I have a bright and fairly mature 10 year old 5th grade boy. Most people who meet him think he is 11 or even 12. More and more my son has been making close friendships with boys of this age group....11,12 and 13, and seems to fit right in. We live in a small town and he goes to the local public school. He is in a class of 12 and is one of 5 boys in the class. He has tried very hard to hang out with the kids in his class, but is not relating to the boys and the girls are hanging out only with the girls.My husband and I have observed the class and unfortunately it's not the most stimulating group of kids and we are concerned that he is not in a good learning environment simply because of the class dynamic. He has become very lonely in his class and at times seems depressed and very down on school. He came to us at the end of the last school year saying that he thinks he should be in the class above him, the now 6th grade. He argues that he has more possibilty of friendships in that class and that he believes he can do the work.(in fact helps his 6th grade friend with his homework sometimes). He says his own class is boring and dull. He feels very strongly about it and says if he could only have one thing, it would be to move into the 6th grade class with his friends and that it would make him so happy. We of course have concerns about the idea of him skipping a grade....mostly about his age(just turned 10 in July).But at the moment I feel more concerned about keeping him in the class where he is clearly unhappy. We have discussed finding a new school , but my son is very against it and we as parents dont love the idea of putting him in another school out of town. What to do? It's very hard to see that my son is just not "fitting in" where he is supposed to. Could there be good reason to think that he could thrive in the next grade up despite the fact that he's technically not the right age to be in 6th grade. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks so much for all the advice and comments so far. Just to clarify a little. He basically doesn't seem challeged at all in his particular classroom. If there was another 5th grade class, we would probably consider that first. But because the school is so small, the only place to go is up to 6th or another school all together. He does seem more mature and in many ways smarter than most in his class. I feel like his classmates hold him back in some ways. With only 12 in the class, there seems to be a high percentage of kids who have behavioral issues or are challenged academically. He seems like the kind of kid who needs to be challenged and stimulated by his peers in order to perform well, otherwise it's bordedom, than apathy. I think our next step is to have him tested and evaluated by the school to see if he could handle a grade skip academically. We do feel like right now he is perfectly capable socially to be with older kids. Unfortunately I can't predict how it would be a few years from now in highschool
You should start by asking his teachers if they think he should be moved up a grade. In my opinion it should be about academics, not about friendships. It is unfortunate that he isn't fitting in with the kids in his class. However, if you move him because he *believes* he can do the work and then he can't it won't really matter that he has friends in the class because he will be repeating it anyway.
I work for a public school and as a rule principals won't let kids skip a grade. If you decide its in his best interest and request it be prepared with tests, classwork and perhaps an independent evaluation.
Good luck!
First question - is he getting As in everything? It's not uncommon for kids to be either more or less mature than kids in their grade level, or more or less able to do the school work. In any classroom there are kids are varying intellectual & maturity levels. In order for your child to do well in the grade above him he has to have the maturity and the intellectual capacity of kids in the grade ahead. Generally after a month or two in a grade the teacher will recommend a grade skip if it's really appropriate - but they have to be ready in all academic areas - math, science & language skills.
Sounds more to me that your son has friends that are a year older than him and he wishes he was in their classes - that happens & is completely understandable. I would mention to his current teachers your thoughts and ask that she keep that in her mind as she evaluates him in the coming month. If he's doing really well she'll make the recommendatation - if he's above average but not stunningly brilliant I think she won't and you should accept it.
re-evalute again next year. Kids have emotional & intellectual growth spurts just like they do physically. My 13 yr old son has always been the tallest kid in his grade and is now almost 6' - but he's had difficulty with language skills (he's a math whiz) and has lagged in maturity. Suddenly this year he's had this growth spurt in all areas - height, maturity & intellectual. Wohoo!
Every year is different with kids. Keep in mind it's still early in the year and friendships ebb & flow - your son may feel very differently in a few weeks. I've always considered that teacher, class & classmate results are life lessons. Better to learn how to deal with an undesirable situation at age 10 when you can go home to people who love you unconditionally than at a job at age 25.
Good luck mama!
It sounds to me like you want to move him up for every reason but academics. It is school, academics is the only reason that counts for moving up grades.
He is looking at it from one perspective, it sure would be cool to be in my friend's class. He is a child, it is you that must point out it will not be utopia. Do you really think he is just going to move up, somehow do the homework, and all the kids will like him?
More likely what would happen is he will struggle with his homework. Most of the kids will not like him and will turn the other kids against him.
I guess I am saying moving him up for friends is a very bad idea and I doubt the school will allow it anyway.
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My daughter could do all of her older brother's homework and even then I would not have considered moving her up. Heck he actually "borrowed" some of her reports to turn in as his. I can assure you high school would have sucked for her if I had moved her up. You need to look at the big picture.
This really can't be up to him, he's way too young to make such a life altering decision.
And you MUST know that kids will change their friends a LOT between 5th and 9th grade. All three of my kids went through several different groups over those years, and only some of those kids remained good friends into high school. Again, you can't make such a life altering decision based on who your son is currently hanging out with. Those same boys may blow him off next year, and then what?
You also need to think about a few years down the road. He'd be in a class where everyone is driving a full year ahead of him, and he'll be exposed to all the teen vices (sex, drugs/alchohol, etc.) a full year earlier. Why expose him to that any sooner than you need to? Let him be his age and make sure he's involved in activities outside of school so he's not so focused on one small group of boys.
My daughter is also very bright and is friends with mostly girls that are a year older. However, I would not even consider moving her up because of it. Being the youngest in the grade is hard. I am a March baby and therfore on the younger side of my grade and there were times it was hard.
My babies are March, April, and June, so they are all on the younger side, and it's difficult for them sometimes too.
If you insist on it, I'd talk to his teacher and see what her opinion is, that may help guide you to what's right.
My husband did. He was double promoted in school, because he was too advanced for the classes he was in.
His sister was that age, so he already knew the kids and did very well.
It prevented him from being stuck in the hallway studying on his own because he was tired of doing busy work.
If the school is open to it, I'd suggest you do it.
he can only see the right now.
you, as a parent, have to look far beyond that. we waited for my son with an August birthday despite the fact he probably could've done 2nd grade work at that point. some of the issues we considered are below. so my child is one full year older than yours in the same grade and would be 2 years older if your son skips up.
if he skips a grade:
he will be fine academically, probably through college
he will be happy this year socially
BUT will he be happy in middle school - he is already very young for his current grade level.
Will he be okay with driving 2 years behind all his friends?
will you be okay with him going to high school (and all the outside issues such as drinking, girls, etc) with kids up to 2 years older? my guess is no.
will you be okay with him going to college as a just turned 17 year old - again - probably not.
what about sports? if he is 2 years younger than some kids, he will be at a serious disadvantage.
although it may be hard this year, it is a good learning opportunity about dealing with the hand you're dealt. talk with his teacher to see if there aren't some partial solutions. plus, "fitting in", while nice isn't always all its cracked up to be - watching a little adversity about kills us as parents but makes for stronger, better adjusted adults.
good luck
Your son has had some fitting in issues with the current kids in his class and my gut is telling me he has kind of given up trying to find friends. He has found kids he likes and can relate to in the next grade up, so he's decided "I'll just skip to that grade", the easy solution.
I would talk to the teachers and administrators at your school to see what they have observed. Sometimes people stop trying if they think that their situation is going to change soon. He may just need someone to tell him, "you are staying in the 5th grade and you need to try to make friends". Offer to invite someone over to play, etc. Help him to foster friendships.
I think being a year and a half younger (since his is a July birthday) than the other kiddos in the next grade is going to be a big problem in the years to come.
Just my thoughts.
Good Luck,
M
I would talk to the guidance office and his teachers. Not every class or every office or every team will always be with your friends. There are 2 things going on here - academics and friendships. I do not think a child should be moved to another grade on peers alone. Someday he will be the top of the school and there won't be any "up" to go to. I often hung out with friends older than myself and senior year was kind of crummy because they all went to college.
So if he should skip a grade, it should be on academics, and if he's ahead in some of his classes, what about some sort of advanced class or putting him in the 6th grade class just for those subjects? Does the school have any sort of GT program?
The fact that he doesn't want to go to another school makes me wonder if it's really about friends and not really about academics. Here, 6th graders change classes and you cannot guarantee that a child will be in that class with those friends. So what if he gets bumped a grade and doesn't like the kids there, either?
My sks did not skip grades, but they did take more challenging classes and were in gifted programs where appropriate and available. I'd look into that first.
I think the answer depends on whether he is academically ready to skip that grade. You need to talk to his teacher and the school.
If he can handle the work, then I think it might be a good thing for him. There's nothing worse than being bored all day and wishing for something to come along to challenge you.
This is simple to see once it's written down, please bear with me.....
K-5 turning 6 during that school year.
1st 6 turning 7
2nd 7 turning 8
3rd 8 turning 9
4th 9 turning 10
5th 10 turning 11
6th 11 turning 12
7th 12 turning 13
8th 13 turning 14
9th 14 turning 15
10th 15 turning 16
11th 16 turning 17
12th 17 turning 18
This way when he graduates from high school he is legally old enough to leave home and go to college. If he moves up he'll actually be 17 his senior year and graduate at 17 BUT turn 18 the next month or so if I did the thought process right....
He's nearly a year older than some of the kids in this class he's in. I think that if the school would test him and see if he's able to do the work and can handle the move that I would see if they would consider it.
His birthday being in the summer makes him the first to have a birthday in his school year. He may have kids he's sitting next to that don't turn 10 until May, when he's almost 12.
In this case I say he may be justified in his feelings. There is a world of developmental differences in a 12 year old and a 10 year old. No wonder he's not friends with any of these kids...
I had one son that skipped a grade, but it was because he was born 8 days into the next grade. (A real STUPID school rule.) They wouldn't consider his ability or his intelligence.
I sent him to a private school for kindergarder and first grade, then took him back to the school and they wanted to put him back into the first grade. I told them he had already passed first grade and if they wouldn't put him in the second grade, then I would sue.
They said he couldn't go into the second grade unless he could pass the second grade test. He did so well on the second grade test, they wanted to put him in the third grade. I told them the second grade was good enough.
As it turned out, the second grade was a real good fit for him. He would have been with his older brother if he would have been put in the third grade. That wouldn't have been good for either of them.
There are a lot of things to consider before having him skip a grade. If he will fall behind academically, then you should leave him where he is at.
Good luck to you and yours.
I'm not sure this is necessarily a parent only decision. I would think to skip a grade the school would approach you based on his ability.
I've never heard of a student skipping a grade because the parents requested it. Sorry! Just doesn't seem right.
No, I would not solely base this option based on friendship...it would need to be a lot more than that to convince me to take on the advocate role in this situation.
My daughter is very advanced for her age...but unless the school thought she'd be better in another grade I wouldn't consider it.
I was the youngest of my grade year, doesn't make much of a difference. If he's bored and his teachers think it's okay then I would just go for it. He seems more into it and if that's the case, let him take charge of his education if the mission is to excel. If it's just for friends, then I'd be a bit iffy a wonder if he's making excuses (he helps his 6th grade friends... your example shows it's not just an excuse). You already let him socially interact with kids older, he's mature enough to make an argument for it and he already is up to educational par (as far as I can tell) so there's nothing to hold him back. Emotional, social and mental capability. Am I missing anything else?
If he can do the work and feels that he would be happier there, I think you should try it, if the school will let you. There are pros and cons to skipping, but you can't make everything perfect.
This sounds like a question you should address with the administration at the school.
Skipping grades has its proponents and opponents. There are problems to address and there are benefits, too. If you son is academically able (and the adjustment might be a tough one, because at this stage of the game: 5th to 6th, it is a big adjustment for ALL the kids, even when they aren't skipping a grade and your son might miss some important things he must know) then it sounds like socially, he won't have many issues. Although, as he gets older and can't drive, can't date, is smaller when it comes to sports, etc.. .there may be some additional issues you'll have to face.
But talk to the administration. They will know if and how to determine if this is a possibility for your son.
What have his teachers/guidance counselors recommended? This is an academic issue not a social one....is he bored or not appropriately challenged in his grade level?
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What have his teachers/guidance counselors recommended? This is an academic issue not a social one....is he bored or not appropriately challenged in his grade level?
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What have his teachers/guidance counselors recommended? This is an academic issue not a social one....is he bored or not appropriately challenged in his grade level?
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What have his teachers/guidance counselors recommended? This is an academic issue not a social one....is he bored or not appropriately challenged in his grade level?
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What have his teachers/guidance counselors recommended? This is an academic issue not a social one....is he bored or not appropriately challenged in his grade level?
Updated
What have his teachers/guidance counselors recommended? This is an academic issue not a social one....is he bored or not appropriately challenged in his grade level?
There are a lot of interesting answers here. As a child who was young for age, I never thought that was an issue. Until all my friends moved to other towns between 3rd and 4th grade, I fit in well with my class. I always did well academically. I don't think that being young in a class is bad.
I can also say that if you don't fit in with the friends in your class, it is horrible and it will NOT necessarily fix itself, as some suggest, especially in a small school. After the last of my friend's families moved away in 4th grade our class was left with 2 other girls and 10 boys (which is amazing because we started 1st grade with ~25 kids). It was horrible. I hated being in that class. I did very well academically, but stayed away from the other mean kids. Classes did not interact, so I had no opportunity to meet kids a grade above or below me, but even the chances I had to interact with them they were mean. I had to put up with it for 4 horrible years before in high school my parents sent me to the neighboring town's school. It was great to finally meet new people. I made some close friends that I still talk to now 15 years later. I only wish they could have moved me three years earlier.
I do think that being in a class without friends for four years hurts a child. I became socially isolated and still am socially isolated to some extent. My husband comments that I stay distant from new people for a while before warming up and treating them more intimately the way you would a friend. I do think this is a direct result of four years hiding from my classmates.
I do think that friends and relationships are important in school in addition to academics. So given my experiences if my child fit better academically and socially a year ahead, I would move him/her. In HS there are many grades all mixing. There are so many opportunities to meet people, I wouldn't worry about HS in relation to pushing him ahead now.
My friend's son moved from 3 to 5 because he was NOT going to be challenged at all. He is selfmotivated and his M. works with him at home. He did have to get a math tutor because he skipped vital concepts.
If you had said you wanted him to move up just because he was academically ready I would think it was a bad idea, because he might not be socially ready. Since he is obviously socially ready, so as long as you are sure he is academically ready, I would go for it, if the school will allow it. My ten year old would be academically ready, but because he is the smallest kid in grade five, he sure would not fit into a grade six class!
5th to 6th grade is a huge adjustment even for advanced students in general. It is about maturity, self responsibility, socialization, organization as well as subject content.
If he moved up, would he be able to be in the accelerated 6th grade classes? These classes move much quicker with a lot more homework. More involved reading and longer reports and more depth for the projects. I bet his friends would all be in the accelerated classes and he may not. Or he may struggle from not experiencing the transition from fifth to sixth grade work.
Add in hormones of the girls, and boys starting to get facial hair and voices changing.. Would you son fit into this?
Dances, football games, gym with older boys.
Not sure this would be easy enough to justify a move for friends.
Take a good look at all of this and speak with the teachers you trust. Go n your own to the middle school,and ask if you can observe the hallways for changing of classes, the lunch room experience, a PE class and the 6th grade advanced math, language arts and social studies classes..
Some of he kids will be taller than you and your husband.
