Pushy Kid...Please Help!

I am having the same problem with my 3 year old. iam curious what anyone has to say!

We had similar issues with our 3 1/2 year old this fall--he is our 4th child.

We started by practicing "taking turns" at home. We would sit down to play with him and say "okay, it's Sean's turn. In one minute it will be Mommy's turn." In one minute I would say "Okay Sean, it's Mommy's turn to play with the truck now, can you give it to Mommy?" I would gently lift it away from him...play with it for just 30 seconds, then say "okay, Mommy's turn is done, now it is Sean's turn..." We kept doing that, lengthening "Mommy's" or "Daddy's" turn.

At the same time, we started telling him our expectations when we dropped him off for preschool. "Sean, you can't push other kids because it gives them owies. You need to keep your hands to yourself and take turns."

We then reinforced to the teacher and the preschool director that there should be a "no tolerance" policy with his agressiveness. They were giving him warnings before having consequences. We asked them to immediately separate him from the other kids if he was pushing/hitting and have him sit on a chair saying "Sean, I can see that you are having problems stopping yourself from hitting, so I'm going to help you by having you sit on this chair until you can stop yourself. When you are ready to play again without hitting, you can get up." (the wording about "stopping himself" is important--the child needs to know that he can control his own behavior) This was something he is used to from at home--if he throws a temper tantrum we take him to his bedroom and tell him that he can re-join the family once he calms down. We don't impose a time on it--it is a cool down period, not a punishment. We then asked that when he got up from the chair, the teachers would proactively steer him toward playing with a toy that was not being played with by another child.

We did ask that if he needed to sit on a chair twice, that the third time my husband (he is home in the daytime) be called to pick him up from preschool--but we never got to that. Once we had the teachers stop giving warnings he realized that he could not push/hit AT ALL. Giving warnings just teaches kids that they can push one or two times...

This worked pretty well. Hope it helps for you!

I know how frustrating it is. My son who is now 5 was the exact same way, probably worse. You should try bringing him around children when you're there and if he misbehaves take him and give him a breather until he calms down. I actually had to teach my son how to play, he was the only child and didn't know how to interact with kids his own age. If nothing seems to work you should talk with your doctor about it.

I remember reading some good information in the book Touchpoints--ages birth to three months by Dr. Brazleton

My 3 1/2 year old son recently went through the same type of thing--pushing, light scratching, sticking his tongue out--& we've come to the conclusion that it's probably him "acting out" about the fact that his two of his preschool friends (in a very small group) have moved on, plus there are new children in their places. Our preschool leaders are great communicators and very cooperative with us, and together we came up with a very simple approach of just being slightly more firm when catching him and telling him this behavior is unacceptable; this was paired with putting him in timeouts where he was separated from the others and told to sit for a short time, the issue was briefly & firmly covered again afterward along with the fact that the same punishment would be issued if it happened again. Something our preschool leaders also stressed to us was to avoid covering any issues that happened at school again at home, leaving school at school and only addressing the incidents that occurred at home--this seems to have been pivotal. Another thing we agreed on was that spanking was not to be used to disciplined this behavior because we felt that trying to use that to curb aggressive behavior would not help him internalize that physical aggression is unacceptable, that it would only confuse him and perhaps worsen the situation. I'm relieved that it took less than a week from the time we all agreed on the approach to see this behavior disappear. Good luck--I know how agonizing this is, but you all must draw on your patience now more than ever. Losing patience with him will only make him feel worse, and clearly he is feeling some kind of anxiety about something.