends. It is amazing how quickly the other students recognize a child that is "younger" than everyone else, and unconsciously treat them differently.

Many kindergartens across the country are very academic, it is not what it was when you or I were in kindergarten. It makes me cringe when uniformed people say that nothing goes on in kindergarten! A good kindergarten classroom provides the foundation for all your child's future attitudes and ideas about learning. A good classroom will challenge and extend your child, a poor classroom, or kindergarten experience, will taint your child's attitude toward school and learning. Most kids leave kindergarten reading and writing...that's not nothing!

If in doubt wait another year...kids only get to be kids for a short time...what's the rush????

I have 2 daughters that were born in August. The first one I sent to K when she turned 5... she was very smart, but got distracted easily. After 2nd grade, one teacher suggested having her repeat 2nd grade, but we declined doing that. It all seemed to hit a wall in 4th grade... she decided it was "too hard" and quit doing the work. (Understand, in math, she tested in the 7th grade in math comprehension, but 3rd grade in math computation... she understood it intuitively, but didn't have the math facts memorized). We moved from one state to another at the end of 4th grade and had her repeat 4th grade at her new school... that made so much difference! She is now working on her doctorate at Johns Hopkins University.

The other August birthday, she was just very different than her sister... her preschool teacher noticed it, also. We made the decision to delay her school entry, and ultimately, I think that helped. She has just been different throughout school, with some social and academic issues. She has a lot of ADHD characteristics, although we never had her formally evaluated.

If I were in your position, I would do the home-school K curriculum... and re-evaluate at the end of the year, as to whether she would be ready for a traditional 1st grade or to enter the public K program at that point. Doing the home-school curriculum would be a great way to help prep her for K. If you could start getting her into some MDO programs, that might help the attachment issues, also.

Why not start her in Kindergarten and see how it goes? She can always repeat the year if necessary. Kids have to start taking steps toward independence sometime, and Kindergarten is a good way to do that. She will only be there a few hours a day! And believe me, she won't be the first kid to have attachment issues. The teacher will have seen it all before. Be sure to take her to orientation so she can meet her teacher, see the classroom, and see some of her classmates (usually they'll let the kids play on the Kinder playground as well, which is fun). Then on the first day, drop her off and LEAVE - don't stick around and drag out the goodbye. She will be FINE! The first day of Kindergarten is ALWAYS harder on mom than on the child. Always!

I would send her. Short term I can see how you might want to keep her home. However, long term, she will be at a disadvantage to not be with kids her own age. I bet she'll do much better than you think. Let her try, and be supportive. If she gets upset, don't let her see you upset. Stay strong and positive and help her though the transition. Good luck!

Hmm... my first question is why you don't live with your DH.. but that's another question. I would do my best to move if it were me. But, not knowing the complete situation,...

Now, I held my 2 oldest back. They are boys and were born in Aug. They were mentally capable, not socially ready. They did go to MDO and Pre-K.

If it were me, I would send her to pre-K 3 days a week. It would give her time to make those social gains that she will be faced with once she does get into kinder. One thing lots of SAHM have to understand is that most kids DO go to daycare and/or pre-k so they are miles ahead of their peers who do not. They get to kinder ready to learn. All the social stuff is way behind them. They know how to be away from mom and dad, know how to share, some conflict resolution, etc. Your daughter would have to learn all this plus the academic stuff of kinder. The child who has spent 5 years at home really has a distinct disadvantage in the school system these days.

I hope my comments help. It was not an easy decision for us to hold our boys back, but if you do hold her back, I would put her in pre-k.

Good Luck to you!

She is old enough. I think keeping her back could possibly have the effect of nurturing her fears.

In kindergarten, you can probably take off a couple of weeks to travel with no ill-effects. And kinder is usually only 3 hours, so it's a good transition.

6 is kind of old for most girls. I'd send her.

Because of your family situation, I would homeschool her for K this year, see how she does, and then decide next year if she is ready for 1st grade or needs a repeat of K. She won't know the difference if she does K one year at home and one year at school. Also, if you have her at home you can make an effort to really get her out with kids more.

Hi J.-

My eldest daughter made the cut off for school by 2 days!! I seriously wanted to keep her back...but now...that she is an upcoming junior in college...I am SO glad I sent her!

She, even though the 'youngest' thru lower school years was one of the tallest! She was an honor student...and frankly...was ready to be 'off' to college well before her senior year of HS.

I understand the 'pull' of your family situation...but I know in my case...sending my 'young' one was the best choice I could have made...

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

If she is finally excited about branching out into school, I would go for it. All you have to do is try. There is no harm or shame in giving it a month, or until Christmas, to see how it goes. She can always repeat, or stop and restart next year. Your family situation doesn't seem to me to be a reason to withhold school from your daughter, but that's just my opinion. There's also no reason to rush her. In the grand scheme of life, when she starts K will not matter. I would just vote for starting her now since she seems interested and is looking forward to it.

What does your heart tell you??? I would listen to your heart and also see if she is ready for kindergarten per state guidelines. Follow your heart and go with that. GL

M

Keep her home or put her in a private K which will allow you to miss as needed.
Frankly, I would not ever allow my child to be the youngest.

My son's birthday is in June (beginning) and he never wend to pre-k or anything and I went ahead and sent him to kindergarten. He did just fine. He's now 7 and going into 2nd grade.

I say you can either send her to Kindergarten or home school her for kindergarten. Sounds like she is ready to start.

It sounds like your wanting to hold her back because of your needs.Why ask yourself that question & the rest will follow.You are preparing her for school with the school supplies the uniforms but you don't want to send her because of the attachment she has & daddy is out of state & you'll miss the traveling well sometimes we can't have it all especially when we have children & school starting,a whole new routine when school comes that we all have to adjust to as we raise our families

my son is the youngest in his class....strangely the tallest and unexpectedly top of the class in math and science. i knew it was time for him to go that year because everything else was boring him and you could tell the wheels were always turning in his head.....i think shed be fine in kindergarten....if its the seperation that you think will be an issue then give her a laminated picture of you to keep at school that she can look at during the appropriate times....
there was a young girl in my sons class that had extreme sep. anxiety and that worked well for her....

You could continue to teach her using the kindergarten curriculum if you have access to it. There are wonderful books at a teacher's supply store that covers reading, math, language, science, and social studies. Enjoy your family being together and traveling with will be extra learning for the children.

Just wait another year.
But find out what curriculum they expect the incoming K to know and make sure you spend the next year getting her ready.
I know mine were expected to know colors, numbers, letters and more when they got there so they could jump right into reading.
You could also "homeschool" K this year and let her do K again at school next year. Think how ready she'll be for first grade?
Consider her "graduation" age as well. If you start her now, she will graduate from HS in May at the age of 17 and turn 18 in June. If you wait a year, she will graduate at 18 and turn 19 in June. Consider how you feel about that?
I have two that will graduate at 17 and not turn 18 until August. I wish I had waited, at least for one of them.

LOL! I am SUCH a geek-- every time I see this question all I can think about is Star Trek red shirts.....

Homeschooling will not delay her education. Keep the family together and enjoy each other.

I'd say if you think your child is really 'ready' then go ahead but if you feel she's still young & not really comprehending things well just yet (not to say she's that way at all, I'm just saying, in general) then wait another year. Good luck!

It sounds like another year would work well for all of you. I dont' see a need to rush kids into school. But it does sound like she needs some more preparation for school. Her fears/feelins are normal for her age, but she needs to gain some confidence, maybe through a preschool program of some sort or homeschooling? Don't push her, but don't communicate this is entirely a choice either. Explain your decision as you have to us - it is not a good fit for the family now, but this IS what will happen next year. You want her to get the message you are sensitive to her feelings and are making the family a priority - however, everyone has to get on board with the plan, including her. Good luck.

Send her to school. She'll be happy to make new friends and see them everyday. Learning and motivation can be a very time sensitive matter. It hurts twice as much to hate the idea of something, then to embrace something, to get excited about it, and then have it taken off the table. I don't think kids really do much of anything in kindergarten, so homeschooling is a real option. Then she'll be ready start in First Grade with everyone else.

But, what does your daughter really need for her development right now?
Family unity is important, but once your husband went to work in a different state things were bound to get a little strained and more difficult. Since the job is "currently" in another state, perhaps this is a temporary situation since the whole family didn't relocate. Your life wherever you are needs to keep on going strong.

Amazon Blessings

that really isnt a very young 5.
when i was a kid my birthday was two days after the cut off so the next year i was the oldest kid in the class and i hated it!
but everyone is different!
your child might love being on the older side.
only you as her mom would know that!
i have homeschooled my kids for a year and i am going to warn you, you might not want to send her to first grade either!! its so fun to homeschool! but not for everybody, you have to know what youre doing. if you know how to start and what to do then by all means, homechool your kid!

trust your mothers instincts. if you need to then meditate on it

It sounds like you CAN homeschool and that you're willing---if you choose to do this, you can spend time with your family all together, and you can see how she does at the end of the year and make your decision about whether to have her do K or 1st the next year at school. If she catches on to everything, and seems to grow socially as well, you'll be glad that you are able to send her to 1st, and if things go much more slowly than you anticipate, you'll be glad you have the chance to have her try K again, but it won't be a repeat at that school--you'll just start her late.

I understand your concern about her being young--my son has a severe speech delay, and tested just slightly younger than he is developmentally, but he has a May birthday (which isn't even the summer yet) but I'm already worried about him being on the young side since other kids will start kg developmentally ahead of him. He's only 3, so I haven't decided what to do yet. Good luck with your decision!