Punishment to Fit

I'm with Sue...sure he might not be able to swim this week, but soon he will.

He owes you a day. You know, the very first day everyone in the world gets to swim except for him and he gets to sit there watching everyone have fun. He'll definitely remember not to do it again.

1 mom found this helpful

I have no idea what I would do for punishment if I was in your shoes!

I will tell you though a friend of mines parent when I was little did a mini demonstration on what would happen if we got on top of the pool cover. Of course back then I do not think they had anything high tech- just a tarp like material if I remember correctly!

Anyhow, she put a piece of Saran Wrap over a large bowl and then took a doll and had her "walk" across the top of the "pool". She stopped the doll in the center and let go and it sunk. She then of course got very detailed in what would happen if it was to happen to us. She scared the daylights out of me! I never even went on the deck when the cover was on the pool for fear of tripping or anything else :) You of course could modify it so it would not be so horrifying... or keep it detailed so it never happens again!

I really wish you lots of luck getting through to him! I can not imagine the fear you must have felt! Blessings to you and yours to have a safe and happy summer!

1 mom found this helpful

My son is impulsive that way, and the consequence that would work for him in that situation would be to say, "you've shown that you can't be trusted to act like the mature kid I know you can be, so until I can trust you again, you aren't allowed to play in the back yard unless an adult is with you." Being treated like a "baby" for a few days would really get the point across.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Chrissy,

I think what you did today is fine. It is a huge punishment to a kid to have their friend sent home. This is where you lay down the law for the future- you've told him it's dangerous, keep telling him that. Now say if you do that again # will happen. This way he knows the consequences and knows he'll be in trouble if he does it again. Sometimes kids just don't get that there's danger and think we're just being rediculous (usually older than your son is now) so having real consequences set in stone if you do x, z will happen and you follow through every single time. When they know the consequences ahead of time, it really, really helps. Or at least it helped make my oldest son's teen years much more bearable for all of us, I could say well you know what's coming and he couldn't argue about it, he knew the consequences before he did the deed. The punsishment has to fit the deed though, can't be too intense if it wasn't a huge deal. I think for this case, you want him to know he put himself in danger, so a little chat about what happens if you stand on something on the water and suffocation might help, because if they can swim they think if I fall in I'll swim. Having sent the friend home and sent him away from you and his brother was probably enough for now if you take the time (again) to explain why it's dangerous. I think one of the hardest part of parenting is having to repeat yourself constantly lol.
Hang in there!
D.

ps, a good alternative to sending a kid to their room, put their nose in a corner for a specific amoutn of time (set a timer), there are no toys or anything to comfort them and their time doesn't start until they calm down and stand there like they're supposed to. It's really high-tech, I know lol, but honestly their rooms rock, it's not a punishment to be in there, though I'd bet today your son was upset enough having his friend sent home.

1 mom found this helpful

hi Chrissy,

There is potential for grave consequence here, and I would issue a serious final warning telling him exactly what his punishment will be if he does it again - and then IF he does it again swiftly issue the gravest punishment possible ...I'm talking a serious spanking (don't flame me mamas - I'm old school with my kids on some things).

More importantly - isn't your pool fenced and gated? How did he gain access to the pool area in the first place? We have an in-ground pool with safety cover that supposedly can hold an elephant but we never step on to it - c'mon do you think they really test these things with an elephant?? :-) LOL... Our immediate pool area is surrounded by a five-ft chain-link fence and the locked gate has an alarm that can be heard inside the house as well as a few blocks down even if the child closes the gate and it can only be reset by an adult. Gate alarms are a must-have with kids, check out:

http://www.intheswim.com/Pool-Equipment/Swimming-Pool-Ala...

It would not be unwise to assume that he will be walking on that cover again and will become more and more confident doing it. What if he is near someone else's pool and assumes it is a 'safety cover' when it's not? Maybe your pool is not deep, but if that cover should give-way a person can become tangled and/or trapped under the water, even if it's shallow. Our pool is 10 ft at deep-end so we are extremely cautious.

Sorry if I sound harsh, I hope you have a fun and safe summer.

best of luck,

W

1 mom found this helpful

i'm assuming its the 6 yr old and not the 3 yr old? I'd say next time its nice enough out he can't swim. If he's 3 he won't remember and his impulses aren't as developed.

1 mom found this helpful

How about writing sentences 4 pages front & back. Or if you feel that is to extreme (i dont), how about you & your son doing a "book report" together about water & safety. This will hopefully open his eyes about how dangerous water can be.

1 mom found this helpful

Punishment is meant to deter kids from doing something UNTIL they are mature enough to understand why they shouldn't do it. Then their understanding the real consequence (such as drowning) should keep them from doing it.

I can tell when my 7-year old really understands why she shouldn't do something, and when she doesn't do it because she fears a consequence. If she really understands why she shouldn't, we don't need the threat of a punishment. She just won't do it. BUT if she doesn't understand why, she'll do it when she thinks we're not watching.

Sounds like your son doesn't understand WHY he should not walk on the pool cover.

We tried all kinds of punishments to keep my stepdaughter from running around barefoot. But still, she'd go to some public place and the next thing you knew she had taken off her shoes. So, finally I showed her some pictures of foot diseases and people who stepped on things like glass and nails. We haven't had a problem since, nor have we had to remind her.

Rather than another punishment (which your son already had when his friend had to go home and I think you did the right thing) he needs to really understand why you don't want him walking on there. Not just him parroting back the rule, but a true, lightbulb goes off, understanding. You may need pictures or to demonstrate it (like one mom suggested with a bowl full of water and some plastic wrap). You'll know when he REALLY understands.

So far that's the only handling I found that fixes the problem for good. Good luck!

How about explaining the importance again to him. Then, have his friends over and have your son explain the importance of the rule to his friends. A little humiliation once in awhile works on my daughter.

You could have him write this rule several times on paper too.

I didn't read any of the other responses, but I'm shocked that you would let a 6 year old outside alone!!! Much less around a pool, covered or not!

I know this doesn't help your dilemma, but you may want to rethink giving him that responsibility...

What's something he loves - video games, a favorite tv show? What about not being able to play with his friends for a fefw days? You need it to be painful for him to remember not to misbehave again. Warning, it will be painful for you too, but don't cave in!

If it's something he doesn't care about, it won't bother him enough to get the message across.

M.

I know someone who has one of these covers. I'm very familiar with them. True, you would never allow anyone to walk across them, and yes, they can hold a baby elephant, if need be.

He shouldn't have done it, he has been warned, have him tell all of his friends in front of you that NO ONE is to walk across it. Yes, he was curious. you handled it well and I would consider it fair warning. I'm a firm believer that a punishment should fit the crime and video games, tv and toys and other groundings have nothing to do with this - but telling the friends in front of you, does. Now that it's out of his system - he shouldn't have the need to do it again.

I'm guessing it's the 6 year old too and stressing the importance of the younger siblings being safe should also be mentioned. I know you must be upset about this but by doing all of this, you truly have done enough. Now.....should he do it again.... it WILL be a long summer for him!!!!!

Yes, he could have gotten hurt, however, those covers are soooo expensive and heavy duty and, yet, there is still the fear of walking across them. I've actually seen a lot of people walk across the cover - yes it scares me but it does hold a lot of weight.

Best of luck to you.

Chrissy
You also make him responsible to tell every who comes over to play about your "house rules" including the pool cover. I also think sending the friend home is a bigger bummer then the chats. Good Luck!
J. O

I know what you mean about finding a punishment. I have taken away my kids' scooters or bikes only to have 3 days of rain. I do agree with others that say no swimming the first day it is nice enough out. But even though a 6 yr old is old enough to understand, if that day turns out to be 3 weeks away, it is not going to relate very well. If this was my situation, I would not let the kids play in the yard for an amount of time and no friends over for that time either. Also, explaining what can happen if the cover were to fail may help. And yes he should tell his friends that there is no walking across the pool cover. You could make it that he is the big brother and he neds to make sure he doesn't do somehting that could be dangerous. The little ones might try to do it too. I don't think treating him like a baby will work in your case. With a new baby coming, he might just decide that he likes it.