Putting a Stop to Christmas Gifts.

You don't address it. You send a Christmas card and leave it at that. If you want to keep giving something, find a cheaper alternative...books for each kid, family gift, one game for each family. It's lovely that you have been so generous, but that really seems excessive.

How did it ever start. I would have ended it long ago. Just tell everyone it has gotten to be too much and you are bowing out.

Good for you. I would make a nice donation and send out cards saying in honor of all of them, you made a donation to ...

Consider that last year was your final blowout gift giving going out of business run - and you are DONE!
Send cards only and explain nothing.
If anyone asks what's up after the fact, blame it on the economy, the fiscal cliff, the need to save up for college/retirement, what ever.
You are not Amazon or Toys-R-Us dot Mom.
Now have yourself an eggnog and relax!

WOW! I don't think I've spent that much money on Christmas gifts in 10 years!

You DO need to put the kabosh on this. This year, just send cards. If someone asks where their Christmas gift is, just explain that you realized that your gifts must not be appreciated since you don't seem to be on anyone else's Christmas gift list.

My goodness - this is really too much. Even if you can afford it.

By all means put a stop to it. Be honest if they ask.

Dawn

if they don't send any to you - why address it?

i would start by downsizing. instead of a bunch of personalized gifts, try sending "family gifts". a tin of gourmet popcorn, movie gift cards, or a family game. i really don't see the need to have a big discussion when it's obvious they can't say much, they aren't doing squat for you right? don't overthink it. i'm sure they won't mind.

I think others in your family have decided to do the same thing thus the no gifts last year. I would follow suit and not send any gifts. If you want to address it, suggest swapping names or just buying for the kids or just swapping names of the kids.

When our extended family got bigger and bigger, we decided to do a secret santa style draw, where everyone got someone's name. Then we decided just to do the kids. Finally, we stopped exchanging at all. It just became too expensive, and we all live in different states and only see each other occasionally, so we don't even know what each other would like or need. We're all much happier this way!

why would you have to address it....just don't do it.

This would be easy for me. I am sorry but this year we are not exchanging gifts. We are cutting back, I hope you all enjoy your Christmas and we will be thinking of you. Love us.

Wow.

How close are you to each of the children? And what is your average price per gift? Do you take advantage of free shipping deals or lower cost shipping or are you also paying huge shipping fees?

I am frankly spending an average of $5-$10 on each extended family child under 18 (I shop sales constantly. Nobody but me needs to know the deal I got on a hoodie or toy), but there only 6. You might also simply send each family a small check for the parents to use for their children. My BIL does this and one year we collectively decided to buy a game table for the kids. Another year we went out to dinner.

Many people are cutting back, so they should understand. You can simply tell them that you are cutting back if there are people you no longer want to exchange with.

As far as sizes and interests, I would give them that information if it's someone you normally exchange with. But you might throw in there that you're trying to simplify so x would be appreciated more than y.

I do ask for sizes and interests because I'm not sure what size (I can guess) my cousins' kids are and what they are into today. We see them several times a year, but I don't know what they might really like or need.

You can also send something like a gift basket for the whole family. Winecountrygiftbaskets.com is a favorite of mine.

I would put a cap of $10 on each kid. I know that may sound harsh, but I have a large family, too (I have 14 first cousins, most of whom have at least 2 kids, a couple have 4), and I know that as our family (as a whole) has continued to get bigger, people have just started giving smaller little things. I know that there have been several years that I have seen a lot of Dollar Tree type gifts. Small little things that still have some thought to them. If you want to go a little bigger, you could do $20 per kid, which is still SIGNIFICANTLY below the $5k you've been doing. Do you do gifts for the adults, too, or just the kids? If you're doing both kids and adults, just decide on a total amount you're willing to spend on everyone (say, maybe $500) then calculate how much that would be per person.

The other families who don't send gifts have already started cutting back. I would just send a blanket email to all family members and say we are cutting back this year so please don't buy for our kids/family as we can't do it back. you will have some family members who still buy for your kids. let them it gives them joy. But just start doing either only yours or only the ones who are close by. or if you can't stand the thought of that then start sending only very small gift cards. that makes it less shipping, less wrapping, less work, LESS MONEY!!! lol. good luck. its hard no matter how you do it.

End it and go on vacation.

I do not find an urge to respond to many posts but I had to on this one. That is over $100 a person! I only do $25- 30 for my immediate family. Think how much "stuff" their parents get every year, how useful is most of that? What about combined gifts or family gifts like a zoo outing or meal gift card to something special like bowling or thier favorite restuarant instead. Invest in the experience instaed of buying material thigns that will be thrown out or not used soon. I am not suggesting you will buy junk but you know what i mean.

I would blame the economy or Dave Ramsey, but be prepared for some hurt feelings. When I married, they expected gifts for everything. The people in the little town expected every funeral and event to include flowers or a gift.

We didn't have enough even for family so we quit except kids under 18 in our immediate family for Christmas and birthday. We also will do a memorial which is from a charity we support monthly anyhow. We are debtfree with money in the bank. No one can guilt us into going back.

It's sort of late in the season to just up and notify family this year. I think if this is expected of you then the ones that have purchased for you are going to expect you to give them a gift back.

So here's what I would do. I would notify each family that we would not be doing Christmas for their family next year. That would they please accept this decision as nothing personal but cost effective.

This year it's just a bit too late. If you want to find out how they really feel then don't buy for the ones that didn't buy for you last year. See if they even notice.

why not J. spend 15-20 per kid instead? that would put you at 555 or 777 instead? and order through oline at free shipping places and have them shipped to thier homes?

i'd do this year if possible and then send an email in a few months that you can no longer afford to ship presents and regrettfully have to opt out and maybe suggest an interntational polyanna for the kids and adults? everyone gets one kid a present and spends 100 each? this way the kid would get one awesome gift instead of a bunch of small ones?

Support a charitable group in the name of your family members, and send each of them a notice that their gift this year is helping others in need. You will make a world of difference to someone who needs it, and the gift of giving and love will be a part of your relatives celebration. Choose something YOU like. Heifer International http://www.heifer.org/, Kivahttp://www.kiva.org/, our your local church, animal shelter, etc. You are still giving to them, just in a way that really counts for others. My teenage nieces LOVE their Kiva micro-loan, and they resend it when it's paid off. It's a good way for them to see the world and connect with others in a small way.

I can't see spending over $100 on extended relitives... but then again this year I can't even spend that much on my own kids.

We do get a few "small" gift card (ususally $50) from some of our extened relitives - as a family gift (there are 7 of us in the house). Sadly we aren't always able to send a gift to them, but I do send out card to most relitives - it is all we can do right now... and even that we had to save up for this year.

Honestly, I don't see why you are spending what you are to begin with... if you feel the need to send a gift cut back and send a $25 gift card to each kids... then you will cut your yearly cost from around $5000 to under $1000, or send a $10 gift card and cut your cost to under $400.

Something else we do is an orderment exchange... but that is for family memeber still close to home (my mom, 2 sisters, 2 uncles, brother & grandma). Each year we buy a box or 2 of orderments we like & give eachother one. So, you end us with lots of different orderments... but it also cut down on the cost of Christmas since most of us are struggling a bit right now. We are able to give everyone something and it only cost us a max of $20 which cover 7 people... so just about $3.00 each or sometimes less if you get a good deal.

Another thing I do is, I get my sisters family a fresh fruit & mixed nuts... her kids love both, but do to the size of her family they don't get always get fresh fruit & stuff. So, they really enjoy it... honestly they sometimes enjoy the fruit more then anything else they get.

There is so many ways to say Merry Christmas with out breaking the bank... I hope you can find a way to say it and not feel like you were taken advantage of!

Three thoughts -

1. Some of those inquiries about size and interests may come from the folks who didn't send anything last year and were embarrassed. It may be that you are not the only one in your family who thinks the gift-giving has gotten unmanageable. Perhaps it is time to start a family conversation about how to handle it so that nobody goes broke.

2. If you continue to do this, you can do it without spending so much. Several people have suggested gift cards, which is a good idea - my kids love receiving them. But nobody has yet proposed the solution several of us in my family have come up with - magazine subscriptions. There are good kid magazines out there that are reasonably priced - Ranger Rick and National Geographic Kids, for instance. It would cost you roughly $15 per child. Or better yet, order each family Family Fun magazine. It has great kids' crafts, kid friendly recipes, and family activity ideas.

3. Homemade gifts are possible for relatively little money. Your kids can help make them, and many things can be made quickly. Every year we send homemade jams and candies (a little pricey to ship). You could make and ship cookies as family gifts. Your kids could help make Christmas ornaments out of something cheap and easy to make and ship, such as felt, sequins, ribbon, and fabric glue. There are tons of ideas online in places like pinterest.

Blanket email. Some will be disappointed, some will be neutral and some will actually be glad that they don't need to feel guilty anymore.

About 10 yrs ago we siblings decided to give an ornament to each family and concentrate on the kids of the family. Now we are still states apart and growing older. We have enough ornaments. This year we called a halt to gathering and mailing (the real hassel)ornaments. We get gift cards for the kids. I started that one by innocently asking if we had talked about that last year, most said no, we hadn't talked about it but it was a good idea.

Good luck!

You are spending way too much per person. I would not spend over $100 for a a gift for so many extended relatives. If you want to continue the tradition start sending a family gift, just sending a kids gift or just send to children.

You should speak with your relatives first and find out who wants to continue. Unless some cannot afford a nice Christmas for their kids it seems weird you're sending and not receiving from some families.

This close to Christmas it would be hard to do.

One thing you could do next year would be to send a note to everyone in the family - perhaps a "Happy Labor Day" note? - mentioning that for financial reason you're cutting back on the Christmas gift-giving list, but you would appreciate cards from everybody! And be sure to send cards to them, too.

Another possibility is to contact everyone and suggest a pick-a-name-out-of-the-hat process, so that everybody has just one or two relatives to give to, but everyone gets something. There must be a computer-savvy way to do that over several different states.

It would depend on how strongly your relatives feel about gift-giving - gifts are a major way some people express love and appreciation - but either method would be financially more feasible. And your relatives, who have a lot of relatives, too, might be appreciative.

Keep Grandmas and Grandpas on your Christmas gift list!

A few years ago we addressed this directly when we were all together (for a family wedding in July). I put a few "feelers" out to in-laws and cousins that we talked to regularly and the general feel was that everyone was a little overwhelmed with all of the buying, but no one wanted to be the one that said "enough".

So when we were all at my MIL's house for pizza the day after the wedding, I just threw it out there. "We are trying to be more conservative financially and cut back where we can. How do you guys feel about just exchanging cards this year?" People were relieved and more than happy to agree.

Just a hint... if they don't know what size your kids are wearing and what they are interested in... probably not "close enough" to be exchanging!

I vote say nothing.

This year we've decided we're doing $10 gift certificates. We drop them into a box/hat/bag and everyone chooses and VOILA - It's Christmas.

So here's our solution: Adult Couples - ONE gift card for an eatery; Adult Singles - ONE gift card to where ever they like to go; Kids - Gift card to either walmart, gamestop, target, best buy or something similar.

Easy to ship and easy to find. As a side, we stopped giving gifts to adults for the most part. Like I dont buy for my aunt and she doesn't buy for me but she'll get something for my 3 children.

Sending good thoughts your way.

It sounds like everyone else - pretty much - has decided that spending $5000 on 37 children is a really bad idea. Are you really all that close that people will be offended if you stop?

You could just stop, or you could cut WAY back and just send ONE family gift - a concoction of coffee and hot cocoa, or a family-friendly board game.

Or you can have a heart-to-heart with a few relatives and figure out a grab system or a secret Santa - everyone picks ONE name and that's who they buy for, other than their own immediate family. This may leave the onus on the grandparents to keep buying for all 37, but maybe that's not an issue and maybe there are 2 sides to this family and not just one set of grandparents?

If you're going to start a conversation, start with your siblings.

I would also make a decision based on how many thank you notes I received! If these people are not thanking you (and kids can write thank yous too, at least with some help), then the gifts are not appreciated. And I'm guessing everyone else is as stressed as you are with the cost, the shopping, the wrapping, the shipping.