Question About Friends

I agree. It's so hard to form close friendships as mommies. I feel like i barely have any friends either. The only close friends I have are ones who lives where I am from and that's b/c i made them before I had a child. I wish that I had someone that I could really be close with. Kinda good to see I'm not the only one. :-) Good post! :-)

4 moms found this helpful

nope...you're not alone. I feel this way all the time, but I just have one young son (we're not done). I'm 31 and even though I don't work full time I feel like full time I'm trying to work on keeping/maintain relationships.

I feel like more of my relationships are one sided...I do all the calling, driving, planning and others just don't have the time to put forth the effort. My BFF lives an hour away and I drive to see her once a week. She hasn't been to my house in almost 2 years. She has plenty of excuses, and the truth is...she doesn't want to make the drive. I care about her too much and want our sons to be close too (they're 3mo apart) so becuase it's important to me...I make the effort. While my other friendships aren't this extream...I feel like if I didn't make the effort others wouldn't either. My other "close" friend took 8months to call me on the phone. I wanted to see how long it would take her to call me. We stayed in touch through facebook..but seriously...8 MONTHS??!!?? Doesn't feel like such a close friend after all.

I so wish I could just find a friend that makes me feel like I'm worth the effort too!!

4 moms found this helpful

I'm in the same boat. I have aquaintences but not a whole lot of other friends.

4 moms found this helpful

It is not a boat
it is an ark
we are all there

I have friends, but mostly it is my son and I, and my work, and my errands. I talk to my sister daily, but she lives states and states away and neither of our finances are very good so we have not seen each other in freaking years.

But, the sun is shining, we got much needed rain this week, the grass is greener than it has been in months, and, overall, life is good.

3 moms found this helpful

Oh, no! You are not alone. I have always struggled with friendships. In high school, I was always with the boyfriend. I had a BFF in college, but we live far away from each other now. I've never made close friendships in the workplace. I do have two close friends right now, but I'm about to move out of state. My mom was my best friend (not the same, I know), but she passed away last year.

In every stage of my life, I've been intimidated by the idea of "trying to fit in". It has always seemed to me that everyone else already has their network of friendships and that there just isn't room for me. Silly, I guess.

When we get settled in our new home, the first thing we are going to do is find a church home and a great park. Surely I'll have a great luck forming friendships that way!

I have to learn to step out of my comfort zone and take a leap of faith! : )

3 moms found this helpful

Yep, I'm there too.

2 moms found this helpful

I was going to post "I've got the oars"...then I scrolled down and skimmed the previous posts. Craptastic...we got us a cruise-liner! Better go look for a motor, huh?

(And, BTW...I have almost always been this way...loads of pals..none besties...some long term tho. And my kid is almost 17....and shes alot like me I am afraid. We LIKE to watch movies alone and read...but it does get lonely. I had one old and dear pal to call when I lost my beloved Mother a few years ago..we can pick up where we left off, but are in such different places in our lives since leaving high school...)

I have always gotten along better with the guys as a buddy...too many gals brings the drama..ugh. LOL

2 moms found this helpful

As others have said already, I too am in the same boat. It must be a pretty big boat. LOL...I work at home while caring for my two youngest kids so any adult interaction is very limited. I have several friends but they unfortunately live far away. It's not as easy as it once used to be to make new friends. People are just so wrapped up in their lives to invest any time into a new friendship. So I focus all my time, energy on my husband, my kids and maintaining the friendships I do have. I would welcome a new friend though any time!

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with AKC'sMOM. It's a pretty big friggin' boat. I'm in it too.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi mama-

SO glad that you posted this...I have been feeling friendless too...and just assumed it was MY 'age and stage' so to speak...kids left...and soon leaving the nest...

Not much help...BUT the post made me feel better to know that LOTS of moms...all ages...are feeling this...

Gonna make a few phone calls now...

Take care
michele/cat

1 mom found this helpful

Your not the only one. TRUST ME. I feel the same way but, I did this to myself. See my "FRIENDS" were just not what friends should be. I was the friend they called only when they needed something. My husband told me I was too nice and tried to do tooo much for them. All in all they just ran all over me. So.... Now I have no friends. It gets to me sometimes and makes me sad. Espically when I have no one to talk to about it. My husband thinks it's stupid to worrie over but when you dont have any kind of social life except a 5 year old and a 1 year old, you tend to get sad about it. So... I know how you feel. :)

1 mom found this helpful

Nope, same boat. I posted something similar to this awhile back and was bombarded with about 90% of the replies feeling the same thing. I remember one woman's response that said when you get to a certain age where you have to be responsible, friends aren't as available as they once were. It's sad that so many of us feel the same way, you'd think it would be so simple to find a BFF since majority of us feel this way right??

1 mom found this helpful

sounds like my life! I too work fulltime in government (budgeting, not a good time for money people) and have kids and hubby and I am 32. :)

As for friends. I think that I have a lot of casual friends, but not too many close friends. I only spend time with friends when we get our kids on the same sports teams or other activities. They are all just as busy as me.

I don't know what the answer is, but you are not alone. :)

I do have 2 girl friends who we all work and have kids, we meet together once a month for lunch. Its not much time, but its a life savor for sure! Its time just for us and we aren't taking time away from the kids cause its in the middle of the work day. Maybe try to start up this with a couple casual friends...

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No this is very common. I would say involve yourself in a group at church if you attend. Or look for a MOPS group...Mothers and More. That's a great way to start networking and buidling relationships. It's hard I know. :)

1 mom found this helpful

Yep, add me to that boat too. I am 40 and lost all of my friends after having my daughter. Now having a 3 and 6 yo I am busy all the time and just do not have time to go out and try to make friends. Now I am an introvert by nature, so I don't tend toward being the one to reach out to begin with. But I feel so lonely and it doesn't help that I am a single Mom and the kids father is deceased, not that he was ever much of a friend anyway. But I do wish on a daily basis I had someone to talk to. Maybe a few friends to get together with on some sort of regular basis. And I am very, very lonely. I wish it was different, but I honestly don't know how to change it. So yes, I too feel like i am missing out on something. You are not the only one!

Wow, you have some pretty funny responses here! I suggest you think about your interests, and seek out some other moms who share them. I try to connect with girls through running. I am always trying to organize a group run so that I have time to chat with friends.

I, like you, have close friends who are not in the area. I just traveled on my first ever girl's trip with these 5 childhood friends to the beach. No husband, no kids, just girls! I HIGHLY recommend it! I do think that female friendships are important, but I think this requires work. If you feel like you are desiring these connections, you have to make the effort. Good luck to you!

ok move over, make some room for me too on that boat.
i am very social. i have people to 'hang' out with. i have always been friendly, and i am the one who makes others feel better about things. i just lost a friend. not a long term friend, a year old friend, but i feel sad about it. i saw potential. what i didn't see was social-climber. oh well.
but i am also very good at being alone. i always say better to be alone than alone in two. my kids keep me busy, my work keeps me busy, and i make my husband laugh. life is ok.

I think there are so many of us that feel this way. I've been trying hard to do something about this lately - I keep reminding myself that to make a friend, you have to go out a limb and be a friend. It's hard, because that takes time and energy, and I have so little of both. But I keep thinking - so many of us feel alone, perhaps this other mom standing next to me at the soccer field (or a new neighbor, or whomever) also feels alone and would like a friend. And so I try to strike up a conversation. It often doesn't 'stick' - can't expect to find commonality with everyone, and most of the time the conversation doesn't move beyond a short discussion about the soccer game (or whatever the situation is) - but a few times it has.

So I would say to everyone here who is in the boat - please say hello to the person next to you at your next event. She may be in the boat too!

I felt very lonely when I was home with the kids at first - coming from a busy sales department and recent single life to stay-at-home mom. At first while home with baby and then 2 babies it felt like I was always the one who called to get together with others in the hospital moms group and town play group (newcomers club), others seemed to have family and long term friends nearby, and I felt like I was begging to be included. Then kids got bigger and the moms of my kids' friends became my social world, some of them just acquaintances, some real friends. Now the kids are 11 and 14 and I have been working again part time for about 5+ years, and have some real good lunch buddies at work as well as mom-of-kids-friends connections. When I first left college and lived alone I would be so lonely that just being among other people at a mall would make me feel better. I would check your town's library for book clubs, your local area for walking or hiking or biking clubs, check with your co-workers what they enjoy doing each weekend, and even check with your kids' parents what occupies them each weekend. My brother-in-law would look forward to going to the local dump every Saturday where there was a very cute girl he loved talking to. Search for things you enjoy doing, even if it means posting a message on the local library board for a 6 AM walking partner or a scrabble buddy once a week. And don't overlook the senior center - lots of older folks are very lonely and would love a weekly visit just to have a cup of tea or talk about a shared interest. I have one very good girlfriend from highschool days, 2 very close friends from work, one I see daily, one I speak with maybe monthly, and then some friend I email with. You are not alone in your quest and if you start reaching out I think you will be surprised how many folks would love to chat and connect with you.

Hi, Mama:
In the olden days, there was a sense of community by churches providing
all the social activities for families to get together and talk and visit.

Electronics, sports, and education/work keeps people in their own little world of things and achievements.

Yes, we are a product of our civilization of today.

It is so sad.
Awareness is half the battle.
Good luck.
D.

I am not only on the boat, I am the Captain:)

I kinda like it though. I have my friends that I see a few times a month.

I am very blessed though, I have a house mate that is here most of the time...So, even when my hubby is away at work there is still sometimes another Adult around.

Since having kids though, I have become sorta a loner. It is too hard to balance kids, work, home, and friends. I know once I am through this ''Phase'' I will be right back on the social wagon. But for now I am happy to spend my Afternoons with you ladies, my evening with my family and the weekends with who ever seems to stop by.

I know at the end of this Phase I will have three little people that will be well rounded and know how much mommy and daddy love um...and I will have all the time in the world for that dinner party I have been meaning to have now for years:)

You just gotta make time... to go hang with your girlfriends, in person... not just in e-mail.
Put it in a calendar... make plans ahead of time.
Tell your Husband about your 'schedule.' Have HIM help too and babysit.
Make time for yourself.