Reading - Citrus Heights,CA

As a former public school first and second-grade teacher, and as a Sunday School teacher for 3's, 4's, 5's, I can tell with 5 minutes of our first lesson which children have been read to and which ones haven't. It is CRUCIAL to read to children long before they can talk!!! Get the sturdy books for babies. As you go through them, say the names of the animals, make the animal sounds, talk about the background as you point to it (The duck is in the water. The cow is eating grass. etc.)
Before long, when you point to the pig, the baby can make the pig noise. Later, when you are just together and without the book and say, "What does the pig say?", the baby will make the pig noise. These are the rudiments of teaching vocabulary, attention with books, comprehension of words and ideas.

As you increase the difficulty of the book as the baby grows, all of the above skills will increase. It is a wonderful thing to take a weekly trip to the library. Have a special "library bag" so you can keep the books in the bag at home when they are not being used, and there's no chance of losing them in clutter around the house. If there is a toddler story hour at the library, go to that. And read to the child every day. By the time the child is 2 or 3, they can look at a picture and tell a story about it. (For example, "The butterfly likes red flowers." is a two-year old story.) The vocabulary increases, attention to detail increases, comprehension increases. The child may not be reading words yet, but reading pictures is a marvelous way to begin the reading process.

Most children see words as part of the page and as you point to a word and say what it is, they will eventually start to do the same thing.

Children who have had all this good developmental background will take off in reading...maybe even start reading before they start school. I can't stress enough how important it is to read to and with children, from the time they are born for many, many years. They will have their favorite books to read over and over. It will be a special time when Moms, Dads, Grandparents, older kids, friends read to them. Hearing it from lots of people gives them more experiences that build up a great reservoir for them to draw on when they start school.

Love to teach,

Grammy

3 moms found this helpful

I can't tell if you overstepped your bounds here. If you were happily and nonjudgementally playing and reading w/her daughter- no big deal. If you took it upon yourself to teach her and test her reading abilities, I don't think that was your place. Most 4 yr. olds cannot read. Occasionally you'll get a really early kid who can and that's cool but you know what, it usually evens out by 1st grade where the other kids catch up to the "early" readers. Most kids cannot read especially when starting K and many can by the end of K. You sound really judgemental of a very normal child. Great that you read to your 9 mo and hopefully she enjoys reading to her child too, but are you gonna be okay if your child doesn't read 'til 1st grade- which is totally normal...

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Hi A.!

Like you, I always read to my boys. But, I never "tested" them or anything. I figured that they would learn all of that in school, AND THEY DID!

I just know that reading can be a good example for the rest of their life, so I always tried to read to my kids everyday. Now, they read to me :o)

For all you other moms, too, there is a GREAT online reading program at www.starfall.com I am LOVING this! Check it out.

:o) N.

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Wow, I can't believe how you are speaking of your friends child. Every parent is differant. If you read to yours each day, great. But not all parents do the same. My second child, no matter how much I tried to and wanted to read to her, she did not want to sit still until she was about 4. I worried, but my pediatrician told me to not worry as she was developing fine. Now she is 8 years old, and has been the top of her class each year, all on her own. She is also reading at an 8th grade level and has scored advanced level on all state testing. This is the same with my oldest daughter who is now in the 6th grade. I don't think she is being weird with her kid, I think that maybe you need to take a step back and look at how you judgemental you are being with your friend. As mothers we need to support and encourage each other, there is enough pressure on us already, we surely don't need it from our friends.

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Hi Ashley,
It's hard to tell from the info you provided what you mean by "tried to help her read." Were you simply reading to her? Did the child ask for help sounding out or identifying some words? Reading with kids is great, and if either of these scenarios is what happened, than I don't think you overstepped. However, if you took it upon yourself to help the child sound out words when she did not ask for help, then, unfortunately, I do think you overstepped your bounds in two ways. First, some kids (including my son) feel pressured in situations like this and can start to resist learning more. My son's kindergarten teacher spoke to all the parents before school began about not worrying about when our kids learn to read at this point and not to push it because kids can lose their love of learning. Why did ahe feel the need to tell us this? Well, one, because it's true, and, two, because parents get really stressed out about this. That's the second reason I feel you may have overstepped your bounds. As our kids hit 4 and 5, some of them are already reading. However, most are not. It's very hard not to feel stressed/concerned when you see that little Sally is reading but you know that your child isn't even close. I think many parents feel insecure about this as it's easy to focus on the couple of kids who read already as opposed to the great majority who don't. Despite your good intentions, you might have hit on this insecurity. I could read when I was three. So what? My son started kindergarten this year and cannot read. So what? Studies have not been able to identify any connection with early reading and later academic or professional success (let alone happiness, friendships, contribution to community, and other "true" measures of success in life). While your friend's child might be spoiled rotten, I do not think your friend is spoiling her in this situation.

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We are all entitled to our opinions, but your post is confusing. You sound angry and I don't know if it's because you think your friend is ignorant or you just don't like the way she responded to you "helping" her daughter....?
None of my kids read until K/1st grade, although I enjoyed reading to them every day from toddlerhood through preschool and beyond.
According to everything I've ever read regarding early literacy in children, one thing is clear: there is no evidence that early readers are "smarter" or become better students in the long run, in fact, by about fourth grade there is no overall difference at all.
So, if you value the friendship, I would back off and let this mom make her own decisions about what her priorities in raising her child.

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Hi A.,

You're doing the right thing. I was given a book 3 months ago for my baby daughter from Kaiser during one of my daughter's doctor visits. My husband and I have been reading to her since 4 months, once we started having her sleep in her own bedroom. We read to her daily before sleeping. It is sad your friend is totally doing a disservice to her own child. Kids should at least know their ABC's, numbers from 1-10 and colors by preschool age like 4 yrs. old. I do not blame you for feeling upset by this. That poor child is going to suffer greatly in her academic skills.

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WOw, I would say that her kid is spoiled and she is really making excuses for her child. Yes, 3 - 4 years old should be reading or have word sight association. However, maybe the child has a learning disability and she was just being defensive. Trust me, I have many friends who I beleive are overly protective, and baby their kids and it's sooo hard to see and not say anything. Some parents are in for a rude aweking when thier litle ones, who they think they are being good parents to and overly protective of, are behind in school, or no kids want to play with them because they are brats (for lack of a better word). And all because no one taught them to read or share or mind, etc. I actually saw a child hit his mom in the face 2 times in the store,then she gave in and handed him the candy he wanted !!!! I couldn't belive it... I would maybe ask her why she was so rude or seemed so defensive when you were only playing with and reading to her child. Maybe if there is a struggle happening she might open up or maybe you will just learn that your parenting styles are different. Keep up the good mommy work with your little one....

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Always be careful around other people's children. Your friend is obviously a little touchy about the subject of reading. Just drop the issue and do what you want with your child. Depending on your relationship with your friend, you can casually bring it up.

I have twin boys and I have read to them since they could sit and listen. I have treated them the same with regards to learning. One son actually taught himself to read, he was 4 and read well very quickly - he just figured it all out somehow - I didn't push him in anyway. My other son is just starting to read steadily and he just turned 6. I tried to get the latter to read at the pace of his brother, but he simply wasn't ready. The light has finally turned on and now he is game to learn. Everyone is different.

Good for you for reading to your child - a good mother!

V.

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My son was a very early reader but he wasn't reading until 5. We read together all the time and I think 4 is about when I started pointing to the words as I read them, so that he would pick up on that words came from those black squiggles on the page.
We moved from there to the game of him having his own word to read (ie, ZOO from Put Me In The Zoo, or 'Max' from a few books with Max in it, something that reappears regularly through the book and is easy to pick out from the other words) and I'd read while pointing to my words then when I got to "his" word, I'd pause and he'd say it.

But this is after having read to him often for the previous years of his life. Not something you can do with a friend's daughter, especially one who isn't reading regularly already. Now, my son at 6 and in 1st grade is reading at about the 2nd-3rd grade level, so I must have done something right.

It does sound like you have high expectations and your friend feels you are a bit unrealistic, so take it easy. Your child is only 9 months old and is still a perfect angel. I am sure your friend is thinking that when your child is 4-5years old, you'll realize a child is just a child and not a perfect whiz kid. (Not to say you shouldn't teach them how to be a whiz kid, but that they won't *always* be a whiz kid!)

Just because most kids didnt read until 5 doesnt mean you ignore them while they're still 4 and THEN expect them to be able to read at 5. There has to be a balance. Not a pushing, can you do this, let's try this, etc kind of thing, but just a pure reading for fun. When she begins to notice words on her own (repetitive books are great for this, they'll know when you change a word or left a word out) THEN you pull her into reading the words, and only a few words at that.

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I'm assuming that when you were helping her read you were showing her the letters and tellling her what they sound like, etc. I feel it is never too early to do that. I wouldn't expect a child of that age to read the word back to me or remember it next time they saw it, but it doesn't hurt to start showing them how to read. My three year old son and I do a lot of Mall Walking during the winter and we were always stopping to look at the letters on the signs. I would play an I Spy Alphabet game with him to keep him moving through the mall. He already knows all of his letters and can name off letters to me so I can tell him what word he is looking at.
Last winter, when he was just two and we were walking through the mall, past Victoria Secrets this little voice from my stroller yelled out the letters he found. "S-E-X-Y"
Gotta love 'em.
My mom always told me to talk to a two year old like you would a five year old. You may not expect them do behave like a five year old, but you are setting high expectations for them and "teaching to the top of the class".

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A lot of four year olds can't read yet, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't help them and try to encourage them to start learning the basics. Is it her first child? I have a 1st grader (7) who could barely read til recently and he still struggles (he did 2 years of K, he has some mild learning issues) and I have a kindergartener(5) who loves to try reading and she is doing pretty good! Is this child in school yet? Let me tell you, just in 1 year the curiculum for the kindergarteners changed and they are starting them on reading alot more! I wouldn't take it personal, soon enough your friend is going to realize all her daughter is going to need to learn and if she isn't trying to get her started now she will have alot of catching up to try and do. Everyone has different parenting styles, sounds like you are on the right track with yours!!!

A. ~ I read to my kids ALL the time - even when they were babies and nursing! now - there are at least 2 grades above their classes in reading (only reason I say at least is because the teachers have quit testing beyond the 2 grades ahead because they feel they won't comprehend what they are reading even though they can sound out the words and say them, they won't understand them), and their teachers are amazed, and not only that, they LOVE to read which is so good for their brains! I would definately keep reading to your baby! I have also noticed, with some friends of ours who never read to their kids, and they don't speak as well, and are somewhat hard to understand when I watch them, and they are in kindergarten now, I think they should be able to communicate better. The more time you spend talking to and reading to your kids the better! Good Luck, and I just wouldn't say anything to your friend, it's her perogative to raise her kids the way she wants, and if she wants to be a lazy parent - then that is her business......

It can be tricky when we have different parenting views. Try to lead by example and teach your own child. Actions speak louder than words. Keep reading to your baby!! The benefits are huge & plus it is a great bonding time between you.

As a parent of a special needs child who, while read to from infancy and who attended preschool, did not learn to read until five years of elementary schooling and still reads very far below what is expected for grade level, I have a different perspective from that already expressed.

Sometimes friends aren't aware of the challenges their friends face as parents. Some behaviors friends and family members may define as "spoiled rotten" in children are really reactions to sensory issues - I can't imagine how I would behave if many things around me made me feel like my skin was crawling with pricklies or there were sounds that made my ears hurt or skin crawl. But I think that I can safely say that were either of those things true, I'd not behave well.

All parents have challenges in parenting, but not all parents are parenting neuro-typical children. Not all children who have neurological challenges always behave in ways that would make their challenges obvious to a casual observer.

my $0.02,

A.

I think a lot of kids can (should)have an understanding of reading by age 4. I read to my daughter (19 months) everyday and if I leave a word out of the story she lets me know it. I think reading is the most important thing to determine their success in school. I am a high school teacher and the grade level a kid reads at usually determines if they do well in their classes. Keep trying to read to her, but i wouldn't push it, just do what you think is right with your daughter.

Considering that children in Kindergarten are expected to read, I do not think that you were doing anything wrong. When I first found out I was pregnant, I started reading children books out loud, and my husband and I have been reading to him ever since he was born. Now he is eight and is the top reader in his class. I don't know if all of the reading through the years had helped, but I do know that reading is very important, no matter how old the child is.

M. *~

A.-
There are always 2 sides to a story. At least give your friend the benefit of the doubt before you ask our opinion. I would hate to think that this is the 1st time you are reading to her child and you were there at the wrong time/wrong place with her kid.
There must be something more going on there than what you know. For now, I would just stay out of it, this is her child and every parent knows the limitations of thier child. She knows what she can do and what she can't without you pointing that out. Just watching out for your friendship- step out of the box sometimes and see the big picture.

Every child learns to read when he or she is ready to do so. You can't push it! Were you reading TO her, or trying to GET her to read? I can understand a mom not wanting her child pushed to learn before she's ready. BUT, that doesn't have anything to do with her being spoiled, so I don't understand why you're mentioning that.

You're totally doing the right thing by reading to your child. I still read aloud to my kids and they're 9 and 13 and can read by themselves just fine!

My experience...your friend may not be a strong reader...so does not have the skills to read to her child...I raised five children...read to them all the time,from birth on...and even though three are learning disabled...it paved the way for them to love books and stories...Compromise with your friend...don't ask the daughter to read...just read to her...let her enjoy the story...and maybe you will light a fire in her...

Good luck...
T.

My daughter could read when she was 4. That's certainly not too early to start learning.

It sounds like there are some other larger issues at play between you and your friend that aren't all that clear. That makes it hard to repond in full to your letter. In response to part of your question and another reponse from a mama, my sister taught me to read when I was 5, so reading skills can definitely be given a foundation any time before that. Four is not too early to get started.

Reading only helps a child. The more the better. I know. When my ggdaughter finished kindergarten she was reading. Over the summer she began books like Nardia. She is so excited to be able to read for her self. She wants to read everything now. Keep up the reading. There are so many older children who can't read and they are embarrest in school. Gin

It's not too early to show kids how to sound out simple words at 4 or 5. When my daughter was that age, we would play a game when we were in the car - I would say, "What sound does M make?" And she would say, MMMMMMMMMM! And then we would think of words that started with the M sound. That is pre-reading and helps them learn to read, even though they think of it as a game. Then when we would read a story later, and I came across a word that started with M, I'd point it out to her. My daughter is in first grade now and reads very well - her teacher says she reads at a third grade level. Most importantly to me, she enjoys reading! I think you are doing a great job reading to your daughter and helping her enjoy reading even at a young age. Keep it up!!

While it's great that you read to your baby every day and that you have such great expectations of what her ability will be when she's the same age your friends child is, you're being awefully judgemental of someone you call a friend.

Without knowing your friend or her child or what supposedly makes the child "spoiled rotten" it's hard to say if she over reacted or you were overstepping your boundries and pushing the child to meet your expectations. It's also hard to know this without knowing if you were just reading to the child or actively trying to teach her to read.

We as a society have gotten so caught up in pushing our kids to be brilliant so freakin early that kids are losing their childhoods. I read to my kids when they brought me a book and wanted it read. I always had plenty of them on hand for those occasions. And all 3 of them are WAY ahead of their grade levels in reading and reading COMPREHENSION (more important than the actual ability to read if you ask me .. yeah it's great if a 4 year old can read shakespeare .. but it's just parroting if they don't understand what they are reading).

So my advice ... respect your friends wishes when it comes to HER child and how that child is raised.

I don't quite understand why your friend got mad & since I wasn't there for the interaction, I can't really speak to whether she was being weird w/her kid or not. And not quite sure how the spoiled rotten part fits into reading. She may have simply been stating a fact when she said her daughter can't read yet cuz, most children are not reading by 4 yrs old.

It was hard to tell from your post whether you were reading TO the child or trying to help the child read something herself. If you were trying to help her read herself, then I'd say mom's comment was appropriate - she probably doesn't know how to read. If you were reading to her, then the comment doesn't make sense. Either way, I say no big deal.

Hi A.,

She may have felt like you were trying to step in to her position as mom. She may have wanted to be the one to teach her. I personally am a strong believer of "better late than early". I wanted my kids to enjoy childhood as long as they could before the many years of schooling. Studies show that most kids level out at about the 3rd grade, so I didn't teach them to read early (we homeschooled). They picked up reading without problems when it was time. Anyway, sometimes mom's don't want other people instructing their kids.

However, I think what you are doing with your child is excellent. The more you read to your kids, the better readers they will become when they are ready to read.

I think she just feels defensive and threatened. It's like you are trying to teach her child something and you are assuming that she doesn't do it. Are you saying that she doesn't read to her child at all? Just because it makes her feel bad that you are trying to take over in teaching her child doesn't mean that she doesn't do it at home when you are not there. My sister was here yesterday and just suddenly started teaching my daughter how to tell time, she never asked me what I have already done with her, if we have covered this already nothing and it just made me feel like she assumed that I don't teach her things. It is petty I'm sure but it is just a defensive feeling like oh you don't think I teach her anything. You know what I mean? I think that you must give her the feeling that she is not doing a good job maybe in other things besides this too. You don't have a child of that age yet, maybe just back off and try not to judge her and think that you are a better parent, if you want to stay friends with her that is.

My son was reading at 3.5 years of age, yet my daughter did not show interest until she was 6. Each child is different, but positive encouragement can't hurt so long as there is no pushing. I might be hurt by your expectations of my child if you thought my child should read by a certain age. On the other hand if your reading with her was harmless she seems to have over reacted. I hope it resolves itself. Good luck!

T.
Founder
www.theparentpack.org

At that age she probably cant read but reading to or with a child is needed for their developement. They learn first to tell the story from the pictures but your friend doesn't seem to think she needs to cultivate this growth.

I think it's great that you read to your 9MO, developing a pattern of reading together is not just good for their development but it's a lot of fun too. My girls love going to the library, are almost 7YO now and read beginning chapter books on their own and I still read to them every night, and it's a great way to spend time together as a family.

I agree with others that your friend may not be a strong reader herself or was never read to as a child. Therefore she may not know about the richness that can be achieved by the simple act of reading to a child.

I am sure there are children who can read a few words or more at the age of 4 & encouraging any child to read at any age is a good thing (in my humble opinion). Reading TO them is a very strong way to encourage reading in a child.

I think it's wonderful you read to your child daily - it's setting a great example to others as well as building the stepping stones for your own child to achieve new levels of reading success as show grows older.

I highly recommend the book "Reading Magic: Why Reading Aloud to Our Children Will Change Their Lives Forever" by Mem Fox. A teacher friend gave this to me before the birth of my first child. I knew reading was important as I was an avid reader from a very young age. But I still had no idea the importance & reasons behind reading to your child from birth. It's an enlightening, easy-to-read book for any level of adult readers. It might be something you consider giving as a gift to your friend when some time passes - maybe for Christmas. Read it yourself & then maybe talk to her about the things you learned. I just can't recommend it enough for people with young children or those who are around young children on a consistent basis!

Hang in there & be patient with her. And definitely take the opportunities to read with her child! It doesn't always have to be the parent!

Your friend sounds like she got very defensive when you tried to help her child. Did her child ever go to preschool where she might get exposed to the alphabet etc.? SHe may feel insecure/guilty about this issue. A lot of parents mistakenly think that school is where kids start to learn - that parents are not responsible for the academic knowledge of their children but that the schools are. Knowing a great many kindergarten and elementary school teachers, kids this age are able to know the alphabet, numbers, colors,small words (some can even make sentences)and such. Kindergarten is no longer just play anymore, kids are expected to be able to have decent behavior,a decent attention span and have the basic building blocks already in place for learning. My son is two and can already name some letters and count to 5. However we work on it. We read to him and count everyday things with him (how many train cars did you hook together, let's count them...)The more she knows, the better off she will be. It sounds like she is already behind which is a shame. Hopefully with proper support she will catch up, but that of course is up to her mother. Only you can judge if you sould approach your friend about this issue again once the heat has died down. GOod luck! Keep reading to your child. Babies may not understand it, but it will sound normal to them as they get older and love learning to read.

I think 4 is to young to read. I disagree with a post a bit below about children reading at 3-4.
Every child IS different though...

Reading to your child is wonderful, but some people, including educators, don't believe that children are ready to read until age 7. Studies have shown that kids who don't learn to read early catch up to the rest of the class by 3rd grade and the early readers no longer have an advantage (or may burn out).

If your friend reads to her daughter regularly and is often seen reading, that will provide the foundation for learning to read. So hopefully she's not weird, but just has a different perspective.

I read to my kids every day, but it's pretty rare for a 4 or 5 year old to be able to read. Developmentally, they're just not there. Being spoiled and not being able to read are not at all related.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you reading to the 4-5 year old, or maybe helping her with her letters, but she is really young to be reading. My daughter is 4, has been in preschool for a year now, and most of her classmates if not all are just now learning their letters, and how to spell them. Being able to sound them out is pretty advanced, and being able to read is really advanced. She should be on her way to doing this, though.

A.,

It sounds like your friend is uncomfortable with where her daughter is at academically and she took her anger and frustration out on you. I would let it go and just be yourself. At the child's age, its expected that they would need some help reading. So, I think you did the right thing by trying to help her~

M.

I began reading to my kids when they were infants too. By the time they reached kindergartern they were reading books and way above the other kids. Keep up the reading to your baby, it only makes them love reading. You're doing a good job.

I think that would be pretty advanced if the child could read at almost 5. Kids develop at different ages. My nephew just turned 8 and he is just now starting to read. Yes, he is a late bloomer!

Very few children read before the age of 5 years. I have four adult children, I read to them all all the time.I still can quote "Green Eggs and Ham" and many other books from memory. Each child has their very own developmental "time clock". We as parents can help them, like reading but there is no significant proof that it speeds up their time clock. One of my children read before they entered kindergarten, another read after kindergarten and two had reading learning issues. All of them different from the same environment and experiences.
M.

Hi A.,
My vote goes to you. I started to read to mine before they were born and continued till they could do it for themselves. They are now adult and we still enjoy reading together. I'm convinced that all the reading had something to do with why my sons were GATE students and now hold college degrees.
Keep on reading, S.

So, your issue is about your friend getting upset that you would try to help her daughter read or that the 4 almost five year old doesn't read yet?

I am taking this as you are concerned about the WAY the mother responded, not the fact that the girl can't read. I agree that it is a little surprising that a mother would not WANT her child encouraged to try new things (reading or anything else), but as a teacher, I see this a lot. Many parents try to insulate their children from struggle and in the process, sheild them from success.

Keep doing what you're doing with your own child and let you friend raise her daughter the best way she is comfortable. If you feel comfortable with her you might have a non-judgemental conversation about allowing children to stretch beyond their current abilities.

HTH,
T.

Most 4 year olds can not read, whether they are read to every day or not. My oldest was taught to read in Kindergarten and has finally really gotten a good grasp on it in 2nd grade. My little one has memorized a lot of books and "reads" them, he's in Kindergarten....I don't want to sound mean but you need to back off your friend's kid. Reading to them every day will help but it will not teach them to read.

I can't imagine our home without reading. We have even our tv set on closed caption. Work out your issues with your friend, if everything works out for the best, then bring over a book when you come to visit. Instead of bringing her one to keep, bring her one to borrow that she has to swap back. If you make it a fun exchange--perhaps it won't get put into a pile and discarded. Make sure that books she's looking at are in her level. Start with more pictures and less words. Build your way up. If she gets frustrated, she won't read it.

Also, check out the local libraries in your area, they have many wonderful enrichment programs that are free. They have crafts, magicians, storytellers and all kinds of wonderful things going on. www.saclibrary.org.

Good luck.

A.,
I understand your frustration. I read to my baby every day, and I do think it is very important. But everyone has a different take on how to raise a child, and they have a right to do it their way. I think mothers can get pretty territorial about their babies, and do not want to be told how to do it, even if another way might be better. Also, she may have her reasons, you have to give mommies credit for some intuition about their own children. So I would just offer to read to her, but graciously step back if your friend is uncomfortable with it, or you could risk alienating your friend.

You are doing the right thing. The more you read to your baby and let them play with books the better reader they will become.

Your friend is making a terrible mistake and her child will likely suffer in school for several years because of it. At age 4 a child should be reading at least the letters of the alphabet and is capable of small words as well.

Keep up the good work with your baby!

Its hard to side with you when we don't know exactly what your "tone" was. You clearly already think you are a better parent than her and that her child is "spoiled rotten". Because we don't know if that is a true assessment, it could be that you were actually being mean and condescending when you were "helping" her daughter read. We don't know if she was having trouble reading "dog" or "debaucle." A four year old should be ready to start reading a little (but every child develops differently-maybe her child is better at math then yours will be at that age), but considering the tone of your email-- I am not 100% sure that you weren't being antagonistic and judgmental which is not a good way to encourage any skill in a child, spoiled or not.

You're not real clear on this. If your friend's daughter was trying to read something and you were helping her, I'm not sure why your friend would be upset. If you were pushing her to read something, your friend's response is more understandable. The 4-year-old can understand what is read to her, but not be ready to read yet.
I'm wondering if the real issue is that you think of this child as "spoiled rotten". There's a good chance you're conveying this feeling to your friend, and none of us like to have our children criticized. I wonder, too, if you are coming across as critical of her parenting. If her child is almost 5, and yours is 9 months, she has faced a number of issues in parenting that you haven't dealt with. Just something to think about.
Good luck. And keep reading to your baby.

my son was reading at 4. Maybe she does not think it is important yet and that she will learn in school OR maybe she knows she should be doing more and does not liked to be called on it.

I think that the reason why her 4 (almost 5) year old can't read yet is probably in part due to the fact that reading is not something that is done at home... I think that reading to your children early and often helps them to read at a younger age. It's never too early to read to your kids. That's very unfortunate your friend doesn't know the fun that reading together can be and the obvious benefits that come from it. If I were you I'd send her some links to sites that demonstrate the importance of reading.