Question for Ex Drug Addicts

I know I wouldn't have stopped until I finally decided using was causing more problems than it was solving--and that meant a lot of pain for me and the people around me. But in the meantime, I really recommend Al-anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/). It can really help with getting the support necessary to help with a loved one who is struggling with addiction. Hang in there.

First I would make a dummie FC account and try to add him, maybe make it a local girl to where he is at, just as backup. I can share with you that we went through this with my older brother and in order to keep in contact with him, my dad would buy him groceries in lieu of giving him money and he would always come get them. At least they could see him. Kind of lured him back around. It wasnt really discussed with him until he decided to move back home. Hes 18, so its hard. Just keep showing him your love if you can and let him know that you guys are there for him. Pray, and pray hard, pray until something happens. If you want to show him some tough love call the cops on him, its hard but it may be the reality check he needs.

I'm not critiquing 'you' here... but
just explaining my own thoughts on things.

I used to use drugs. Different types. Everyday. I got myself off. By myself. I was not so far gone, though, as your Step-Son. But I know what its about, intrinsically. For me, it was just a college phase. Then I grew up.

Okay, the thing is, he is 18. Okay.
So typically, there is the view that we can't do anything, because the person is old enough and 18. So then, people don't do anything... because, again, the person is 18.
Okay, so then what? Does that mean, that anyone 18 and over cannot be helped? Or that we cannot help?
What if this were your Husband or brother or sister? Or your own Parent? Does that mean, because they are over 18, that we just c.a.n.n.o.t. do anything?
I don't believe that.

If someone is in trouble, and cannot navigate themselves...then we "can" do whatever is possible, whatever is doable, whatever is needed... to help our loved ones. Or they may end up dead.

I would keep tracking him on FB. And don't let him know.
Good.
I would also go out there to Nebraska. And do something.
He cut off everyone because he is a druggie. Not because he is "himself."
This is 'normal' druggie behavior.
But, obviously, he is in a terrible state.
AG suggested some good ideas in her post.

He is family. I would do anything I could.
Sure, he's an addict. Addicts are like that. They have to admit themselves to a facility. etc. etc. But it doesn't hurt to 'try' and help.
Why not?

What drugs is he on?
Some are more hard core.
The person gets addicted... mentally/emotionally and physically. The body gets hooked on it too, then craves more. But a person can stop. They have to want to. It will take several attempts. But I believe, they also need some kind of counseling/Therapy in conjunction with stopping the drug.
Is there anything that happened to him, that triggered his drug use?
Has he always had a history of trouble?
There is probably no conclusive answer. Maybe even his parents divorce affected him. Who knows.

The point is, where he is now. You know where he is.
And so, you and your family know about him and his current life.
He left town. Went to Nebraska.
What is the point of knowing where he is, if no one will help?
So he either will be a missing person in the family and everyone else goes on with their lives... without him. Or not. And one day, in Nebraska, since he is 'homeless'... he will become another nameless non-entity in the homeless community.... and living on park benches and no one really knowing WHO he is or where he came from.
Everyday, in every city... there are COUNTLESS 'homeless' on our streets... and no one really knows who they are or where they came from or they don't even have an I.D. on them. It is sad. Drug user or not.

Since he is 18... and homeless/not working/has no income/has no home address in which to get a job... he C.A.N.N.O.T get any sort of ID or driver's license or anything basic, in order to survive. Nor to identify him as a human being who used to have a family.
If he ends up in a morgue... he will be un-identifiable ...
all you know, is that he goes on the computer at a local library.

No, I don't believe that 18 year olds cannot be helped.

all the best,
Susan

I just want to say that D. hit the nail on the head with her post.

g

I've been close to several families in which at least one member was an addict. All of them have found tremendous wisdom and support in their local Al-Anon group. They learn how not to be enablers and how to take care of themselves emotionally.

My best to you. Your step son will probably come to appreciate your care some day.

My heart just broke when I read this. My daughter 4 1/2 years ago at the age of 16 decided our rules (mine and her step fathers) were too tough (we have always been told we are very liberal and open minded by her friends) so she left to go live with her Father in another state. Not long after being there she found out rules there werent too different and am still not sure to this date whether he kicked her out or if she up and left, but Face Book is exactly how I kept up with her too. I made the mistake of trying to talk to her on it though and she did remove me from her friends list. She got in with the wrong crowds and had a real hard go of it for a long time. I am very fortunate in that now almost years later we are best of friends again and she has recently moved back towards home more, she lives 30 mintes away. She has been taking college courses to get her nursing degree and works full time. She is still a normal 20 year old with the wild streak showing occasionally but thanks to lots of prayers and MANY MANY tears my baby came full circle. I do not have any advice other then to pray, and know in your heart that there is nothing you can or could have done. Sometimes people just need to find out for themselves where love lies and eventually they will be back......back to see if the unconditional love we preach from birth is really there. Good luck honey, you and yours will join my prayers.

D. my heart goes out to you.

My hubby's best friend from childhood, who stood up for him at our wedding somehow became a coke addict in his mid thirties and ended up stealing a lot of money from us when we had him over for dinner. (We had been out of the country for years and did not know about his addiction.)

He is forty now, living on the streets, has been through very very expensive rehabs many times and is still using. In an act of what I imagine is the hardest thing a mother could ever face, and a moment of tremendous courage, his mother kicked him out of her house and allowed him to live homeless, knowing that he might die. She realized that as long as she allows him to live at home, she enables him to use drugs, to spend any momey he might use for food or lodging on more coke. I can't imagine the pain she goes through.

I don't think there is anything you can do. He has to want it more than he wants the drug-- but his body believes he won't survive without the drug. If you can, communicate that you love him anyway (but ignore all pleas for money)

I am sorry. I hope he comes back to you safe and healthy. It does happen.

he will block you if you try to contact him... I don't admit it to alot of people but I used to be on drugs really bad, me and my finacee.I started off really young about 15 or so. We didn't care about anything but our next hit. There is nothing you can do for him. I know thats not what you wanted to hear but its honest. He has to hit rock bottom. It took us 5 years then we got in trouble weith the law. During this 5 years I had a beautiful daughter but this wasn't enough to change me. Needless to say she spent alot of time with my mother. When we got caught we were looking a 10 years ( a very scary feeling) and thats when it finally kicked in- my daughter would be 12 yrs old when I got out. Luckily we got sentenced to a wonderful program called Drug Court- I owe this program my life. 5 year program with random drug test and they send you to rehab and make you get a "real" job. Now we've been clean for 6 years and have came so far...Now I'm a hard working 24 year old mom of a beautiful 5 year old girl and I have the ability to provide her with all of he needs and "most of her wants"...People could never guess I'd ever done drugs. Just pray for him....I hate it but he'll have to get in trouble before he changes. You can't let it worry you or you'll drive yourself nuts. Your welc,ome to contact me at anytime and ask me any thing.

We are right there with you with a few family members.

Our best weapon is to:
Pray ....Pray....Pray ....Pray ....Pray

Put him on prayer lists....prayer chains...

Additionally, I ditto AG's response below.

I know your pain. His going out on his own, may be the best or the worst thing for him. Ultimately, he can't blame you or your husband for what happens to him while he's on the road. His problem is really out of your hands.

There's no guarantee, but some young people do find their way without help from their parents and come back full circle.

You may want to speak to a drug counselor or a psycho-therapist to help you deal with the stress and worry you have. A counselor or therapist can also help you decide how you will deal with or answer him when and "if" he contacts you in the future.
I wish you peace of mind.

Updated

I know your pain. His going out on his own, may be the best or the worst thing for him. Ultimately, he can't blame you or your husband for what happens to him while he's on the road. His problem is really out of your hands.

There's no guarantee, but some young people do find their way without help from their parents and come back full circle.

You may want to speak to a drug counselor or a psycho-therapist to help you deal with the stress and worry you have. A counselor or therapist can also help you decide how you will deal with or answer him when and "if" he contacts you in the future.
I wish you peace of mind.