October 21, 2011,
S.C. asks from Forest Park, IL on June 29, 2007
Pros or Cons to Having a Third Child
I am trying to decide whether to get an IUD or plan for a third child. My husband and I have two beautiful children and we are considering how much the dynamics would change if we had one more child. I just wanted some opinions from mothers with three children as to what was the biggest change when having the third child? Most of my friends are saying why bother when you already have one of each. I guess I was wondering if three makes it easier, my mom said you need a tie-breaker but I think she is just in love with being a grandmother. :) If we did have a third child we would have to get a bigger car and we would probably have to move into a bigger home, but the idea of those adjustments have not turned my husband and I completely off. However, my husband plans on going back to school next year and I know for the next couple of years he is going to be working and having his "nose in the books" so he will not be able to help me as much with the kids as he does now. Any enlightenment you all can provide is welcome. I am particularly interested in mothers with three children.
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J.G. answers from Chicago on June 29, 2007
I am a mom of 3 girls (23,18,16). I planned on having 5 or 6 but the hubby decided that 3 was enough for him. My question to you is do you WANT another baby. You seem to be worried if he/she will fit into your schedule, a new home, a new car/van.
Having 3 children is great, my girls are all of different identities. I have a perfectionist, one that just goes day to day and is always willing to help and my youngest who is in high school and right now just wants her drivers license and a car.
My mom had 10 children her way of thinking was "what one more". Children are a blessing, kiss them and hug them all the time, they grow up very very fast.
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P.P. answers from Chicago on June 29, 2007
I am a mom of three children ages 23,21 (2 daughters) and 17 (my son). So I can give you some perspectives of having three children who are now older. I was younger when I had my kids.. (I was 22 years old)so I was immersed in diapers and playgroups and preschool and all of that in my 20's and 30's.. now I'm 45 and I have been working the past 10 years and am having a great time planning my daughter's wedding AND getting kids through college. I suppose I would recommend looking into your heart and honesty examining why you are considering having another child as it is going to change your life as you said.. financially and so forth.
We had to move as well into a bigger home as well and buy a mini van and so forth. I also stayed home with all three of them too as it seemed pointless to work just to pay for a babysitter and juggle the kids.. I just didn't think that was fair to them.
so I suppose now as I'm trying to send three to college and pay for a wedding.. I could have used more savings but I would have had to work full time and I just wasn't willing to do that.
Its just they were all sick quite a bit. I could have never kept a full time job and I didn't have a good family network around to help me. My husband was a gem and I couldn't have done it without him as I went to school at night.
I can't imagine my life without my son; he is such a joy and has made us so proud. Our second and third child were not planned but welcomed. We never really thought it all out but knew we were open to children. We never thought about age spacing or having 2 in college at the same time ( I DO recommend that now!!)
But let's face it, having three young children will NOT make your life easier. I'm not sure what you and your mom mean by a tie breaker or making life easier. IT will enrich it ofcourse but will also add to your stress.. just being honest..
If you have a good marriage, a family network with family and friends to help you and if you are ready to juggle the kids a lot as your husband sounds like he is going to be busy with school and all.. and if you are prepared to move if necessary and you guys can handle it financially..and if you are ready to welcome another child into your life and your heart with all of the joys and demands as well.. then go for it..
it is a big decision..I didn't think about all of those things and well.. I don't know.. maybe I should have..? but again.. I wouldn't trade my son for the world! Sometimes, you just have to go with your gut feeling after you have rationally thought it all through I suppose.
I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully something I wrote made sense.. as you can see, there is no clear cut answer.. there are pros and cons to every decision.
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F.J. answers from Chicago on June 29, 2007
I LOVE having 3!! Seriously I think its easier! Why well the other kids play with the baby. Doesn't need ALL my attention. Of course my other 2 are 13 months apart and were both out of diapers before No. 3 arrived. i love watching her play with the boys!! Finanacially well there are diapers but other than that if you kept your clothes you are set with allt hat. You probably have baby items and if not.. garage sales usually have great stuff CHEAP!! Whats the con... well if you saw my last post I talked about goign crazy because the boys would jump in her crib and want to play with her and help her dress etc. So that is a little scarey. They are now adjusting and are very helpful so I really rely on them!! I feel like we are a copmlete family having 5 I am not sure why. For me I feel we are complete all kids close in age and love each other. The baby has separation anxiety.. not from me but from her brothers!! :) Not sure the size of your house but my boys share a room, we did get a minivan so we are officially suburbanites!! If you have more questions feel free to ask!!
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S.M. answers from Chicago on June 29, 2007
Hi! I remember struggling with the decision of number 3...if I could handle it, what would it be like, etc....and people telling me once I was pregnant how I was going to have my hands full! No duh!! I literally felt it was the toughest decision I ever had to make. Now that she is here, I simply can't imagine life with out her! Seeing all the kids loving each other makes it all worth it (it at least makes you forget all the challenges..heehee). I personally chose a third because my son has a disability and I wanted my daughter to have a "typical" sibling as well. I think the two girls were perfect so as to help take care of my son later in life if I and my husband are not around....good luck to you. It isn't easy but it will make for a real great family I'm sure!
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L. answers from Chicago on June 29, 2007
I think you really need to examine your heart. It has to go beyone the financial and schedule parts. Those ALWAYS work themselves out...you make the necessary adjustments and move on. Children are a blessing and a gift from God. I have yet to hear of anyone regretting having another child, but I have heard of many who have wished they'd had "just one more". Do you and your husband feel your family is complete? Truly complete?? Are you young enough to wait awhile until he's done with his education? If so, perhaps you make a shift from babies to his education and than when he's done, go ahead with the third child. There is no "perfect" spacing...each family has different dynamics and a different flow. My kids are 13, 5, 3, and the 4th is due in 12 days (or less!!). I "wanted" it spaced differently, and almost had it that way until I had 2 miscarriages, but God had other plans and I see now how this is what is best for our family. I truly wouldn't change it.
Follow your hearts...if we waited until we could afford kids or until everything was just right, no one would ever have them!
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M.L. answers from Rockford on June 29, 2007
We have three It was meant to be.
There is really no big change after you get past the second one the third just falls into place I have always told everyone the biggest change is when you go from one to two after that it is a breeze I have a friend that has eight and she says the same thing. So just try and if it happens it happens and you will have more blessing to count.
I can't stand when people say "oh you have one of each" or "oh you only have two hands so keep it at two". If that is how my parents would have thought I wouldn't be here. God gives you all the love and ability to handle as many children that He blesses you with. I always think the more the merrier.Have a great day.
A.F. answers from Chicago on June 29, 2007
Many of my friends have told me that if you are even contemplating having a third, then you probably really do want a third, and will regret not having another child. My friends that have one or two children and have decided not to have a third say that they never really thought about having more.
On that note, if you do decide to have a third, I would encourage you to consider waiting a while until you have a third. That is what we are doing. When my second was a few months old, I got an IUD so that I could wait until my youngest was 4 or 5 to have another child. I just knew that the finances would be way too hard on us, i.e., paying for preschool and later music lessons, etc., plus the thought of having 2-3 children in college all at the same time almost made my husband decree that we were done.
So, with the IUD, I have the peace of mind of knowing that I won't become pregnant accidentally, but can wait until we are ready for #3 or even #4.
J.K. answers from Chicago on June 30, 2007
We have 3, two girls who are almost 6 and just turned 4, and a baby boy who is 3 months old. On the one hand, I am sure that I will love having a son ,and the girls do love their baby brother. But, my husband works long hours and we don't have any family in the area for help, so I pay a ton of $ for babysitters to help out with stuff. The girls are just old enough that they are more independent, which is good, but also involved in lots of stuff, which is tricky. The baby spends much too much time in the car seat driving to soccer and ballet and swim team. I have a hard time balancing between their needs for socialization and activity and his need to be home in the crib for a nap. Also, while it is true that most 3rd babies do just figure out how to fit in with the family routine, there is always the chance that your baby will need something extra. Our son was born with some muscle problems which require him to have PT 1xweek for an hour, so with drive time to the appt and back it is a 2 hour block of time. Plus lots of extra doctors visits in addition to the regular well check up visits to make sure it is getting fixed. While I am extremely grateful that his problem is not serious and will correct completely, I just hadn't expected that the baby would have things like this which would require so much additional time. Every day is a major juggling exercise. I know that in a few years it will be different and I will forget and just enjoy them, but getting there will take a long time! Good luck with your decision.