9 answers

Puberty in an 12 Year Old Boy

My stepson is sometimes very moody and mouthy, and sometimes down right nasty to his father. My husband has asked his son's mother why he is so nasty most times it only seem to be to him. She claims she has had him to the doctor's and it's puberty. One thing that bothers me is for the last 2-3 years we have gone to amusement parks. I am the person who goes on any ride with any of the kids. When on the ride with my stepson he will comment about how it makes him feel down there and he says " I don't mean my belly." My own son never said anything like that and I don't think it is right in public. If you ignore him he will repeat himself til you say something to him. Is this normal if he is going through puberty?

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What can I do next?

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Dad and son need to sit down and have a big boy conversation... Dad needs to have a father/son relationship... or try to build one. Start now before he gets older... and worse. He needs to be taught... now, not later... about development/his changing age stage/his body/how to treat women/etc. etc. etc.

Ditto the others here.

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I don't think so, H.. I think you should say to him, "That's something you discuss with your father." Have you considered taking him to a counselor? His moodiness and nastiness may have more to do with other issues than just puberty.

So sorry.
D.

3 moms found this helpful

Child needs boundaries and a lesson in manners Pretty Darn Quick. I don't care how high his hormones are running. He's 12 and he's basically telling you that proximity to you makes him horny!?! Animals have rutting seasons - human beings control their urges. How well do you get along with this kid? Are you worried about injuring his feelings or self esteem, because this kids ego could use a bit of deflating. You could try shooting him down when he talks like that - a bit of blunt rejection is almost as good as a cold bucket of water in the face. Or you might tell him you never want to hear him talk like that to anyone let alone you again. That's no way to talk to any lady of any age. It's probably a wrong approach, but a comment like that would shock politically correct right out of me.

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Sounds like Mom is in denial and blaming puberty for his poor behavior. That boy absolutely needs a firm hand NOW before he gets too big in the head and in size when nothing can be done. A FIRM talk needs to be done by you, Dad, and by Mom for his "discussion" of how he feels "down there". Absolutely uncalled for. If he needs to truly talk about that, he should go to Dad and at his age, he KNOWS this. It sounds like he's nasty to Dad because he can get away with it. There may be some underlying resentment over the divorce but that is secondary to the way he treats people. He's acting this way because he can, period. Nip it in the bud now because things progress to something worse. Puberty is not the same as poor behavior.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
ages 23, 15 and 5
4 boys, 1 girl

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2 moms found this helpful

Dad and son need to sit down and have a big boy conversation... Dad needs to have a father/son relationship... or try to build one. Start now before he gets older... and worse. He needs to be taught... now, not later... about development/his changing age stage/his body/how to treat women/etc. etc. etc.

Ditto the others here.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm not sure about what you're trying to say. Are you saying that he says the ride turns him on, causes an erection, that sort of thing or is he trying to talk about how he feels and what his body is doing in an effort to understand.

If it's the latter, I suggest that because he trusts you and you've been sympathetic to his concerns in the past he is taking the opportunity while you're away from everybody to start a conversation. Since you're not comfortable talking about it, you can tell him, in a kind way, that you're not comfortable talking about this subject and suggest he bring it up with a man that he trusts. If you know of men that might be helpful, make some suggestions for who he could talk with.

If you think he's trying to tell you that he's attracted to you, I'd tell him, again in a kindly way, that this is not appropriate. I think it's good that his feelings are in the open where you can deal with them. It's really not that unusual for a pubescent boy to have a crush on an older woman. It's happened to me. I've told them that I was flattered but that the situation was inappropriate. I suggested that in time they would find a girl their own age to which they'd be attracted. In the meantime, I'm glad to be their friend but talk about sex or "love" was inappropriate. This has worked. I was still friendly with them and aware that they had a crush but they stopped making juvenile style overtures. If they did start to say something I'd just say something like remember what we talked about.

Keep in mind that your step-son is insecure and may have little knowledge about what is happening to his body. It also sounds like he isn't very socially aware. Does he act and talk inappropriately in other ways?
You don't want to hurt his feelings. You don't want to reject him. You do want him to learn that what he is saying to you is inappropriate and you want to say it in a loving way as a mother would. Be firm in a kind way.

I might also try to not spend time with him alone so that it easier for him to manage his feelings.

I think that you're just asking about his comment to you. But I also wonder about the way you react to the way he treats his father. It may help, if you don't already, to stand up for your husband and let your step-son know at the time he's misbehaving that you do not accept his behavior. I hope that you and your husband have decided on a consequence and enforce it each and every time.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, H.:

First things first, what do you know about puberty in males?

You will need to find out about erections and masturbation in young
males.

Find a book about sexual changes in young males and see if anything touches on what you son is worrying about.

Secondly, talk with you son and use descriptive words so that everything is clear.

WOW! To have your son talk openly about his worries is amazing.

Good luck. D.

1 mom found this helpful

Maybe he doesn't have anyone to talk to about the changes he is going through. He might be trying to open up a conversation. If I were a stepparent of the opposite sex, I would definitely try to redirect him to discuss it with his father and encourage his father to initiate such a conversation with him, just in case the boy is too embarassed or whatever. Boys that age need to be able to talk to their fathers about the emotional and physical changes they are going through. Try to remember how crazy everything seemed for you at that time when you started your period and had to get your first bra and how all of those things made you feel. Boys don't have those issues, but they have other things about growing up that are difficult for them to deal with as well.

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I agree with Dawn that doesnt sound right to me. Get him to a counciler!

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