23 answers

Problems with Teacher and School!!!! HELP

My son is in first grade and has been dubbed as a "day dreamer" who does not pay attention, one who "can not keep on task", and "defiant". At home, he is a very well mannered child, he might not say please and thank you all of the time, but at least he stays out of trouble. However, at school he does not follow along with the class. For example, he keeps track by reading with his eyes instead of pointing to every word that is read. The teacher sees this as not following along with the class, even though he can tell her exactly where he is, which is where the other students are as well. He has also gotten in trouble for joking around with his friends and calling them "knucklehead", finding a dollar and not giving it to the teacher, and "disrupting the class" by looking down at the floor for his pencile. His teacher even claims that he throws books and all sorts of things that I could never even imagine my son ever doing. For one, he respects books, and never has torn, ripped, or thrown books on purpose or out of anger, or anything for that matter. He realizes that books and other objects should be treated with care. The only time he has ripped a book was on accadent, and he was so upset that he was in tears because he thought that he would never be able to read it again because it was "broken". Above all, when I ask my son if he has thrown books or other objects during class, he becomes very defensive and explains that he would never do that because it is not nice to throw things that are not made for throwning. I have even asked his friends in the classroom about it, and they have told me that Demitri has never thrown things at school except for balls on the playground. This is not the first time that I have caught his teacher lying, and yes I have talked to the principal, but have gotten no where. Usually I am told by the teacher and the principle that children lie, and that I should not always believe in my son. I am not sure about you, but that sounds wrong to me. I should not think the worst of my son, but the best of my son. The school year is almost over, but my son becomes very upset when his teacher is telling me untrue things about my son, or downtalking my son. Such as "He never pays attention in class", or "He is very immature for his age". She says these things right in front of him! I tell her that she should talk positive about him instead of the negative, and have offered her to barrow my child psychology books, but she always denies the offer with "I have been teaching for 27 years".
Lately it has been very diffacult for my son to do his homework because he claims that his teacher does not believe in him. I have talked to his teacher about it, but I get no where.
His teacher just says that she has been teaching for 27 years and that she knows what she is doing. She also states that she informs the class that they are all treated the same and that everyone is special in their own way. She never gets down to the answers that I want, no matter how direct the question is. Am I missing something here, or am I going about this all wrong?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

My husband and I have been looking into differant schools, the ones that looks the best so far is Enslen Elementary, Everett Elementary, and University Charter School. I have been really working with my son's self esteem, and I had a seriouse disscussion with her on Friday, and it seems that she is finally catching on. I have noticed that she is not nit picking on everything that my son does wrong such as backwards written letters, or letters that are written slightly too big. So instead of missing all but one of his spelling words, he only missed 2. She has also been writing positive notes on his school work, so this is a plus so far. I have gone in to her class room before, but it always seems like she puts on a show while I am there, but I am intending on going in agian here soon. Hopfully she is doing the same thing in class, positive feed back. But so far this week, my son has been coming home happy and no tantrums!!!!! Thank you ladies for your support and advice.
By the way, no my son has never been sent to the principles office. I have asked the principle, and he said that he has never been sent to his office and thinks that Demitri is a smart and reasonable boy. We are trying to work things out to were my son can get through the rest of the school year.
I have also documented in writing of everything that has gone on, and have saved every letter that I have typed with date and subject attatched. What is absurd is that everything that I wrote (excluding the letters)is not "reliable" because the teacher did not "sign it". I think that is strange. But like most of you have mentioned, the school year is almost over, and during the summer I can do my "homeowrk". I am a college student, but am currently on summer vacation, so I have plenty of time to do my research.

M. *~

More Answers

This sounds very damaging to your childs self-esteem, and to the feelings he will carry on about schools, teachers and learning. Change schools. Google Charter schools in your area. These are schools that welcome and are built on parental support. They are technicly public schools. I think only good can come from the change. It may not be easy for him to leave his friends, but he will benifit from a teacher who is not so stuck in her ways. If your son is in fact immature, believe me that is better then him being too mature for his age. 6 years on this earth is not a long time. Schools expect a lot from children, and our children are sponges who soak up knowlege, they also soak up negativity if exposed for long enough. Find a better teacher.

1 mom found this helpful

I too have a son in first grade and have had a few of the same problems. Not quite to the extent that you have. I know how frustrating it is. You want your kids to enjoy school and when things like that are going on it does the opposite. My only advice to you is look into putting him in a different class. I know it is close to the end of school but it might make the remainder of the year better for him. What school does he go to?

It is inexcusable that a teacher could get away with this kind of behavior and nothing is done about it. I am not saying all teachers are this way and it is understandable that they have a difficult job to do. However, what should not be tolerated are those teachers who select one student that they will single out and treat unfairly for the sake of it. If you have talked to the teacher and the principal, then I would go to the district office and file a complaint. There could be other issues with your son that are not being addressed, but for the teacher to treat him this way, it is only going to cause damage to his spirit and self esteem and that should not be tolerated. Schools need to work with parents to get children through the difficulties they face rather than single them out and label them as a problem. I believe that by doing that, they are the ones creating a problem. The fact that your son’s teacher made the statement that she has been doing this for 27 years doesn’t mean anything. It seems to me she stated this fact merely to imply that no one will believe your son over a “seasoned” teacher. Not true, possibly she has just gotten away with it for far too long. For the teacher and principal to comment that you should not always believe in your son is absurd. If we, as parents, do not believe in our children, then who will? I hope you can find resolution to this before it really changes who your son is. Best of luck to you.

Hi! I'm a teacher--just commented on your spelling post.

I was going to suggest that your son sounds very bright--possibly GATE. I see several others who have mentioned the same. Spelling, and anything else, that requires rote memorization is often a problem for gifted kids.

Inattention and the other things you describe are often signs of a gifted child also. Or just signs of being a normal boy. I really feel too many boys are being called ADD and medicated just so they'll sit still in school That is SO wrong.

Gold luck to you, M..

First off, SOME kids do lie, but ADULTS ALWAYS lie to keep their butts out of trouble. Go to the District office and file a complaint, demanding that your child(ren) be placed in a different school for next year. If the principal isn't doing anything to ensure your child is getting the education he deserves, then you do everything you can to ensure that they don’t do the same to some else next time. Name them BOTH, in you complaint, as this will be added to their personnel file. Most of the time the District Superintendent will value your in put and add you in making education a GREAT experience for you AND your child. At this point in the year, I would probably wait another 2 weeks before filing the official complaint, as that you don’t want to make things worse for your son through the end of the year. We’re down to only about 6 to 8 more weeks, ride it out, but start the complaint process before the district closes for the summer. That way you can choose your school for next year. Take care, and I hope it works out for you! -J

M., my now 15 yr old had this same problem and sometimes still does. But thank god her 4th grade teacher recognized that it wasn't "daydreaming" and asked if my daughter could be tested for GATE. I said sure and she passed the problem was she was sooo bored with the work that she could keep up without actually looking at her books and so when it came time for her to go to H.S. I went online and found the best one in California for her to attend and then we moved to Sacramento. She is going to College Prep classes and has been on the honor roll since last sememster. She did have a rough freshman year due to the move and losing her childhood friendships nearby. But now she is back to her oldself and is excelling so my advice don't listen to the jerky teacher and insist your son be tested that way he gets the education he rightfully deserves. Hope this helps.
W. H.

Where in the world does your son go to school. This is awful.


My son who is in second grade also had a hard time adjusting to his first grade teacher- some of the older teachers are a little intolerant towards some regular childhood behaviour- they pick on everything.This teacher does not seem to be coming up with helpful solutions either so you can work together to find a happy medium. Talk to the Principal about moving your son to a different class with a teacher who is maybe more energetic, enthusiastic and tolerant when teaching. Best of Luck :-) R.

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