Recommendations for Books on Discipline

Updated on March 30, 2010
G.S. asks from Bethlehem, PA
23 answers

Well, my almost-15-month-old daughter has been at the age of active defiance for what seems like forever now - but certainly the last few months. I'm interested in finding some great reads I can get from the library (or purchase if you think they're worth it) regarding discipline in toddlers and young children. I would really like to get some ideas on how to reinforce positive behavior without focusing strongly on negative behaviors. I want to raise a happy, healthy, obedient and well-adjusted child. I'd be especially interested in any books that help to focus on child psychology and/or that have any special focus on children with special needs (autism, illness, developmental delays, etc...). Thanks in advance, mamas!

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So What Happened?

Thanks so much for all the fantastic recommendations. I *really* appreciate them ALL. I look forward to getting as many as I can from my library and working from there. For the record, I'm not trying to avoid being a parent, and I'm not trying to avoid actual discipline. I'm looking for a little guidance to help me learn the ropes and to help me shape my daughter into the compassionate and sweet child I know she has the capacity to be.

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C.T.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hello G.,
I love the book's "Positive Displine". There are several depending on age, child care ect. I have 3 children of my own and run a small family childcare. I have these books for my own info. as well as for my child care families to borrow.

Another general all around great book is, "Touch Points" by Dr. Brazelton. I give then to every baby shower.

Be consistant and don't stress about the little things.

Good Luck

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L.G.

answers from Philadelphia on

There is a great book called The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. It goes by age and is a kind approach to dealing with a spirited child. Best of luck!

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P.W.

answers from York on

Hi,
I am always suggesting these books. I worked with special needs children and adults in one capacity or another since I was in seventh grade. Reading these books was the single most positive step I took. It was amazing the difference!!

Now, as a mom, I am so grateful to have this info in my backpack. A friend of mine, a child psychologist, said about my boys when they were still toddlers that she loved being around them. They were peaceful, yet motivated and interested, and that they wanted to do the right thing, not because they feared punishment or adults, but because they somehow understood that the world worked better that way.

I had a group of "low functioning" adults and a bunch with behavioral issues. One was pretty non verbal. He came into the room and knocked over a bookshelf. Things flew everywhere, people screamed.

I had them all draw pictures, since many were non verbal, about how they felt, including the one who over turned the bookshelf.

It was beautiful. The guy, without me telling him, cried and went around to each person and said he was sorry. They all embraced him and said they understood and loved him.

This guy turned on a dime. He would see someone getting angry and he would go talk to them. He'd help absolutely anyone, and the people in the group were his best friends. Before he was always isolated, never spoke to anyone.

The books are based on the work of Haim Ginot who wrote Between Parent and Child...also a great read.

Liberated Parents, Liberated Children by Mazlich and Faber

and the workbook

How To Talk So Children Will Listen and How To Listen So Children Will Talk Mazlich and Faber

"Let not our goal as parents be to raise well-educated children. Let not our goal as parents be to raise well-behaved children. Hitler was well-educated. Hitler was well-behaved.

Let our goal as parents be to raise Mensches."
Haim Ginot

You have a great attitude, G.. You have "Great Mom" written all over you.

P.

2 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

Back to Basics Discipline, a Program to Raise Extraordinary Children. Fantastic book. Check the website first www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com.

Discipline is the key-it's every bit as important as all the good times and positive reinforcement you'll be giving your child naturally-you sound like a loving wonderful mother. Sometimes parents don't want to "focus on the negative" in other words, address training their child when he/she needs to be taught not to do certain things. Praising the good and ignoring the bad or putting a positive spin on it is a deadly cop out.
I would delay the psychology until your child is older and already a happy, heslthy, obedient, well adjusted child who feels secure that mom is in charge and is happy to do what's right because there is no doubt what "right" is. Psychoanalyzing babies and infants and negotiating for rules this young isn't fair to them, they're not the parent and they're not mature. When discipline is effective, it's much more rarely needed. Leaving even more time for love and closeness and no time for tantrums and disrespect and defiance. All kids push the boundaries. Keep it simple!
Best wishes!
ps The symptoms of all the disorders you mentioned are much better handled when the total foundation is strong and healthy, not based around the disorders. You can then focus on the nuances of the disorders, instead of facing a huge battle not knowing which end is up and what's being caused by the disorder or lack of structure and sleep and diet etc.....

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C.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

I found this one helpful:
Smart Love by Peiper & Peiper

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M.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

My 20 month year old son has been in his "terrible twos" since he was about 12 months... I read "The Happiest Toddler On the Block" and LOVED it. GREAT advice about discipline, the author (a pediatric physician) totally understands children and their psychology, and offers great insights and advice about little ones at this age. It's remarkable how well his advice works, and it also has great suggestions about bonding with your toddler which I use all the time, and make him soo happy. Good luck!

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B.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi G.,
I am a Child and Family Coach and I have some books that I just LOVE! Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids Sura Hart & Victoria Kindle Hodson and Between Child and Parent Hiam Ginott. There are wonderful books on temperment.... Normal Children Have Problems Too Stanley Turecki and Raising Your Spirited Child Mary Sheedy Kurchinka.

If you have anymore questions please stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com to check out books, articals and to sign up for your free half hour of coaching.

Joyful Parenting,
B. Davis Child and Family Coach

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K.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am a school social worker and I assist parents with discipline issues all the time. The book I would highly recommend is "1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas W. Phelan. It offers very practical strategies that can be tailored for your specific discipline issues. Remember, consistency is key! No matter what type of discipline strategy you use, be sure to remain consistent, especially between parents.
Good luck!

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S.C.

answers from York on

Dear G.,
I would recommend a book by Dr. Jack Hyles entitled "How to Rear Infants". Dr. Hyles was a pastor in Indiana. The book is written from a Christian perspective, and is excellent for rearing children as their parent, rather than another friend. However, if you are not inclined towards Biblical discipline, this is probably not the book for you. If you'd like to purchase it, visit www.christianwomanhood.org Once there, go to the column on the left and click Parenting - dropdown menu (books) will bring up a list. If you sort by "Name Ascending" this book is 2nd on the list (right under How to Rear Children). Although he wrote the book in 1978, Dr. Hyles reared three children, of which one is a Pastor's wife, and the editor of Christian Womanhood magazine. His other children are also involved in Biblical ministries. The website has a bunch of other books as well, but most are geared more towards "kids" rather than babies. God Bless, I'll be praying for you & your daughter! :)

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E.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I have the best book!! It is called HOw to behave so your toddler will too! It is great!

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F.V.

answers from Lancaster on

I just ordered "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and received it. So far it is very good. There are a lot of great books out there. Hopefully this helps!
Chris

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C.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

"Parenting with Love and Logic; the Magic of Early Childhood"
is good.

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G.W.

answers from Harrisburg on

positive discipline for preschoolers
raising your spirited child

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M.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi G.,

When my son was younger, I REALLY loved the book "Everything Your Two-Year-Old Wants You to Know About Parenting: I'm Two Years Old! by me" by Jerri Wolfe. I know your daughter isn't two yet, but I definitely think the book would still apply. Here's a link to the book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Two-Years-Old-Everything-Two-Year-O...
It really helped me understand what my son was experiencing and helped me increase my patience. Good luck with your beautiful daughter!
M.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I have heard that 1-2-3 Magic is a good O..

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C.H.

answers from Pittsburgh on

William and Martha Sears the Good behaviour book is great.

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L.T.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I've found the advice in "What to Expect: The Toddler Years" to be helpful. I also use "1-2-3 Magic".

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T.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

k".

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L.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

Dear G.,

Ephesians 6:1 says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor Your Father and Your Mother. This is the first command with a promise. If you honor your father and your mother, you will live a long life.

Wonderful books:
Don't Make Me Count to Three! by Ginger Plowman
The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson
How to Really Love Your Child by D. Ross Campbell
How to Really Love Your Angry Child (same author)
Baby and Childwise series Ezzo and Bucknam
For you, I recommend The Power of a Positive Mom (a must read for all moms - we are a living example to our children)

Check out Focus on the Family Website

Pray specifically for your strong-willed child, ask God to guide you and give you wisdom.

Best to you and all moms. God never gives us more than we can handle!

Gods Blessings!

LEB

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S.J.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi G.,

There is and article in a Christian magazine called the Good News that you may find helpful. The article is entitled Parenting The Terrible Twos or the Terrific twos. The link to the article is

www.gnmagazine.org/marriagefamily/. All the very best with your child rearing.

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R.O.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I really like John Rosemond. He also has a column, it's in the Buffalo, NY paper.

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C.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson. There is a series, but one focuses on the years 1-3. There is also a 2 CD set of a seminar she did that is good if you don't have time to read the book - you can listen in the car or the shower or while doing dishes.

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