Psychological Effects of Taking Away the Paci?

When we went to the Dr's for my 2yr olds check up the doctor had a U of M student/resident with him (I love when that happens because you get to hear what they are thinking as they discuss). I told him that my dtr used the paci just at nap/bedtime and asked if it was necessary that I take it away. He asked the med student to respond and she said - you really should take them away by 2 blah blah. Then the doctor actually said well, no that isn't what I would tell a parent. If the child is using it as a self soother for sleeping it isn't going to do any damage to let her have it. He actually said if you'd like to save yourself some therapy later on let her have it. Now he said that kind of jokingly, but his point was that it was great she had a self soother, could put herself to sleep easily.

We had already started taking it away a bit, and we gave it back. It wasn't confusing for her - she was just grateful. She is now a little over 2 1/2 and has gotten rid of them herself saying she is a big girl now. I feel good that she decided on her own and was comfortable with the decision. And I remain grateful for every single bed time I didn't have to fight with her about going to bed.

I don't think you'll really harm your child, I just thought you might like hearing that a doctor supported the "let them have it" position.
Good luck!!

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I have my BS in Psychology and I can tell you there are no long-term, psychological effects of taking away a pacifier/bottle/sippy cup/blanket/boob/insert comfort object here when a child is too old. You have done a good thing for your son and he will get used to it. Good luck!

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I am not a psych, but can I offer my two cents?

I totally know how you feel. Both of my daughters were very attached to their pacis. Because of pressure from judgmental family members, friends, and even her pediatrician, I felt the need to take my first daughter's paci away at age 2. TRAGIC.

She too was losing sleep over it, cry cry crying at night, and I would just sit in my room and CRY. I would have caved except for the fact that I too have a husband who wouldn't listen to my reasoning- he said 'she'll be fine!' and wouldn't let me give it back to her.

My second daughter, three years later, I absolutely REFUSED to take her paci away at age two. I told the friends, family members, and pedi to STUFF IT! lol.. I did vow that I would never let her have it past her third birthday.

Let me tell you, the transition at age 3 was SO MUCH EASIER. My daughter was able to better understand why she couldn't have it any more, and was better able to reason. A two year old can't reason... they are not congitively able.

The transition was not a stressful one for parent OR child. I know that all children are different, but if I ever have a third child, I will definitely not force them to give up their paci before they reach age 3.

As far as psychological effects, I have no idea. I am inclined to believe that there are short-term effects. I am sure they will be clingy for a few days and grouchy if for no other reason, lack of sleep! But I doubt there are long-term effects. Probably no one really knows that answer, though. What affects one person might not affect another.

Good luck! I thought it would help you to know that you're not alone... and if you should decide to give your child his paci back, I would NOT be judging you!!! lol

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Well I'm not a "professional" but I'm a mom and was a child once :)
Since you've already taken it away it would not be good to give it back now. That would be really back stepping. And maybe teach him that it's bad to struggle and not learn how to cope. I know he's still very little but children begin having to deal with life from the moment they are born. He will be fine, allow him some adjustment time. It's a transition and takes some time to get new comforting skills to get him to relax. Oh and by the way, I had my paci until I was 4! I smoked, chewed my nails and had issues some most people do. Struggle is a part of life and helps us to grow even though it doesn't feel good going through it. Give some extra love and reassurance and hang on, it's just the beginning.
Best Regards,
C.

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He will be fine. Stay strong! I am pretty sure you won't end up on Oprah over taking a paci away.

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Not a professional, either, but trust me, he'll be absolutely fine. We took our daughter's away at 2.5 years; did the whole binkie fairy thing w/ the letter from the fairy, then sent them off in the mail. Maybe two rough nights and then it was over and done with. And believe me, our daughter was HOOKED and had that thing in her mouth all day and night. But her front teeth had started to stick out further than the ohers and we knew it was time. Stick w/ it, don't give it back now. You've got a whole week under your belt!

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I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I think he will be fine. If he seems to be having trouble sleeping, maybe you could introduce a "lovey", like a special stuffed animal or little blankie to help him sooth himself.
Most people will tell you cold turkey is the best way to stop a habit, so you did the right thing. I never used a paci either, and I was a smoker. As for the overeating, kids learn by example. Starting at a young age, if they get into the habit of healthy eating and knowing when they are full, I would not worry about it. For example, my son has not grasped the idea of taking bites, and instead prefers to shove food into his mouth in pieces that are sometimes too large to fit! I still have to cut things pretty small so he can't do that. But even though he eats quickly (most of the time), when he is full that is it. He doesn't want any more. As for smoking, educate him when the time is right as to how dangerous it is. And honestly by the time he is old enough to consider it, it will probably be outlawed or something anyway! :) Good luck!

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I'm no psychologist, but I had a similar situation with my daughter. I would not think that taking away a pacifier at age 2 would end in a 16 year old (for example) smoking, etc. If those habits begin, it will be due to other influences - so I wouldn't worry too much about that. However, I do know where you're coming from with feeling horrible about taking away the one thing that soothes your child. Our daughter only had hers at bedtime for a long time, and our final decision to just take it away came after she began biting it and we noticed that the silicone part was just hanging there in the morning. Worried about her choking in the middle of the night, we just told her that she was a big girl and compared her to other big girl cousins, etc. That worked for a week. Then she realized she missed it, and going to sleep became more difficult. She cried for a long time, but we couldn't give in. We'd tried taking it once before and it was horrible, and of course we gave in. This time for safety reasons we stuck to our guns. She still, at almost 3 years old, doesn't go down for bed nearly as well as she did with the pacifier, which could also be her age. We used to pride ourselves on how well she went to bed, but it was due to the paci. She didn't have a blanket or stuffed friend she was attached to at night, just the paci, so it was very difficult to take it away. She's fine now, never asks for it or anything, but your first few weeks will be tough. You're not a bad mother for doing this - please don't feel that way. If not just for the safety reasons like with our daughter, for so many other reasons that make this a good time to do it. It's easier now than it would be another year or even 6 months down the road when you're also trying to potty train, etc. Good luck! I hope I helped a little.

We took my son's pacifier away at the age of 3, which was about a month ago. It was very difficult and he still doesn't sleep as good as he once did, but we have found ourself a new routine and it is working. My son has been SSOOO attached to his nuk since birth and even though he has special puppies and a special blanket he sleeps with, it doesn't compare to the nuk. After we took it away, bedtime became a major battle with tantrums and screaming fits for over an hour. It was awful, but we didn't back down. What finally worked for us was I sat down and talked to him in the morning when he was calm about what he would need for bedtime. We made a list of everything he needs. I even printed it out with pictures for him so he knows what to expect and now he goes right to bed. He gets his stories, his puppies, one special additional toy to bring to bed with him, a hug and a kiss from mommy and daddy, a sticker - this is key - he gets to pick a special sticker every night and it gets him very excited about it, then we say I love you and goodnight. As long as he knows what to expect, he's fine with it. I wish you luck. I know it's not easy, but hold your ground. I would think the ramifications from backing down after a week of this would be worse than the possible psychological effects way down the road.

A.

Don't stress about it, we cannot predict what will effect each person later in life- I am a huge one to talk, I have spent the last 9 years worried about how my actions will effect my sons psychy. I am making myself crazy over it and it is time for me to make a change. And my son has been in counseling of some sort or another since he was 3 and killed a kitten- I was terribly afraid he was growing up to be the next Jeffrey Dahmer.

I doubt very highly that taking away her paci will have any lasting effects on her since it was done at an early age. Most Dr's will tell you to get off the pacifer by 1 year as they are coordinated enough to use sippy cups, eating solid foods etc. She isn't sleeping well because she has become dependent on the pacifer to sooth her, she will need something else to take it's place. Does she have a favorite stuff animal or blanket that she likes to sleep with. Don't worry it won't take long and she will forget all about the pacifer.

Your son will be fine. It will be hard at first, but I don't think that he will even remember it a few months later...let alone have any lasting psychological effects. I struggled taking it away with my two kids, but I'm glad I did. Looking back in pictures, it looks totally ridiculous to me to have my two year old (or three year old in some people's case) with a pacifier hanging out of his mouth. I think that after age one is a good time to start limiting their usage, which is what we did with our daughter. It made a huge difference for my son when he was learning to speak, after the "plug" went away he started talking so much more, and learning so many more words. Stick to your guns!!

i think hes just learning to sleep without it. i dont know what anyone else has to say, but i wouldnt stress too much, my son was about the same age, and he was fine. myself and my siblings were fine. my son eventually adjusted thuogh it did take a little while, and thats ok. its just finding something else to take the place of that comforting; maybe a longer winding down period is needed; snuggle, read a book gently, sing a song, or play a gentle cd while rocking or something instead of doing the same routine you have been doing with the sucker. replace the sucker with something from you. :)

the thing about the issues you mentioned; smoking, overeating, most of those arent based on a pacifier but are more easily worried about as your child grows. you can and should let your child know what is and isnt acceptable in your family, and that means smoking. if you are still smoking, it is a lot more helpful for you to quit than to tell your child "no" when you are smoking yourself.

were your parents smokers ? that is a big reason that you would have been.

in all reality, the simple fact that you didnt take a pacifier could be the reason for the oral fixation. an unfulfilled need turns into an undesireable habit. your unfulfilled need for sucking (whether or not your parents say you 'wouldnt take it' is irrelevant, all babies NEED to suck) could have easily caused the "oral fixation".

but really, i dont know, i think you are making too big a deal over a pacifier. its just a pacifier. and your kid will grow up and make choices based on his personality, your family rules, and his social group. so i would worry more about those things when hes older than the sucker when hes this age .
good luck