Raising an Independent Man

Find a boy scout troop near you. I am raising 3 children alone after their Dad died, and boy scouts is great for my oldest. My youngest couldn't quite get into scouts, so I joined him in karate. That is teaching him respect for others, respect and self esteem for himself. good luck! W.

Hi M.,

I found reading to be helpful. I have two sons 14 and 7. Yes it can be very hard. Especially in a society where a emotions are looked down upon in boys. I found the following books to be helpful. Raising Cain : Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Ph.D. Michael ThompsonPh.D. Dan Kindlon
and Speaking of Boys: Answers to the Most-Asked Questions About Raising Sons by Ph.D. Michael Thompson, Teresa Barker. There are so many books that can help you if you are willing to take the time and read. Good Luck, VA in Temple Hills

Since you mentioned that you have brothers are they in a position to spend a little time w/him on the weekend? Have you considered Big Brothers? It is a wonderful program. I volunteered as a big sister a few years ago and really enjoyed it. Also, how about some sport activities in the school or your community??

I commend you for realizing your son needs that little extra edge and man can give him. As women we can teach our boys how to be mindful and respectful. But a man can teach that scratch and spit factor. So I recommend you put your child in the cub scouts a well organized on like pack 160 in Philly on Cottman Ave. or find a good boys and boys club or even PAL. All these organizations have put out some really good men like Denzel Washington. Also you could look into getting him a BIG Brother through the organization Big Brothers and Big Sisters. Good luck it takes a village to raise good children boys or girls.

Raising boys, is a tough job for a single mom, and even when the dad is present, it really still is all on your shoulders...which is why our job as mother is soo unbelievably important. I think the best way is to keep him close to you by talking to him on his level, I started with my boys since they were born, to explain things to them in a way they could understand...we have the golden rule "don't do to others what you dont' want done to you" and that seems to cover most of the problems in society...if I don't like being yelled at I'm not going to yell, If I don't like getting cut off when I'm driving I won't do it to someone else...If I like it when someone smiles at me then I will smile at people...my 6 year old needs constant reminder of this, but it makes me soo proud when I see him use this logic or even try to explain it to his 1st grader friends! there's no magic way of doing things the right way, just try to show him, how much his actions affect you and others that love him. And I'm sure you're little guy will grow to become a great man...just keep telling him that! Best of luck. We say to our oldest son that he's Alexander the Greatest and my little one that he's King Kendrick...

The only thing I can suggest is getting him involved in things whether it be sports or playing an instrument. I think things like that build confidence and helps build relationships with other people. What about your brothers, do they hang out with your son and teach him things?

i know where you are coming from. after i divorced my 1st husband when my son was just a baby, i was raising my kids without help. my son is the youngest of 3 and the only boy. when the kids were all small, the girls would always drag him into playing barbies with them. he didn't want to do that, so i came up with a good idea. i told him his dinosaurs ate barbie dolls, and to chase the barbie dolls with his dinosaurs, have his dinosaurs jump on the barbie cars, etc. you have to play both mom and dad. you could check into Big Brothers/Sisters for someone to do BOY things with him. OR if you have any nephews or younger siblings of your own that are boys, you might want to see if they would pal around him and show him boy things. I was a little lucky. my brother is only 16 yrs my son's senior and they got along real good when my son was around 10 or so... It is not wrong for a boy/guy to have a sensitive side. My son is going to be 21 in June. Him and his girlfriend had a baby in Sept and he's turning out to be a real good dad. They had a baby girl and she has him wrapped around her little finger so tightly.

I am happy to see that you know the problem and you are making the best choices to correct them. I believe it is important that your son have his father in his life. If for some reason it does not happen then have his granddfather,his uncle,your brother to be a part of his life. I too have a son and I work very hard along with my husband to instill in him confidence, courage and respectfullness. I admire you for taking a stand and fixing the problem. I wish you many blessings and God speed...

M.,

You are a great mom for thinking of this. And men and women do tend to teach kids different ways of dealing with things, IMO. He will learn from coaches, friends' dads, etc.

In the past year or 2 or 3 I know there was a book out that specifically addressed mom's raising boys alone and how to provide that balance. I don't recall the name of the book, though, so I would check Amazon.com. Good luck to you! I'm sure your son will be fine, he's got a smart mom!

Hi M.,

This is not a silly concern. I think you're a compassionate mom who wants her son to be a strong man when he matures. Maybe you could get him a Big Brother from the Big Brother/Sister organization. They are adults who spend one on one time with the kids. Sports is also a good avenue but you have to make sure the coaches are the types of role models you want for your son--don't put him in something simply because the person is a man. You can also look for male babysitters.

My husband was raised by his mother and has a sister. Surrounded by women!! But he is the most gentle, loving man while being a secure, confident man who will fiercely protect those he loves. Don't sell yourself short--a strong, confident woman can raise a strong, confident man.

You're right in working on this issue early. Let us know how it goes!

D.

you are right boys and girls are raised differently...however all kids learn by example....i am a single mom raising a boy...I know this concern, but I know if i am a confident person my son will see it, if I make him do things for himself he'll become independent....teach by example.....sensitive men is what this world needs:) I'm positive you are a wonderful mother:) Jus keep being strong and you son will be strong too. Does he have uncles or cousins near by? that does help him too...but beside every strong man is an even stronger MOTHER!!!
good luck
J.

I see you have had a lot of response. I understand your concerns. I have a 8 yrs old son, Briggston and I have 6 girls from 1 yr to 18. Although his father and I recently deviorced we have been sep. for over two years and the things he learns from his father are the things that causes people to break up he examples have been terrible. I first tell my son he is my lil man, and make sure I tell him he is good. I give him responsibilty, he has to take the trash out every day. Having all the girls I try to teach him not to hit girls, to respect others. He is very sensitive. If he does something and you call him on it he cries trying to explain, which makes me feel terrible. Boys are so much different then girls to raise but I am blessed to have him. I think if you follow your heart and your gut on how to raise him he is going to turn out wonderful. Perhaps get him started in boy scouts, that would be good for him. I also started my son in wrestling so he could be around others his age and do the boy things, he loves it.

I too was a single mom of a boy for seven years when I finally met my current husband. My son is now going to be 15 yrs old and is a perfectly 'normal' boy. I started him in sports at my local town- I had my son do them all at least once to see which he liked (he ended up doing all three for six years). Our community provided baseball, basketball & soccer. Our church had cub scouts(till age 11, then my son went to boy scouts) and I enrolled him there. I wanted to get him around other boys as well as men. If you can have his Uncles, male friends and grandpas spend time with him, that will also help. good luck!

Hi M.,
I'm a mother of two boys who's father is in the picture, but I can speak from experience about not having a father.
I grew with an emotional absent father, but having male role models in my life helped me. My grandfather and uncle were great role models for me. Maybe you could get your father and brothers more involved in your son's life.

almost same exact situation here. After searching 3 or 4 different local churches...I found one and got him involved with the youth program there. To this day he still attends all youth group functions. Youth Pastor has been a life saver!

Girl I feel your pain. I was a single mom for just over 2 years. My son is 6. He is very emotional and gets embarrased easily. I tried to sign him up for basketball and he wouldn't play because he doesn't know how and was afraid of being teased. He no longer see's his father. What I do is try and encourage him in what I know he is good at. I take him out to kick the soccer ball around to gain confidence. We also have several talks about being responsible, loving, kind, and still " a tough" kid. He used to get teased alot. He is doing much better now. I think the biggest thing you can do is offer positive reinforcement as often as you can. Good Luck.