36 answers

Punishment for Sneaking Out at Night

Hi,

My daughter, 16 years old, and her three friends sneaked out of our home last night and we noticed this at 4 a.m.!!! My husband immediately called our daughter and told her to come home right away. She and her friends arrived to our home within 15 minutes. My daughter has done this one other time (that I know of!!) and she got grounded for a 1 1/2 months, along with taking away her cell phone, and personal use of the computer. I also banned sleep overs as I did not want to be responsible for other kids if they sneak out from my house. However, after almost a year, we revisited the banning of sleep overs and she said she had learned her lesson and if she could sleep at one of her best friend's house. My hubby and I agreed and she slept at her friend's home. Feeling I could trust her again and giving her another chance, she asked to have a sleep over last night and I agreed. Well, she and her friends sneaked out and if it wasn't for my husband getting up at 4 a.m. and noticing the window wide open (we have a security system now, so they could not leave by the door, so they left through a window which did not have a contact on it, but is going to be installed on Wednesday by the security technician)we would have never known they were not home sleeping. I feel betrayed again and extremely disappointed. I thought I could trust her after the last incident. I was thinking of grounding her for one month, and not allowing her go to her prom which is this weekend, however, my husband said we should let her go to prom but she needs to come straight home afterwards which is at midnight. What fair punishment would you do? Thank you in advance for your advice!!

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So What Happened?™

Thank you everyone who took the time to respond! Really appreciate it very much! My husband and I decided to let her go to prom only--no parties or any other activities afterwards and we would pick her up. We are letting her go to prom as it is a very special event in high school, but this was the only exception. We grounded her for five weeks, with no personal use of computer, limited her phone use to one day on the weekend only, no more sleepovers ever again, and no birthday celebration. She was planning a birthday get together with all her friends for next month, but I said "No" because she is still grounded at that time. She is very upset about that, but I told her she did it to herself and should have thought about the consequences. I also explained about the dangers of being out, but I think at this age they feel they are invincible regardless. I also had ADT security come by yesterday to add another contact to the window she got out of--that was the only window that didn't have a contact on it and she knew it. Now there is no way she can escape at night as I have a different security code to arm the security system at night, and she cannot disarm it with her code. I had informed the other moms of my daughter's friends about what happened, and those girls receive some type of punishment as well. Thank you again for all your responses and help! :-)
--Geneva

Featured Answers

Missing prom sounds like a great punishment. I would sneak out when I was a kid. My parents tried to stop me but I found ways. I think if they would have been a little more extreme with me I wouldn't have gotten into as much trouble. There are so many bad things that can happen at night. You could also sleep in her room with her for a few weeks. My friends parents did that to her, it worked.

PS: I missed prom when I was a kid, and I am still alive and could care less.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, my advice is yes you should let her go to the prom. But she needs to go back g
home at midnight. Wish you the best !!!!!

I would let her go to prom and she would have to come home right after prom and then when school is out and summer starts she would have to come straight home on the last day of school and she would be grounded for the whole summer because that was a serious situation. Just because i would of thought she had been kidnapped because her window was wide open at 4a.m in the morning.

More Answers

Dear Geneva,

Go into the Mercury New Obituaries and look at this:
Jessica Stephens, 16, died in car crash on Jan. 9, 2008 (Visit her guest book and have your daughter do the same).

Jessica is/WAS the cousin of a co-workers. Jessica sneaked out of her house with friends just like your daughter and was killed in a car accident that night. Needless to say parents, family, and friends are devastated. Her parents thought she was sleeping in her room, just like you did with you daughter.

It is too bad that the prom is coming up, very bad timing for your daughter to pull a stunt like this. Does she know you so well that knew she would not have to miss the prom? Did you know how many teens rent hotel rooms a party before, during and after prom?

I say absolutely NO prom, no cell phone, no computer (except for homework), no outside activities except for family outings and after a month (at least), friends over only when you or your husband are home. You might get her involved in some volunteer work at a local hospital. The end of the school year and Summer will be here before you know it. Your daughter has some growing up to do and trust to rebuild. When she asks “how you could do this to her”? Remind her that she did it to herself!

Don’t you know how Jessica’s parent along with many other parents of teens who have lost their children due to stupid decisions wish they could turn back the clock and dish out a larger dose of TOUGH LOVE?

I would also remove the door of her room for a month. She has proven twice that she doesn’t deserve much privacy.

4 moms found this helpful

I think you're right on with no cell phone, computer, car, etc.I wouldnt let her go to the prom. Could you spend prom day at a nursing home visiting lonely people and then spend the night ordering pizza and watching a movie as a family? I know she wont be happy, but that's the way it goes. Plus, if shes 16 (not a senior) then she can get it right next year.

Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

Hi Geneva,
First of all, you have my sypathies-- I am a therapist and specialize in helping families with adolescents get from 13 years old to 18 while still liking each other, so I can understand where you are coming from. I know you want a punishment that will guarantee this doesn't happen again, and for good reason, but I think your chances are slim of finding such a one-- if taking away her cell-phone for a month and taking away sleep-overs for the foreseeable future didn't stop her, what would? A better bet is to try and understand where she's coming from. When you feel calm, sit down with her, and in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way, ask her what her thoughts and impulses were when she decided to sneak out-- the answers may surprise you. Keep an open mind, and remember that, while it's natural to feel hurt and frightened when teens do this kind of nonsense, they are rarely thinking about their parents at all-- it's really not about you. You might also try the book _Grounded for Life?!'
Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Well, I can tell you what my parents did to me when I was 16 and sneaking out. They took my door off the hinges for 2 months. It was the worst thing ever. At 16, girls want their privacy and my parents told me I had to earn my right to privacy again. They also screwed my window shut so that I couldn't sneak out of it. As far as prom goes, that's a personal call. I think if it's her Jr prom then you might consider her missing it, but if it's her senior prom then I would have to agree with your husband.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi there,

We also are going through the same thing. This has happened so many times, that I have lost count.

This a very hurtful situation to be in. You just can't trust them......they really need to earn the trust back.

Just recently, we have moved, we have no security system here to let us know if anyone opens an entry....so, we have to take care of that. That was a great idea to get your security system!

Our daughter is turning 17 in June and honestly, we really thought all this was behind us....we really thought she had made a change....until I found out she had a myspace, again, which we forbid.

I suggest if your daughter had a myspace, take a good look at her profile. You would be surprised at what these kids reveal about themselves. You will be able to see what they talk about, who her friends are, what they are up to.

We also took away our daughters cellphone, we took away her computer, we took away her tv, we just recently we through every single nook and crannie in her room and seached it....wow, was I surprised at what I found. We looked everywhere...under the mattress, in her pillowcases, behind bookshelves, under bookshelves, in her drawers, in her clothes...Everywhere.

Also, we had an officer come out and speak with her. Sometimes, that really does help. He also at the time told us, at 17, if she does not straighten us, we can emancipate her ( not sure if that is spelled right).

We told her this, not that I would do that, but, to really just try and give her a wake up call.

We have also made it clear, she is getting a job.

Teenagers are so hard, but, we just have to keep loving them, even if it means tough love.

Good luck to you and God bless ;0)

3 moms found this helpful

Hi Geneva!
I just wanted to share a wonderful little story with you. My aunt told it to me about her own daughter when she was a teen who snuck out in the middle of the night once...and only once.

My aunt went in her daughter's room to check on her, having forgotten to tell her something. When she walked into the room, she saw what really looked like her daughter fast asleep in bed, but in acuality, it was just pillows assembled in a way to resemble her body.

My aunt pulled back the covers and revealed the pillows. She then checked the window, discovering that it was unlocked and that her daughter had climbed through the window to go out.

After locking the window again, she proceeded to take her daughter's door off its hinges, storing the door in the garage until needed again. When the daughter came home, she was livid. She had to use the front door instead of re-entering through her bedroom window and she wasn't sure if her mother went back to sleep or not after her discovery. My aunt had every intention of waiting up and opening the door at the ungodly hour of 3am, but she was also aware of the fight (as well as a bit of fun) to come.

In her anger, the daughter went stomping to her room, only to find that her room no longer had a door on it. She then demanded an explanation for the removal of her door. My aunt offered this one line, "If you're using the window, you obviously have NO NEED for your door anymore!" She then added, "When I see that you are becoming more honest with me, you may have your bedroom door back, but until then...I have to keep my eye on you." No late nights out, no more sneaking around...and no door.

I don't know if this helps you at all, but it sure gives me a giggle when I think about that situation. [By the way, the door was returned to its rightful place soon after the incident...when the daughter had a clear understanding of how to use her door AND her mouth the proper way].

We moms just want to make sure our kids are safe. My heart goes out to you, Geneva. I hope your daughter learns to use communication instead of the window in the future.

Hugs to you!

D.

2 moms found this helpful

HI Geneva,
I have three daughters over 16...They grow up so quickly. When my girls started being influenced by "bad advice" I tried to spend more time with them....coffee, lunch, shopping, movie... my husband and I would each start spending more time with that child. We felt, when they were acting foolish, we needed to surround them with wisdom...those who are grown up and can help steer them. We saw the foolishness as a sure sign that they were spending too much time with friends and not surrounded by those who know what life is really about. WE would use that time to talk about the future...what do you want to do? We used that desire for the future to forge friendships and volunteer opportunitites for them to meet others in the same field.
A vision of the future did wonders to remind my kids that the present foolishness is not where they wanted to be. Also the extra time with my kids reminded me how much I like them. It was also really good for them to have that time with their dad. A dad's perspective is so healthy in a young ladies' life.
I hope that makes sense. What started as a negative, turn into a positive for your relationship. If she is grounded...make it an opportunity to spend more time together remembering what your family is about...don't make it about punishment and boredom....but about a reminder of who she is. Let it be a fun, good time for the family...play and talk together.
Many prayers to you.

2 moms found this helpful

Perhaps put an electronic device on her window too. Why does she need to sneak out? I would not allow her to be with those friends any longer.

Your past admonishment didn't stop her.

Pat

2 moms found this helpful

i'd let her go to prom or she'll hate your forever - i snuck out all the time and wasn't doing anything wrong it's just a novelty of being almost an adult - i turned out fine - never got in trouble and i'm a very nice, happy person raising two girls and i now have a great relationship with my mom - i'd ground her but don't make her miss prom - she'll never forgive you for that - don't damage your long term relationship with just because she's acting like a stupid teenager - i'm with the above - have her do some community service at like a women's and children's shelter or something - so she really is able to see all that she has - but let her go to prom

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Hi: I thank God every day that my daughter is now 21 and finishing her 3rd year in college. I didn't go to my prom, so please don't take that one away from her. I did have some problems with my daughter, but sneaking out at night was not one of them. Have you taken sometime and sat down with your daughter to find out why she has done this. Have you taken a look at her friends, you know the old saying "you are as good as your friends", you are as good as the company you keep....is she boy crazy, does she have things to keep her busy and out of trouble, eg. softball, basketball, track, and kind of sports tends to keep them focused on the good things........just a few ideas and good luck.

Also A Mom

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Missing prom sounds like a great punishment. I would sneak out when I was a kid. My parents tried to stop me but I found ways. I think if they would have been a little more extreme with me I wouldn't have gotten into as much trouble. There are so many bad things that can happen at night. You could also sleep in her room with her for a few weeks. My friends parents did that to her, it worked.

PS: I missed prom when I was a kid, and I am still alive and could care less.

1 mom found this helpful

I realize I am a little late, but Prom in our area hasnt happened yet, I would definately make her stay home. I am sure she already has her dress, ect, make her do chores to repay you. She has next year. Would you rather see her dressed up for the night, or ID'ing her body because of a teenage prank? No matter where you live, we live in the heart of Amish Country, bad things happen. I also agree with taking off her bedroom door, she cant be trusted, she has to know how serious this is. My girlfriend did that with her 14 year old, and the daughter learned Mom and Dad were serious when they laided down the rules. I listen to and read stories, like yours, about their teenage daughters, and I wish I could be in your shoes. Our daughter died at 75 days of SIDS. I will never have the oppertunity you do. We have 3 surving children, including my 21 y/0 step-daughter, who is on the wrong track, because her mother let her get away with too much. I am only 40, but I believe in old school, the child pays for behavior. My 5 year old knows as much. I was in plenty of trouble as a teen, but my parents NEVER waivered from strict punishment, and I am super-close to my parents. I know they did right. Today, I am thankful. I know you cant over-ride your husband about Prom, but if needed, sit in the car to make sure she doesnt leave. And just remember, this too shall pass. Best of luck, God Bless.

1 mom found this helpful

I too got to experience one time that my daughter chose
to sneak out of the house. I was terrified and I called one of her new friends that I thought that she was with. The mother answered the phone and said that her child was with another friend, she was very helpful with reassuring
me that she would be fine and everything would be ok. She was correct. My daughter was at our local school and came walking home at 2:30 am. Crazy! Well I think she learned
her lesson because on top of losing all of her fun stuff she also got to sleep in our room for a month. We never had the problem again.

1 mom found this helpful

Let her go to prom but take her there, bring her back and volunteer to be a chaperone. When she says that’s not fair look her straight in the eye and tell her it’s the only way she’s going to go since you don’t feel like you can trust her anymore. Continue to follow her every move (reminding her about the trust issues) until you feel like you can trust her. And if you don’t already, you should make a point to get the cell and home phone numbers for all her friends. You’ll want to call them periodically when your daughter is out with them or at their homes.

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Sneaking out is never OK. The lack of trust is bad enough but it's also DANGEROUS! It's a shame your daughter did not learn her lesson the first time. Why are the girls doing this? Do they think the parents are too strict? Are they meeting up with young men that you would not approve of? I say let her go to her prom, it's a once in a lifetime affair, but following up on her behavior is of utmost importance - maybe you should consider a counselor or psychologist that deals with teen issues. Good luck!

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It sounds fair to ground her again. If you allow her to go to the Prom, I would suggest either 1) drop her at the dance and make her meet her date at the dance, no dinner, no "out of sight" time, and wait for her to take her home as soon as the dance is over or 2) go asa chaperone to dinner, the dance, the whole shebang. If you clearly told her that there would be big trouble if she snuck out again (after the last time) you need to stick with it. It's not fair for her to betray your trust and get away with it just because this "once in a lifetime" thing is coming up. Good luck with your decision.

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Let her go to her prom!!!!!! Could you even imagine down the road her missing it, there would never be forgiveness. I would start her punishment right after the prom, The next day actually. Stay firm and strong and keep her limited to her cell and computer use. Perhap's have her write a essay on the saftey issues of sneeking out and what if she were abducted or worse. This is simply a suggestion, but ground her for no less then a month. Good luck to you...

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I'm sorry for the situation you are in -- but you have a good opportunity to get her attention. I would not let her go to the prom. She can start working on next year's prom. She'd never forget that lesson. But you are in a bad spot because your husband wants her to go. The girls are lucky they came home unharmed. Besides grounding I would figure out some community service for her to do the whole time. Maybe involving homeless teens or something. Good luck.

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First I am not sure what the Prom has to do with sneaking out, so maybe instead of taking it away put restrictions on it and be sure that you are 100% available to make sure that the restrictions are put into affect.I think it is very important to make the other girls parents aware of the situation as well. I have twin boys that did the same thing once when they stayed the night at a friends house and they are no longer allowed to go anywhere with that certian friend without adult supervision. The other night they wanted to ride their bikes to his house to play pool and they had to be driven there checked in with the other parent and had to be picked up earlier than normal because I also have little ones that have an earlier bedtime and once they are in bed, I can not leave them alone. They do not like having such tight restrictions but I have let them know that it is due to their actions and the mistrust and they are respectful of that. I think that communication is a huge key and maybe even put the ball in your daughters court, ask how she would handle this situation if you were the daughter and she was the Mother. ask her why she feels that she needs to sneek out. It would be a good idea to find out where they are going when they do sneak out and what they are doing ?

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Geneva,

You've gotten a lot of responses here. I remember when my daughter (now 27) went through the 'sneak out' phase. And, though I'm not proud of it - I was considered 'queen of sneaking out' at around age 16, many yrs ago.

Of course you want to protect your daughter from harm - and you should. And the posters who mentioned offering more one-on-one time and just being interested in whatever she is interested in (no matter how annoying) will help.

Know that sneaking out is a 'rush' - doesn't matter what you do after you're out, it's the 'rush' of sneaking out and then back in un-detected that feels cool at that age. Know that unless she gets interested in more healthy activities, she will continue to seek out other things that will deliver a similar 'high' - you get the idea. You can lecture til the end of time, it won't register. Does she like music, art, travel, photography - find one thing and be interested in it with her if at all possible.

When it started happening with my daughter it seemed a normal part of adolescense to me - which is probably unacceptable to many readers here, sorry. I laughed it off when it happened with my daughter in order to take the shock value out of it, wrong or right that is what I did, but definitely tightened her freedoms for a limited time, also I was able to identify which of her girlfriends were sneak-out queens (having been one formerly myself) and able to 'nip' that sort of activity in the bud by limiting her access to those girls and those scenarios. I tried to build up her access to other things she considered 'fun' - for her it was art and fashion design.

Taking prom away - I'd say no, but give a definite curfew...that is something she will always remember for the rest of her life and in my opinion is just cruel to take away. Re-establishing trust? Come on - anyone who trusts a 16 yr old should have their head examined themselves, we love them but we cannot trust them at that age - it just doesn't make sense to trust them because they do not yet have the ability to reason at that level. You can talk til your blue in the face at the dangers and how worried you were etc etc - this will not register with a 16 yr old.

remember not to take advice from anyone who does not themselves have a teenager - and try to keep your sense of humor above all else.

hugs,

W.

1 mom found this helpful

Take away the prom-
A fitting punishment for once again taking away your trust.
Maybe she'll get it this time.

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If it's only been twice at 16 that's not too bad. Kids need to have SOME adventures to reminisce upon when they're older. If she's overall a good kid and she didn't sneak out to do anything dangerous or terrible then I would definitely not make her miss the prom. Didn't you do anything "bad" when you were a kid?

I got a call one night when my oldest was sixteen, at about 2 a.m. from the cops. (Scary.) They had found my son (who had sneaked out) and a few other kids in the park. But what were they doing? Drinking or doing drugs? Vandalizing? No, they were swinging on the swings. I was mad for a couple of days but it was hard to hold on to my anger for too long, cause he really was (is) a good boy otherwise.

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I'm stunned by the answers, frankly. When I was a teenager, I never ever even remotely considered sneaking out of the house. Neither did my brother or sister, or any of the kids on our block that we hung out with.
And she did this again after the phone/computer/grounding before?

Sorry, I disagree. This behavior could easily get her killed, not to mention the utter, abject defiance and disrespect is shows. My vote would have been:
No prom
No cell phone ... ever. It's gone until she moves out and can get her own
No personal use of the computer, ever, until she moves out and gets her own.

She can use one in full view
of the family for homework requirements only.

As for going out... friends can sleepover at YOUR house, but she cannot go to theirs.

A 16 year old who does this a second time, after your very stern and appropriate punishment the first time, cannot be trusted, period. Alarm system? Come on. If she can figure out how to thwart that, she will. She is defiant. She is sneaky. Since she has showed you that she needs to be watched like a 2 year old, it's time to let her see how it feels to live like a 2 year old (no parties, no computer, no phone, nada, zip).

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Hi, I know this comes later, but I just saw your issue. I think you have done all the right things except for one part I did not hear.

You see, I used to sneak out as a teen, and what I wanted and needed most was to have some close connection to my parents. If she regards you has her punishers, but not as the people who deeply care about her emotions too, I'm afraid you'll have problems with that approach. I would encourage you to connect with her. Ask her why she wants to disobey you so much? She might just know that it seems fun at the time, so aks her if she understands the risk. She probably does and finds it exciting, but it's a sign that she doesn't value herself very highly and she just wants thrills. So, please let her know that you value her highly and ask her how you can show her, how she can feel that message of being valued. If she says to trust her, you know she's manipulating again, but tell you you're looking for something along the lines of sharing a special hobby with her, or some time out with just you or just dad.

I hope you can find an enjoyable activity that lets her know how much you value her.

Cathrin

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I had friends who had this problem with their teenage daughter and they did similar to what you are doing: They screwed her windows shut and sometimes her dad even slept in the hallway in front of her door. After a while, they just took the door off its hinges because she had lost her priviledge to privacy. Also no cell phones, no going out at all because they couldn't trust her to be where she said, no driving, nothing. Just to school, work, and home. This went on for over a year.
I also want to add that telling kids what to do, without explaining to them WHY we should or shouldn't do those things, is pretty futile. "Because I said so" does NOT work, and only makes them resentful of you and your authority. When my children disobey, are disrespectful, lie, backtalk, want to do something sinful, whatever, I always, always, always (no matter how busy I am) sit down and read to them where in the Bible it instructs us to do otherwise: ie, Ephesians 6:1- "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." We talk about what they did wrong, why they have to be punished, and I put it on God's authority because he is the ultimate authority. Children need to understand that parents don't do these things to make their lives miserable; we do them because God instructs us to love our children, protect them, teach them right from wrong, discipline them, and punish them when necessary. If they see you obeying and loving the Lord, they will do the same.

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I hate to admit that at 16 I used to sneak out of the house all the time at night, until I got caught of course and then I didn't do it again. And I was a good kid (honors classes, sports, etc). But now that I'm a mom I would be really worried if my child snuck out at night, especially b/c alcohol can be involved. I think the Security System is a great deterrent. As far as punishment goes, I'm not sure what to suggest for you. I do think that your daughter would be crushed to not be able to go to Prom. Girls spend sooooo much time planning for an event like prom and I realize she betrayed your trust but I'm assuming she is probably a pretty good kid otherwise? So, I think your husbands suggestion is fair, that she goes to prom and comes home immediately after. In regards to additional punishment: cell phone, computer, grounding sound appropriate and I liked the other mom's suggestion about maybe community service. Then something positive could come out of this. Hope this helps. I'm 29 now but for some reason being 16 doesn't seem like that long ago. Teenagers can be awfully crafty and sneaky at times. I was! So, trust your instincts and hopefully your daughter can rebuild the trust you had in her. Pretty soon she will be 18 and in college and exposed to so many more things. So, it's important that she knows how dangerous certain things can be and she becomes more responsible for caring for herself and her well being. Best of luck!!

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Geneva
I really feel your pain and frustation when Iread this and yes, I would feel just like you right now. You attempted the whole trust issue again with your daughter and you are left now with a feeling of betrayal and hurt. IT is a knee jerk reaction re the prom (and I know I would have too) but I do agree with your husband as hard as it may be...I would let her go to the prom bc it is a moment in her life she will never have back really. Prom is only in high school and it's a time that only comes once. I would maybe let her beleive for awhile that she wasn't going to go bc of her actions and maybe that will make her realize the severity of it all. Eventualy, I would however let her go but have her come straight home right after and I would not not go over board in the whole experince (over giving and going the extra mile with buying more than you may have or done for this event) and I would stick to the usual punishment of taking the cell phone, banning of sleep overs etc. IT's probally a good idea to tell her that trust is huge in life...and once broken it's like a glass vase you try to put back together again...its never quite the same and that is what she is doing to both of you as parents and that you love her so much that she does not realze the dangers she is really exposing herself too. One day when she is on her own..she can do as she pleasees but she is living under your roof and you ask for that respect. Maybe I wrote to much...my daughters are 2 and 4 and I am so afriad of what is to come! Times have changed so much but as long as you and your husband parent and bond toether during this time..I do beleiv things will be ok as long as you remain strong as a fmaily. Times like these are tough..a couple ofm y friends are going through similar frustations. I hope that helped! A.

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While driving my 14 year old Daughter home from a sleep over she startred laughing, when I asked her what was so funny she told me that her and her two friends had snuck out laast night and toilet papered trees. She really thought it was no big deal. I really don't think they thought about the dangers of the night. We talked about the dark roads (no streetlights), the drunken drivers coming home from the bars, child molesters, etc. I think it opened up her eyes to why she has a curfew. She lost privilages, including sleepovers for quite a while. We are now doing sleepovers again and trusting her. But I do talk to other parents and drop her off and pick her up at the door. I also informed the other mom that the girls had snuck out, her older sister told her how to do it, sneak out from the sunroom. The Mom had no idea that this had been going on. She was FURIOUS!

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At that age, my parents grounded me indefinitely. They didn't give me a time that I would be off restriction. They too let me go to prom, but I was grounded from everything else. I do this with my own daughter as well. It's not until they stop pushing to be off restriction, and when their attitude improves that you would let them off. It could go something like this "You're grounded until we feel you can handle being responsible." And leave it that until you and your husband feel its time to let her go. I ended up being grounded for 3 months, twice.

1 mom found this helpful

Gives me post traumatic stress disorder from my 14th year. I was a sneaker outer. Results of such were not good. My mother threatened me with sleeping in my room with me, going to school with me, all the above. I was grounded my whole 14th year. I'd ask, "When will I be ungrounded?" Her reply, "When I can trust your judgment, and not a day before." It was not until then that I was ungrounded.

Good luck!

I think you should let her go to prom . she will resent you and your husband forever if she misses this high school function, but I would make sure she gets to prom and prom only!!I don't know about your proms but ours the kids are not allowed to leave and breakfeast is served at the school, you'll just have to go pick her up even if you have to ground yourself. As a parent my husband and I have grounded ourselves alot!!get my drift? As far as sneaking out, better find out why? and start interfering , we have went as far as letting ours decide to stay out only to realize it's not as fun as it's seems when you still have to get up at regular time no matter what day it is. good luck L.

I would let her go to prom and she would have to come home right after prom and then when school is out and summer starts she would have to come straight home on the last day of school and she would be grounded for the whole summer because that was a serious situation. Just because i would of thought she had been kidnapped because her window was wide open at 4a.m in the morning.

We all were kids and some of us did sneek outbut I wasn't one of them.I would let your daughter go tothe prom and let her know that you are letting her go with the understanding that you want to trust her and that she has to be home when you say.Let her know that you want to trust her and you can"t if she sneeks out when you are letting her have sleep overs to be with her friends. I would also ask her what does she think her punishment should be. Sometimes children do things because they want to be punished. Just let her know that you love her and you are making her more responsible for when she eventually becomes a mother.

Hi, my advice is yes you should let her go to the prom. But she needs to go back g
home at midnight. Wish you the best !!!!!

Hi Geneva G,
I am DEFINATELY NOT one to judge or tell people how to raise their children.I am one who is looking 4 advice in the same way you are....I hope you will look at my post and see it and hopefully You and I together can get some decent advice.
P.S. I Don't believe in abusing children but I also don't believe in " belly-rubbing" I mean saying things like "oh you can have sex as long as you tell me about it" I'm sorry but I don't believe in that kind of behavior, Tell Me what U Think. I Welcome your advice.
Thanks,
L. Marie

I will keep her away from those friends that she has. I Have a 16 year old boy and I do not let him go out to sleep anywhere. I do not want to see any friends to sleep over my house. I believe that it is easier for them to do something like that when they have friends. So try to keep a good relationship with your daughter and get her involve in a lot of activities, dance school, sports, swimming team, there are so many things also church activities. Just keep her busy and away from those friends.

Good Luck this age is tough!!!

M.

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