Problems at Preschool with 4 Year Old.

A.,
Preschool is a great time for children to learn how to act socially-don't worry too much! Remember, when your son is at home he is the only one and does not have to share/take turns/wait on line, etc. My sister has an only child and he had a longer time adjusting to school but is fine now!
Make sure to put him in different social situations where you can observe him getting along with other children-you may need to praise him when he waits and shares!
Good luck!!!
N.(mother of 4 boys)

Dear A.,
It sounds like your son is having difficulty transitioning. His teachers could try several things and try to remain positive. 1. A five minute warning prior to the transition to let the class know what the next activity will be could help your son know that the current activity is almost over. 2. When it is time to transition, the teachers should remind the class or your son how to transition. 3. To help your son with the aggression, I would recommend a sticker chart which focuses on the desired behavior. For example, if he is working on keeping his hands and feet to himself then reward him with a sticker after each activity of the day that he keeps his hands and feet to himself. The important thing is to teach the desired behavior and provide your little one with positive feedback and praise when he is able to accomplish the expectation. Also, breaking the day into small chunks of time will help your son be more successful. If stickers do not appeal to him, then 1 or 2 m&m’s or a skittle. The nice thing about a daily sticker chart, the goal for the first week could be for him to get 3 stickers each day and on the days that he earns 3 stickers, maybe he can get a trip to the park or watch a special video on TV again to reinforce how well he did at school that day and you praise him for how proud you are that he remembered to keep his hands and feet to himself. Good luck! By the way, I teach preschool children ages 3&4 and I am the mother of 4 ages 10, 8, 3 & I have a 1 month old. V. J.

I would definatly see what's going on in the classroom. I worked at a daycare in the afternoons and the teachers where having so much trouble with this one little boy. I didn't understand it because i rarely had trouble with him. I ended up subbing one day and saw first hand yeah he was getting a little roudy but it was how they handled it they treated him so badly yelling at him and such. It broke my heart. He was relly a good kid but with someone responding to him like they did it just made him worse. In the end I noticed that all he wanted from them and me was a little compasion and one on one time. He was a very smart and wonderful kid for me and the other teachers couldn't believe it thay said that I was just babying him. So what if I was sometimes kids just need a little extra attinion.

When my oldest son was in preschool i remember this very well. My son also had problems with ending one project and going to another.But it was alot of the children. Have you asked them to give your son a 5 or 10 minute warning to get him ready to wrap things up. Some children get really involved in what they are doing and get very upset when all of a sudden they have to quit doing something they want to do. Just giving my son a heads up that the activity was going to be changing and to finish was he needed to before it was over was all he needed.Hope this helps.

I spent many years (13) before I was a mom working as development specialist with preschool-age children. I would suspect that your son's class size is simply too large. The 4 year old children that don't act out really don't get any attention in a classroom that size, the children that do act out (hitting, kicking, etc.) get attention, albeit negative- and they get mom or dad to come pick them up. Unfortunately that helps the teacher, and rewards your son by letting him escape from a chaotic. I would suggest searching for another program that has a 2:14 ratio or better. Any more than that really isn't preschool, it's daycare.

This sounds like a problem with transitions. He might do better with visual supports-such as a literal photo of the next place or activity he needs to do. the picture is laminated and could be on the wall near cicle time or put on a ring so he can hold and look at the picture. Kids tend to get upset and wig out if they are engaged in a prefered task and told to move to the next thing without enough warnings. There is also another group of kids who are alot like big people and need their day timers (pictures) to tell them the next thing to do.
Hope this helps.
P.

A., sounds like you are on the right track! Video.

I have worked at a church preschool for 9 years and am the mother of a 24 yr old son with special needs. The preschool teacher could help with transitioning by saying "we will be cleaning up for lunch in 5 minutes". You described your son as a "smart and sweet little boy". The demands at preschool are very different than at home with you. Our preschool classes are on a schedule, which is based on state requirements. With 19 children in her class his preschool teacher doesn't have time to give him the attention that he gets at home. He could be frustrated with this. He needs to learn that the teacher decides what happens in her classroom.

I have read John Rosemond's column for years. He is very tough with eliminating behaviors. He recommends clearing the child's room of all fun stuff. Before preschool you tell him how you expect him to behave at school (ex: You do not hit, kick, spit or throw things at school) in a serious voice (no emotion). If you do any of these, your teacher will call me immediately and you will come home to your room until dinner. Then you will go to bed 30 minutes early. No discussion or explaination! He knows what he is doing is wrong. Just take him to his room and close the door. The punishment needs to be severe enough to get his attention. The next day you tell him again what you expect and what will happen if you are called. You follow through every time. If this doesn't work, you move his bedtime up 30 minutes. It may take a week, but he will understand.

With my son I had to find what he valued most, a "red ball", and take it away every time. It worked. Today no one believes that he ever had a behavior problem. He is one of the most loved young men in a church of 6000.

Remember he is still your smart and sweet little boy. He's just adusting to a different situation.

P., mom in Memphis

I think a video camera is a good idea if they will allow you to do that in class. My kids went to a christian school when they were little too and they will tell you that he is disturbing others and too hard to handle and make you take him out because the other parents will start complaining and they depend on that money to keep the school up. If other parents start pulling out or threatening to pull out, they will ask you to leave. I have seen that done before.
I would review the camera and see what is going on for myself. But it sounds like he is trying to get others attention and he doesn't know how to go about it the right way.
But I would do what I could to get a handle on it because they will ask you to leave if he keeps on becoming more of a problem especially if other parents complain.
Sorry I don't know what the solution is. Sometimes children just have a certain personality that you can't change.
Good luck

Hi A.,
The suggestions the other ladies gave are very good. But if they fail then try to ask your dcotor. My neighbour works in the special needs group and she said one of the kids there had this problem. He would be fine but then once they changed activity he would through a bad fit and he even bit her once. So it may not neccesarily be a bad behaivour problem which can be corrected by rewards and punishment. It may be a problem related to his brain activity. Something to check out with your pediatrician.
May God bless you and your child.

Maybe the structure is too structured. Maybe there is a deeper problem with the school and not with your son. Personally, if my son came home with this sort of report on a daily basis, I would change schools.

Maybe he just wants to be a free kid.

Clearly he doesn't like it there. Too bad you can't go for a day and just observe, but the video camera seems like an ok idea.

If it were me, I would take him out of the school and find one that is more compatible with his personality. Every day calls like that are a red flag that a kid is not happy. There are all kinds of preschools, try to be open to other ones that are not Christian.

Best,
C.,RN

Why is your four year old in preschool? Is it requred? Maybe he is just not ready. Maybe he is having a problem with one of the other kids. It could be so many things! The thing is, having him home for another year - or even two - would not be the worst thing in the world, would it?

Dear A., You didn't mention if your son was a young 4 year old or closer to 5. Boys mature at a much slower rate then girls and you might want to consider bringing him home and starting again next year for preschool. How I wish I had waited for my boys start school when they were a little older because it makes all the difference in the world. I was a kindergarten assistant for six years and learned so much that I wish I could have applied to my sons. My boys were smart enough but one was a Sept. birthday and one was an Aug. and they were always just a little behind in the other kids when it came to their maturity level. Hope this helps. L. R.

The first problem is there are entirely too many small children in that class. A four year old needs encouragement and nurture both in school and at home. I am not an expert, however I am a retired (29 years)preschool and elementary teacher. I can not imagine having that many four year olds in one class. Are there any other options besides this school? I would look into finding another program.
Now for a possible solution.You should stop focusing on the problem and start giving him lots of praises, hugs and kisses before he goes out each morning and when he returns home. Can you just imagine his day struggling to get some attention? Small children need attention and they will get it anyway they can (negative or positive). In his case, he seeks negative because that gets immediate attention. Let him help to make a treasure box. If he has a good day, he gets to go in the treasure box and get one thing. Immediate gratification. This is what little children need. The box is decorated with what ever you choose. (Your child's name) Treasure Box. Then take him to the dollar store and let him pick out anything he wants to go in it. Try to discourage the sweet things. Give him some limits. Set a budget for yourself. $20.00, twenty things to start out with. Remember, your goal is to reward him for good behavior everyday. Remember he is 4 not 14. This way the focus is not poor behavior any more. I guarantee the poor behavior will subside. Remember hugs, kisses and lots of encouragement. Ex. I know it is hard sometimes to get the teachers attention but, you have to be patient (hugging him while you are reinforcing to him that you know his frustration. See, children need to know that the ones they love, are on his/her side. Go have lunch on a regular basis if possible (once a week). Let your child know that you haven't abandoned him out there in the jungle to be alone. See his situation through your child's eyes. Rome was not built in one day. Give it some time to work. I know because we went through the same thing with my granddaughter in Kindergarten. She was having a very difficult time adjusting. She is doing great now, with green five days a week for the last three weeks. Before that it was yellow every day, some reds and she was miserable. We did exactly what I am suggesting to you and we are all happy campers now. Good luck and be blessed. Let me know how things work out. ____@____.com
Grammy Boyd

Dear A.,
My name is T. and I am currently a teacher at a preschool in Charlotte. I am also studying for my master's in counseling and guidance with children. Routines and Transitions as well as group times involves one shift change after the other. Children's behavior at these times is most likely to be uncertain and they become emotionally charged or unfocused. Some you'll find wandering or chasing; others will become oppositional, or withdrawn. Teachers help children best by creating an atmosphere of trust and clarity. Maybe your four year old had a comfort level with just 13 children, and now there are 19 sharing his space, and he doesn't know how to cope or communicate with the change. In my classroom, I had a child with the same actions, so his parents and I came up with a plan to assign him a specific job such as sponging the table or giving out the napkins at lunch. We Perhaps if he feel in control of a situation, he'll refrain from "reaching out to touch someone." Here are some ideas you probably can suggest especially at lunch or snack time. Meal time is usually a time of stress and chaos rather than nurturing with food and company. Some of my ideas include: 1.Planning a transitional ritual such as washing the tables or setting them; it can be very soothing.
2. perhaps talk about food choices to establish self-identity. (you can do it at home also)
Above all else, Pray every night; asking God to control the situation. Here ia a book that also might help, "Beginnings and Beyond" Basics in Early childhood by Ann Miles Gordon and Kathyrn Williams Browne. I hope this can help you. God Bless.

obviously he is unhappy there. I would pull him out he doesn't need to be in school yet anyway, it is young for a boy to have to be so regimented. I would never put a boy in school before the age of 6, I have 3 boys and they have been very successful doing it that way. Once you set a pattern of hating school for them it is there for life, just get it controlled now. School should be a pleasant experience, in my opinion. Since I waited they were so anxious to go to school that they never looked back.

The correct ratio for a 4-year old preschool class is 1 teacher to 5 children with a maximum of 10 children in a class with two teachers . . . 19 children is a violation of the law in this state (North Carolina). Your child is not the problem . . . the preschool is the problem.

Sounds like he is having trouble during transition times. I use to teach elementary school so I am not sure if this will help. They my need to have signal that tells the kids they are getting ready to transition to something else. This does two things it lets them know they need to finish what they are doing and always them to prepare for the transition. He may feel rushed to clean up or transition and this can make kids get angry or upset. My sons preschool had a little bell they would ring as a 5 minute warning. Good Luck.

A. M

That sounds to me like a lot of kids to be in one classroom of four year olds. I am not accusing you or your husband of anything but has anything happened at home like the birth of a new baby or anything thing to make your son feel different?
Has anything change at the preschool, any of the children changed, are the teachers out alot when things happen like does he have subs the day these things seem to happen? It just seems that something would be bothering your little boy for him to be acting this way. My oldest who will be 6 in april had an issue last month in kindergarten with a kid on the school bus that caused behavior issues in his classroom and he taled to the principal and the school counselors without me there and all of a sudden he was a new child what they said to him I haven't a clue but his behavior and attitude did a completee turn around and I was thankful. Have you tried asking you little boy if thre are any of his little friends in his class that are mean to him or that are upsetting him to make him act out the way he is? They could be doing something to be making him uoset and with that many children the teachers may not see it and your son may be getting all the blame. Best of luck to you!