Problems with 4 Year Old Cleaning Her Room?

Hi B.,
I've got an 8 year old and a 5 year old. The best way to get little one to clean is to have specific storage boxes for toys, etc. and then help her put them away. Doing things together is the best way to learn. And start slow with one project a day - one project at a time is age appropriate. And then reward her in a big way! Little people (and big) loved to be praised for their efforts.
Hope this was helpful,
D.

1 mom found this helpful

My 4 year old daughter gets overwhelmed and breaks down when I ask her to clean her room. It is just too large of a task for her to comprehend. I have figured out with her if I ask her to put her toys in the toy chest she can do it. Next I ask her to put her books on the book shelf. She can tackle small tasks. The best thing is I can assign her a task then go off and do something else then come back and check on her and assign her a new task. There is lots of praise involved in between each accomplished task and she does enjoy a reward as well. Now my 6 year old just enjoys the praise she gets when she has cleaned her own room. She feels a real sense of accomplishment. You just have to find the method that best fits your child, but I really feel that 4 year olds will better tackle one task at a time.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

www.flylady.net - Read the section about the "House Fairy"

Also, my 4 year old does a great job at keeping his room clean! So 4 isn't too young - it depends on the kid!

Also, if there are too many toys in there, or cleanings aren't regular (like every night before bed) then it becomes too overwhelming!

make a game out of it. telling to pickup just the red color, then all blue, then all the green, etc. do it my shapes, how big or small they are. show her but don't do it for her, start her out.

That is such a young age to be expecting
her to keep her room clean without help!
It's just too overwhelming. Make it a fun
thing and you'll find both of you enjoying
each other while getting the job done.

Brandi,
I recommend you try a merit system rather than a discipline system.
Start by making a poster and make a list of all the things you would like your 4 year-old to help with. Some examples would be pick-up toys-no whining-fix her bed-..the list goes on and on. List the 7 days of the week at the top. For every thing your daughter does on the specified day give her a star. Tell her that if she gets x numbers of stars then she gets something special..icecream or a trip to build-a -bear. My moms that I clean for use this system "before" Ms. R. gets to thier homes.In some instances I even throw in some goodies.
Hope this helps.. Good-luck!

Telling my children, ages 6 and 7, that if I had to clean their rooms everything on the floor was going in the garbage. They thought I was kidding. So, after a few days of waiting on them...I went in their respective rooms with a garbage bag and everything on the floor went in. Alot of their favorite things were included. They clean their own rooms now.

I agree... you can certainly expect her to pick up things when you ask her too, but I think the care and maintenance of her room being left to her is probably a bit much at this age. If you get her a comforter for her bed she could pull it up, but it won't be just like you would like, .. and she probably won't just remember to pick up unless you have like a routine that you do at a certain time each day when you say to her "okay, mommy is going to pick up the living room.. you run put your toys in the toy box" or something like that.

have you tried rewards instead of discipline? Usually when my son says he wants to do something, like watcha movie, or play a game, or something like that, I tell him he needs to clean his room first, and he does it real quick, b/c he wants to do what he wants to do.

4 is too young to have them clean their room if your expecting her to go in all by herself and have it all spic and span-everything in it's place etc...
Now, you can get her to help you and start teaching the skills of cleaning her room. Put toys in tubs or something and only allow 1 out at a time, that one has to be put back before you can get something else out.
Enjoy your child, she wont be 4 very long.

I always find that positive methods work much better than dicipline. Make a game out of it then reward her with some special little surprise. You can see which one of you puts the toys away the fastest or play some music and dance the room clean. If she still refuses to help, then you may want to remove all the toys but one. Tell her when she learns to put that toy away she can have another then another. good luck.

Hello i know is hard but try by letting her know that she will have to be on time out or if she has friends let her know that they can not come to her house until she cleans her room. I tried that we my boy and he understands that if he does not clean his friends can not come over until he cleans. It is hard but you have to try everything not giving her what she wants taking away something that she really likes. Hope that these tips are helpfull take care bye.

Everything has to have a place that is easy for her to put things away. Ziploc bags, easy close bins, whatever you choose. I can't stand when toys are missing parts or pieces. This helps keep them together and she will know everything has a place. If she doesn't put it away, you put it away for awhile. After much of her toys disappear she will start to learn. When she wants the toy... you tell her no because she didn't put it away last time. Follow through is important or threats are empty. The throw away method I have heard of, but follow through is nearly impossible for it, unless you have lots of money to buy all new toys. After a bit you can reintroduce toys. They will be like new to her and hopefully she will learn to pick up. I have a 10 month old, 2 year old and 4 year old. The 2 and 4 year old both pick up well. We also sing the clean up song from barney (any clean up song will work, my 2 yr old has never even seen barney). When there is a big mess, it can be overwhelming and no kid knows where to start. I help in times like that. And I help with the more difficult things like books (I like them organized) My daughter (4 yrs) is almost as good as me at picking up her room now.
Hope this helps!!

She is taking you and her toys/clothes/etc. for granted.

Suggestion: Tighten those boundaries back up and then give little by little as she earns the rights.

Example: Anything left out/not put away will be taken away (hidden). And the privilege of choosing outfits and playing with any toy any time is taken away as well. After a couple of days, she can play with those toys, but only if she promises to put it away. Same with clothes - You select what she wears until she proves to be responsible enough.

We have been having 4 (mine's 4 too) minutes of clean time. Then we race around for those 4 minutes and pick/tidy everything up that we can. It makes it fun and doesn't take too long. Good luck!

We have all my 4 year old son's toys organized with ziploc bags and bins....all transformers in one bag, Mr Potato head in another, etc. When it's time to clean his room, I get on the floor, get one of the bags and ask him to bring me all the transformers. Once that's done, I ask him to bring me all the Mr Potato head parts, and so on. Sometimes, he is not so willing to help and I don't press on. But, when he wants to watch a movie or play a game, I say "ok, but first we have to clean your room". This usually works. Sometimes his room gets way out of hand (usually when cousins come over or I'm on the phone!) and then you have to pick up little by little, not all at one time.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

I have a 3 yr. old turning 4 in April. Because they are so young they may not understand what it means to "clean your room" so you may want to try setting a timer for about 2 minutes and then help your child pick up the toys together while telling her...lets pick up all your dolls and put them here, etc.. Also, offer a reward after she completes the task (like reading a book, playing with a special toy, going outside)....only after the room is picked up.

I tried several things with my grandchildren who would come to my house and not want to clean up their mess. Both methods seemed to work but on different kids.

First I asked my grandson to clean up the toys he got out and he said he didn't feel like it. I let it go at that because I knew later we were going to Walmart. When we were at Walmart he wanted me to buy him a toy and I responded with "remember when I asked him to pick up your toys and you said you didn't feel like it, well I don't feel like buying you a toy. So see, that's the way it works, you do something for me and I do something for you". It worked really well with him.

My grandaughter, I just told her anything she left out when she left I would throw away. She didn't believe me but when she came back the next time, those toys weren't there, I had actually put them in the attic. She was upset and I told her I had thrown them away because she didn't pick them up. She doesn't leave her toys laying around any more and tries to make sure she gets them all.

I have a 4 year old boy. He started out giving me trouble about cleaning his room, but that has changed now. Here is what I did, I asked him to clean his room and went about my business then after a few minutes I went back to his room and of course nothing had been done, so I told him that if he didnt pick up the toys and other junk on the floor I was going to throw them away. I asked him if he understood me and he said "Yes Ma'am" so I left once more. Well about 10 minutes or so later I saw that still nothing had been done so I got one of those big plastic trash bags that the city gives you and started tossing everything that was on the floor in the bag. Well of course he freaked, started crying and carrying on. I had my husband put the bag in the attick for a few days. Once I gave them back I told him to put them up and he did!! So now when I ask him to pick his room up he will do a little and say to me "Im all done". My response is always, "So if I go in your room and there is anything on the floor I can throw it away, right?" He will say, "Uh, hold on let me go see" and then will finish the rest. Sometimes he does pick everything up the first time but sometimes I have to remind him what will happen if it isnt all done. I really hope this helps with your daughter. God bless! You should also read "How to Make Your Child Mind Without Loosing Yours" by Dr. Keving Leman, it gives great advice for all sorts of issues.

Hi B. - As a mother of teenagers, DO NOT GIVE UP! If you think a 4 year olds room is messy - wait until they become teenagers (especially girls). My approach was to say if you do not clean your room (and you have to have VERY specific rules on what you consider clean that you have demonstrated to her), you will not be able to watch TV or go outside or to the movie (whatever it is she would want to do). So basically - if you want to live in a dirty room, go ahead .. you will just not be able to do anything else. It should be done very calmly ... kind of like "Gee, sorry you will not be able to go to the movie this afternoon - looks like you decided not to pick up your room"! Mostly, be consistant - don't EVER EVER EVER give in, not even once. Sometimes this is harder on you than her but trust me, in the long run you will be glad you did!

Good Luck - K.

With my 3 and 1/2 year old I just tell him that if he doesn't pick them up then he must not want them that bad because things that we like we take care of and if he doesn't put them away I take them away. Only when I take them away I put them in places where he can see them but can't reach them. Be ready for constant bugging but eventually she will understand that you mean business.

Dear B. - clean your room is a big order. You must show the child by demonstrating what you mean. Take the child into the room and do a team job a few times. Have the child do just three things, as this is enough for her to remember and will become a habit in time and later you can add one or two more. Show her what you expect. As example. demo. putting toys in toy container, next hang up outer sweaters and coat, then show her how to make the bed by pulling up the covers and straightening up the spread. Don't overwhelm her by too much at the first of this learning process. J.

I am a mom of 3 sons thay are all grown and on there own.
I am also a grandmother of 3 which I am raising 1 he is 5 years old , I had that problem too. Take his most favorite toy away ,Let him know, he will get it back when he cleans his room are several toys . If that doesn't work put them all up then give him several at a time then let him know he will not get his other toys till he picks those up . It will work If you keep doing it that way .
K. C

I think that the messes my child creates at almost 4 are a bit overwhelming for her to clean up. We have her pick up 4 things because she is 4 years old... and I do the rest. Sometimes though when she wants something special I tell her after she pickes up her ponies.

Discipline hasn't worked for me either. When you ask your child to clean his/her room don't ask tell them. With my children they have to know that I'm not asking them I am telling them and they will do nothing until it's done. Sometimes I will help of course and make fun of it. Move things around and ask you think this looks good here or should WE move it over there. Another thing that has worked well for me is as soon as you get out of bed lets make your bed up and make sure everything is in it's place, also when we play with something it must go back where it came or it will be taken away.
I know it is hard with a 4 year old but the more it becomes routine the better

She's still a young child. Perhaps you are expecting too much of her. It depends on the tasks you are asking her: picking up clothes and toys would be appropriate. Making a bed or vacuuming is a little much.

How about doing it together? or, try behavior modification. Make a star chart and target only this behavior for now. Give her a star for doing it without you saying anything. Give her a choice of when (morning or after nap/snack but before dinner).

Reward her if she gets all her toys and clothes in the right places. She's still a little young for folding neatly. So you have two tasks. Young children cannot handle more than 1 or 2 tasks at a time.

Everyday, reward her with a star. The first two weeks, give her a reward every three days. The next two weeks, give her a reward every 4 days and so on. Get her input on rewards and explain the tasks in her language. You may have to go over the tasks (and ask her: okay, I told you what I expect or want you to do: what does that mean or tell me what you think I want you to do?)

Kids are concrete and take things literally. So, be sure and state like: It makes me upset when you do " ", because I have talked with you about this. The behavior should never connect with her as a kid. i.e. What's wrong with you?

Children have to hear something 100 times before they internalize it and actually adhere to it. One of the rewards could be 15 minutes of "mommy time", where you are totally focused on her in an activity, and doing nothing else. That is important to stop all your other activities.

Do some research on child development from 1-5 years of age. Good luck.

I have a 5 and a 3 and they both have a hard time cleaning up by themselves. I have two suggestions. First, don't require them to do it alone, it is a bg job for a little person, even if there isn't much to do. Help her, but require that she help you too. Get a laundry basket or some large container, and together, fill it with items that are out of place, if she can't seem to "see" the clutter, point it out to her gently and be real encouraging. When the whole room is free from random items that weren't in their proper homes, then, together, put the things in the laundry basket away in their proper places. After all is done, thank her for helping you with such a big job, and find something to do WITH her IN her clean room and comment on how nice it feels to play/read/relax/watch tv in such a neat and tidy room. eventually you will be able to walk her through the steps without so much helping her, but for right now, anything that isn't gratifying isn't going to met with much excitement. SO make it gratifying. make it special time with you. Be silly while you clean, sing a cleaning song, tickle when you get close enough to her, but make it something that isn't such a big deal, and when it isn't too big of a job for her, it won't be such a big deal. OH, and since you are helping her with her mess, have her help you with yours another day! Good Luck!

First work with her. Then, when she wont clean up, go clean for her. But take all the items left out (toys, etc) and place them in a big box and let her know you are taking them for ransom. The only way she gets them back is to keep her room clean for 3 days straight. The hardest part about this is not giving in. If after a week, she doesnt comply, give them items to charity.

D.

Hi
One thing that seems to work is reducing the amount of clutter and choices. Eliminate some of the older toys and give them to needy children and your daughter could be part of that process.

Have you tried a reward system? Some kids respond better to that than discipline. Several ways you can do the reward system. For example if she cleans her room she gets a sticker or maybe a marble in a jar. she saves up the stickers or whatever you use to turn it in for a special reward. Reward could be a toy she wants or maybe a special outing. When my son was younger reward syste worked for him where as trying to discipline him made things even worse.

As a Mom for 36 years now, I can't remember requiring my children at 4 to Clean their rooms, I asked them to help Mommie pick up. When they see you cleaning and watch what you do then they know what is expected. You didn't mention any experience in the past of having her help you, so she may not even know what to do. Start out with helping Mommie with something else in the house, like washing dishes and ease over to her room. When you get started talk about all that needs to be done in her room and then ease out and leave her by herself maybe with the remark, You know, you are doing great. You are such a smart little girl. Mommie is going into the bathroom and start on it while you finish in your room.

My son is 4 also. He can not keep his room clean himself but he can help. You just have to make it fun. I will clean his room once a month and then he just has to keep up with picking the small things up. If she is not able too mabey there are just too many items in her room. Think about boxing half of the toys up and putting them away. Then every couple of months box the others up and bring the "new" ones out. That will keep her interested in her toys but might also give her a new appreciation for what she has.

My son is really into star charts. The more stars he gets the better. Try it and see what motivates her. Put on make your bed, pick up clothes, brush teeth, etc. Just remember she is little and you don't want her to grow up too quickly.

K.

I still have that problem. My daughter pulls all of the clothes out of her drawers onto her floor and I don't know what are clean or which are dirty. I read the responses and know that I am expecting too much from her at her age. I guess it depends on what the problem is...is it clothing (then get a fun hamper for her to put dirty clothes in), is it toys (I am really anal and have all of the toys of one kind in plastic shoe boxes (from walmart) with the locking lids. Hannah is only allowed to get out one bin at a time.))If you are not as anal as me, get a toybox, laundry basket, or decorative basket for the toys so she can just pick them up and put them all in the bin...my son is 2 1/2 and I am starting him early...I sing Barney's "its time to clean up, clean up, and put the toys away" and I sing this same line over and over until the floor is cleaned up. Also make it a requirement before bed to have everything off the floor. In the meantime, I will work on taking my own advice!

4 years old is too young to keep up her bedroom by herself. Clean together, and teach her. Have her help or do a particular task with her. Give her a choice of a task, such as picking up her clothes or shoes and pitting them in the closet. She will learn by watching you, and have fun at the same time....

It may sound a bit harsh for a four year old but my suggestion is to box up her room. Remove everything except her bed/furniture/clothes etc. Then she earns stuff back as she keeps things clean. It worked for someone I knew who was having discipline problems with her son. As he began to behave better, he would earn back an item or two for his room.
My other suggestion is to make sure that she has plenty of easy storage. If everything has it's place, it makes it easier to clean up.

Teach her to only play with so much at a time and not to pull out all of the toys at once. That way it won't be so overwhelming for her to clean up or keep clean. Tell her once she finish playing with one toy to put it up before getting another.

She is only 4, you can't quite expect to send her into her room and have her clean it all up. I go in my 5 year old's room and get overwhelmed by where to start sometimes. I think the best thing to do is either clean it with her, giving her specific tasks or to say to her, if you can't be in the room with her, "go pick up three dolls." Then when she has done that do another....No job chart or or severe discipline is going to get her to clean, developmentally she isn't there yet. But you can expect her to help you. And at this young age, if you are willing to do it, and make it fun too, she will think it is more fun than a chore.

You have a difficult task but you'll get her there. My son is 31 and I still have problems getting him to clean his room, he was also a stubborn child. However, my grandson who lives with us is different. I wasn't strict at first about the toys being strown, now it's different. If it's not in its proper place then it becomes mine and I take it away. He has yet to find my hiding place. When he does good I give a toy back. It took him about 3 weeks to realize that I wasn't kidding. Pick it up or lose it. He thought I was throwing the toys away. Now I wish someone had told me do this with my son.

Hi B.,
I have a 5 and 2 yr old and they have to clean the game room after playing. I have big boxes where toys are to be placed. If they do not pick up they are simply not allowed to play next time. They have learned and it works! By you having this type of rules you are showing them responsibilites at such early age.

I wish you good luck.
E.

B.,
My daughter had the same problem with her children but they would clean for me so I let her in on my secret. Here is what I would do to them. I bought a large bag of M&Ms then I purchased a large plastic tub. I went into their room with them and set a dining room chair at the entrance. I set the large tub in the middle of the room. For every item they put in the tub they received a M&M. After the room was striped then I helped the kids make the beds. They weren't always perfect but they did their best for a 3, 4, and 5 year old. After the bed was made I sat in the chair at the door and got the tub and began handing them the things we put in it one at a time. Only one shoe or one shirt or one toy, because they can only comprehend single item at this age. For each item that was put away correctly they received another M&M, which they could not eat until everything was finished. In the hall way behind me I had another basket for dirty item to go to the laundry room and a trash bag for things to throw away. I found if I sent them to the laundry room or to the trash can they would get distracted and not want to come back and clean. Now these children are 6, 7, and 8 and they clean their rooms on their own but they still want M&M when they are finished. Another trick is not to let them have M&M any other time so that they know they are special. It really helped when my daughter or I sat at the door because that was like a signal that we meant business without having to vocally say anything. Hope this works as well for you as it has for us.
S.

I have a 7 year old with a great aversion to cleaning her room. Her problem is that her room gets so messy that it completely overwhelms her and she doesn't know where to start. If I tell her to just pick up the dirty clothes, she will do that. Then we go on to the next thing - put all the shoes away, etc. until before she knows it, the room is clean and she is beaming. I don't like to reward my kids with candy. That is not real world stuff and I wouldn't want them growing up rewarding themselves as adult with chocolate. My kids get enough candy from school parties.

Just my opinion though.

Good luck.
J.
www.livetotalwellness.com/janislanz

my son at 5 is now starting to help clean his room - as long as i am there helping also - i think 4 is too young to be cleaning without supervision as they get distracted so easily.
i get my son to pass me things, and i pass him things to put away and between us we do it.
we do it about once a week, and in between that it always looks like a bomb site, so i just shut the door the rest of the time.

Been there, done that. The best way to do this I have come up with is to have her a chore list. Get some play money from walmart or wherever and every time she does something from her daily chores be it clean her room, put away her dishes, not lie, brush teeth, or whatever you give her a dollar for it. I had my kiddo do 10 chores a day. They were easy like the ones above. It really depends on what you want her to work on. Before you start this plan take her to the dollar store and have HER pick out a bunch of toys for her goodie basket. I would give my son $1 every chore done by bedtime. Mark the toys she picked out as $10 and up. That way she has to actually work to buy one of her toys. It teaches them to save and work for something that way they actually take care of it better then if they just get a toy. It also teaches them the value of a dollar. My son was soo excited about buying those little pills that turn into a sponge in hot water. That was marked at 20 dollars or something. So he had to save up for 2 weeks. He was SO excited about doing his chores so he could get his money and put it together. We would count it together every night to see if he had enough. When he finally got enough to buy it he did and was so happy! The next thing is what surprised me...I had little candy and stuff in there for cheap and was wanting him to be rewarded by that and buy some candy or something with the leftover cash cause I was so proud of him for saving up and he just said, "No mom, I'm going to save my money for something big." Those were the most beautiful words I had ever heard! HAHA! I was trying to get him to do the opposite but he wasn't hearing that. Crazy! I would write his chores on a big bright poster board and make it into a daily chart. When he would do one of them for the day he would get to put his own sticker (I bought him those little star stickers) on that daily chore, each of which equaled a dollar. This is a great way to get them kiddoes to do whatever they need to do without making it seem so hard for them. I would also give him extra money for stuff he would do on his own. Or if he did a good deed or was extra sweet about something he would be rewarded with money during the day. In turn if there was something he did that was wrong or he misbehaved at the store or something he would get money taken away. I gave him an envelope that he decorated to keep his money in that way he was responsible for it. He was very protective of his money and always put it up which was something good for him, too. At first we just went over his chore list every morning to tell him what he had to have done throughout the day. I would remind him to do stuff in the beginning until he got down what was needed of him. Then he would do everything on his own. You could even draw pictures of the chores to do so she can look at the list on her own and figure it out. Great method! You just have to keep up with it and be consistent. Good luck and let me know if you try it out!

My husbands approach works like a dream. He announces that he is going to get the garbage bag and anything not in its place is going into the garbage bag. It works for my 4 year old and my 8 year old as well. Good luck.

You have a ton of good suggestions.
Just remember that a 4 year old is just that ....a child at 4 years of age. She is just now discovering her world beyond herself and how it works.

So she is going to have to learn this is steps just like she learned everything else. You are the parent teaching her.

So with that in mind set some realistic guidelines like when she was learning to walk--you did not expect her to walk through an entire grocery store beside you while you shopped did you? No, you may have let her walk to the basket and then put her in for the ride, or maybe let her walk from the car to the store front.

So take little steps, figure out what works best for her.
Rewards in 'money/toys', a lost privelege, a swat on the fanny, a gentle verbal reminder..

But whatever you do, I reccommend you
1. stay in the room with her while she works
2. be encouraging as she does it or tries to do it
3. set goals--like pick up 3 pair of socks today and I will pick up the dirty clothes.
4. hug her in the end and say now let's go play
5. make it quick, because kids have short attention spans.

Brandi,
you need to remember that she is only four and cleaning her room is a big responsibility for that age. You can't expect a four year old to clean their room by themselves. That would be totally overwhelming! clean the room with her and show her where things go and make a game out of it. By making it a positive experience at this age she won't be as reluctant to clean her room when she gets older. I hope this helps!