Preventing Teenage Pregnancy?

I'll get flack for this. That's OK.
I think the schools (at least middle & high) should have BOWLS of condoms placed all around!
I think parents of teen girls should openly ask & agree to get them birth control if necessary.

Birth control is NOT a green light, it's a precaution!

10 moms found this helpful

I've already started talking to my 6 y/o about sex and babies. When she gets older, each year I will be more and more detailed and more honest about how things work, what can happen if you make bad choices and what things you can do to prevent STDs and pregnancy.

I feel you must give children the truth in order for them to make good choices, and ensure the communication and comfort level between everyone to be clear and open minded.

I do NOT feel virginity is a major deal, but choosing a right first partner and being safe about it is a big deal.

9 moms found this helpful

I have a 16 yr old. We have always had wide open communication lines, even when she went through tough parts of her life. She knows without a shadow of a doubt that we have her back no matter what happens.

She has very high goals and is very driven (just like her parents....us). There are a couple of things that are routinely said in our house........ FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION and NEVER, EVER GIVE UP.

I have talked explicitly about sex and answered questions that I had no clue how they formed in her head. If you are open and honest from day 1, there are no embarrassments while talking.

She has been on a very low dose hormonal pill (bcp) almost a year due to severe non-stop bleeding, cramping, missing school, etc. It has been a Godsend for her. At the same time, we have told her... just because you are on the pill does not mean you are safe from pregnancy, STD, etc.

She has very high goals and of course we support her. She knows that she is fully funded to come out of college debt free plus have a nest egg to help her get started.

I have on occasion, been known to say to her as she was leaving to meet her bf of 8 months..... "Be careful, you know a baby would throw a huge wrench into your plans to study in Italy". I get the AW, MMOOOOMMMM but I know it is sinking in. She has confided to me that she is not interested in sex right now because she knows an unplanned pregnancy would limit her goals. She also knows, in the worst case scenerio... if something did happen.......she will not be shunned from our lives, our home, etc. She knows that we are a team will all work together and things might be a little tougher but as her parents, we will always support her.

DIsappointment? Of course but end of the world, heavens no.

9 moms found this helpful

Well, I think we have to be open and honest with our children. Drilling abstenance into their heads isn't going to keep them from having sex. If they're going to do it, they're going to do it - the difference is that the kids whose parents *only* taught them NOT to do it won't know how to protect themselves.

I have 3 young girls (under 5), but fully intend to keep as open and honest a dialogue about sex as I can with them.

I am going to teach them that sex is an intimate act that should be shared between two people that love and RESPECT each other.

I hope to instill in them a sense of self-worth so that they don't need to go looking to some boy for validation and won't fall victim to manipulations.

Their father is already modelling how a man should treat a woman he loves - with care, patience, understanding and respect.

They will know how to track their cycles, identify their fertile days and learn ALL about stds - all the facts and biology of it.

I will encourage them in their dreams, whatever they may be, in terms of career and what they want to do with their lives. I will make sure they understand that a baby will make those dreams *much* more difficult before they're ready for a baby.

Ultimately, it's out of OUR hands. All we can do is arm our children with the knowledge of how to prevent pregnancy and a safe place to go with concerns (us).

Plus, if all else fails.....my husband has an extensive sword collection ;)

9 moms found this helpful

I think the answer is simple. Communication. I think we should treat our kids' sexuality the same as any other aspect of their lives. Which is TALK about it all the time. We talk about their grades, we talk about their friends, we talk about every other part of them, but sex. So I think the answer is to TALK about it, ALL the time, with them, right from the get go.

Least that's my theory. So far so good. Kids are 19, 17, 14, and it's not likely I'll be getting any grandchildren from at least another decade.

:)

8 moms found this helpful

Gosh, this is a huge question. I think most of all it is about the relationship you have with your child.

I was very very close with my mother, I could ask her anything. I knew she would be very disappointment with me if I was having sex. I could have been having sex but I wasn't because she informed me of all the things I could miss out on if I were to become pregnant or get an incurable STD. I wanted to go off to college, have a career, and be a young adult with out a care in the world. I will say religion did have a role in it, but it was all the yucky outcomes of having sex too early that really made it not appealing to me. And as we know with all the hormones it is really appealing.

My sister on the other hand was not at all close to my mother and if my mom suggested she not to do something, she was hellbent on doing it. Anyways I will never forget my sweet not believing in pre-marital sex mother taking my sister and getting her on birth control...at first the pill and then when she found out my sister was forgetting to take them the depo-shot. Because she found out my sister was having sex. She did step in and even though it went against her personal beliefs, she wanted to protect my sister from herself. (my dad even bought her condoms, I nearly has a heart attack when I found out my DAD did that).

Well, as soon as my sister left home (at 16) she went off all birth control and has had two babies with different daddies...had at least three STDs that I know of...and pretty much done whatever she wanted with no one to protect her from herself any longer.

So, my plan is to try and have the best and closest relationship with my kids as possible...I will do my best to protect them from themselves...but in the end, THEY will make the decisions that shape their lives. I pray they are good ones.

8 moms found this helpful

no matter what WE do...it's all up to the consenting parties. We are "out" of the equation long before the deed. & that's what many parents can't grasp.....we teach what we want, desire for our children.....but we don't always get it.

7 moms found this helpful

Some of it is simply having a good, honest relationship with them all their lives, even when it's hard. My SD is 17 and her brother is 21. They have been encouraged to speak openly to their parents about love, sex, drugs, politics, friendships, etc. They have also experienced through friends or relatives what can happen and what the aftermath of an unintended pregnancy can be, even under "good" circumstances. It's isn't just the 15yr old whose world can be uprooted. The 20 yr old college student who can't pay for his own Top Ramen needs to think about these things, too. So it's tools (like knowledge and birth control), it's relationship, and it's a little bit of luck. They are ultimately going to make the choices, but you steer them as best as you can.

7 moms found this helpful

Talk to them, listen with an open ear and mind, always keep the lines of communication open so they know that they can talk to you about any and everything at any time of the day.

My teen talks to me about anything and loves that she can do so; many teens don't have that and her friends will come to me because they feel their parents don't listen or just don't understand. As soon as our teen was to have her first date, trip to the obgyn office to get on the pill, take the pill the same time every day, make sure when she is ready she understood all consequences from teen pregnancy to diseases (eventhough we talked to her; its good for it to come from a professional too); also to ensure to use condoms, spermicide...etc and knowing just because your on the pill doesn't mean you have too.. Plus, seeing the problems many teen moms have from seeing it personally and watching the mtv show Teen Mom. It helps to talk and to keep them informed; so they keep you informed on their life. All in all; you are on the right path and doing well.

6 moms found this helpful

Communication is key.

You have to model the behavior you want your children to have....tell them what you expect from them...I don't expect my kids to be perfect - but expect them to do their best...

If you allow unmarried couples to sleep together in the same bedroom when they come to visit - you are telling your children that pre-martial sex is okay..

Raise your children to respect themselves enough not to fall for the peer pressure (not EVERYONE is doing it). Tell your son that NO MEANS NO - STOP MEANS STOP - no matter what transpired BEFORE that - NO MEANS NO.

Your daughter? Sex does NOT equate to love and keeping a boyfriend...

and IT CAN happen to you...adult decisions have adult consequences...

The girls in Massachusetts who were teenagers getting pregnant? That pact they made? Look at them now...oh yeah - those "reality" stars of I'm a Teenaged Mom - it's NOT a fun life...and not all teenage girls who get pregnant become reality stars....you won't get your face on the cover of People magazine and the drama of your life won't be displayed for the world to see and judge...

I would NOT put my daughter on birth control just because some hits some magic number - that is giving her permission to have sex. And the fake hormones that would mess your daughter's body.

COMMUNICATION!!!! What do they want? What do they expect from themselves? Start talking NOW - they do listen...just make it age appropriate...

6 moms found this helpful

education and prevention, plain and simple, and than hope for the best. I was put on the pill at 14. I thank my mom for that, because I know I would never have been able to ask for it, and since she just gave it to me I was protected. I have boys, they will know all about safe sex, and have condoms for if/when they need them. I can't be there in that room when it happens, but I can hope I drilled into him enough the importance of wearing a condom every time.

6 moms found this helpful

It's not true that they will NEVER tell you. They won't tell you the exact day they are going to do it, but if you know your child, and he/she has a girlfriend/boyfriend, or is starting to hang out with the opposite sex, you can make a pretty good estimate. If you raise your kids with open dialogue about such things, you can discuss birth control and STD protection as they are growing and you will have a pretty good idea about when the time is approaching for them to do something about it.

Great advice from Stephanie F., among others.

5 moms found this helpful

The key is self esteem. Not the psudo self esteem you get from telling kids they do no wrong. If you raise strong children they just don't have these issues. Yes they can make mistakes, so perhaps my comment is not fair but the number of girls that got pregnant, one of them, among all my daughter's peers is lower than the national average, by miles.

What is really amazing is how the girls banded together to make sure she still got her education. She still went away to college. They looked at who's classes were when so that there was always someone to watch the baby. She graduates this year. Her daughter turns four just after she graduates. She will have a home career and a well taught daughter who gained a spectrum of experiences because of the different women who watched them.

Putting your child on birth control is hurtful to their self esteem. It is saying I have no faith in your ability to make good choices so I will keep you from having a baby before I am ready. The better choice is to teach them to own their choices young. When you are required to take responsibility for your successes and failures you make better choices.

My older daughter didn't date or have sex until she was 19. She was a very popular girl but didn't want to have to deal with what was required to be in a relationship when she had her sports and grades to deal with. She was the one, not me to decide what birth control is best for her. She decided how often she could date. She decided who was right for her. Don't get me wrong I love her boyfriend. They have been dating for two and a half years. It is very stable, not like some of the relationship I see in kids that young.

Anyway sorry this was so long but I feel like this is just going to get worse before it gets better.

4 moms found this helpful

I totally agree about open communication with parents and children and children and parents this is the secret.

My husband and I have known each other since we were 13.. We would talk on the phone, see each other at school.. His mom or my mom would drive and pick us up at the movies,. the mall whereever.

He would visit at our home, I would visit at his.

At about 15, we were on the phone and he said. "hold on,my dad says he wants to give me something. Then he got back on the phone and said, this is weird, he gave me a CASE of condoms!" (His father owned a drug store).. We both were wondering, why on earth his father would think he would need condoms? Of course now I totally think it was awesome, but also funny, it was so out of our minds o have sex, we were perplexed.

I even told my mom and she asked if I wanted Birth Control? I told her no way! She said, well if you ever decide to have sex, let me know so I can drive you to get some pills. It was not till a long time later, I went and got on Birth control, And yes I told my mother.

My mother was honest about family members (her age and older) that had gotten pregnant and then HAD to get married.. Many of them were not as educated or have great jobs. They were barely getting by and they were such young people. We talked about what it would be like if I got pregnant. How much it would cost, how all of my plans would totally be changed.

This is exactly what we did with our daughter. Total open communications. When we saw a pregnant teenager, we spoke about what her life would be like. What she would have to do to care for her child. How she would probably miss out on all of the fun things kids get to do in school.. Like sleep in on the weekends. Go to games, parties, trips..
Probably end up living with her parents a lot longer than first planned.

I used to also explain to our daughter that "school means Kinder until you graduate from college, then she may want to travel, find a great job, get an apartment and paint the walls any color she wants, decorate it the way she wants, Pick her own pet, have fun, shop.. then fall in love and maybe live together or get married.. She has a whole lifetime to then decide to have children. Having unprotected sex even once, can change all of the above or slow it down so much, that you never get a chance at the above."

I also explained that her dad and I had married young because we knew we loved each other, but we totally planned to wait to have a child till we felt we were ready in our marriage, our careers, and owning a home. That our daughter was totally planned and we had no regrets.

Asking kids what they want when they are older is a great way to start the conversation about if you want that, be aware of what can hold you back from those plans.. Unprotected sex even once is dangerous. It can affect your health and your entire life.

4 moms found this helpful

S., I have two boys. I understand how you feel about what you do when you have a boy. I believe that if I had a daughter, I'd have her on Depo Provera shots. There isn't something like that for males.

What I have done is have a very open dialogue with my boys. There is nothing about sex that we can't talk about. We also talk about relationships - what dating is supposed to be about. Learning about each other - if we "fit", and how important it is to figure that out without having sex.

Big in the discussions is birth control and pregnancy, and STD's. Also the BIG discussion of money and the responsibility they will have on their shoulders if they get a girl pregnant.

I have a college student. Hopefully he's smart enough to practice what has been preached to him. I have a 16 year old who isn't dating yet, but I hope too that he will keep talking and listening and thinking about what really makes sense for his life.

D.

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First off I knew a ton of "good kids" whose parents were SO closed off and forbade sex and guess what? They were the ones waking for their diploma 8 months pregnant. Luckily for my mom it was an easy thing because 1.) she was open and 2.) I had endometriosis and had to be on the pill anyway (not that I was a sexual deviant lol). People just need to realize that kids are doing it and they're doing it WAY sooner than they used to. We're raising our kid to know that sex is between two people who love and respect each other, that you don't rush into it and yes, mommy and daddy have sex all the time. It's not going to be this taboo subject but she's going to understand it's not to be taken lightly and she's going to know about all the fun diseases you can get if you aren't careful.. not to mention having an unwanted pregnancy. She's going to do it no matter what we teach her is right or wrong or don't talk to her about it so I'm going to talk to her about it, she's going to know it's NOT dirty or wrong and hopefully we'll arm her with enough information and support that she can make decisions she won't regret. You could also just go get the shot that works over a period of years (that's sort of planning ahead as well you know?) Then you'd just have to worry about the disease part.. but definitely opt for the PPV shot.. apparently that stuffs spreading like wild fire.

And Mimi's advice... really? I knew SO many kids (home schooled as well) that were "protected".. not only did they end up being social lepers but once they got out from under that protection they went wild. I've also known some who did not so you can't say that it's guaranteed. I think a lot of who I am today is from my past and I haven't a single regret.. and I think most people who were responsible sexually growing up would probably say the same thing..

4 moms found this helpful

Hi S.,

Someone said if they're going to do it, they're going to do it. I don't think that is necessarily true. We as parents need to help our young ones NOT have the opportunity for sex AND things that lead to the desire for sex. I had the advantage of homeschooling so our activities usually did not segregate kids into age categories....the older ones looked after the younger ones and parents were always close by. My girls have told me they never felt deprived or trapped and the young man that my oldest daughter is intending on marrying has told me he appreciates the care I took in protecting her. My 19 year old daughter has come to me and asked for tighter parameters. She asked because before she started dating, we told her we would help her.

If the ladies here are honest with themselves I can almost guarantee the first time they had sex was not the best thing in the world. For unmarried teenagers it probably was a bad experience. I've asked teenage girls....most have hung there head and admitted I'm right....most have told me they wished their parents had had a closer eye on them.

My thoughts....

M.

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I'm a big fan of contraception + open and safe communication.

It's not 100%, but it's certainly more effective (statistically) than abstinence only education.

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I haven't read all of your responses but I do believe this is a question based off of mine..I really wish I would have just gave her the IUD that lasts for 5yrs when she was 13...that would atleast buy her until she was 18...I and my SO would have never guessed this would happen to my daughter because we have talked to her about this since she was about 13 or 14..she's had friends that have had babies and gotten abortions..so knew the outcome. I've also told her that i'm not raising babies. So, I'm, not sure what would be the best direction for you to go because obviously I was wrong. I tried to be open and honest but it didn't work. So, I'm thinking, you should just put your daughter on birth control without her knowledege..tell her it will help with her period or something...I wish I would have...

2 moms found this helpful

I don't think there is any way to guarantee it. You do the best you can do. Teach them to have morals and values, etc... I also think who their friends is of great importance. There is a lot of pressure at school, so for me, homeschooling is an huge advantage in this area. Of course, it doesn't mean it wouldn't ever happen to a homeschooled child, BUT it would be WAY less likely.

I'm not in to giving kids birth control. I think if they are taught about the reality of it, and they choose to not be careful (as in, choose to have sex), then there is a consequence that happens...called pregnancy.

I think each parent needs to decide for themselves whether they feel good giving their child birth control of some sort (since that IS approving of sexual behavior in their child's eyes, whether we think it means that or not). or if a parent feels opposed to that and decides not to offer it to their children. As I said, it's not something I will do. BUT, my kids will know about birth control. They just aren't going to get it from me:-) And, I hope and pray that they don't get mixed up into things like that before they are ready. But there is nothing we can do as parents to prevent it 100%. It's simply a choice that they have to make...and we do our best with whatever happens.

I have to say that getting pregnant or not getting pregnant can just be dumb luck but it can also be kids that are responsible to know that they SHOULD get birth control and USE IT. I am very thankful for Planned Parenthood because that's where I got my birth control as a young adult. But I also had sex as a teen (w/o BC) and didn't get pregnant. That was dumb luck. Logically everyone knows they might get pregnant but they hope that it won't happen to them. For me, I'm trying to raise my girls so that they don't want/need a man so badly that they ignore what matters to them. But there is always the chance of passion taking precedence over common sense.