Raising Children Bi-lingual

Hi U.,

I'm due with my first baby in April and have been doing some research on this subject since my husband and I are going to raise our child to be bilingual (I'm Swedish, he's American). I believe the single most important thing is to be consistent - you have to speak German with your children (no exceptions!), and your husband has to speak English. I don't know what you've been doing so far, but I've read that you should start this right away when a baby is born. A good resource to find out more is The Multilingual Children's Association - www.multilingualchildren.org. Another thing I think would be very helpful is for your kids to go to playgroups with German-speaking children so they can play with other kids that speak German (English will be the dominant language anyway since you live here). There are a lot of Swedish families in the area and I'm sure there are many Germans too. :) I hope that helps a little.

A.

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Hi there U.. Great to hear you are promoting bilingualism in your household. I am a mother to a 1.5 yr. old and non-native speaker of other languages as well as an academic in linguistics, so your post caught my eye. Your kids are at a ripe age to acquire language at native fluency (per the "Critical Period Hypothesis" of language acquisition...you can "google" it...Birdsong is the main researcher on the topic)--basically he states that children who are exposed on a regular basis and acquire a second language before the age of 12 will most likely speak/understand the language as a mother-tongue. So, according to this theory, before the age of 12 is crucial, although we all know that adults can also learn second languages and learn them quite well, at near-native fluency, but evidence shows that children under 12 yrs. will always be ahead in the fluency factor. So, as the previous post says—don’t give up! You’re doing great! And your kids will thank you as they age because teaching a child another language is opening a door to another world of understanding and not to mention, cognitive ability. There is an online community you might be interested in: http://www.multilingualchildren.org/. As well as other resources: http://www.omniglot.com/language/articles/bilingualkids1.htm, Good luck!

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Keep speaking to them in both languages. They will catch on and know exactly what you mean! Don't be discouraged.

I was told that the best way to teach my son a second language was to pick a person/people who would only speak to him in that language. This is what we have done with my son & I can tell you that when my mother speaks to him in English, which is his primary language, he doesn't seem to understand her as well as when she speaks to him in her language.

Wow, I have the same problem. I am Greek and speak fluent Greek. My oldest (6) understands everything I say but just refuses to speak! I tried bribing, fighting, games, everything! He just will not say a word. There are things he will not understand and I will tell him what I said in English but it's not a lot. He will translate words but cannot put a sentence together because he refuses to even try. I will check out the websites that the other mom posted (thank you!) and maybe get some advise. All I can say is keep it up. I am making it a point to speak more Greek to my youngest, 16 mos. I also realized that Greek children's songs and rhymes trick him into actually repeating the verses!

Hi U.,

I am a mother of an almost three year old boy and a 6 month old girl. I am Swedish, my husband is Greek and we are living in Boston for the moment. I know it is hard to be consistent with speaking your own language with the children, especially if they are with friends who don't understand it, but it is really VERY important that you are consistent and don't give in. I always speak Swedish with the children and my husband speaks Greek with them and they speak English at the day care. I would say that my son's primary language at this point definately is English, but he understands all three languages and he speaks all three, but mixes them at lot when he speaks to us. Do you think that your sons really don't understand you when you speak or do they just say that because it is somewhat of an obsticle? Things that you could do with them to integrate your language in their lives is to read books in German (ask your relatives to bring books when they come over or buy online, there are several good web sites for this nowadays). Let them watch movies in German, choose something that you know they will really like. We have "Finding Nemo" in Greek for example. Or maybe the movie "CARS" in German would be something for your boys? You can also buy cd:s with children's music and stories in German that you can play in the car. That works great for us.
If you have not been very consistent in the past with speaking German to your children, and they really don't understand what you say, start a little softly and teach them new words every day and let them repeat after you (but always speak German first and then translate if they complain). Let them know how good they are when they try so say something in German. Let them understand that it is "cool" to know another language and they will be proud of it. But the bottom line is that it will take a lot of effort from you if you haven't always spoken German with them since they were born. It will not happen over night, but if you are consistent, and ALWAYS speak German, they will both understand and speak it. It is a fantastic gift to give another language to your children. It will give them great advantages in life and it will be much easier for them to learn other languages when they are older if they were given more than one language from the start. Sorry for this VERY long reply, hope you will find some of it useful!

Best of luck!

regards,
V.

Dear U.,

Be persistent. I was raised with 3 languages in my family. Often kids will want their parent to speak in the predominant language because they may feel that it's easier or that they won't be seen as weird. My instinct tells me that they probably understand more than they are telling you so you'll speak to them in english.

Try to point out that it's your "special" language with them that no one else will understand in most places. Also, going to environments (playdate, library, trip to Germany...)where German is the primary language, will help quite a bit.
Look at books and movies with characters that they already like in English and try to find them in German. There is a foreign language library off of Harvard Square that carries a lot of the classic books and translations in several languages (www.schoenhofs.com). You can also make special requests.

The most important thing is to expose them to the language. You do have time... It's not until age 12 when the brain starts to analyze the language and it becomes much more difficult to learn.

Good luck,
A.

Hi,
I am french and the only french speaking in my household. My family is in France so no one else but me. My daughter repeats what I say but every word coming out of her mouth is in english, yet I will only speak to her in french. Stay on it, it will pay off eventually but you need to choose to do only german, you cannot mix it up or it gets confusing for them. My daughter is 20 months, I have never spoken to her in english and I know it will eventually pay off.

Keep up the good work and if your husband supports your efforts, your kids will get it.

Good luck, S.

Have you considered the Muzzy DVDs from the BBC? I know they are pretty expensive, but I've heard great things about them from both parents and kids. I know they come in several different languages, and I think German is one of them.

Hi U.,

I have a 4 1/2 yo who I spoke to in Spanish only for the first 2 years of her life. I also had the luxury of having my parents care for her while I was at work (they only spoke Spanish to her too). I got married when she was 2 1/2, and my husband does not know Spanish. A good thing that we have established over the last two years is learning lessons for my husband too. He learns how to ask her to do things, and she helps correct him, or they both get to learn at the same time. When I ask her to do something, I ask in Spanish and I repeat the phrase in English, and I have her repeat what I say. We just began talking to her mostly in English over the last 6 months, to help her prepare to go to school. Believe it or not, she is way ahead, and didn't need to go to pre school because of how advanced she is. We now have a 2 yo, to whom I've primarily spoken English to, but who I will spend the next two years speaking Spanish to. On another note, I spent my first 5 years of my life only speaking Spanish. I didn't learn English until I went to school, but because I had older siblings; I was able to learn faster. By the end of my first year, I was fully bilingual. My parents still keep the "no speaking English while at home" rule. Though we all spoke only Spanish for the first few years of our life, we all (6 of us) came out ahead, and never struggled in school. We were all very good students. It helped if homework was done in English only, but all other aspects of home were dealt with in Spanish. Hope this helps!

Hi U..
I completely feel for you. I am a full-time working single mom to a 2 and a half year-old girl with whom I speak English, Spanish and Italian. Since my family does not live in MA I am her only source of Italian. Fortunately she attends a family daycare run by a wonderful Columbian woman, so she does get regular exposure to Spanish. When she and I are by ourselves it is easier to speak a foreign language, but when we are int he company of English speakers (and this happens much more frequently now that I am seeing an American gentleman) it becomes difficult to speak anything other than English. To help retain my daughter's interest in Spanish and Italian I have made sure to have lots of videos and music CDs in these languages and I make sure to enjoy these activities with her so we can later sing and dance to the songs in the car or during bathtimes. During these opportunities I try to apply the words from the songs to our activity and also make sure to keep the entire conversation in a foreign language. Now I fully admit that my daughter strongly prefers speaking English to anything else, but I discovered on a recent trip to Argentina that, when immersed in another language, she had no problem switching. I took heart in this. So I would advise trying to find material they enjoy in German and keep speaking German to them, even as they complain. The more you speak the more they will absorb and will become "hardwired" into the brain making it easier for them to acquire the language later on, even when they believe they cannot speak it. And I am sure you already do this if you can, but visit Germany or your family and immerse the children with the language as often as possible. It will leave you all pleasantly surprised. I am hoping to one day be able to take my daughter to Italy to finally put her Italian to the test! Good luck!

keep at it, I would love my husband to teach my daughter, he speaks French and Creole. He says the same thing about her not understanding, but she learned English. If you continue to speak it they will understand. try using visual things with the speech, as well as saying it in German first then English.

Hi U.,

My name is S. and I am a language teacher. I teach foreign students who are learning English K-8. I hear about your situation frequently. It would seem to me that 4 hours per day is not enough to expose them to German, hence their complaints. (I assume that the rest of their day, they are with Enlgish speakers.)

You could try having them watch German language cartoons on TV and not necessarily when you are with them, and have children's German books in the house that their caretaker can try to read to them. Play games with them in German. Explain directions in English and don't be afraid to use English here and there. It will only help them in the beginning. You can make German bingo with pictures! Play Simon Says in German. Draw expressive faces on paper and tell them which faces are happy, sad, surprised, etc. and then make a games with it. When you do daily activities, i.e, like eating or brushing teeth, tell them in simple and clear language what they are doing day after day. Use gestures and point to pictures as much as you can when you speak German. You have to make it enticing and fun for them if they find it a burden to try to understand you.

Code switching, which is moving back and forth between, for example, German and English, is effective for language learning. So if you know they know the words for "Please" and "milk", in German for example, When you say, "Please drink your milk", replace those familiar words with the German and keep the rest English. If I could speak German I would write it out for you! As they know more words, you can "scaffold" and replace more and more words into German. Don't rush it!

What works quite well also, as you probably know, is to take them to Germany for a few weeks; a sure way to get them speaking!

You are up against quite a struggle, though, if you are not there more than 4 hours a day and kindergarten is not too far away. The trick for true bilingualism is to try to have them know how to say the same things in German as they can say in English. This is difficult when they are learning English vocabulary at warp speed once they get into school. Again, keep German books in house that are similar to what they are exposed to at school and read to them, but don't make it a chore.

I am not sure where you are living, but I live in Massachusetts. Here, and in many states, when a child registers for public school they must fill out a home language survey. If you write that you speak German to your children, they will be on the radar for language testing, even if they do not need it. The testing is done to determine if any entering child needs ESL services. That's just so you know.

There are many good books out there on raising bilingual children and also sources on the web. The benefits to having your children bilingual are countless. There are many brain studies on children who are bilingual that are very interesting.

I hope that helps a little!
Good luck!
S. Sheasley

I know a family whose solution to this challenge was to locate several other German speaking couples in their area, who also have children under school age. They arranged a private kindergarten, held in their home one day (or maybe one afternoon) each week. I don't know whether any organized lessons are given, or whether any fees are paid. Probably at least one of the other parents is present each time, which gives them some social time in German; and the kids get to have fun with other kids, all speaking German.

Do not fret I was rasied in a bilingual home I was fortunate to learn the other language. My cousin doesn't speak but he undrstands. They will learn it is a great gift to know another language!

U.,
While I don't have any advice for you I aplaude your efforts. I think it is great you want to do this with your children. I've heard that children who are taught more than one language at a young age end up behind in the beginning but eventually catch up. I think the earlier you learn another language the better off you are in the long run and it will make it easier to pick up other languages down the road. My husband is half Mexican but his mother's family felt you should learn the language of the country you are living in. So they didn't stress learning Spanish and I really think he lost out. So, good luck with your efforts. I would say just continue with it and try to speak as much German to them as you can!

Hi U.
The success stories that I have seen concerning bilingual kids. They start ages 0-3 with one parent speaking nothing but the second language. That is when they spend the most time in the language environment and their minds are sponges with out outside interruption. Other than that maybe a class 1 or 2 times a week where everyone is speaking that language..... Summers in Germany?

Just a thought what about a different approach? I know my 5.5 yo LOVES to count what about counting in German? Also, colors are usually very important, maybe take some color cards and play games where maybe you put the cards on the floor and you when you step on a color you have to say the name in GERMAN!! Or, maybe you could teach them some simple songs in German? Maybe have a german word of the day where they just learn ONE word at a time, so many of the words have been taken into the English language so this would be the perfect words to start with. Start saying Guten Morgan and Guten Abend just to sneak it in there. Its more a living language approach and though it may start slow these games and fun around the language may serve to get them excited about learning the *new* language. Who knows maybe you could start a German club in your area that meets even once a month on the weekend?? Just ideas maybe one or a couple may be useful. if you are anywhere close to where i live I would LOVE to meet up with German speakers. (Mind you I only have a very basic knowledge of the language but was able to "get by" in Germany a bit with mostly just speaking German (of course thank goodness for the kind people who "helped me" get along!

I understand that some mothers have to work outside of the home. I do not know if you are a single mom and my advice would not be feasible. I can only tell you how I solved the problem. Like you I was the only one in the family who spoke my language (Spanish). We agreed that I would stay home and homeschool our child so I could speak to him all the time in my language. Our son could understand me but would not speak it. My husband and I agreed that I would go to my homeland for a minimum of two months at at time every year. He is now fourteen and fully bilingual. I will admit that we live more frugally than if I would work. This arrangement has worked for us. In the United States I would buy my books from Schoenhof's in Boston. They sell books in every language and they have books for children. You can find it on the internet.

Belen

Hi U.,

I understand your dilemma because I'm trying to teach my 4 yo DD Chinese. I speak fairly fluently, but not my husband though he understands most of it. She's been exposed to it since my mom speaks to her, but she only responds in English (she responds appropriately so we know she understands). I enrolled her in Chinese school this year (2 hours on Sunday) I try to speak to her in Chinese as much as possible now, and we have "chinese only zones" for example whenever we are in the car she can only speak to me in Chinese.

Have you looked in your local library to see if they have any language books, cds or videos? I was pleasantly surprised at how many resources they had for kids. Also every chance we get we ask friends and family to send age-appropriate materials. The best thing we got this year are Dvds with all the familiar children's stories in Chinese.

It's been an uphill battle, but the result has been that my dd is more interested in learning Chinese and will sometimes ask me for words. I know it will be harder to maintain as she gets older but at least she's getting good exposure now.

With my baby (5 mo) I 'm doing it differently and speaking to her exclusively in Chinese from the first.

U., it's good to know there are other people struggling with this. I am also the only German speaker in our family and it's been hard to know how to introduce a language my children (4 and 1) don't hear anywhere else - except when Oma visits once a year. I find myself teaching only a few silly words and bedtime songs. I also have a some German children's books and I try to translate into English as I go and then also use the German words for things they would recognize in the pictures.

The most difficult thing is facing my mother's judgment, "my grandchildren will never know German." I have considered trying a homeschool curriculum, but haven't had the energy to do start looking - I work full time as well.

Good luck! I look forward to reading other people's response to this challenge. A.

U.,
My husband and I are trying to raise our children either bilingually or even multilingually. My side of the family is all English so I grew up in a monolingual home. On my husband's side of the family his Mom is French and his Dad is German, they speak English as a common household language and his Mom learned German and his Dad learned French after they were married.

Now that I have married into this multilingual family and moved to Quebec I am attempting to learn French so that I can be bilingual and then we are also starting to teach our oldest daughter who will be 3 in May.

My husband is perfectly bilingual (French and English) and he is almost fluent in German. My husband learned English first but was exposed to French when visiting relatives and listening to his mom on the phone. His parents sent him to school in French at the age of 5 and he spoke French at school and English in the home. He was also exposed to some German when he visited his Oma. Later on when he was in high school his parents went to Germany for 4 years and he was able to pick up some German, though he doesn't have many opportunities to use his German so he is loosing some of his vocabulary.

With our children we are currently planning to speak one language in the home and educate our children in the other. If we home school this could be difficult since I will be the primary teacher and my French is still lacking. A few of our friends here have learned in different methods. In one friend's home her mom spoke one language soley and her Dad spoke another language soley. She said that it was sometimes strange when they'd have dinner because the mother would ask a question in her language and their father would answer the question in his language or there would be conversations going on in both languages at the same time. I think her mother also felt isolated because she was speaking in a language that no one locally knew... all of the time that she was with her children.

I'm not sure there is a right vs a wrong way to teach your children both languages, though I have seen first hand that children need a clear separation between the languages at a young age. I live in Montreal and most of our friends have taken different approaches to teaching their children both languages. Many of the children are learning both languages simultaneously without any difficulty. A few however are struggling to separate them as 2 different languages. The ones that are struggling to separate that they are different languages have parents who expose them to both languages and talk to them in both languages in multiple settings instead of having clear boundaries such as assigning 1 parent to speak 1 language and the other parent speak a different language or to speak one at home and the other at school. Eventually the older ones have sorted out that they are two different languages but they had about 3 - 4 years where they spoke "frenglish" and had a difficult time communicating.

Keep working with your boys. It can be very difficult, but it is also very rewarding when they "get it". (Now if I could only learn french before my daughter...) Oh, and Rosetta stone has some really neat software. Whenever I do their online demo I learn a lot... our plan is to get this program in the comming weeks. My daughter likes to be on my lap and learning with me. She is like a sponge so it is challenging trying to learn before she does.

Hope that helps!
A.

Gruss Gott U.,

I too tried to raise my son bi-lingual, although i am english speaking. I had lived in Germany/Austria for about 5 years & my son who was 3 at the time was bi-lingual. Once we got back to the states & I had to put him in day care, it was all over. he didn't want to speak German at all!! i was very disappointed. My suggestion would be to keep speaking to them, explaining everything you say, maybe say it in German & then English. They'll get it after a while & when they are older will appreciate it! I know my son is kicking himself that he didn't continue! hope this helps!

Hi Uli,

I also have 2 boys ages 10 and 7 whose father is German and I am American. I wish that he had spoken German and only German to them since day one. They would have learned it much faster and easier. We also have friends where one parent is German and the other speaks English. The father has spoken only German with his children and the mother only speaks English. They understood and learned both languages at the same time. It was just natural that "Dad" spoke German and "Mom" spoke English. their children both understand and speak fluently in German and English. I know that it can be difficult but if you can keep it up and be consistent. They need to hear and see you speak German as much as possible for it to make sense. Also, do some research to see if there is a German School in your area. We have one near us, Saturdays for approximately 3 hours and it is wonderful. The students learn reading, writing and all about the German culture and traditions. Good Luck, G.

Hi U.,

My husband only speaks Spanish with our 2 year old son. Other than occasional long-distance visits with his side of our family, and a collection of books and videos in Spanish, the rest of the day is spent listening, speaking, and learning English. Also, my husband and I speak English with one another.

Consistency and continuous encouragement has been the key to raising him bilingually. When our 2 year old responds to his father in English, he is gently reminded that he is expected to use the Spanish language to speak with him.

Fortunately, I am fluent enough in the language to support the process, and his childcare program is supportive (with phrases and books) as well.

I wonder if there are other German-speaking families in the community? We've found a small Spanish-speaking community that has regular gatherings.

Best of luck!

They're still young. Teach them all the German you can. They'll thank you in the future. I have a bi-lingual family myself and I learned the native language first (Portuguese) and then I learned English in school after I was 5 years old and I speak, write, read and translate in both. And it also helped me very much getting a job in a Portuguese community because they're always looking for qualified Portuguese speaking people to translate. Like I said your boys will thank you in the future especially if they want to go back to Germany.

Hi! Wow, how lucky you are to speak another language and share it with your children!! My kids are almost 4 & almost 6. Understanding & knowing about other languages has always been important to me. When my oldest was first born, I played French music during the day to have her exposed to another language. (I chose French only because I had taken that as a second language in High School - but unfortunately, I don't speak it very well). When my oldest was a little more then 2 yrs. old, I discovered someone I knew was a French High School teacher! I asked her if she would teach my little one some French. She said sure! So, for almost 4 years, both my girls have been exposed to French! I don't speak it at home, but we have tapes & movies in French to reinforce it. They take a 1 hour lesson once a week. They play games, sing songs, and do fun stuff during their class - they love it! Just being exposed this little amount of time, both my girls know so much French! It hasn't affected their English learning at all. They actually speak English very well & pronounce all their words. I would suggest having a special "German" time where you might spend 30 minutes a day or 1 hour a week (however much time you want to do it), and sing songs in German, maybe read some stories in German or play some games or talk about how people in Germany live...make it a very, fun special time - and they won't even know they are learning!! Good luck! Your kids are so lucky to have you to show them another language.

Hi,

I too am raising my child bilingual and what I have been doing is teaching her words in Spanish that she already knows in English. I do talk to her mostly in Spanish whether she understands me or not. But since your children are older (mine will turn 3 in May), the best way is to just teach them what they already know in German. That way they know the words in English and in Spanish. Once they understand the words in German, you can go on to teaching them sentences in German that they already know in English.

Do you know of any German speaking people nearby? My husband and two children speak German/ English and I can ask our German teacher (she teaches at a Homeschool Co-Op in Auburn and has several small children) if she knows any families that might like to get together with you.

How about books, magazines, DVD's, audio books, music tapes, learning tapes.. things they can hear the language being spoken and associate it in a fun way and begin to learn to understand. (elementary level stuff).

Cherilyn B

I am not bilingual but I got my boys a language course when they were in homeschool. This program told and story and made an adventure out of it. At 3 & 5 they must be active can you have them play out a German story?

Just a thought. L.

U.,

Keep at it! My family is currently living in Switzerland (until this summer) and the country is bi-lingual if not tri-lingual for a lot of children. I have a 3.5 and a 2 year old - both boys. It is much easier for them later on if you keep it up and we've found German to be one of the harder languages so starting them early is good. I'm sure it's difficult for them if it's only 4 hours a day, but they will keep learning and if they ever want to travel, having at least one language is good and I've been told that it makes it even easier to pick up a third.

I have quite a few European friends who speak at least 3-5 languages and it seems like it's no big deal here. My husband speaks French, but we are living south of Zurich so it's German and Swiss German (which is even more difficult as it's not a 'taught' language).

We've come to realize that the US isn't the whole world and want both our children to have at least one other language. Both the boys understand and speak a little German and Swiss, but am sure they will lose it once we get back to the US as we only speak English at home.

Keep up the language - I don't know if you can make games out of it for treats or special priviledges. You could make it a treasure/scavenger hunt in German so you can introduce new words to them for areas or items around the house. Or have a new phrase/word of the week even and stickers or something that has meaning to them. I know the problem in the states is that you don't want to be too different from your friends so that may come into play later on.

Sorry for the ramble, but as we are in the reverse situation and see how important it is for our children to know something outside the US, it is important to have a sense of your family and to be proud of heritage.

S.
SAHM of two wonderful boys - 3,000 miles from home

Hi my name is S.,I am german and was as an Aupair in the US.I was also tryin to teach the boys I was watching (3 and 5 years old) german and was the only one speaking german.What I did was just kept on talking,like when they helprd setting the table we or I said instead of plate,fork,etc. teller,gabel.Do it with thing the kids see and regocnize by seeing it and use the german word for it,try to teach the rest of the family german too,Use games or songs and keep on talking german,If your kids would come to germany they would have to deal with people only speaking german.I hope it helps.It helped me.My english was not bad when I came to the states but since there was no other person that spoke german I had to speak english and it worked!