M.M. asks from West Newton, MA on June 27, 2008
Presents
We are starting the "season" of birthday parties for my son's friends who are turning 3. The two invitations I have received so far have stated "no gifts please". What do you recommend in this situation? I feel a little awkward going to a big birthday party empty handed. Do I bring a gift anyway? Is there something more meaningful or interesting that I can bring that is like a gift but isn't a clutter-the-house, spoil-the-child gift? Does anyone have any experience or thoughts that might help me navigate here? I don't want to offend/disappoint by not bringing a gift, or by bringing one where not appropriate! Help!
So What Happened?™
Thanks for all the great suggestions everyone. We went to one of the parties last weekend. I brought cupcakes and a card with stickers in it for the birthday child. I felt a little embarrassed because some friends had brought gifts. I felt like I probably should have just brought a gift too. Oh well. It gives me a good perspective for planning when I eventually start doing birthday parties for my sons. I think as a host it might be more beneficial to specify something for people to do in lieu of a gift (like bring a wrapped book for exchanging so that everyone takes home a book or for donating to a kids charity, etc.). I think that might be easier for everyone - not too much of a burden but it makes you not feel so unthoughtful as a guest.
Featured Answers
B.W. answers from Boston on June 28, 2008
In this case, I usually pick a charity and give a gift in the child's name so it fulfills a gift but the parent's request also and also teaches my own child the gift of giving something meaningful. Some charities I like are:
http://www.heifer.org/ --there are different amounts and different kinds of animals that you can choose to give to a family in a third world country so they can be financially independent.
there's also the Red Cross or Unicef.
1 mom found this helpful
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L.Z. answers from Boston on June 27, 2008
I say that if the request was made for no gifts, you have to abide by it. For whatever reason, the parents don't want gifts, and bringing one if no one else does will make things awkward for all, especially the birthday child. I have heard a lot lately about families making the no-gift request. That being said, I also feel it IS the child's birthday and that is special and should be celebrated!! What about bringing the birthday boy/girl a balloon? Or at least a nice card with maybe a picture drawn by your son? Even a little "book" that your son writes about his friend, and illustrates (craft stores sell blank books that you could write in while your son dictates the story, then he can color the pictures). It at least acknowledges that his friend is turning 3, but it's not a wrapped toy or traditional gift. You might also bring a snack to add to the festivities. Good luck and let us know how it turns out. My oldest is turning 3 and I'm wondering if this might happen to us in the future!
1 mom found this helpful
B.W. answers from Boston on June 28, 2008
In this case, I usually pick a charity and give a gift in the child's name so it fulfills a gift but the parent's request also and also teaches my own child the gift of giving something meaningful. Some charities I like are:
http://www.heifer.org/ --there are different amounts and different kinds of animals that you can choose to give to a family in a third world country so they can be financially independent.
there's also the Red Cross or Unicef.
1 mom found this helpful
J.P. answers from Boston on June 28, 2008
You've got some good advice here already. I'll just add that your son could draw a picture; thoughtful and recyclable!
1 mom found this helpful
L.S. answers from San Francisco on June 27, 2008
Dear M.,
If the invitation says no gifts, please respect the request. If you really, really want or need to give a gift, you might try calling the parents of the child involved and asking them if you can contribute food, wine- (for the adults of course!), or flowers for the party. You might also ask if you may bring a story book to read to the children at the party, and then "give" the book to the birhday child. Your son might also want to "draw" a picture or make a card to honor the birthday child. Hope this helps. L. S.
1 mom found this helpful
E.P. answers from Boston on June 28, 2008
I had a christianing and my daughter's bday party all within one month. I asked for gift cards from some particular clothing stores so that when fall came I could purchase the clothes the kids needed. This was really huge as I saved over $150 in clothes expenses...just a thought. See if the hostess is open to the idea.
E. P.
D.H. answers from Boston on June 28, 2008
The one gift for kids that never fails to please parents as well as children is a book. Not the Disney kind that simply shows scenes from movies, but a real kids book. Parents can read them to their kids, and later the kids can read them by themselves. It's one of those gifts that keep on giving, plus they don't take up a lot of space. It is also a very low-key gift (which is often what the "No gifts, please" people really want but don't know how to say in such a way that won't give office to some), not flashy, and inexpensive. No assembly required, you don't have to worry about batteries running out, and they don't get "broken". A book in a little gift bag would probably go over well. And the parents will love you for not bringing one more piece of "kid-bling" to their house!
Good luck!
S.S. answers from Boston on June 28, 2008
My little guy (19 months) loves animals! We visit the Animal Rescue League near our home all the time. I think if some one gave them a gift in his name he (we) would be thrilled. So maybe see what the birthday boy/girl is interested in and give $20 to a non-profit that is relevant.
-S.
N.P. answers from Boston on June 30, 2008
Hi M.,
Someone already mentioned this but ask the mother/parents if you could bring something. Like cut up fruit for the kids or even just juice boxes. Then you aren't coming empty handed and I am sure the mother/parents would really appreciate it--one less thing for them to buy or worry about.
Good luck!
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