76 answers

Random Poll....

How many of you have husbands who have a hobby that takes them out of the house ALL day any Saturday that the family is going to be around the house?
Would that fly with you?

7 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for your thoughts! I know I didn't put in a lot of details, I was just looking to see that I'm not alone, and I'm glad to hear all of your responses. I really try to stay positive and think that at least I can stay at home, and like some of you, be thankful that he DOES have hobbies, but sometimes I feel like it's cutting into family time and some times I feel like I need a break from the kids. Not only do I stay home, but I also watch two other children. So I'm in toddler world ALL week.
I'm going to pull some ideas though and use this for leverage to take a trip to see a friend. By myself. Thank you all for your input!

Featured Answers

I am a member of this as a grandmother. As my kids were growing up my husband was a physician, golfer, and skier. I told him calmly how I felt and told him I WOULD NEVER TELL HIM THAT HE MUST stay home for family time. That feeling is something that had to come from within, not a rule enforced by his wife. He eventually started being home because he enjoyed being with his wife and three kids, not because I felt treated unfairly.

3 moms found this helpful

It would NOT fly with me. Sorry. Yes it's nice he has hobbies. Do you? I mean if you have hobbies would you be able to still find time for family? I've juggled hobbies and family life before. It sounds more like hubby's hobby time is SO valuable and no one should breach it. His time's more valuable? This is a selfish attitude.
If it was important to become a father, he should be investing time to his kids/family. It's a two person responsibility. Everything else can be managed too. But it has to be agreed on, everything fair and balanced.

3 moms found this helpful

All of these answers are great, my husband is truely married to work first. He makes Video games for a living and brings them home all the time. We have every system created and he loves to escape from the world to play. Granted the games he played in the beginning were not family friendly but now that my oldest (6) can play with him, the games have been scaled back and the family has been brought into the hobbie world instead of excluded. Maybe taking an interest in his life may help in the situation. True not all hobbies are family friendly or girl friendly but it is truely what you make of it. Good luck. TR

1 mom found this helpful

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Hi, I am late to respond but reading your request and response is so comforting. Just to know I am not the only one with this issue. I have a husband who insist on going out with friends every Wednesday. I am fine with it sometime others I am not. It continually is the cause for argument and discussion. Last time it came up I looked at why I was upset about it...I finally figured it out...when I feel stressed out it is not okay for him to go out and when I feel good I have no problem with him going out. The solution...take care of myself!! We have two little ones so "Take care of myself" is rather difficult. Not alot of me time,however, if I want to live happily I need to take care of my wants and needs also. So I signed up for a computer class, yoga and arranged a babysitter. This way, no matter what he does or doesn't do I am fine with it. Also, we have a scheduled date night. That way we get time together too. Funny thing..last Wednesday I said openly.."If you want to go out I am fine with it. I don't want to keep you from doing what you want to do" He stayed home that night..go figure. Good luck.

5 moms found this helpful

I started getting resentful with my husband playing golf in the summer and hockey in the winter.

I realized something more recently though. It wasn't that I didn't want him playing sports. He feels better about himself when he is active, and it keeps him healthier than he would be otherwise. The real problems is that I didn't have the same sort of outlet built into our routine for myself. First I had to decide what I wanted to do. An exercise class? A scheduled time-slot to do whatever I want with girlfriends? Then I had to talk to my husband and let him know that this was something I NEEDED.

We worked it out. He knows that I am happier and a better mom and wife when I get my own personal time. We all need that.

4 moms found this helpful

I am a member of this as a grandmother. As my kids were growing up my husband was a physician, golfer, and skier. I told him calmly how I felt and told him I WOULD NEVER TELL HIM THAT HE MUST stay home for family time. That feeling is something that had to come from within, not a rule enforced by his wife. He eventually started being home because he enjoyed being with his wife and three kids, not because I felt treated unfairly.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi SR,

I just wanted to share a story I heard of once from a friend who had a friend who was a stay-at-home mom at one point in her life. This particular lady stayed at home with the kids while her hubby worked full time to support the family and was going to law school. This hubby graduated and went on to work for a law firm while his wife continued to stay home with the kids. She felt that her hubby was slowly changing. New job, new co-workers, longer work hours, pretty much a different standard of living, this man was dealing with new work issues in his life. This brilliant woman knew that if she did not do something to capture her connection to her hubby he was going to slowly pull away. Not that he didn't love her or enjoy spending time with the family, he was simply placed in a different environment that when they first met, fell in love and had children. Her solution...she went to law school. She figured that if she was going to hold on to her hubby and keep him intrigued, she was going to have to learn his new lingo and be able to understand the new dealings in his work environment. She knew that keeping him wanting to come home and have a conversation about what went on at work or even being able to help him with his work by offering suggestions, she would have to go to law school. She eventually graduated law school and remained a stay-at-home mom. But what she gained was priceless.
Now with all this being said, my suggestion would be to learn all you can about what your hubby in interested in. Whether it is sports that he watches, plays, a hobby, or even his day to day work, learn all you can. Let him feel that you are interested in what makes him happy and want to know more about it. Let him know that this is something that your kids may want to have an interest in and as a couple expose them to this hobby. You never know, your kids may enjoy it just as much as dad, or you may as well. You never know. He will feel that in return, perhaps he should show interest in something for you.
Just a FYI for all you wifes of sports fanatics, I do know that the Texans sponsor a Football 101 class for women. It teaches you the basics so that you can at least have even the basic conversation with your hubby while watching a game. Now, I LOVE football, so I can't imagine why any woman would have a problem with watching football every Sunday and Monday:) j/k, but give it a chance, you never know how much you may take a liking to it. In fact, every wife of a sports fanatic should buy a pair of tix to their hubby's favorite sport for just the two of them. Get into the games, wear the team jersey, get fired up, your hubby will love it!!
And bottom line, I must agree with some of the other suggestions, this is probably one of the best problems to have over hubby staying out drinking or partying (not a good hobby to have). As long as this hobby is not draining your savings, stay positive and talk to your hubby about how you can be part of his every Saturday routine, even if you have to start with one Saturday a month. Make that one Saturday fun and just enjoy it!

Good luck!!!

3 moms found this helpful

It would NOT fly with me. Sorry. Yes it's nice he has hobbies. Do you? I mean if you have hobbies would you be able to still find time for family? I've juggled hobbies and family life before. It sounds more like hubby's hobby time is SO valuable and no one should breach it. His time's more valuable? This is a selfish attitude.
If it was important to become a father, he should be investing time to his kids/family. It's a two person responsibility. Everything else can be managed too. But it has to be agreed on, everything fair and balanced.

3 moms found this helpful

It is hard, I think you and your husband need to revist the reason you had children in the first place. This should hopefully refresh his role as a father and open communication to changing your current situation. Our daily lives change almost completely when you have children. I found that my husband struggled trying to "keep his routine and hobbies", but young children need constant supervision and interaction. It is hard to be fully involved at a toddler level for the duration of the day, and it is understandable that you need some support. However, guilting him into letting you have time for your hobbies because he gets time for his hobbies WILL NOT WORK. This approach will only harbor resentment and will not motivate him to be a more involved father. Just know that raising toddlers (or any child for that matter)is temporary, a few short years compared to a lifetime, and any time you or he shortchange your children will reflect in their character. I have heard many many stories of fathers who question why the children as they grow older don't seek them out or want to do things with them...It all starts now, if your daughters don't get that time with dad they'll grow into the habit that dad is not someone you spend time with. This would be the greater loss, not your loss of time for your hobbies. If your husband is receptive, remind him that he can go back to his hobbies in a few years when the children don't need as much supervision as they require now.
I count my blessings, when I am tired or up late with my daughter and my husband is reading or sleeping. I get through the moment knowing my daughter feels loved and not in the way. Good luck, it is only a short while in your lifetime.

2 moms found this helpful

Although it is important for each partner in the marriage to have outside interests, the number one interest has got to be the marriage and family itself. Balance is key. You both need couple time, alone time, friend time and family time. If one of these areas is out of balance, the whole is affected. I work part-time, but realize that SAHM have the hardest jobs imaginable, and need more breaks than working moms! Keep the lines of communication open with your husband, and don't put your needs on the back burner. Good Luck!
J.

2 moms found this helpful

That is a loaded question if I ever saw one. =) I am sure you will get a lot of different answers to this from NO! divorce him! to wow I wish my husband would do that! The truth of it is we are all different and have different expectations from our husbands.
My questions for you.
1. You don't say what the hobby is. If he golfs, YES it would take all day. Some things do.
2. Did he do this hobby before he met you or is it something new? If he did it before you got married did you think he would drop it? Have you thought about joining him? Get a sitter and spend a few hours with him?
3. Have you thought about asking him to limiting it to half a day? Ask him to go earlier, come home during the middle of the day and do something with you?
4. To answer your question, NO I wouldn't like it and it would become an irritation. I like my husband. =)

Many men feel that it is their right to have time off on the weekend, heck they worked all week, right? They don't understand that we work too, even if we are home! Even more so because SAHMs don't leave their "jobs". This is a very common battle these days. Old stereo types are still in place as to men and women's roles and men are not adapting to them as quickly as women (in my opinion). I am not saying it is right, I am saying that it is hard to break subconscious sociatal expectations...ask any man that wants to be a house husband...

I think you need to think carefully on the questions I asked. What is it that you want, really? Will you be able to get him to compromise? What will you do if he won't? It won't help to stew on it or be angry whenever he goes out the door. Put the kids to bed, sit down and talk, see if you can find a solution.
Good luck hun.

2 moms found this helpful

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