Questions About Bedtime Routine....

Hi M.,

Your baby is old enough now not to need the nighttime bottle. That doesn't mean she doesn't want it - it soothes her and she is used to it. But she does not need it anymore.

You might try asking your doctor his or her views on how to help you with the feeding/sleeping issue. The doctor can probably help you determine the best feeding schedule during the daytime and close to bedtime to help you cut out that middle of the night feeding and let you know that it's really okay to take it away from her.

The reason your daughter won't put herself to sleep is because she hasn't learned to self-soothe. She is depending on you to do it for her, including putting her in bed with you. Many moms sleep with their kids. If you don't mind that, there's nothing wrong with it. But if you want your bed back and the baby to sleep through the night without waking for a bottle and demanding that you put her back to sleep, you have to teach her to soothe herself to sleep. It's not an easy task, but if you have the fortitude to do it and the will to change things, you can.

To get my children to sleep through the night, I used the Ferber method, after my doctor cleared it with both of my babies' weights. (You can google "Ferber method" on the internet or buy the book on Amazon - get the latest updated version.) You mention starting the night-time routine at 7:00 - perhaps you could put her to bed a little later, still giving her a last bottle feeding. Try keeping her a little awake at the end of the bottle so that you are putting her down in the crib when she is still a little groggily awake. That helps her understand she is in the crib and not with you anymore. Read about the Ferber method and what it entails - there are various ways to do this method, and you can pick which one works for you, with your doctor's blessing. There are other books some moms have mentioned in this forum that they say helps a baby sleep without crying - perhaps you could check those out as well.

By the way, my babies both slept from 9:00 at night to 6:00 in the morning without waking unless they were sick. My first child started this just before 6 weeks old, and my second at 8 weeks, both with my doctor's blessing and direction. They were both healthy boys, and I got enough sleep as a mom to be a good mother and be able to work fulltime. I made this choice because I could not be a good employee or a good mother without enough sleep. Kudos to the moms who can do it all, even in the middle of the night, and more power to 'em, but as an older first-time mom, I couldn't. That didn't mean I didn't love my children - it meant that I could be a better mom when I was with them and we could all get sleep during the night. It also kept me from getting fired from my job, which we couldn't afford financially to happen at that time. This is my experience - all babies are different, and you may not have the same experience with your daughter. Some babies are extremely restless and can't seem to self-soothe, and perhaps will not sleep well all through childhood. My boys became good sleepers once they weighed enough to not need a night feeding and once they learned to soothe themselves - it took only 4 nights each for them to get used to it once I started the Ferber method - that's all. They've slept like rocks in their own beds ever since (except for one spot when I started laying down with my oldest when I was pregnant - big mistake!) Except for that one blip, it was smooth sailing and now they are 15 and 13 years old, still sleeping like rocks at night.

The Ferber method can be tough because it does involve letting the baby cry. And not every parent has the stomach to do it. But it's your decision whether or not you want to try so that everyone can sleep through the night - don't let anyone feel like you don't have the right to want a full night's sleep - it's not their place to fuss at you for it. Whatever you decide to do will be right for you. Helping babies sleep on their own isn't always easy, no matter what method you use - co-sleeping isn't always easy either. Whatever you choose, give it at least 2 weeks without giving up, because if you are wishy-washy about it, it doesn't make sense to try it at all. You have to be consistent if you want it to have a chance at working.

So go see your doctor for professional advice, and decide what you can personally do. After you've researched the different methods and your doctor has given you the go-ahead, then decide what is right for you and your daughter. Good luck!

All my best,
D.

BREATH...you're doing good. Is this your first child? Well, as we all do, we have to learn from our first child and practice makes perfect. GREAT that you have stuck with the same routine and had success in getting her to sleep in her own crib. For some moms that's half the battle. First, let me suggest that you check out or buy the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley! WONDERFUL reading and it's an easy quick read too.

What I would suggest is this....at 7 months old, babies should be able to technically go to sleep on their own with no mommy or daddy help. But their babies, their humans, they, like you want to snuggle and sometimes need reassurance to go to sleep. Some people like the cry it out method, I don't and that is where this book came into play. Babies go through spurts where they sleep/eat/nap wonderful and then something goes "wrong" and you have to start all over. Their growing and their minds keep racing and developing faster than the rest of them, and they have to get up and tell everyone about it.

Start with your normal routine, around 7 give her her bottle first, this will probably throw her off, but try it, start with that, get her comfortable and full and kinda groggy but not asleep. Do this in a calm but lit room. Then do the bath, do the lotions, the songs, the books etc...you can rock her a bit but then put her down AWAKE or at least GROGGY. You dont' want to put her to sleep asleep. Because the last thing she remembers is you, holding her and singing to her. When she wakes up and you're not there, PANIC! Try that routine and see how she does.

If she is only waking up once you're doing good. Babies will continue doing that on and off for up to a year and sometimes longer. Remember sleeping through the night is technically 5 hours of straight sleep, but as they get older they can sleep in longer intervals without needing you for comfort. BUT you have to "train" them to go back to sleep ON THEIR OWN!!! This is where the book comes in handy.

Bringing her back in bed, is ok, but you're setting up a bad habit, and I did the same thing with our daughter. I couldn't stand her crying and the easiest thing was to bring her back in bed, nurse her next to me and we would sleep so much better that way. PROBLEMS later on for us both.

Keep up the routine, just change the order, get her to go into the crib awake or groggy and reassure her you're there, go in and comfort her WITHOUT picking her up and she'll get the idea.

READ THE BOOK, it will definitely help in your quest of answers! Good luck!
A. B

I have a 4 year old daughter and a 21 month old son and neither of my kids slept through the night at that age so believe me you are doing just fine. Like everyone has said every child is different and will find there own routine eventually. The hardest thing was letting mine cry. I would stand outside their door and cry myself. But that feeling goes away and like other post have said you will miss the cuddle time. Just try finding your baby's "trigger" for when they are getting sleepy and then put them in the crib that way you at least know they are sleepy. Good luck!!

If you start letting her sleep with you until she falls asleep then she will always need you. Trust me, I have a 9-year old that I cannot kick out of my bed! My advise is to sit by her crib for a few nights and rub her back until she falls asleep and then slowly wean her off of that. I wish that I would have done this.

Hi M.,

My son took a bottle during the night until he was 11.5 months old. And it didn't cause bad habits or make him dependant on it...he just took it til he grew out of needing it at night. Every baby is different!! Some (maybe even most) babies don't need the bottle at night after 6 months, but mine did. He woke up starving to death...maybe your daughter is truely hungry. If you can get her back to sleep quickly after a bottle...Great! Let her get a quick bottle and everyone can go right back to sleep! Even though my son took a bottle or BF at night, he's 19 months old and doesn't eat at night now. Your daughter will grow out of it when she's ready on her own time.

Also, on the rocking to sleep thing...I rock my 19 month old, 30 lb. son to sleep every night. We use a bedtime routine ending with me or my husband rocking him to sleep. We rock him for about 5 to 10 mins and he is out. Honestly, I don't understand why people have such a huge problem rocking older children to sleep. I don't understand why it's such a big deal for young babies to self soothe. Personally, I will continue to rock him or "parent him to sleep" as Dr. Sears says until he gets to the age where he doesn't want me as a part of his bedtime routine anymore. And, it will happen when he grows out of it. Like everything else in life, it has its season.

I guess my question is, do you want her to fall asleep on her own b/c you think it's what you should do or is rocking her a hassle? My son was one of those babies that would cry and cry and never fall asleep. He would just cry and get so worked up that he would throw up all over him and the crib. So, what works for our family is rocking him to sleep. His bedtime is quite and peaceful and a time to cuddle with either mommy or daddy. Do what works best for your family and your daughter! Even if you don't use CIO methods, your daughter will stop waking up at night and eating on her own time.

Hi M.,
Start the bedtime routine earlier and have her in bed by 7:00 instead of starting the routine then. This is important, esp if her napping has changed or if she only takes 2 naps a day. Also, if you want her to learn to go to sleep by herself, you have to make sure you lay her down awake after the bottle. If you do the CIO approach, I would suggest keeping a log of how long she cries and how it takes for her to fall asleep. The first couple of days will be hard. But over a week you will notice that the crying becomes less and less. My son went for an hour the first night, then 45 min the next night, then 30 the next, until by the end of the week, he learned to soothe himself to sleep. He has been a solid sleeper ever since. Good luck!

I can recommend a great book "Baby Wise". I used it with my kids and it worked wonders. Just know that everyone goes through what you are and it will pass. It is a difficult stage and can be difficult to turn around but you can do it!

Hey M., when my daughter was little I used to have to rock her. I thought that I was going to have to rock her until she was a teenager. I finally just stopped and she learned on her own to fall asleep on her own. I wouldn't give your daugther a bottle when she wakes up during the night. Doctors always told me never to give a bottle during the night when they learned to sleep through the night. It can cause bad habits. She will depend on the bottle to go to sleep. You could try going into her room and saying her name real soft just to let her know that you're still there ( my youngest would cry and I would say her name and she'd quiet right down). You could try rubbing her back while saying her name but stay only a short time. My kids never slept with me. I don't think I would be of much help. I hope this helps you some. Good luck with everything. Take care, J. A.

For crying out loud, use common sense! She's only 7 months old and yes babies can be hungry in the middle of the night, so I disagree with several of the replies, and suppose I'll get crucified with insults, but I don't give a flip!!
I've seen and taken care of babies since I was ten years old, and EACH BABY IS DIFFERENT. You WILL NOT "ruin or spoil" a baby by rocking them!! Believe it or not you are making good memories and instilling security at an age where they DO NEED IT. And in a year or two YOU will MISS the rocking and cuddling.
She may be getting ready to have a big growing splurt, or teething, or she just needs the closeness and reassurance of mom or dad when she wakes at night. Some babies sleep all night by the time they are 4 or 5 months old, others don't seem to be able to until they are over a year old.
Bottom line is do what works best for your baby, not for your own convenience. This time will be gone before you know it, and you can't go back and change it. Enjoy the specialness of it, and when she's ready, she will sleep through the night.
All these fancy "modern" ideas tend to razzle me sometimes. I think over some of these postings and wonder why some even bothered having a baby!! Babies don't exist for our convenience. As I said each one is a special individual with different needs, stages of development, and growth, etc.
Relax and enjoy the special rocking time, and don't worry about it. Now, that being said, if she still needs to be comforted and rocked when she's 7 or 8 years old, there might be reason to be concerned.
And although you shouldn't just shove the bottle in her mouth and leave her alone in the crib, if she's hungry, hold her and let her feed. At 7 months IMHO is not a critical time to try to force her to sleep and self comfort. If she's teething how do you have her self comfort back to sleep is she's not feeling very comfortable because of teething? And why would anyone deny such a young baby a feeding if it's needed?
Best of luck to you, and ENJOY this time, it'll be GONE FOREVER in a blink of the eyes!!

Dear M.,

Hold them while you can. Rock them while you can.
Soon they will grow and no longer will need that special time.
They are a gift from God.
That very special love that you need.
The purpose in your life of being needed.
My children are now on their own and have children of their own. And I do hope they too take the time to love their children with that special love.
I miss rocking them and singing to them.
These are special momnts in their life.
Things they will remember in time.
Your voice, your heart beat, your love.
I remember as a child hearing my loveones sing and talking to me. And the rhythem of their precious love their heart beat just for me at that time.
Yes it does make one so very tired.
But maybe you can find a time to rest.
So that you are ready for that very special momnent in their life of growing.

Have a good day TODAY
Vicki W.

This is what I did. My little girl is 27 months. When she was a baby she would wake up and I would feed her. When she was old enough not to be fed in the middle of the night but would still wake up from habit, I had a monitor in my room and just listened for her but didn't go in there to pick her up or feed her. I had to make that a habit also. At first she cried because that was the only way she knew to get my attention to come and pick her up but after she realized that I was not coming in every night, she began to get use to the idea and she would go back to sleep. That is what the dr will tell you is "self sooth". Now I have taken her out of her babybed into a big bed that I have those little rails stuffed under the mattress so she can't fall out, I have stuffed animals on top and a few books at the end of her bed that I leave there all the time. She has a night light on in her room. When she wakes up now in the middle of the night / I am downstairs with a monitor. I hear when she wakes up but if she does, she will get one of her books and read to herself and then lay down and go back to sleep. She does this now because that is what I have taught her to do. I have taught her to NOT wake me up in the middle of the night and to learn to do things on her own.... a little independence. I never got into the habit of putting her in the bed with me because I have heard to many horror stories, one being my best friend, who couldn't get out of the habit until her child was nearly in high school. Well her husband had died so I justified that for her but for me... no way... I wanted or should I say NEEDED some husband ALONE time. So I never started that.
I think that it is all what you teach them. She is 27 months and can manuver my laptop better than I can. Most children can't do that but most children are not given the lap top at that age. I have preschool cd's that she can put in the disc drive, turn it on, and click to where she wants to go and can work it better than I can. Had I not taught her to do that, there would be no way she could just jump right in and do that. So you have to teach them what you want them to learn.
Good luck. Just take your time and really think about what you want and you can do anything.

You said that she was sleeping through the night. How long has the night wakings been going on now? She could be having a growth spurt or other developmental change. Often babies wake at night when previously they didn't because of these things. it can last for 1-3 weeks normally. If it goes more than a month then there might be some other cause. My youngest didn't sleep through the night until 8 mths and even now (at 13mths) wakes several times, but goes back to sleep on his own. He's a very light sleeper and is easily disturbed. If he has the slightest congestion, schedule diruption, or whatever, he sleeps very restlessly. He teeths for several weeks before a tooth emerges and this too causes him to wake at night. We stop night feedings around 6-7 mths. After that when he'd wake I'd go comfort him but not nurse him. Gradually I got to where I didn't pick him up when I went it. Just hugged him and laid him back down and pat/rubbed his back for a while. Shortening the time I was in there gradually. Eventually he got to where he was able to get himself back to sleep without me going in there. He has a Baby Pooh that plays music and face lights up when you press its belly. He sleeps with this now. When he wakes at night sometimes he cries out but then he finds his Pooh and plays it a couple of times and then is quiet. So I usually don't have to get up anymore. Although I still wake up since I hear him over the monitor.
If your daughter doesn't phase back out of this after a few weeks you may need to teach her how to self-soothe, if she use to know she may have forgotten by the time the cause of the waking passes. Do what you have to for a few weeks to get her to sleep but after that I would start easing back again.
All babies are different so no one thing is right for everyone. My oldest son (now almost 5 yrs) slept 5 hrs his first night, sleeps 12hrs a day, and can sleep through a tornando hitting the house. His little brother wakes up if the cat sneezes.