I tried to edit this post after reading some of the answers which were helpful, but I couldn't get to the bottom of this post so I wanted to ask what an approriate deadline would be. I mean the prom is the end of April, so its pretty close to a month away and I am wondering how much more time should I give her? What do you think??
I am just curious what other parents think about this. My son and his girlfriend have been going out for some time now and have been planning on going to prom since last year with her mother's approval. She stressed and stressed over getting a dress for it this past winter. So now, this week a month before Prom, my son is planning on going in to get his tux ordered and measurements done. I call her up and ask what day she wanted to come in with daughter so they could match fabrics and she told me that she didn't know if her daughter could go. She said if she gets her grades up and stops being disrespectful then she could go. Now I can totally respect that answer. But that is the standard answer she gives me before every dance and we always have to wait until the last minute for her approval even though regardless of grades or attitude she lets her go. My son works after school and he has to request time off, she won't let him know even a week in advance so that he can do that. Since the past dances have only been nice or casual clothes I haven't worried. But now the Prom is different. He has to give a deposit that isn't refundable. I don't think he should have to go make the deposit and then loose it because he can't get a straight answer. I also told my son that if his grades were not what I wanted by the 1st of April that he couldn't go, but I gave him a deadline and he got them up. In order to get tux ordered wouldn't there be like some kind of common courtesy extended to us by the other parents so that we just are not throwing money away?? I am just curious on this, thanks.
I think you are absolutely right. I would suggest that YOU say this to the gf's mom though, not your son or even the girl herself because then she could misconstrue it as disrespectful and not allow her to go. It's just common courtesy after all, and prom is a big deal.
Yes, there should be, and she will probably let her go. Making her miss prom will be one restriction she'll be paying for for a LONG time!
He should go ahead ask for the time off AND order the tux. Go with the standard black tie or white. Then if she isn't able to go because of her mom, he can go anyway and hang out with a group of friends.
My siblings both went in a large group of 10 kids - guys and girls. Not all were matched up. All the kids met up at one house. All the parents chipped in to rent a limo. One parent got white flowers for everyone. One parent hosted dinner (no waiting at a restaurant). One parent had an after-prom movie/ice cream/snacks/Wii party. One parent (the neighbor of the after-prom) hosted breakfast. The kids just walked from one house to the other. All the parents chipped in like $30 to cover costs.
M.
First of all, No matching colors! Yikes.. Just a Black and white tux.
Next Do speak with the mom and explain there is more at stake for this event so you will need a confirmation on (base this on the last day your son can rent the tux) and yes, have him go ahead and take off from work..
Here is the deal. Kids today go to Prom whether they have dates or not.. They usually go in big groups and all hang out together and all dance an celebrate together.. So regardless of if this girl is allowed to go, he will probably have friends he can join on his own..
That being said, this mom needs to think about other people and how these situations do have an effect on your son, his work, the tux place...
And he needs to encourage GF to walk the walk with her mom..
I agree with the suggestion for him to ask for time off and go with the standard tux or get the color (about) that matches anyway. My stepson didn't 100% match his date's dress, but it was close enough. No one cared. He should tell his date that he's planning on attending with friends if she can't go but that he's trying to arrange things so that if she can go, they'll have a lovely time.
I do think it's rude. Sure, she has expenses, but so does he. Often he's buying the tickets, the flowers, the dinner and his tux. Maybe not a $300 dress, but a chunk of change for a teen boy. Since most boys rent their tux, they are at the mercy of availability, not just when can they get to the mall.
I would find out his LAST CHANCE to get a tux and tell her a few days ahead of that if you want to avoid dealing with a tux altogether if she can't go.
Let the outside issues give the deadline. When does the tux place need the deposit, measurements done in order to have it ready in time? What's the last day he has to request time off from his job? once you have these two times, then you can call the mom and say "I totally understand your position, but we need to know for sure by April Whatever. If he doesn't make the arrangements by then, then they definitely won't be able to go no matter what her situation is."
Ditto Melissa J.
:)
Talk to the girl's mom and explain that while you completely understand her requirements for letting her daughter go to the prom your son has to know by a certain date because he has to order and pay for tickets, he has to request time off from work, and he has to put a non-refundable deposit down on the tux.
Personally, I would have him request off from work and order the tux. If the girl can't go at the last minute then I would have him go with a friend or alone.
after going through these kinds of dilemma’s x 2 boys, I can tell you that if your son wants a certain tux, he has to order early. He will lose his deposit if they do not go, but why can’t he go srag or with friends! The colors can be changed (if they are available) or he can just go with plan black or white/crème colors. Do they go to the same school? Some schools require permission slips for others schools/parents. Also prom tickets have to be ordered in advance, and he might risk not going at all as they might sell out. Good luck!
It's your son's prom. If this is important to him then have him make the arrangements that need to be made to go to the prom.
The school probably has a deadline for when the monies have to be submitted and I may consider working with that. I would also encourage my son to perhaps take another date if this girl couldn't come. My son has girl cousin's his classmates don't know as well as some of the girls from the church. Each of these girls already have dresses. Keep the tuxedo black with white shirt and black tie or go all black if he can carry off that look.
Personally for me the deadline would be to know no later than the first week of April.
Again I would find out from my son what is important to him verses what is important to me. Is prom important to him? Then he should go and make the best of it. If prom is not important to him then he shouldn't go and just don't worry about any deposit that may be lost.
I agree with you that it is very frustrating. You could call the mom back and tell her the situation and ask her if she could either up the deadline or at least let you know, secretly, if she plans to really let her go so your son can order his tux. Other than that, really I can't imagine any mother that would not allow her daughter to go to Prom unless she is crazy or unless the daughter commits a real crime. I would tell your son to go ahead and get the measurments done, pay the deposit, and see what happens. Worst case his girlfriend can't go and he can always go alone, with his guy friends, or a girl friend. I know many girls and guys that have gone to prom with friends or alone or sometimes it is just a good female friend. Maybe if that happens his girlfriend will decide to get her act together and get more responsible. You can't let you or your son stress over what this girl does or doesn't do. This girl needs to realize what stress she is causing do what she needs to do to go. maybe her mom has a power trip and just likes to be the boss until the last minute. Screw her, get the tux measured and your son should go, no matter what! The deposit can't be that much anyway.....he will learn soon that he will lose more money than that over decisions in his lifetime.
Ok, this is coming from the Mother of a GIRL, and from our point of biew prom is a HUGE expense for us, and much less for the boy. That being said, I would NEVER allow another parent to be held up with their plans the way this parent is holding you and your son up. Also, your expenses are costly as well, with the tux rental, tickets, and time lost from work to be fitted and to go to the rpom as well. (My comment about the cost being much more for the girl is just my own point of view because we have done this so many times and the dresses have to be purchased, not rented, and are so darn expensive) Honestly, less expensive dresses can be bought but we have opted for her senior prom to go "all out", but I still would NEVER make my daughter's boyfriend wait the way your son has been made to wait until the last minute to make his plans. I would ask the girl's parents for a material swatch from her dress (I assume that she bought her dress already) and just make your appt to go orent the tux without her. My daughter gave her boyfriend one of the swatches that her dress came with, (there were 3) and he took it to match to his tux vest and tie, and I used one to order hif buttoneer as well. (sorry if I spelled that wrong) I ordered his flowers for my daughter since she was so busy with school, work, and rehersals for her school plays etc. He did his own thiing getting her corsage. If for some reason your son's girlfriend is not allowed to go to prom, which I doubt will happen, then have him go with his friends anyway. Trust me, he will still have a blast. Many of the kids these days go without dates. They all have a blast. I am so sorry that they are making this more stressful for you and your son. I would speak to the parents directly, and just explain the work schedule and all of the reasons that you explained here. Also tell them that you totally understand their thinking about the deal with her not going to prom as a punishment, but that your son will be going either way. He has done all that you had requested of him, so he should not be punished. Hope he has a blast!
I would think that she could still go for the color match. I would also talk to the mom and ask if she can give the girl a deadline that will allow your son to make the necessary arrangements. Explain that your son is putting out money for this and needs to know if other arrangements need to be made if the girl can't go.
Is he not going to the prom if she doesnt go? if hes going with or with out him have him go pick out a tux. if he wants he can keep it back and white so he goes with anything or do whatever the heck he wants. hope this helps
Updated
Is he not going to the prom if she doesnt go? if hes going with or with out him have him go pick out a tux. if he wants he can keep it back and white so he goes with anything or do whatever the heck he wants. hope this helps
