25 answers

Recently Diagnosed with Cancer

I was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago, Stage II Melanoma, and shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my first son. I had surgery to my left arm and had a lymph node removed and everything was negative. I had no further treatment at that time. I was still pregnant and they felt they had got it all. A few months later I had a healthy baby boy. He is truly an angel.
A month ago, after a normal check-up with my doctor and following tests and additional doctors, I found out my cancer had come back. The PET Scan I had, showed that there were enlarged lymph nodes that were metastic. They are in the same area as the lymph node that was removed in 2002. The good news is that there were no other places of interest. After an appointment at Moffitt Cancer Center, the beginning of this month, they did a biopsy and confirmed it was Melanoma. I was in shock, and probaly still am. I've been through this before but that doesn't make dealing with cancer the second time any easier. Just a little more prepared with what to expect. I am going in for surgery next week where they will remove all the lymph nodes in that area. Then they will determine what treatment (radiation or chemo) will be necessary. I have medicaid and I'm hoping it covers what is ahead of me.

I was born in Ft. Lauderdale, FL and moved to Cleveland, OH when I was four. I was the only one in my immediate family with light hair and sensitive skin. Twenty to thirty years ago there wasn't much fuse for wearing sunscreen and protecting yourself from the sun. When I was old enough, I took charge of my skin and began protecting it and still do. I moved back to Sebastian, FL a year ago and am currently living with my mother and father. Having my parents around helps the kids feel comforted when I am away at doctor appointments. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this unfortunate news? And how to help my six year old (who's very smart for his age) cope with everything that's going to happen.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

My surgery went well. Only one of the nodes, that were removed, was cancerous. So that's good news! My doctor want's me to undergo a treatment of interferon which lasts for a year. Not so good news. It will be good to increase my odds of staying cancer free, but it sounds like it will be an extremly hard year. Not only on me, but my children as well.

Featured Answers

I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't have any advice since I've not had to deal with it, but just wanted to offer support to you. I know an offer of 'let me know if I can help you with anything' is odd from a stranger, but I'm a mommy too, and I wish all the best for you. Do you have family around you?

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Wow, that is really tough. I agree most with Christy, that telling them honestly what is going to happen is best. Also, what kind of cancer do you have and what is your prognosis? Not that you need to tell us, but this can inform what you do. My mom is a 10-year survivor of breast cancer and had a small lung tumor taken out this past summer, so depending on your cancer you could do just great.
When I think of what I would have to do for my 2-year-old and upcoming newborn if I or my husband were dying, dead or severely incapacitated, here is how I think of it: I would want to keep as much continuity in their lives as I could, because losing a parent is DEVASTATING to a child. Seriously, it is the worst thing that could happen. Of course my morbid fantasies usually center on a sudden car crash, not a prolonged illness, which gives you time to plan and decide how to deal with it.
For your cancer plan, I would recommend getting a friend to go with you to your doctor's appointments and go with lists of questions. You will be so overwhelmed with information and perhaps emotion that you may not be able to quiz the doctor like you need to and in the car ride home you'll be wondering what the heck she or he said. So get a friend to go and ask the hard questions for you if she doesn't think they were answered. Go with pen and paper and write down the answers. If you are going to have surgery and recovery, so essentially short-term incapacitation, see if a friend or family member can come down for a few weeks so that your kids can keep going to school and they can maintain some of their normal routine. If you are going to have to have long-term incapacitating treatment, consider moving closer to family or whoever so that the kids can have the support you can't give them until you are better. Also, if your prognosis is poor, this will enable them to build a new routine and new emotional support if you die.
If surgery is the typical option, I would recommend being aggressive and taking the best option to reduce further occurrence. Since you have two kids, I don't think playing it safe with a minor surgery is the best option, but that's your decision and one to make on the advice of your doctor.
Get a second opinion and make sure your doctor listens to you. Again, go to your appointments with a friend, pen, and paper, and write everything down. My mom did this and it REALLY helped. It will also really help you tell your kids what is going on.
Also, find a confidant. Either a friend you trust, a pastor, a counselor, someone you can talk to about your fears. It's ok for your kids to know you are scared, it's ok for them to know what is happening, but it's best if they don't see you freak out. You can't be strong all the time, so find someone you can cry with or in front of. Now is the time to ask for help. People LOVE to help, they really do. It makes them feel honored and needed, and we all love that. Ask your friends for rides to the doctor's, help with some meals, errand-running, things like that. If you spread out the help, people love a mission, and it will bolster your energy to realize you have such a strong support group.
Good luck with everything! If you need to email, go ahead.

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Melissa, I'm sorry to hear about your cancer. I had a similar experience: I had a cancerous tumor removed 7 years ago and it returned aggressively last year. I felt like I could deal with brain surgery again because I knew the drill. They are pretty sure the hormones from pregnancy caused the cancer to return, but I wouldn't change a thing. My attitude has been chill because stressing out isn't going to make me better. I was heartbroken, though when I thought my son may have to grow up without a mom. I had the surgery, radiation and am still on chemo, but all MRI's are coming back cancer free. The best advice I can give you is to do what you can to keep your life normal and happy and don't let the cancer define you. Your boys will pick up on your vibes and hopefully keep a positive environment for you to heal. I wish you the best!

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You sound so strong and like a really amazing mother. I think you can tell your son that you are going to be getting help for a while because you are sick. Be as honest with him as you can. Be positive with him and yourself.
Also- I literally just finished reading an amazing book called The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan. Great book and I think you may be able to relate to this book and find it inspirational.

Stay strong and positive and you will get through this.
take care,
M.

www.workathomeunited.com/M.

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Sorry to hear the cancer is back, but you already are doing the best, seeking treatment.Do everything the doctors recommend and keep a possitive attitude and faith in God that you WILL HEAL. As for your child, you can explain that you are sick and that is why you go to the doctors who will do everything they can to cure you. As for hair loss and other side effects just tell him gradually IF you have them. Be thankful that you have your parents with you. Know you are not alone. Mothers at Mamasource will surely be praying for you. I know I will.

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i haven't had to deal with those cards being dealt to me yet, but my heart goes out to you and your boys. my aunt just got diagnosed with breast cancer. we've always been super close. i can't imagine fighting cancer and being a mom to two young children. i live in boynton beach. if there is anything you need let me know. i don't know how far sebastian is, but i'm sure i could make the trip if you need help. or if you want to vent, i'm here for that too.

my prayers are with you.

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Hi J.,

First off I ma very sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with cancer again but you need to be stronger than every especially for your boys. My mother has been diagnosed with cancer for the second time as well just recently. She has started to go to chemo again and will be through June. I have a daughter that just turned 5 and she is very close to my mom. At first I thought not really talking about it would be best but honestly it's not. We have been very open and honest with her and my two older ones as well. They all know that she has cancer and that she needs medicine. They asks lots of questions and they all get answered to the best that they can be. My daughter is still young so she is not going to understand it to the fullest but she knows what's going on. This time around my mom has started to lose her hair which is a little strange for them to see but they're fine with it they understand. You can't hide it from them because it will make them more confused. Just answer whatever questions that are asked the best that you can to try to make them understand and not be scared of the disease. We also live with my mother so it's very up close for them as it will be in your situation. Don't ever hide anything and remember to stay strong attitude is everything in this battle. Don't ever let it overcome you. You will fight this and live a very happy life with your children. God bless and good luck.

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im so sorry to hear about your discovery. i just wanted to let you know honesty & prayer are miracle makers. i will pray for you.
may God bless you and your family

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lady i am sorry for this infortunate thing. i do understand where you are coming from and i do not know what to tell you. my 31 year old brother was diagonsed with cancer 3 weeks ago he has non-hodgkin's lymphoma they say IF you have to have cancer his is the best one to have the most curable and most treatable one. he is married and has a 13 year daughter. it has been such a strain and so stressful on all of us. my parents are besides themselves.because i already had one brother commit suicide in 2002 and they do not want to bury another child.
lady all is can say is pray for God to move this mountain from you not only for yourself but for the kids.i will pray for you too. I pray rignt now father, in the name of Jesua that you would remove this mountain from this lady and her family. father we know cancer is not from you. and we know you are still in the healing business and we know you can heal her Lord and we ask for this miracle. In Jesus name :Amen.
hold your head up and be strong the Lord can do far beyond whar we or any doctor can believe or hope for. thank you Lord.
your kids well do not lie to them but only tell them what you NEED to tell them.

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