Question About Whether to Repeat the 3 Yo Program in Preschool

Hey C.,
You have gotten a lot of great feedback here. I just wanted to add this no matter what you decide.

If you are considering "holding him back" at 3 or 4 perhaps look at it a different way: You will be giving him the GIFT of another year.

(that being said I sent both my girls with late birthdays to Kindergarten when they were 5, but since moving to this area they are by far the youngest in their class with many kids almost 2 years older because they were given the gift of another year when their birthdays weren't that late)

Pray over your decision.

1 mom found this helpful

It seems that boys in general do better when they are the among the oldest in class. What's the rush? Let him repeat. JMHO. Good luck!

In addition to discussing the issue with your pediatrician, you might consider an evaluation by a psychologist with expertise in child development to rule out any specific needs your son might need to be addressed. Because your son is still young, development is variable and he might "catch up" just fine. However you decide, you ought to get more information about your child's functioning and if it's generally where he ought to be and/or whether he might need some type of early intervention. It also sounds like a good idea to find out what are the expectations in the 4 year old program as part of your decision making process.

This is my opinion but I think that if he is doing well academically (looking at the work they did in the 3 year old program) then you should let him go to the 4 year program. This school seems like they are basing their decision on his behavior (very active). Like you said, boys are generally active because I have two boys myself. Also go with your gut because they wanted you to send him in diapers and you did what you needed too for your son. Now if you decide to let him stay behind still work on the academics they do in the 4 year program because right now your son's school is looking at him developing socially which is also very important. I do agree with the other lady about seeing if he's allowed to move up if he improves (if you decide to let him stay behind). Just pray on it and you will make the right decision for your son. Good luck.

These are all great suggestions. I would just add that, in addition to talking to the teacher/director about what is required in the 4 yo class, go ahead and observe a class or two yourself. I have two kids who have been through preschool, and I have always found the differences between preschool 3s and 4s classes remarkable-in terms of both the children's behavior and the teacher's expectations.

As you know from your older child, the emphasis in the 3s classes is on play, forming good social behavior skills, sharing and taking turns, learning to follow directions, etc. Once they get to the 4s class, it's typically a more formal environment, where the kids are expected to sit quietly at desks or tables, work more independently, and they really emphasize the academic skills that they will need to master before kindergarten. And now that kindergarten programs are typically run like first grade used to be, they need to hit the ground running.

That said, if you have any sense that they are encouraging you along this path not because it's in the best interest of your child, but just because they're running low on slots for next year, then maybe you should consider choosing another preschool.

HI. I must say, I really don't like it when people try to hold a child back. Unless your son is really far behind developmentally, I really don't see how they can judge where he will be in 8 months. I would think twice about sending my child to a place that seems like they want to hold him back. Boys are very rambunctious and I think it takes more to hold their attention, so maybe a more challenging curriculum would be best for him. You know your son better than anyone else. Do you think it will help him to repeat that program? If not, tell them to deal with it. Based on what you said about the diaper incident, it sounds like they are rather lazy and really don't want to have to do anything. I would also ask them what the 4 yr old curriculum is, then based on that make your decision. Also does it seem like he is having a hard time? If he is understanding, learning and mastering what they are currently teaching, what will he gain by staying in that program another year? Good Luck.

I agree with Jen F. The inconsistency of being in two different centers could be a problem and I definitely don't agree with the diaper thing. As a preschool teacher I can tell you we deal with accidents, its part of the job, especially with children who are adjusting to a new program/routine/teacher/caregiver.

I agree its too early to make that decision. Did the teacher give you specific reasons as to why she thought he wasn't ready? Is he actually behind the other children? If so, is it enough that he would be lost with a more advanced curriculum?

Have you considered getting him into a public school pre-k program? They are 5 days a week, half days and I believe because they are state mandated they offer more help to t child who may be struggling (simply because they have more resources to do so).

I don't think I saw this option out there but have you had your child's speech problems addressed with his pediatrician? If so, does the pediatrician think he should be evalutated by an outside source? I ask these because my youngest son is three and he has speech delays. I do not know what state you are in but most of them have a preschool program if your child is deficient enough in his vocabulary. Also, my son seems to be about 6-8 months developmentally delayed because of his speech problem. I would ask the questions about the difference between the programs but I would also address the speech with his doctor and look to the school system for assistance with preschool. The worst they can do is say no. If they say yes, than you may get at least 3 free days a week. Also, depending on the state, he may stay in that program until kindergarten. Next year, my son will be going five days a week and hopefully he will start kindergarten the next year.

Your son may not have these problems but if your insurance covers it, get him to a developmental specialist and if there is no delay, put him in the program. Also, I would take the suggestions of looking at a five day program at the same center and look for a different one because as another lady said, if they do not have time for accidents (which are a part of potty training), he may not be getting the attention that he truly needs to suceed and this will ultimately be detrimental to his health.

I wish you the best of luck with this.

Hi - I say go with the four year old program. Like you said, he has time to mature. And I would think it would help to stay with peers or slightly older.... go with your gut!

hi C.,
i honestly would try not to get too worried about it. it's unfortunate that there's such a stigma about 'repeating', it feels like a failure of some sort. i agree with other posters that a frank non-judgemental conversation with the program director is necessary, not so much to persuade her to give your son a chance, but so that everyone is really aware of everyone else's concerns. the simple fact is that children do not mature at a nice even chronological pace, even though this serious fardles up schools' nice neat schedules. and when they're so very young, practically toddlers, their progress is even more sporadic. it bugs me that your three-year-old was expected to be fully potty-ready with no accidents, and that a high energy level is somehow seen as a negative. if you decide that this place is really where you want your son to be, try to think of the classes holistically and not segmented by age (a totally artificial way to herd kids anyway.) look at the activities and expectations and judge with a clear honest eye where your son would be happiest. as has been pointed out, being the youngest in a group can be tough. then go to bat for him if you genuinely feel he would benefit the most in the older group, not based on what progress he has made in the past or what you anticipate he'll do in the future. by kindergarten he'll be where he needs to be regardless of where he spends next year. your job is to get him placed where he'll be happiest.
khairete
S.

I see that you have gotten a lot of good advice. I am a mom of 2 girls 4 and 3 so I don't know what it is like to raise a boy. However, my girls are in daycare/preschool 5 days per week. With my first child we changed daycares several time within the first year. She had a harder time settling into routines and care was inconsistent from center to center. Now both girls are in the same center and have been for since my baby was 2 months old. My point is that if your son is in two different centers then his structure and routines are not consistent. If a center makes you put him back in diapers because "they don't have time for accidents" then maybe they are unable to give him the special attention he needs right now as he is learning and developing. As a mom, I think you should follow your gut feeling. Children change so fast and mature at different rates. He is a little guy that should be given all the opportunities available in a consistent and nurturing environment. Good luck.

I have a couple of points I'd like to make. First, I agree with you that the decision is being made way too soon. Your son could mature alot in those months and be ready, however you did say he has the late birthday and is the young one there. That being said, boys, especially high energy boys, often do need that extra time to mature and be ready for the next step. 4's preK is more concentrated on getting ready for kindergarten. There is more "work" and less "play", although at this age it should all be fun. They will work more with writing, cutting, concepts and they will be expected to sit for longer periods and to stay on task longer. The teacher may feel that he won't be ready for that and she has most likely seen this situation many times before. My advice is to hold him back now. Many, many boys benefit from the extra year. I've never, in my 24 years of parenting, met one parent who decided to hold them back in the preK years that regretted it. If you wait until he's having problems or even until next year when all they talk about at year's end is kindergarten and he's not going, he may feel left out. The sooner the better and he won't be harmed. You may be surprised at how many times in the years to come you silently thank that teacher for giving him that extra opportunity to be ready for what lies ahead. Everyone pushes so hard for little kids to go to school now. Hurry, hurry and read, write, add...be ready. It's actually a gift to let them take extra time to get ready for all that. I speak from experience - My 16 year old son's preK teacher asked me to hold him back too. I remember it well and the confusion it caused. In the end, we decided to do 3 years of preK before kindergarten and I will tell you that by the time he hit the 4's program I KNEW, without one doubt, that he was ready to move on at year's end. I knew by then the teacher had been correct. I am also currently the mom of a high energy 5 year old son who missed the cutoff for kindergarten this year by 3 days. That was okay by me. He'll be more than ready when that day comes and I didn't have to make this decision, but I'm glad it presented itself.

Sounds like you are asking the right questions and you got great advice here. Get all the information and evaluate what is best for your child, ignore what they calendar says is the "right" thing to do.

My son had the opposite problem, he had a late birthday, and the daycare wouldn't advance him. We got testing, psychological evaluations and followed our instincts about what would be best for our child, ignoring what the calendar said. As a result our son spent two years in the 3s and then went to kindegarten. He;s doing great, it was the right thing for this child.

Find out what the requirements are for the 4's, why they want to hold him back, and think about what is best for your child. No decision now is binding, he could always go to kindegarten without ever going to the 4's.

This question really struck me. I am a mother of a two and a half yr. boy. I am also a mother of a 19 yr. old girl. thats 19 years....not months..some people miss that. ;-) Way back yonder I had this same delemma...to hold her back or put her through. She was in the kindergarden program. I was the one who was posing the question. I was always the youngest in my class....always trying to keep up...I was 17 when I graduated..(by the skin of my teeth). I was a November baby and my daughter was a September baby. So needless to say I was very tuned into her educationally. She was doing fine..but I noticed her maturity level was "her age" an "early" 5yr old. I didn't want to push her for no reason. I wanted her to enjoy her classes. I also didn't want her to establish friends and then watch them go on and say "hey why am I not going on"??? Which I was in danger of already doing. I do wish I had held her back in the 3 or 4 yr. old program. I did hold her back in kindergarden. She turned out to be one of the oldest and most mature. Which really helped her self esteem as she aged. Her IQ is average, so as for her not being challenged enough I never had that problem. She was right at her level not above or below...In todays schooling they have many AP classes to keep the children from getting stifled. It is so hard to always be playing catch up...ALL your days of school. Sooo if his teachers are recomending it I would encourage you to really think about it. My daughter benefited from the decision. But YOU know you child....Nows the time "if" your gonna do it...no stigma. I pray wisdom and discernment for your dicision.

coming from someone who has spent time in a class room.

go with your gut, put him up, now is not the time to hold him back. and besides why are they only now coming to you with this problem?

they knew about this a while a go. trust me

personally if i were you i would go elsewhere they just cant be bothered.
this school is not doing your kid any favors.

Boys mature and learn so differently than girls and most boys at that age have a difficult time sitting still for any period of time. Boys learn through doing - playing and building, experimenting, touching. When schools truly figure this out it will be a happy day! Especially for Mommies who think there is something wrong with their little boy or that they are not being a good enough Mommy.

With that said, I would say it is too early to commit to having him repeat the 3 yo class. Let the director know that you are a little uncomfortable with this decision at this time and ask that you discuss your options again closer to the end of the spring semester.

I would also suggest that if you decide together that what is best for your son is that he repeat the 3 yo class, that he would have the opportunity to be moved up to the 4 yo class when you both think it's appropriate to do so - which would require frequent evaluations and conferences.
If they don't allow you this option, I would seriously consider moving him out of this preschool.

Follow your instincts. You are the Mom!

I would repeat the 3 year old program. boys especially should not be rushed. Delaying one year could put your son at the head of the class instead of the rear. Children mature at different.rates. Maturity for school has nothing to do with intelligence. Your son is probably very smart. He is just not ready for more sit down time. Holding back one year now could mean great success in all future schooling. Most child developmental psychologists would tell you this.
AF

I also wanted to add that I have a friend who was a high school science teacher. When she got pregnant and the boys found out she was due in September, they told her, have him be the oldest in the class, not the youngest. They mentioned his voice changing last, being smaller in sports and several other things and really wanted her to have him go into Kindergarten as late as possible, which she is doing. Good luck to you!

C. - my best friend is going through this with her little boy, except in the 4 year old class. Her son is also immature in comparison to the other children and had delayed speech (much improved now as well), he still just isn't where the other kids are. The one thing I can say in favor of holding him back in the threes program, is that they are less aware that they are not moving on with their friends. They are much more self aware at four. In the four year old class, they are expected to be able to sit at circle and listen, self direct between certain stations for activities etc. I would think about what would be best for your son in the long run. Being the oldest in the class is much better for most than being the youngest in the class. Good luck in your decision and wish you and your son the best.

If he doesn't turn 4 until July, I don't see why they would be talking to you now about keeping him back. The school that my son went to transitioned the younger kids 4x a year, always closer to their birthdays, so if the transition was in Jan. but you kid turns say 4 in April, they'd stay in the 3yrs. Then when the next transition came in June, they would move to the fours. The one exception was if there were openings in the fours and a kid was of age and ready.

You state that he attends 2 different preschools, but don't say why? Does the other school have a 5 day program available? I would follow your gut and stick up for your son. Even if that means finding a different school.

M.

It sounds like a much longer, franker discussion's needed here. Have you asked the preschool teacher/director the questions the way you have asked them here? "I don't know what goes on in the 4-year-old class that would make it too difficult for him to succeed in. What is that program like? What will he be expected to do and accomplish?" And "Why are we discussing this so early? Are you seeing behaviors or delays that I should know about and if so, what are they, in detail?"

The fact they want to discuss this now could mean that they are seeing things they truly believe mean he should stay in the 3s class, but if so, they need to tell you these things clearly.

You have the right questions in mind but I'm not clear if you've asked them explicitly to the preschool. You mention that his speech is delayed; that may be a bigger concern for the school than they have told you, despite his progress.

I would say that overall, as someone else put it, why rush him? Though you haven't said so here, are you on some level concerned that he wouldn't start kindergarten "on time"? Please don't be, and give serious consideration to letting him repeat. Better by far to repeat some preschool than to get to school and have issues. I can only go by the experience of a boy we know well: His parents were determined that, because he "tested smart," he go to kindergarten right on time, and then move on to first grade on time, etc. "so he won't be bored academically." But he was not ready in other ways, was the smallest and youngest, lacked the needed ability to organize himself for school that's expected by about second grade now, and despite his bright intellect, he struggled until about fourth grade. If he'd repeated kindergarten as was recommended by his teachers, it might have helped so much. So another year of just maturing, playing with others, getting used to routines and getting the rambunctiosness out can probably only help any 3-year-old boy.