21 answers

"Reasonable Curfew Time"

Hello my fellow moms out there, I've been struggling with my 16 year old daughter since she was about 12 yrs old. Now for the most part our relationship is improving, but it seem to be going downhill again. Due to trust issues in the past, I have been giving her opportunity to improve her behavior, but she has broken curfew a few times, and has also not informed me of her whereabouts. With that being said, she feels that I'm treating her like a baby, always texting to see where she is or what she's doing, or calling to make sure she's where she said she was. Her curfew is now 11:30, buts she wants to change it to 12:00 midnight, weekends only. so I asked her if you can't keep the 11:30 curfew what makes you think you can handle the 12:00 midnight curfew. So my question is what's a reasonable time for a 16 year old to hang with friends?? I do admit that I am holding onto those issues from the past, and I am having trouble letting it go.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Good Morning L.,

You've already gotten a lot of great thoughts and advice. I really don't have much to add except to say you are doing a great job! Keep it up!
I've told my kids that they won't get it until they have kids of their own, the fear of a parent of losing a child. And it does't matter how old they are!

In good health,

L. K

More Answers

Good Morning L., It's not unreasonable to keep the 11:30 curfew. I think this is going to sound odd but you can give respect but do me wrong you are gonna have to earn my trust back.
SO what if you call to make sure she is ok, Your her mom.. SO what if you call to check on her where abouts, Your her mom. If there was an emergency you need to get in touch with her ASAP.. You only have each other to depend on, there really needs to be trust & honesty between you. To many things can happen to our children out there.

You could allow her on special occasions (concerts,etc) to be out until 12. and see how she does. If she can't keep her word to be home on time well you can decide what to do.

You can forgive past behavior, it's hard to forget it. So don't beat yourself up over remembering what she did before.

I might be an old fashioned and on the Other side of what other mama's think. I want honesty and trustworthiness, then we can get on the right track, to allow ing you more freedom.

God Bless you L. & your Beautiful daughter.
Have a Wonderful Christmas
K. Nana of 5

4 moms found this helpful

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.
If she is lying (even if lying by omission) about her whereabouts, and not respecting you enough to come home on time .... then she does not deserve the priviledge of a later curfew.
Who is the parent here ? Personally, I would move her curfew up to 10:00 until she can prove she can be responsible and respective enough to handle a later one, and I would ground her or limit her every time she lied to me, failed to check in, or just plain didn't show up on time.
Going out with friends at night is a privilege, not a right.

3 moms found this helpful

Ten years ago, when I was 18, my curfew was 10pm. Weeknight, weekends, you name it. Before I was 16, I didn't have a curfew because I was expected to be home before dinner and that was that. Do I think that 10 is a little bit excessive? Yes, and no.... My dad always said that if you can't do it before 10 then it is probably just something that will get you in trouble. Was he right? Well, for the most part yes. Can you go bowling, to the movies, to the mall all before 10? Yes, you sure can. Especially if you have had trust issues in the past, I would knock it back even before 11:30 and then let her work her way back up. If she can show that she can be successful getting home at 10, then she can be successful getting home at 12, right? Leave all of that other stuff until she goes to college.

3 moms found this helpful

My husband is always telling my teen "Trust is the easiest thing to loose and the hardest thing to get back" I think you should explain this to her and tell once she is able to keep her current curfew for a set amount of time you will reconcider extending it. As far as a curfew for a 16 yo girl in the first place unless she is at a friends house I don't see any reason first her to be out past 10:00 in the first place. All the activities for under 21 are closed by then. Also you are her parent and responsible for her so you SHOULD know where she is at all times. Once my son gets his licence I plan be able to track his cell phone through GPS. I case he is in an accident or something.

3 moms found this helpful

to me it is not about a curfew, but where they are and who they are with. Every activity has a different end time then consider an appropriate amount of time to get home safely and that is the time to be home. If it is not happening outings end. At 16 if she is alone with a male she is asking for trouble. Teach purity and courting (which means she is never out of your sight when he is around.) It is not barbaric or judgemental, but biblical and good parenting. God Bless you and best of luck.

2 moms found this helpful

most of the time my kids curfew is 10:30-11 but if I know where they are and who they are hanging out with sometimes will let them stay later especially if they are watching a late movie or have a special youth event. If their plans change they are supposed to call and tell me what their plans are like sometimes they say they are going to the mall and call and tell me they changed their minds and going to a movie at another location. As long as they call and I know where they are and who is with them, I am pretty cool about it but if I find out they went somewhere and I wasn't called and didn't know about it then they are usually grounded. The main reason for these rules and I tell them is safety issues. I tell them what if something happens like an accident and I hear about it but don't worry because I think you were somewhere else? They call when they get to their destination so I know they made it and call if they are running late.

2 moms found this helpful

actually I would say 10-10:30pm as being curfew. You have it at 11:30 I would tell your daughter 1) she needs to be in by 11 next time she goes out and you will not call until 11 if she is not home. If she doesn't make it in by 11pm then next time her curfew will be 10:30 pm. Then 10. If she still isn't making it home on time then she will be grounded from going out at all for however long you decide.

2 moms found this helpful

Mom of a 16 year old,
I feel your 11:30 curfew is reasoable. Having gone through this curfew issue twice (first with a girl and then a boy)my advice is to stick to your guns. Both my children's curfews were raised to 12:00 their senior year of high school. On special occasions such as prom and homecoming adjustments were made accordingly. I last dealt with this issue 6 years ago. At the time both kids felt that I was too strict but today they appreciate the discipline and expectations. Both have graduated from college and are working at successful careers. Just remember to keep the lines of commnication open. let her know you are always there and have her best interest at heart. Spend quality time with your her. She may protest but will appreciate the effort.
Hang in there. God bless you!
From, Been there

2 moms found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.