Ready to Try Cry-it-out Method - Need to Vent but Really Need a Pep Talk!!

First off HUGS!! I have 3 boys. My first two we ended up as a last resort doing the cry it out method. It was difficult for me because I had a hard time hearing them cry and not picking them up. Having said that the older kids go to sleep wonderfully at night! My little guy is only 10 weeks old but from day one I started putting him to sleep awake so he learns early to fall asleep on his own. That is the problem, they are having to learn to fall back asleep and they are so used to being cuddled that they can't do it alone. Hang in there! If you decide to try it just keep consistent. If you give in she'll know it and it will be more difficult to get it working as she'll fight you tooth and nail.

i am currently having the exact problem with my 5 month old.
she has only slept thru the night a couple times since we've brought her home.
it is extremely difficult for me to have such interrupted sleep every single night, so i know exactly how you are feeling.
i used to feed her in the middle of the night, but about a month ago i stopped that.

when my daughter wakes up at night, i go in her room as soon as i hear the first peep.
i put her noony back in her mouth, fix her covers and her stuffed animal that she loves to sleep with.
then i turn her cd back on. (i've gotten wise and put it on repeat! it does seem when the music stops she knows and she wakes)

i do not turn on any lights and i don't say a word, i don't look her straight in the eye. i don't pick her up. if she needs her diaper changed i do it in the crib.
this method does work for us and she goes right back to sleep in a matter of seconds but then i'm stuck awake at all hours of the night still.

i have a 2.5 year old as well, so the crying it out method would not work here, unless i could get an overnight babysitter for the older child for a night or two. i definately don't want the entire family to be running around the house at 3 am!!!!!

i have a feeling that my daughter does not know how to soothe herself back to sleep since i rush to her bedside every time i hear her cry. maybe this is the problem you are having and crying it out may just be your answer.

i am also a stay at home mom and i love it, it's more satisfying than any job could ever be for me, but it is alot of work, around the clock!!! i'm extremely tired all day, every day. coffee has become a staple for me. i can't wait for the light at the end of the sleep tunnel!!!! i'm sure my family can't wait either, i've become a slightly more uptight version of myself because of sleep deprivation!!!

oh, ps, my daughter just started cutting her first tooth, could that be your problem??????
i put a wedge under her sheet in her crib so her head is a little higher than the rest of her body and that seems to help a little. i also put her pacifiers in the refrigerator and she loves that!!!!

good luck, i never knew how important sleep was until i stopped getting it! just know that you are not alone and probably every single mother you encounter has had, or is having the same problems you are. i know it's very hard, but try to keep your head up.

sorry, i also needed to vent since this is a big problem at my house too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi K.:

I have had 3 children and my first two were good sleepers early on and my 3rd killed me!!!! He just never slept through the night until he was 3. He would wake up and need me to sleep with him and it could be a couple times a night. I know how being sleep deprived feels and it was certainly something to celebrate when this was over.

My suggestions would be the same as the doctors: Don't make this a time that she feels she is getting attention. I would feed her a bottle and make sure she was full before bedtime and depending on her appetite she may be hungry but you know your child, so give her another one and see if she goes back to sleep faster that way. Is she teething at all that is a symtom of getting no sleep. Also, when ever my child was getting sick he would not sleep well either.

I personally would not let her cry it out. I know it's hard and frustrating to you as a parent not to get sleep, however someone told me this after my second child was born and I was so alone at night and I felt like I was the only one awake. That night time is scary for children and they are only your babies for a short time. Use this time just to be with them and enjoy them like you really can't during the day. Just cuddling and holding them and making them a secure person and giving them something maybe you didnt get. I know looking at it that way gave me a new perspective on waking up at night with them. I just enjoyed watching them and them falling asleep knowing they trusted me and looked so beautiful.

I hope this helps you and best of luck!!!!!

I have two little ones ages 2 and almost 4. Both of them got up every two hours for the first year of their lives so I remember how bad you feel when you don't sleep. I remeber reading about the Ferber method which was a little bit of crying but was not as bad. I wasn't able to use it because I nursed and they wanted to eat all through the night but I had read good things about it. There was also someone called the sleep lady who you could email with questions and she gave you steps to follow to get your child to sleep. With both of mine we got them into a routine of watching a short show, brushing teeth and then we put them in bed with the Disney Lullabye CD playing and they feel asleep listening to the music. At times when they wake up now we will just hug them lay them back down and start the music again but this is rare now. Sorry I don't have any great advice to give but I hope just knowing you aren't alone helps.
I too have become a full time stay at home mom and find it can be very difficult to adjust to at times. Hope things improve for you soon.

I don't think it's dumb at all that you feel there might be medical repercussions if you let your baby cry it out for a long time. My aunt actually let her baby cry it out and he damaged his voice box. Although some baby do perfectly fine with crying it out, others do not. If you are not against co-sleeping, you can always give that a try. Some kids sleep better in the same bed with you while others do not. Every child is different.

Good luck.

Y.

Hi K. -

I also have a 7 month old. He slept well through the night from 2 mo. But then at the beginning of 6 mo. he started waking up crying. We would go in and get him, give him a bottle and he would fall back to sleep.

This is my 2nd child and I remember the 1st one had periods of sleeping well for me then reverting back. Also both boys have Acid Reflux. So we had to be sure that they were elevated for a bit after a meal and at some points for the older one, we elevated his crib.

Are you putting her to bed awake or asleep?

1. Maybe try putting your daughter to bed a little later than you are & with a full stomach?

2. We also have a CD player in both of our boys room, with one CD in it (Kenny Loggins, Return to Pooh Corner). Whenever we put them down to sleep, we turn on the CD which plays softly in the background. If I need to go in to either of the kids in the middle of the night, I turn their music back on. Supposedly this will sub-conciously trigger them to go back to sleep.

3. Other things for a good night sleep: cool room, and some kind of 'white noise' like a fan(not directed right at her) or cool mist humidifier - which I see you tried already.

4. Routine, we always have the same bedtime routine, everynight. There is a period of calming down, snuggling with a few books, putting on PJ's, bottle, quiet, music, sleep.

I also do let my 7 mo. old cry it out, but I can tell when its his cry it out for a few minutes & he'll fall asleep or if it is his rage cry, then I go get him.

In the end, just venting is good. Because, based on my 1st boy, I can tell you that this happens from time to time.

I remember he was such a good sleeper then one day(15 mos. probably) he just wouldn't go to sleep. We were up all night for several weeks. I took him to the Dr. and he was checked and the Dr. said that the baby was fine, that the baby could control two things, his eating and his sleeping. And that the baby was trying to exert some control over his bed time. The Dr. said that we should let him cry it out. The first night he went to bed after three hours of crying (we checked on him periodically) the next an hour and a half, the third night 45 minutes. Then finally, he went to bed.

Good Luck, email back if you need anything.

W.

I have been there!!! And its no fun!!! With my second child I did things a tad bit different. I turned off the monitor so I don't hear the crying. When the monitor is on, I hear him and it distrubs my sleep. I read a few books with my first and their sleep naturally goes through cycles and its normal for them to cry throughout the night. So that's what I do and I get a great nights rest and am ready to be a great mom in the morning. With the heart thing, ask your doctor to make sure its okay to let him cry. Good luck!!!

Hi K.,
My daughter is usually a good sleeper, but she goes through periods where she is up several times in the middle of the night. I thought the same thing, that she just wanted my attention, and it turned out she was getting her first tooth! She also has bad periods when she goes through "growth spurts" and they too interrupt her sleep. When babies hit your daughters age, they become more aware of the world around them, (outside noises, house noises, etc) and it sometimes causes them to be hyper alert and have trouble sleeping. When we finally figured out what was wrong, we put her in her swing to sooth her to sleep, or gave her teething remedies (ie, teething tablets or motrin/tylenol)
The swing works wonders! We used it to put her to sleep and then an hour or so later, back into the crib.
It's tough - I remember feeling your frustration. Just remember it won't last forever and most babies go through this! You aren't alone!

When my son was a baby he would not sleep in his crib without screaming. We tried letting him cry it out, but he would go for over an hour with no signs of stopping. Sometimes we would let him sleep in his infant carseat - especially at nap time. The only way we could get any sleep at night was for him to sleep with us in bed. I know that is not safe, and I would never recommend it to anyone if they were not comfortable with it. They now sell little beds with a barrier that is made for this... so the baby can sleep in it and you can't roll onto him.

We talked to our doctor about it, and he said that the cry it out method doesn't always work for kids under a year old. So we waited until after his first birthday... then we did it. We would let him cry for 10 minutes before we went to him, then 15 minutes, then 20, and so on. He was asleep within an hour the first night, and less each night after. It only took about a week or so for it to really work. I am so glad now - he goes to bed with no problems. Luckily our second son was fine in the crib from the start.

I know it rough, but hang in there.

Ok,
all I am going to say is buy the book, "Healthy sleep Habits, Happy child"

In it, it suggests to have a bedtime routine. Bath, music, bottle, etc.

Put your child to bed between 6-8 pm. If you are putting your baby later than that, just put her down 20 min earlier each night. Biologically that is the time a baby that age is sleepy.

I have twins that did the same thing. I swear, 2 days after trying to put them down earlier, like the book stresses, they not only cried less, they slept through the night and slept longer!!!,, It is so hard to walk away when they are screaming, but don't go back in!!! But don't let her cry for more than an hour. Go in rub her back, but don't pick her up.

I could not believe it. It works, believe me, read it. It is my "sleep bible."
Good luck,
The advice I gave is all stated in the book.
T

Hi K.-- Hang in there and be strong. I have a 6mo boy who is just now starting to sleep through the night. My first son (now 2yo) started sleeping through the night when he was 12wks old... so we were totally spoiled.

What was different between the first and second child... first of all our first son learned how to suck his thumb at around 10 wks. This was great at the time because he could put himself to sleep that way... but now we are stuck w/ a 2yr old thumb sucker. Second, we have only recently been able to do the "cry-it-out" method. We were in temprorary housing (2 bedroom apt.) for the last 3 months. Our 6mo. son had to sleep in the room w/ us during that period, so letting him cry while he was in the same room was just miserable.

We've finally moved into our new home. A couple of weeks ago my husband and I agreed it was time to just let him cry. The first night it took him 54 min. (I know exactly because I told my husband I could only 10 more min. of crying... and 4 minutes later the baby was asleep). The baby woke up again after 2 hours and again it took him almost an hour to get back to sleep. Over the course of a week, our son would wake up several times in the evening, but the time it took him to get back to sleep was less and less each night. It's been 2 wks since we first started and the baby has slept through the night for the last 3 nights now. Hopefully we are finally out of the woods now.

Also for Renee I. below... We also have a 2yo. When we first started the cry it out method w/ our 6mo, he had a difficult time with it as well, but he has since adjusted. The first night we tried it, our 2 yo was woken up and started crying too. I went to his room, picked him up and explained to him that his little brother was ok, but is just having a hard time learning how to sleep. I then went through our bedtime routine with him again (reading a book, praying, rocking and singing/humming, then putting him in the crib... awake). Before walking out the door I reassured him that his little brother (still screaming next door) was going to be ok and that he can go back "night-night". He hasn't woken up in the middle of his brother's crying sessions since. Hope that helps.

I don't know how you can stop your daughter from waking up too often, but do yourself a favor and pull shifts with your husband. Every other night would work so that each of you can get good sleep at least a couple nights out of the week. One of you could sleep in the nursery or next to the nursery every other night and leave the monitor out of the bedroom so that the baby doesn't wake up you or your husband when you have the "sleep night." It is important that you both get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time. You can't go on very long if you are both waking up umpteen times a night. This won't go on forever, have faith. One thing I might suggest is an interactive toy. My daughter is almost a year old now and loves her "Baby Tad." it is made by leapfrog. it is a stuffed animal with buttons she can push. it sings songs and lights up. it is always in her crib and she is quiet when she is playing with it. maybe something comforting like that would help. If you get her one, show her how to use it, play the peaceful music while she is going to bed at night, and she might turn to her stuffed animal for comfort next time. another alternative is the Fisher Price aquarium that you can stick on the side of the crib. something like that might really help you. She can control it and soothing music that she makes happen on her own might make all the difference. she might have separation anxiety and just needs a "friend." Good luck with everything.

Hi K.,

Hang in there! You are not being selfish or mean. Kids need good sleep and they need to be taught how to fall asleep by themselves. I use the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and I can't count the number of people who have said how happy my daughter is.

I thought I did everything right from the beginning and would be able to avoid the crying it out, but I think that every baby may go through a stage where they try to see if they can keep you with them 24/7. It was right about this age that I had to do the cry it out with my now 17-month-old daughter and I have not ever regretted it. I know that initial time or 2 where they cry for an hour is excrutiating, but I believe it actually makes for less crying later on (an hour or so a few times vs 15 or 20 minutes over and over). I also think that it helps to teach them that crying will not get them what they want. Anyway, I doubted myself that first time and I had to stay on the phone with my mom the whole time, but I just kept telling myself that I was doing it for her. Also, if you are overtired and stressed you cannot be the best mom you can be.

all three of my children have done this, what i found that worked was when they would wake me up i did not pick them up, i would just pat there back give alittle water then say good night after a couple of days they gave up and didn't wake up anymore.

My son was up every 2 hours until he was 14 months old. I tried everything: crib in our room, not in our room, night light, so on... I am sure you tried all those too. Then pediatrician told me to let him cry it out. He was probably 10 months or so at that time. I would still nurse him every 2 hours a night, to get him to fall back asleep, and the doctor felt that was too much. I was scared to try it. But one night, my husband had enough and wouldn't let me go in. 2 hours later he was still crying!!!! So I went in and nursed him to sleep. Then another night I was so tired and angry that when he woke up for the 6th time that night I said I am done and he can cry all he wants. 4 hours!!!!! He cried 4 hours. He would cry for 15 min, stop for a min, and then pick up again. So finally, I decided that with the cry out I get even less sleep then with waking up every 2 hours. So I quit trying it. ANd one night, when he was 14 months he didnt wake up. From 8.45 pm until 8 am. And that day he stopped nursing. Let your child decide when its time to sleep. Its hard times, but they pass really fast, and then looking back all this stuff doesnt seem that bad, and you actually miss holding your child at 3 am...

did you try not picking her up. everytime she cries and you go to her and pick her up and cuddle{reward her for the behavior}she wins. go in tels her its time for sleeping lay her down maybe rub her back a little and leave the room.you might have a few rough nites which you are already having, but it should work. and about the heart thing ask her doc if crying could hurt her to ease your mind. my friends son had cancer and her doc told her"we can cure the cancer but not the spoiled"

Sounds like you are at your wits end. I can assure you that letting my son cry it out worked wonders but only if my husband and I were on the same page. My husband was like you and he didn't believe in letting my son cry. He just couldn't take it, he thought I was cruel for wanting to do it. The only way it will work is if you both agree that it's what you are going to do, and do it. My husband and I went back and forth for weeks when I finally lost my mind...I was at the point you are at now. I explained to him that I was the one getting up all night long and he was lying in bed and only getting up a few times a night. I told him that he needed to try my way for one week and see what happened. And sure enough within five days my son was sleeping soooooo much better. If you can do it and do it right...it will work. The best thing you can do for your child is teach them to fall asleep on their own without your help. It's not just for your sanity now but for later. But you shouldn't do this until after they are 6mos old. Start with shorter bouts of crying if that's all you can take. Let her cry it out for 20 minutes at a time then go and soothe her. Put her down before she falls completely asleep though. The key is to teach her to fall asleep on her own. The next night add 5 or 10 minutes to the time you allow her to cry before you go and get her. Put her down each time before she is completely sleeping. It's probably better to try the SuperNanny way of standing by the bed or somewhere in the room but I can't personally say that that works since I didn't know about that when my son was an infant. Just remember, eventually if you just let her cry it out she will fall asleep on her own. I know it's really hard to do but you have to do it if you want any sleep for the next 18 years. I know people who didn't have a good sleep routine with their child and their children still do not sleep well into their preschool years and adolescence. Eventually, you will need to leave her crying for a very long period of time and it will feel like a lifetime but crying will not hurt her. Try to stay calm and remember you need to be strong because everytime you give in you are setting yourself back. Consistency is so important with everything in parenthood. You might as well get used to it now. Good luck. P.S. If you are worried about the heart condition give the doctor a call to help ease your mind.

My 10 months old is up 2-4 times per night, and the reason is - she is teething. She does not cry when she is awake but the pain of teething keeps her awake. Last night she slept through the night and in the morning I saw two of her front teeth came out. Perhaps your daughter is teething that is why she can't sleep.

I totally feel your frustration! I have a 21 month old son & was very uncomfortable trying to stick w/ the "crying it out method" when he was btwn 7 months old. What did help to ease away from the going in after only 10 minutes or so, was to go in, pat his back for just a minute & then I would sit on his toychest which was right next to his door. I wouldn't say a word & just sit there & let him see me for about 10 minutes. He would totally stop crying and calm down from just seeing me sitting there. After I would leave he would cry again, but would last less and less each night. After about 2 weeks, he stopped waking up at all thru the night.
Hope this helps!