September 29, 2008,
S.D. asks from South Rockwood, MI on September 27, 2008
Question About My 15 Month Old...
Ok mommys.... I'm probably feeling over sensetive or something today, but something is bothering me. I have a 15 month old that seems to prefer his daddy over me! I probably spend the majority of the day with my son while my husband works, and my husband is really good to spend alot of time with our son in the evenings when he is home. For the past several weeks I have noticed more of a bond between my husband and baby which I think is a great thing. The thing that bothers me is if my husband is around, my son doesn't want anything to do with me! He always wants daddy to hold him, and he usually prefers daddy to comfort him when he is crying. If I take my baby from him to hold him or to love on him, he just reaches to go back to daddy. In the middle of the night when he wakes up crying it's daddy that he wants to pick him up and rock him. I'm not complaining at the fact that my son loves his daddy...I'm so happy he does, but I'm feeling a little unwanted lately!
I'm his mommy and have taken care of him since birth, and yet I have to force him to sit on my lap and be with me for a few minutes. My son is very loving towards me, but the fact that he prefers his father for everything confuses me. Aren't babies supposed to be more drawn to their mothers? It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. Are their any other mothers that have this same issue?
1 mom found this helpful
L.O. answers from Detroit on September 27, 2008
no babies are not necessarily drawn to their mothers.
Some actually prefer grandma.
My daughter prefers me.. My son prefers his daddy.. maybe it is a male bonding thing
J.R. answers from Saginaw on September 28, 2008
When I had my first daughter (3 yo now)she did the same thing. Now she wants both of for different things and at different times. Sometimes if I am home she only wants me and other times she only wants her daddy. I know this is hard to handle at first but my suggestion to you is that you enjoy the time while you have it. Take a few hours of you time and do something you enjoy even if it is just going to your room and reading a book. The time will come when your son won't be willing to give you this time. It sounds like your husband is very willing and able to care for your son so maybe even if you just go to the mall and walk around. Get out of the house and enjoy yourself. Hope everything works out for you and I hope this helps.
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T.A. answers from Grand Rapids on September 27, 2008
I have 5 boys and the youngest is 19 months right now. He wants his Dad all the time, when Dad leaves he cries at the door. When Dad is home he is stuck to him like glue!
At this point I have had enough experience to know that next week it could be totally different. Sometimes they prefer grandma or grandpa (we see them several times a week) or mom or dad. It depends on their mood, toddlers can be fickle creatures lol.
I wouldn't take it personally. Definitly don't let your son see that it bothers you. With one of my boys, (son #2 I think) this was happening and it bothered me, and maybe I was paranoid but it seemed like the more I wanted him to want me, the more he wouldn't, but after I started acting like I didn't care one way or the other, he seemed to prefer me again. This may have been just a coincidence though. Does that make any sense to you?
Good luck and remember it won't last long!
A.M. answers from Detroit on September 28, 2008
I know how hard it is to not take things personally, but try your best not too. I totally understand how you feel-mommies are the ones who are with them all day and we take care of them and everything else...then daddy comes home and is the "fun" one who is exciting and plays with them. So, sometimes it's hard for us to see how important we are in their lives.
Just try to be glad that your son has a great mommy AND daddy that love him and want to spend time with him, and try not to take it so personally. I am sure your son misses daddy while he is at work and wants to make up for lost time at night.
Then take a minute to think about all that we as mommies have to juggle...it's hard to take care of the house, the kids and everything else and still be the most exciting person in the world no matter how much we try. Maybe trying to look at it as a nice break for mommy at night by letting your husband do some of the caregiving might help??
Good luck and know that us moms understand and have been there!
S.B. answers from Grand Rapids on September 28, 2008
I think it might be part of the age. My son acts similar to that and started at about the same age. He snuggles with me if his Dad isn't around but he certainly doesn't come out of skin the way he does when his Dad walks in the room! I think Mom's are just taken a little for granted. They are very secure in us so they don't need to be excited when we come around. It is a given. My husband is also a very active Father. I'd say enjoy the good parts for now. :)
T.B. answers from Lansing on September 28, 2008
He may just miss his daddy during the day. When he's at home, your son may be overcompensating for lost time. It's understandable, especially if your husband is a good and fun dad. My 17 month old calls my husband daddy all the time, but hardly says mommy even though she can say it well. I figure it's because she puts more effort in getting her daddy's attention. I haven't figured it out yet, but I know there's a logical rationale. It's not that she doesn't like me as much. She and I are together slot and I
pretty sure she enjoys my company. My husband has selective hearing (and hearing difficulties)!!! When he's focused a firecracker can go off in front of his face and his reaction would be delayed. So I think she sees me saying his name before I start talking to him (to get his attention) and imitates that. In short, don't worry.
T.C. answers from Detroit on September 27, 2008
S. D, take this time while your son is clinging to your husband and do something for yourself, relax, read a book, give yourself a pedicure, ect. because the day will come when you are the only one he wants and you will have not minute for yourself which is what i'm going through right now...i have a 2 1/2 year old and a 8 month old and they both want me to do everything for them...during dinnertime they want on my lap and i can never eat in peace, if i go to bathroom the oldest follows me, i have to tuck them into bed then i have to get him something to drink then i have to get his stuffed animal for him, its always me that he calls for and i never get to just sit back and relax...don't get me wrong, my husband is a good father but he works alot of hours so that probably makes the kids more attached me, which i do love feeling needed by my kids that is what being a parent is all about but having some private time for yourself is also good so enjoy it while it last...T. c
J.L. answers from Detroit on September 28, 2008
I agree with one of the other moms that kids go through phases. But in all honesty your little one sees you all of the time. But he doesnt see daddy as often of course he wants to absorb as much time with him as he can. Its almost like absence make the heart grow fonder saying. Know what I mean? Just dont take it personally. I think this is quite common.
A.T. answers from Lansing on September 28, 2008
Sounds absolutely normal. If you think about this..... you and your child are together for most of the day, day in and day out; You have a comfortable, secure routine. Nothing wrong with that, excellent. Daddy comes home from work and YOU are excited to see him, you want to have a conversation, exchange the happenings of the day. The child is no different! It's not that the amount of love is any stronger for your hubby than it is for you. I recall watching a Bill Cosby comedy tape, in which he described how he spent so much time teaching his son all kinds of things about life and football. Had him tackling him and hitting him hard etc. Then the day came when his son was interviewed on television right after a game and the first thing he said was " I love you MOM! Try looking at the positive aspects of the bonding time that your Men are having, and count this as a blessing!