Pretend Friend??

Well, Sera's not allowed to run across the parking lot either. So Ava and Sera can sit in time out together. Or Ava can show Sera what happens when there is scratching and kicking since apparently Sera doesn't listen to you, only to Ava.

I would get some professional help on this. Imaginary friends are very common in kids, but alter egos are often created after trauma as a way to give voice to feelings. You should get some good advice from a child psychologist to develop strategies for handling it and for learning how much to allow and how much to clamp down on. Talk to the pediatrician for advice and referrals.

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My 3 year old had an imaginary Friends named Dave and Kanala. SO much so that I could not sit on them or do anything for fear of sending M into fits of screaming. Finally I acted as if Dave and Kanala were real, and I yelled and I punished and made rules for them as well, Wouldnt you know it, in a month they were no longer friends but just acquaintances and now only pop out when she plays with toys at 4. Think it is still a phase. Dave was always telling me that he and M didnt want bath time and that Dave was gonna kick my butt. I just stood there looking at Dave like I saw him, and I would challenge him, even turn around to let him kick me. Needless to say air feet dont get the job done.

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That does not sound like imaginary friends that sounds like multiple personalities. Because she is so young it doesn't sound like multiple personality disorder but it does show a need for therapy.

It could be as simple as not wanting to ever disappoint you because she is trying to wrap her head around why her parents abandoned her. She is bound to feel like it must have been something she did that made her parents hate her. I know her parents don't hate her but kids think in terms like that.

You really need to find a child psychologist who can peel back the layers and figure out what is going on here. :)

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Please talk to her pediatrician about it and see if you can get a referral for counseling. It sounds like this has been going on for quite some time, if she's articulated their distinctive personalities and plays the roles. At 27 months, that just seems far too advanced for it to be an imaginary friend situation. I agree with the other ladies who suggest that she may have multiple personalities emerge as a coping mechanism for the trauma of losing her parents.

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Does she go for any type of counceling? It sounds like she is having a hard time accepting that her parents are not around. If she does have multiple personalities she should be getting help from a professional.

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My oldest, now 18, had "lion" who would tease him and "tiger" who would be the culprit of broken objects in the home . He did finally get a swat on his behind when he broke three major things in one week (two windows and a lamp) and I told him to tell tiger that my son would be getting in trouble even when "tiger" did the bad thing. Yes, he grew out of it.
Oh, and my youngest, now 4, had a naughty friend he called "baby".

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my younger son had an imaginary friend....but it was for fun, as a playmate. He did not blame behavioral issues on his "friend".

:)

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I think Diane hit the nail on the head, so I won't repeat her too much.

Yes, an alter-ego is worrying and if you feel that there is something more troubling, do get some professional help.

In my time working with kids, I've met quite a few imaginary friends. Some are nice, others are basically a culprit for poor behavior. I did hardline a few things with the kids: basically, if the imaginary friend is doing something wrong, it is *your job* (the child) to come find a grown up. Just as if a real friend were making a wrong choice. The same goes with messes-- well, if you watched the imaginary friend make the mess, then you need to help clean it up too. I believe that we need to hold kids responsible for passive rulebreaking, when they watch something wrong but do nothing to stop it, and then when it's within their power to get help or tell someone 'stop'. I don't expect them to censure adults. But we all want our kids to speak up when it's appropriate, and when your imaginary friend is taking your room apart, it's time to speak up!

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My daughter had 2 imaginary friends from roughly 18 months -26 months. She blamed them for everything. I just played along with it and would send her friends home for dinner when they were bad!

Not sure about the alter ego thing. Is it truly an alter ego, or is she using her imaginary friends as an escape goat for herself? These are different things.

She's doing all that at 27 months? She IS smart.

My suggestion is to ignore it, or play along with it. "Well, tell Sera to stop running across the parking lot."

I want to reinforce what Diane B. said. You need to treat Sera as if she were real and that means disciplining Ava when she assumes the identity of Sera. If this is a case of "split-personality" or multiple personality, dealing with each personality directly and consistently and firmly as you would with any child is what will be important.

As many moms have stated it is likely she will grow out of this phase. However, the more you reject and refuse to deal with Sera the more Ava may rely on her to deal with the negative emotions she is feeling. If Sera is a seperate personality, she would have been created from trauma and a deep rejection of scary feelings and thoughts. Integration can happen spontaneously if you simply accept that this is based on genuine pain, understand that Ava is dealing with a lot right now, and bring compassion rather than rejection to the situation.

It is a very creative, imaginative, and intelligent child that uses these type of coping mechanisms. It is also driven by a chaotic, intense, and emotionally saturated environment. Ava needs love, acceptance, clear and consistent boundaries, and all the resources you can provide for her including professional help if necessary.