Redeployment

Sorry , this is not a great idea.But, I wanted to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!! I also have a son named Gabriel(18 months). Glad that you are home safely. Hope things work out well for you & Gabriel. God Bless, C.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi V.

I am sure when you get back your son will be very happy to see you. That was a great idea to read books to him on DVD! I must say I am so proud of you because you are a mom and a soldier. That takes alot, especially to have to leave your son and serve the country. Thanks to women like you I can enjoy the freedom of this country and the freedom to be with my children not live in fear. My prayers go with you and I hope you get to come home soon. Thanks

V.

I can answer this as an expert because I have been there and done that. I spent 21 years in the Army and know your anxiety well.

The first and most important thing that I can tell you is don't feel bad when things run well without you. Go slow when trying to fit back in to the situation. They are not ignoring you, they need time to make the change also. Let them pull you in and just be there when they ask.

Remember that they love you, but they have changed and so have you. Just think of the first month as a new adventure. If you need counseling, don't wait; get it as soon as you think of it or as soon as someone mentions it to you.

I will send up a prayer for you and your family and if you want to get in touch with me and talk, give me a call or send me an email at 877-736-7630 or ###-###-#### and ____@____.com.

Blessings,
W.

Hi,
Thank you for your dedication and service. I am also happy to hear that you coming home very soon. My husband is currently serving out of Camp Taji, Iraq. However he's not due home until March 09' How old is your son? That will help when trying to figure out the best transition and how you will need to communicate with him. I would find out what the routine he and his aunt have established. Continue her routine and slowly transition into whatever your parenting style maybe. Maybe transition back into your home starting out with a day with you two days with aunt and slowly increase unless he seems like it would be better to just take him on full-time immediately. Start talking to him about when you will be home. Perhaps send a calendar or ask aunt if she could make a paper chain that he can tear apart for each day that draws closer to your arrival...or if he can have candy maybe have your aunt put 30 chocolate kisses or however many to count down the days until you come home and each day he can have a "kiss" from mommy. Let me know what you think of these ideas...
F.

Dear V.,
Thank you so much from my family for your services. We appreciate you and all that you do.
As far as the being nervous about coming back home and what to expect. Your son will be just fine and you will probably be suprised that things will not seem to be so different because of your departure. Gabriel will wrap his arms around you and it will all work out fine. I would not stress over it when those feelings of anxiety come just take a deep breath in and let out the worry.
God Bless
I wish you the best.

Just hold him and love him. Do whatever he wants to do. McDonalds, the park, chuckie Cheese, movie, bowling, skating, this should be your time with him.

Good Luck and thank you for all your service in our Military.

J.

Have you ever tried flower essesnces? Whenever there is any big change in my life, or my child's we use flower essences. They are completely safe, energetic medicine. We buy them at the health food store. Walnut flower essence is for any transition, or major change. I have seen wonderful results using them with my children.
Good luck to you. Thank you for all your hard work you have done to serve this country.

V.,
I would advise you to find out exactly what Gabe's routine is and follow it as closely as possible, even if you would not normally do so. You can change his routine gradually after that. Keeping his sleep rituals, meal times, activities and even discipline,etc as predictable as possible will help him transition. I would even try to stay with his aunt for a couple of days before bringing him to your home if that is an option. My children feel like their father is selfish and uncaring when he comes home and expects them to do what he wants and not what they are accustomed to doing. This makes for lots of conflict for everyone!! So let Gabe's past 14 months set the tone for the transition and he will adjust fine.
BTW, thank you for serving our country and sacrificing your life back home to protect my/our freedom. You are AWESOME!!!

Our daughter just came home from Irag after 14 months.Don't come on to strong as your child has been thru his own battle here trying to figure out who is in his life and why.Reintroduce your self to him.Don't be suprised if it takes him a few days to warm up to you.My grand children are 10 and 8 and have showed some resentment tores there Mom.They feel they were abandoned by her.Go slow and with lots of love I hope your home to stay.God Bless you for your sacriface for our freedom.All will be ok with a little patients
S.

Hi V.,
Just take time with your child. Do things that will make you interact with your child. Do you have access to a web cam? If so see if someone could arrange for the two of you to visit before you come home.
I live in a large military area and work with alot of parents this will be diffcult transition just be patient and loving.
Good luck and welcome home

Ease back into your role as mommy. It seems silly to say I know but you will see what I mean. My husband was in the Navy for 10 years. When our daughter was very young he would be gone for 9 months at a time...Home for just 3 a year. At first he would come home as if he had not been gone and it really messed up her routines and she was almost afraid of him. After a while we learned that if they would just be friends for a couple of days and hang out it was much easier to be dad by the weekend. No tears for either one of them that way. haha. Just enjoy each other and do something fun...Then you can both get back to life. I am sure it will be just as ackward for him as it is for you.

Hi V.

I am on my second deployment and I have a 4 year old daughter. I know exactly how you feel. Once I redeployed, I made sure that everything was ready for her return, her room, clothes, toys, etc. I don't know about your son but my daughter is very resilient. It took us no time to get things back to normal. We did the little stuff that she wanted to do but I still had to make sure that she knew who was the parent. But all in all she was just happy to have her mom home and I'm sure your son will feel the same

Good morning V.. You will be fine. You need to hear those words often and you need to say them to yourself daily. As a single parent, I deployed to Afghanistan leaving not only a daughter who would become a teenager while I was gone, but also an infant that would be two before I returned. My second deployment to a combat zone and not a single bit easier... In fact, harder. I'm sure most deployed parents will agree, I wanted to pickup and hold every Afghanistan child that I encountered--thinking that would bridge the distance between my children and me. I ached deep inside daily for them. I was afraid of coming home when the time grew near. I was unsure of how my war experiences would affect me once I was home,(Thinking I couldn't be or perhaps had forgotten how to be a mom.) My own Mother did two significant acts that caused me to step back into my pre-deployment role; at the airport after the initial hugs and kisses she simply placed my son in my arms. He and I were both aprehensive at first, but as I talked to him he recognized my voice and knew I was someone who loved him and he could feel safe with. The second act was putting the parent responsibilities back in my ballpark. My Mother and sister stayed for a week making sure the foundation was stable and then they departed for home (9 hours away). Even though I was angry with her for leaving because I didn't think I was ready... she knew better, and I soon realized she did the best thing in helping me step back into a world without bunkers and convoys. The key V. is having a close friend or family member help you determine when the foundation is stable and having a support group within reach if/when you need it. The rest of it will fall into place. I realized how important playing with trucks and trains really was, and that the yard would eventually get mowed. You will be fine.

V.,
Sounds to me as if whatever you do will be the right thing. I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your service to our country, and motherhood! Don't be nervous, take it from a much older woman, the bond you have with your son cannot be breached. Neither time nor distance can change what you are to your son. Feel strong, stay safe and please don't stress over coming back to him, he longs for your touch and sweet kisses on his face, you're his mom.

Just want to say thank you!! I have 2 son's serving, they aren't married or have children, but I am very proud of them and all who serve. Thank you to all of you for my/this countries freedom. I pray for all of you everyday. V. may you be blessed and come home safe to your son. I don't know if you are a women of faith, but I would promise you that would help you with your situation. God Bless!!

V.
I don't have any advice I just wanted to say THANK YOU! For all that you have sacrificed in our behalf and keeping us safe here at home. I will pray for you and that our Father in Heaven will be there with you.
S.

I am an army wife and my husband came home from a deployment in October. Our daughter is only 20 months old now so it is a bit different than a five year old but the advice I have is to take it slow and don't expect to much to soon. My daughter is just now getting to the point where she asks for her daddy and really wants to play with him and not just me. Don't force things, things will be normal again but it may take a while. Hope I could help.

First of all, thank you for your service to your country. As an Air Force wife I can tell you that YOU are very much appreciated!

Though I haven't been through this, my husband has.

Take him to the park, go for some ice cream, movies, etc. But also spend time playing with him at home and maybe even let him sleep with you on certain days of the week as a treat. My 5 yr old gets to sleep with us every Friday but once he's asleep we put him in his bed. This way he doesn't get use to it and want to do it daily. Kids just love that and feel so safe when they are in bed with Mommy. :)

Most importantly, explain to him that Mommy's job will send her away and that it has nothing to do with how he behaved or with how much you love him. Let him know that you think of him every single second and miss him very much when you aren't with him. I know soldiers get care packages while they are gone by loved one's, have him draw things he's done and send it to you in his care package. The stuff you've been sending him is GREAT! What a great idea to read to him and record it so he can hear you whenever he wants.

Good luck and again, thank you for your service. God Bless!

Hi - I am not in the service or really close to anyone who is. But there is a little boy (kindgarten) at our school whose daddy just returned from Iraq recently. The day after he got home, he and his wife spent most of the school day with the class, and the kids and teacher all wore camouflage to honor him and made him cards etc... This boy was SO proud of his Dad being at school, and taking all day to spend with him, in his environment. It was really sweet and touched us all.

If this is a possiblity for you, just check with his teacher (I guess that depends on your child's age, but he sounds young from the things you send him) and the principal, and I am sure they would LOVE to have you come.

God bless you for all that you and your fellow service men and women do for us! You are always in our prayers!

A. V and family

I would do my best to just be "normal". I know it will be hard, cause you aren't used to it, but he is used to a routine, and kids like that.
It will probably be hard at first, but if it was me, I would do my best to just fit right back in where I was when I left.
You almost have to come back in and fit into his schedule, and just go back to being the mommy you always have been!

Glad you are coming home. Thank you for being a soldier.

Hi!

Military wife, and my spouse is a wonderful soldier. It is already hard enough on every soldier having to leave there families. Nevertheless the reintroductory seems to have enough pressure of it's own.

Just by reading all the things you have done, while being deployed. You sound like a great mom!

My husband said the key that helped him returning home from deployments, is to remember NO PRESSURE! To introduce yourself to the family, and observe.
Of course we were all excited with Daddy being home. The kids were on a "daddy" high for a good month or two. They wanted to show him everything they accomplished, and planned for that past year. lol (which is cute I promise) I didn't rush him to step into a disciplining role. We encouraged play time, family outings, and lots of talking.
After a good month you can tell when the "newness" wear's down. You can normally tell that observation time is over, and it's time to tweak discipline time steps in.
Be sure to talk to the family to see what worked for them.

KEEP IN MIND.......... YOU CAN DO IT!

Take care, and THANK YOU for serving our country!!

Army wife of a wonderful soldier, and mother of 3 kids.

I am also in the military and have three sons. The first deployment my youngest was five years old. It is difficult to go back and expect things to be exactly the way you left them. If you have been keeping in touch with him, his attention span will be much better and he will remember your voice. Then it is a matter of creating memories and not looking back. My sons are 8 and 14 and 14. They can handle the separation better than us.

Hope this helps!!!! I am coming back from another deployment and it remains difficult to miss my sons growing. I want to be there for it all.

Karen

All you have to do is love him - he's going to want to show you everything that he's done over the time that you've been gone. You need to just listen to him share everything! Also, find out what he wants to do - there might be a special place he's been wanting to go that you could take him. I think patience is key though. Being around him again is going to be very different from what you've been used to. Try not to be short with him because that would be so hurtful to him.
My husband just returned from Iraq and we have two boys (5 & 2). They want to be reassured a lot that Daddy's coming home from work or not going on another 'trip.' Just let your son know that you're home and how much you love him and I'm sure things will fall back into place. Good luck and thank you for your sacrifice.

V.,
I'm certain that this kind of concern is normal. I would say that when you first see him, to get down to his level and open your arms and let him come to you. Let him know his Mama is home! There is a magical connection God instilled between a mother and a child. Depending on your childs personality, he may slowly approach or jump right in, but either way he will be so happy to have you back! It's human nature. As far as what to do with him, I would say as much time as possible should be spent quietly at home without outside stimulus. this might be hard seeing as how lots of people are going to be excited to see you back. But you'll figure it all out. You wouldn't be a mother is you didn't worry...but I'm sure it will all be fine. And thank you for your unselfish service. I personally am VERY grateful.

T.

www.workathomeunited.com/T.

I think you should know that the moment your son sees your beautiful smile and feels your great hugs that all your worries and your nervousness will disappear. You are doing one of the greatest sacrafices that any mom could ever do which is trusting another person to take care of your son while you protect us. I thank you for that. Getting back to normal.... just keep hugging him and loving him and most of keep telling him that you love him. He may need to hear as much as see it. And love and forgive yourself...you are not guily of anything but being a great protector. You should be very proud of yourself. Make new routines and create them together. Ask him what he thinks you can do, or what to have for dinner and maybe go to church and teach him about the unconditional love that you have for him like God has for all of us. I wish you the best. I know you are going to be great. May God bless you with peace in your heart until you get home and see your son.

Hi! First I want to say congrats on making it through such a trial! I have not exactly been in your shoes, but I have a lot of experience with that type of situation in general. One of the best things you can do for that transition, if it is possible/feasible is transition in increments. Does the Aunt live in the same city or close by to where you are stationed/living? If not, start talking NOW about how Gabriel is going to be going back to his home, where you are stationed, when Mommy comes home. If you can, stay a few extra days with the Aunt, so he can get reacquainted with you and so you can see what his day to day life has been like first hand.If possible before you leave, both of you stay in a hotel one night and then go back to his Aunt's during the day so he can warm up to not being there. This will give you some perspective on how to transition from what has been his normal routine for the past 14 months into what will be once you are together on your own again. Expect it to be a rollercoaster! If he has some favoritism towards his Aunt over you or seems angry with you, remember that it is 100% normal behavior and you will get through this! One thing you might want to look into is Sesame Street actually put together a video about deployments and when Mommy/Daddy leaves/returns. There are ton of great resources out there to help you guys along the way. A good place to find out about them is MilitaryOneSource. They have the most current list of resources and where to find them on anything family you can think of for military families. I've heard lots of great things even from people not hip on military resources. You or your ex's aunt can get ahold of them on the web at militaryonesource.com and they have a 1-800-342-9647 where you can reach them 24/7. Good luck and blessings on you and your little boy! I hope there are more sweet than hard moments when you return!

Thank you for serving. you sacrifice is appreciated. First, kudos for keeping in contact. Trying to remain a parent in the AOR is challenging to say the least. I guess the best way to handle your homecoming is based on how your son is handling your deployment. Is he still talking about you, or does he try to get off the phone when you get on? At 5 he is aware of what is going on, but is he as understanding as a 5 year old can be?

Without knowing you situation intimately I can only provide a few vague ideas, but these may get you thinking about something that is practical for your situation. First and foremost, please do not expect your son to respond to you as an authority figure, but more like a child would respond to the aunt or uncle who they are physically visiting for the first time in a year or more. The relationship is a level 2 communication stage (meaning it is more than "how's the weather, but less than his true inner thoughts.) A level 2 communication is a conversation in which both people try to please the other rather than be honest about emotions and personal thoughts. The best way to remedy this situation is "date nights". Take him out and talk about his fears when you gone, his fears with Daddy still being gone, give him insight to what you were doing (obviously, use wisdom on what you share), find out how it was to live with his aunt...you get the drift.

Second, I am not sure if this is possible, but try to spend a few nights at the place he has been living while you were gone. Put yourself in his environment so he knows you want to meet him where he is. This will give you an opportunity to get some sleep while knowing someone is still with your son and it will allow you to see his interactions with his aunt. I think the scariest thing about a homecoming is dealing with the "How much have they changed?", "Do they still remember me?" questions. Taking a few days to answer these questions before moving him from what is comfortable may be a great start to your homecoming.

Third, let him pick something he would like to do when you get home and make it happen. Ask him next time you talk to him. This will show him in a way that a 5 y/o understands that you love him and are willing to do something for him. Let him be king for the day and try not to control the day. Take a digital camera and take lots of pics in fun places while you are out. The pics (especially of you together) will be a reminder to him of how special you think he is.

Finally, have his aunt start talking to him about his feelings towards you and the changes that will be happening when you come home. Hopefully, his aunt is the type who will hear the bad but encourage good. Have her help him create a paper chain, mark up a calendar, or other mode of tangible days until you come home, then talk it up. Prepare him. My daughter loves to get decked out in her Daddy shirts and carry an American Flag when my husband comes home, maybe your son will enjoy something similar. Let him have pride in you and what you do! Good luck with your homecoming!