Question for Parents That Both Work Full Time or Single Parents..

I was a single parent most of my daughter's growing up years, and I worked full time. I cleaned what I could when I could, and as long as we both had clean underwear and there weren't new life forms evolving in the fridge, I didn't care if the dust bunnies were starting their own civilization under the beds.

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We don't!!!!

Maybe if MIL wants it that way, maybe she would be willing to move in and help out like she had.

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We both work too. My only saving grace is I can work from home a day a week... HOWEVER, I can't remember the last time I really cleaned a bathroom!!! Can you afford to hire a cleaning person? The other option is to get the older kids to help if at all possible... I just try to remind myself that a clean house isn't what "really matters" - spending your free time with family is FAR more important... and try to ignore your MIL : )

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don't let her come visit me! The stairs into our apartment have 3 boxes of diapers and tons of pediasure on it (only place to store the good deals/monthly WIC supply!), at the top of the stairs is our laundry closet with laundry piled to the top of the machine (because tonight my kid actually cooperated and I took some me time instead of actually being productive!), toys and target bags to be put away in living room, bathroom needs cleaned, bedrooms need picked up & vacuumed and I won't even begin to talk about the closets! Hell ya if I was 2 adults to 1 child instead of the other way around our place would be much better - it was 2 years ago before i was pregnant with my little one. but then life takes over and some day I'll have enough energy to take over my life!

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Oh A., I so get it. I too have 4 kids ranging from 11 - 4. I always tell people that if they are coming to see me - excuse the mess. if they are coming to see the house I need a two week notice and then you better cancel because life to too short to not hang out with my kids.

Our house is cluttered, but not disgusting. I make my older two (11 and 10) do weekly chores and then when we have big to-dos they are expected to do extra chores to help out. The younger two (5 and 4) are responsible for picking up their things and keeping their room straightened. They know that if they don't get things done in a timely matter they will find their toys missing (I am a mean mom they tell me).

We have sports 5 days a week and my husband chips in some, but I need him working on the big projects.

One thing to remember that if you don't take care of you, then you can't take care of anything. Get the rest that you need. Your children are only young once. Do a white tornado with everyones help before your MIL comes over. Keep an eye on Groupon for other coupon sites for deals on housekeeping and have a deep clean done every 4 months.

Best of luck!
L.

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Um, clean house??? LOL Have not had one in years. Oh, I do the dishes, sweep, we mop, do laundry, wipe things down and clean toilets. But, Better Home and Garden clean? No way, Not ever.

I am a single working (usually) Mom. I decided years ago when my son was little that spending time with him was more important than having a spotless house. I only have so much time in a day, 8/9 hours at work, then home to my son...Dinner time, bath time when he was little, now at 14, it is just hang out and talk time, but time with him comes first.

I try to keep the "company" areas of the house neat. With an open floor plan that means the front living room and kitchen/dining area. That way if any one comes over those areas are not total disasters.

On weekends we spend a couple hours doing chores, unless there we have something else planned. Like this Saturday, I am going to have a girls day, he is going to have a Dad day and Sunday is church day - so we will get nothing done.

I don't worry about it anymore.
This is my house, it is lived in, laughed in, and has love in abundance.

God Bless

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Save your sanity and hire a maid or a cleaning service to do the heavy cleaning for you. It is crazy enough just trying to keep up with daily activities! I have someone come once a week but a lot of my friends do every 2 weeks. It is well worth the money!

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We both work full time and I have paid for a cleaning person 2x a month. At about 80 bucks a pop, its well worth it. I'd have the 18 year old mow your lawn, and laundry is a pain no matter what.... I'd cut back a phone or cable bill before I'd get rid of the cleaning lady. She dusts, does bathrooms, sweeps, changes the bed linens, and does the wood floor

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If you can afford a house cleaner-DO IT. We did and it's the BEST and she is really reasonablly priced. She cleans our whole house every other week and on the off week, she cleans the main floor only. I still have to do the "pre-clean" making sure everything is picked up and out of the way, but that forces you to put some of the clutter away. My 3 & 6 year old know that Deb with throw their stuff away if it's not put away by the time she gets their ;)

I ALWAYS cleaned prior to having kids and had no issues with it. But working full time, I want to spend time with my kids on the weekends. I still have all the other chores like grocery shopping, homework, baths, lunches dinners, so it's not like I get to sit around because I have a house cleaner, but it makes for one less job for me to do.

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You've probably just fallen far enough behind (you are a busy family!!) that it seems overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be. Here's what I would do...

sacrifice your next weekend...yup, the whole thing...and get EVERYTHING spotless, organized, etc. Here's how I do it, when I get behind and want to really get ahead...

1. Go one room at a time. Go through the room (including it's closets, drawers, etc) and get rid of EVERYTHING you don't want/need for either a garage sale or to donate. I have a mountain in the basement that I add to regularly, and once a year I sort it (takes a month) for sale/donation. So, take a box with you, or laundry basket, or whatever, into each room.

2. In fact, take two. Anything that doesn't belong in that room, throw in the other box, and put away when you get to the room it goes in.

3. Clean, clean, clean. Enlist everyone's help, and really do a job that you are proud of. If you put on some music, washing down the walls and floors, dusting, etc can zip by and be very fun. This is also a great time to rearrange furniture, because it helps you get everything cleaner and gives you a fresh look.

4. Move from room to room, repeating the process. If your whole family helped, you can do your whole house in a weekend. Even the little ones can totally help...they can go around and throw in the things that don't belong, they can dust, they can sit on the furniture while you move it (fun, right?)

Once you have a spotless house, make a few rules. Like, put things away IMMEDIATELY after using them. Do the dishes as you use them...while you're making dinner, etc. When you fold the laundry, put it away instead of in a stack on a chair somewhere. After you brush your teeth, wipe out the sink. Etc. etc. If you stay on top, you have less cleaning to do.

Also, the more frequently you clean, the less time it takes...exponentially!! If you clean your bathroom twice a week you can do it in five minutes...but if you wait two weeks, for example, it can take an hour to really scrub it down good. Same goes for dusting, etc...zoom over it every day, and it takes two minutes.

I love to do chores while listening to music, and dance, etc...makes it fun and seems to go so much faster.

That's my advice...and that way, when company stops by, you're ready for them.

(This is all inspired by my mother, who is an OCD neat freak with her house...like, unbelievable...and I grew up in it. I hated it, so I rebelled until I had children of my own. Then I felt like I had to keep up...and now I love it. I'm not nearly as crazy about it as she is, but I love having a clean house.)

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I am with you !!! And then I see my daughter's friend who has a stay at home mom, and their house is a mess and she never knows whats for dinner. I have 4 days off a week since I work 12 1/2 hour shifts and I find my days off are all laundry and one day I do the stove and bathrooms, and only a big clean of refrig etc when visitors coming. I thoughtabout a cleaner my sister in law has one for 60 for 3 hrs, but in my city it is 68 an hour and they don't do windows, ha. my husband complains there is a dusty screendoor, I tell him when I come in the house I have hands full of grocercies and 2 kids, I don't look at the door, maybe he can do it. He did it twice and makes a big deal of it. Laundry takes a couple hours to fold and put in our room and 2 kids room. Dinner takes time to prepare. Then you have the endless toys around the house. Luckily the kids 5 and 8 can finally clean their rooms, yeah, that helps. Once they are old enough for that you have to have them do that, when they agree, I know my 5 year old insists his arms are tooo tired sometimes to pick up a toy, ha. I wish I could say that. Unfortunately I am anal and can't stand to have anything out of place, so I run around for an hour each day even when I get home at 930pm and put it away, my husband says leave it for tomorrow why are you angry and putting everything away now, but if it builds up it will become impossible. He says tell me what to do, but I tried and find that is just a struggle. But your MIL should not complain till she walks in your shoes. But all this cleaning we are missing out on the fun in our lives and our children. my children don't ask me to play, only my husband, I was sad when I found out they said I don't know how to play. So the house doesnt have to be perfect at the loss of good famiy time, I hope I have learned that. Take Care.; good luck great question :)

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I never judge someone else's house (unless its approaching "condemned by the health inspector" level of unclean). And I figure that most parents that also work full time understand that that is the way it works--spending quality time with family supersedes cleanliness (as long as there are clean dishes to eat of off and clean clothes to wear).

What we do at our house is the 10 (or 15 or 20) minute clean. Our son is too little to really help (he's 2.5 years). So, after he goes to bed, we set the timer on the stove and clean for 10 or 15 or 20 minutes. It doesn't matter if it's finished, just making the effort helps. This doesn't solve the problem entirely, of course, but it helps to keep on top of the worst of the worst.

If your child(ren) are old enough to play baseball and be out of the house 3 or 4 nights per week, they are also old enough to help with some minimal tasks (sweeping or vacuuming, loading the dishwasher, washing windows, wiping out the bathroom sink and cleaning the toilet). We've been considering getting one of those auto-spray contraptions for the bathroom shower, but I'm still on the fence.

We also spend at least a couple of hours cleaning the house on the weekends.

If you have the money, it might be worth it to hire weekly or twice per month cleaning help.

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We realized that it was draining us too! So, we get a maid about every 3 weeks to a month to do a deep house cleaning and the rest of the time, we make sure everyone puts away their own stuff (that includes my 2.5 and almost 4 year old). They have to put away their own toys before we brush teeth and put them to bed. We also try to practice putting things away right away (like laundry) instead of letting it sit around. It is hard -- my husband and I both work around 50 hours a week plus commute. We found spending the time with our family more important than the major housecleaning....of course now I am due with my 3rd baby in a week and am scared that my mom will visit before the maid comes :) My mom is old school white glove baseboard watcher *sigh* Good luck in finding your own balance!

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I know for me, my house is never as clean as I would like it, but I do my best, and like you, family time is way more important than having a spotless house. I try to have a schedule with each day of the week focusing on one room or one task (i.e. Mondays I do the kitchen, tuesday I dust the house, etc) And then each week also rotates and so in addition to the daily tasks I may focus more on one room for the week, for example, one week I may do more detailed cleaning in the kitchen like wiping down some of the cabinets or cleaning out the fridge, for the next week, I may try to detail clean the kids rooms better than just a quick dust and a straighten up. I also try to straighten up every day, pick up any toys, sweep up the cat sand that seems to get all over my laundry room floor, and also a load of laundry a day and put away the clothes from the previous day. If I don't do that, it piles up and then I never want to do laundry. Try going to flylady.net. It is a website that is designed to help keep your house and life organized. It lays out a more detailed schedule and ideas but I have since adapted it to work for our crazy schedules. I have definitely felt better about my house since finding this website. But the one thing to remember, your kids will remember the quality time that you spent with them not that your baseboards were dirty.

1. Check out flylady.com
2. Get the older 2 to start helping - there is no reason why they can't have some responsibilities around the house if they are living there too. Start assigning them chores or expect them to pay you for doing their work if it is not done within a certain time frame.
3. Consider having a cleaning service come in every 2 weeks to get the major heavy-duty cleaning done.
4. Don't worry so much about what other people think.

kids come first...they are only young once. Take that time and enjoy them. Do not worry what others may think. Its really none of their business and frankly you should not have to explain to anyone why your house is a mess.

Have clean up a family affair. This way everyone is involved and doing it as a family. Separate the chores according to what each person can realistically do. Especially the kids. Make it fun, make it a race to get something done. When everyone is done, sit down at the kitchen and enjoy a bowl of ice cream with your family.

People worry about the less important things, when the most important thing is family! Don't sweat the small stuff.

I am a single mom, work part time and raise my son. My house is never clean, nor do i make housework a priority. As long as the dishes, clothes, and bathroom is clean, the rest can wait when I have a free hour when my son is sleeping. Spending time at the park with my son is way more of a priority then getting all my baseboards clean.

If your MIL thinks your place is messy, tell her...come on over, i am more then happy to lend a rag and cleaner! That will make her shut up really fast or take you up on it ;)

Personally, if i was married and had two kids with both parents working, I would spend the money and hire a maid. A clean house is not a priority. My kids are. As one day, they will no longer be there. Before that happens, i will do everything I can to spend every blessed second I have with them.

Take a deep breath and enjoy your kids!

My husband works full time and cooks 3-4 times a week and does dishes twice a week. I rarely cook and I hate doing dishes.

For the last 4 years I've either been going to Nursing school full time and working part time or recently - working full time and am pregnant. I've just gone down to part time because my pregnant body cannot handle all that Nursing is full time. When I'm not working, I'm tired and nap a lot.

We have a 5 y/o whom I drop off to school, pick up, do homework with and take out or have fun at home.

My house is a mess. Paper and laundry clutter everywhere. I have 13 cats - which really add to the mess because when I DO clean up an area, the younger ones tear everything around.

My husband is almost done building a rear screened in porch where most of the cats will be full time, and my sister will be here for a week helping me de-clutter, organize and clean - hopefully in time before baby comes!

We are expected to do so much now, stress levels are high, so many children don't get quality time with their parents, homes aren't clean, dinners aren't eaten as a family, and money still is hard to make. I don't see it getting better anytime soon.

I didn't go through all the answers so excuse me if someone already said this. As a single parent, it is impossible to keep it as clean as I would like. That being said, it is much cleaner now that the kids are older. I thought I was going to pull my hair out last summer. I instituted a rule that everyone helps me clean for 10 minutes daily. They pick the room. I get one on one time. We get to talk about what's going on in their life, and I get a clean house. For me that means 3 rooms get cleaned with help. On my own time I do a load of laundry a day. I have a list of things that have to be caught up on, on the weekends. I also have a list of things that have to be done once a month. In total I clean for one hour a day, with an extra hour or two on the weekends. Yes the kids have to pick a weekend and monthly chore to do as well. Many hands make light work.

We don't. Unfortunately.

Today was my first day back at work, leaving my husband home Monday through Friday with three boys (4 1/2, almost 3, and 2 months old). I leave for work by 8 and am home by 6. He works 3-11 Sunday through Thursday, so I've got all three kids alone in the evening until almost midnight, we have church Sunday morning, then he leaves for work again. I hate using up Saturdays, but when I get up Saturday morning that is my time of desperation when I throw all the toys across the living room, vacuum what I can find of the carpet, throw things the other way, repeat, pick up the kitchen and spot mop, wash a few dishes after meals and get the rest the next day, etc. We usually do at least one load of laundry a day to keep up, but right now I can see newspaper, novels, shoes (including a few of mine), sweatshirts, dinosaurs, cars, teething rings, kids' books, a diaper bag, unfolded (but once folded) bath towels, a push-walker, diapers, a pillow, coupons, a ballpoint pen, and Easter church crafts, and that is JUST a part of the carpeted area that I can see. On top of it are the crumbs from the kids running into the living room while munching crackers (which they are not allowed to do, but they forget when they want to say something).

I just warn people if they want to drop by and freak out and throw things to one side, but we live in a very small space. It is much more work for me to get my youngers kids to help me (for example, an hour and a half to pick up the living room vs. fifteen minutes for me to do it after making them make a token effort--my oldest is easily distracted like me).

I used to get frustrated that the house was so messy when I got home from work since I knew my husband was home for the day, but after my maternity leave and being home alone with the boys, I can never in good conscience raise an eyebrow at it again. When I'm working I usually don't end up in bed until 1 or 2 in the morning on a good night and then need to be up by 6:30 to get the baby fed and settled and get ready for work, so I am pretty comatose during the day. (I would be in bed earlier, but I start chatting with my husband after the kids are in bed and he's just so FUN to talk with that I forget what time it is.)

I have to set my major priorities--upstairs bathroom is low because we're the only ones who use it. Same with our bedroom (unfortunately). The kids' bedroom gets picked up and vacuumed at least every other week (they don't play in it, just have books), and so on. Downstairs we're starting the season of the ant and other outdoor critters looking for food, so frequent vacuuming is a must, as is keeping the kitchen floor spot-cleaned. I just try to make a race out of it with a task, like pick a longish song I like and see if I can beat the song to get something done, or not allow myself another sip of coffee before I clear off a table or something. Otherwise, you might have to resign yourself to the messy house for a while, as long as any potential health issues or safety hazards are dealt with. :(

Oh, (forgive how long this is!!) you could always see if you have a friend in the same boat who would want to trade coffee and cleaning dates. Have her over for coffee while one of you entertains the kiddos (little ones) and you clean, and then return the favor. I've known women who do that and like it. Cleaning service is way out of what we could afford. I used to clean other people's houses and still enjoy it, but my own is hard. My maternity leave project was gutting my basement and making it clean and now even though the house is a mess it just feels better. Make a Serenity Shelf that nobody can touch that always stays clean so that when you look around at chaos, you have something peaceful and clean to help you relax. :)

I'm a stay at home mom who usually keeps a perfectly clean home, BUT, I started watching a 7 month old 6 days a week, plus a 4 year old 2 days a week, clean a house on Wednesdays, and babysit an 8 year old on the weekends. I also go to church for one service and then work the other service in the nursery, soooooo...... the house is constantly a mess now and it's driving me nuts. I feel your pain.

We don't. Fortunately there is no family in the area that surprises us with a drop in. We do a good cleaning (and I mean cleaning, with mopping, bathroom and all of that) probably once a month and set aside a weekend day for that. The rest of the time it's just upkeep: a quick vacuum job, sweep, dishes and once a week laundry. If we are going to have company (like we are this week) one of us sets aside some time to get the house ready.
There are simply not enough hours in the day to do it all, so we choose to not make a clean home our priority... I mean it's not DIRTY, but I also wouldn't eat off the floors.
BTW, my daughter is three and has to help with chores (of course at this age she still wants to...), so I would suggest "motivating" your older kids a little more to pitch in.
Good luck.

If your m-i-l is so concerned, let her clean for you! My husband and I both work, have only 2 kids, both are involved in sports all year round, sometimes more than 1, and I'm president of our pto, so volunteering takes up a lot of my time as well. The housework does come last and really who cares! Do the best you can, have the older kids help pick up. The best advice: have a party...whenver we do, we do the "big clean"!

I think it is impossible to keep it immaculate clean all the time. I try to deep clean once a week and throughout the week it's mostly picking up and keeping it looking decent and doing dishes. It all depends on when you get home from work and what your weekends look like. I have one child 2 1/2 and I have her pick up toys with me and put them in the toy box in her room or in the toy box in the den if she has those toys everywhere. I try to pick up throughout the day just randomly, just pick up a toy she isn't playing with for the past half hour and put it away. A lot is just knowing how long it truly takes to do things. Picking up the house, I live in a split level house and it honestly only takes 10 mins to pick up billions of toys lol but longer to do dishes and forever and a day to fold laundry haha. Look at y'alls day and see what squeezes of time one of ya can do little things of cleaning. Them older 2 you need to kick in the pants and make them help out... I would flip on my little one if she was 18 and didn't help :P

Hi A.
I am a single parent plus I work full time, so basically my house isn't the neatest in town!! lol It isn't dirty just cluttered. I really don't like leaving it all till the weekend when I am off cause that is my quality time with dd. I do leave the laundry till the weekend though. I have found for the rest of it i squeeze in what I can and I have a cut off time say 10.00pm that I stop and say no more!!. I do only have one child compared to your 4 but it still builds up. Some of my tricks are 1) Sunday evening I spend an hour ironing everything we will need for the week. (school clothes, after school activity clothes and my work clothes) all other clothes are done on an as needed basis. (I can hear my mom screaming in horror) :-) 2) When dd is in bed 8.00 - 8.30pm I maybe have the t.v on, so at every commercial break i will do something - dishes, put clothes away, dust, lunches for next day etc. As I said before I stop at 10.00. I totally agree that spending time with my family is more important than housework. When your kids are older what would you rather they remember - mom and dad continually cleaning or all the fun things you did together. My house is a home and is lived in, not a show home for others to comment on.

Good Luck. :-)

Hi A.,

I only have one child but hubby and I both work full time 1.5 hours away from our home 5 days a week so we are fairly time poor. I have only found two options:

1. Clean on the weekend during naps, only doing the essentials (meaning not every chore gets done every week)

2.) Hire a cleaner. (tried this but she didn't do things the way we like and we ended up having to clean again anyways)

I'll do loads of laundry during the week and run the dishwasher before we leave for work and empty when we come home. That is about the most I can manage during the week. I vacuum and do the bathrooms on the weekend as well as grocery shop and cook meals for the week.

well between work and school for the older kids, your house is empty a lot of the day, so it should be less work to keep it clean than if people were home all day. i know that my house is a TON messier and more work to clean now that I stay home than when I worked. That being said, delegate, make a schedule, do a little every day at various times so that nothing gets behind and you don't have to work at it all night. for example

start a load of wash before bed, put it in the dryer in the morning, have an older kid fold it after school.
have everyone old enough to do so wash any dishes, or at least rinse and put in the dishwasher, after meals, run the dishwasher after work before you go out to whatever activities, unload after kids go to bed at night
dust on monday, vacuum on tuesday
have everyone wipe down the bathroom after use, this will keep the counters clean, then just clean the toilet and tub on wednesday
poof, you have a clean house
other things like picking up then are easy, and the older kids really should pick up after themselves, make sure you have a discreet, organized place to toss things like mail and back packs, coats, shoes, sports stuff, ect. for bills and school notices and such a desktop office tray works well, or I use a lined wicker basket, then once a week or whatever i can take 5 minutes and sort it, pay bills and sign permission slips. We have a tiny entryway so no room for coats and shoes, ect. but we have a closet nearby where it all goes, and ok it's a mess but the door closes, lol. if i have time i clean it up every so often but no one sees it but us so it's no big deal.
I know with that many people in the house (we are a family of 6) one load of wash a day may not cut it, but if the older kids need stuff washed more than that they really can do it themselves, and you can always do 2 or 3 loads on saturday and sunday to catch up. the thing about laundry and dishes are that they are always there, so just try to do a little every day so you don't have to devote entire days to getting caught up.

Leave your vacuum cleaner sit out, then if someone comes over you can say you were just starting to clean up.

Seriously though...Do what you can and if your house is not spotless, who the heck cares? Don't let other people influence you. My house is a wreck and my kids are teenagers...their friends like to come to our house because they feel at home here. I'd hire a house cleaner if I could afford it, but I can't. I have had to learn to live with the mess because I cannot get it all done with working. Before I had kids my house was spotless...now not so much!

I hear you! Two full-time working parents and three little boys = big mess! We got a roomba at the beginning of the year, and it is seriously the best thing we ever bought. I've always got Mount fold-more awaiting attention, and toys making a break for it out of the playroom. I had a cleaner but she was hopeless. I'm looking for another one now to do a few hours once or twice a week.

We have a cleaning lady that comes once every two weeks. She does the major cleaning. We keep up with dishes and laundry and picking up. But she takes are of all the big stuff, and is worth EVERY PENNY!!

do a bit every day...and the kids need to help. You aren't doing them a favor by pampering them.

I am a clean freak...probably to the point of being a nut about it. I work 40 hours a week my husband works 50+ a week. Doesnt leave a whole lotta time to clean. After the kids go to bed, we pick a chore and do it takle it together, for instance i sweep and he swiffers. Our house is never spotless but it is clean and doesnt smell. Good luck its hard to squeeze in one more thing into an allready over crowded day

Updated

I am a clean freak...probably to the point of being a nut about it. I work 40 hours a week my husband works 50+ a week. Doesnt leave a whole lotta time to clean. After the kids go to bed, we pick a chore and do it takle it together, for instance i sweep and he swiffers. Our house is never spotless but it is clean and doesnt smell. Good luck its hard to squeeze in one more thing into an allready over crowded day

For one, ignore your MIL. Second, here's some things that helped me...buy one of those light vacumes and just zip them around the kitchen and entry hallway everyday. That helps a lot in cutting down on crumbs, dust and dirt. Then you can just spot clean each room for a couple minutes every night. And if you can afford it, hire someone to deep clean once or twice a month.