The father of a 4 year old boy in our son's preschool died yesterday, after long illness. A lot of the other families, including us, now wonder what we could best do for the boy, his mom, and his baby twin sisters. Collect money? Offer that together with a heartfelt expression of our feelings of compassion and sadness for them? Offer other services?
I do not know the family well. In fact, their son was bullying mine, and through this issue i know them a little, but that seems unimportant now. I knew the child was bullying because he hurt himself, so the teachers and i were trying to prevent him from spilling his suffering over to other kids (particularly my son and another girl).
Has anyone lived through a loss like this? What had you wished others had done for you?
Thank you!!
D.
All responses are great! Thank you so much!!! I love your ideas. WE have decided to open an account in her name for donations -- the account information will be posted in school. We will go round there and bring food to freeze or eat right away. After we get more information about how she organizes things we will see about bringing about other things as well, and offereing our time for cleaning etc. Yes, definitely, the kids at school should be supported and encouraged to support this little boy. I will speak to the main teacher about this tomorrow and hear her plans, possibly make a suggestion. The mom is the type of person that will keep a smiling face and not take help, so i guess key is to just help, to just leave food on her doorstep, to just accept her pace, but to e there. Good to be reminded that she will need help in 2 months+ still! Thank, thanks again, ladies. This was great!
Remember her and her family every few months with a card or a call. After the first month or two, everyone else seems to forget because they aren't dealing with it on a constant basis- so if you can, ask how she is doing in a couple of months and maybe offer to take her out for coffee or something.
~C.
I was four, my brother was 8 when my father died. My mom had to keep working, so we got passed around to family members alot in the evenings, and they all thought it was great to take us to McDonalds, Burger King, etc... when all we really wanted was to sit at a table and eat a home cooked meal.
Although you don't know the family that well... you know kids, and what they like to eat. Maybe you and some of the other parents can put together some freezer friendly foods for the family that they can take out of the fridge and heat up for dinners when they don't feel like cooking. Maybe get a couple of the mom's together and offer to donate some time for cleaning at her house, as she will undoubtedly have lots of company in the upcoming weeks, and no energy or will to clean. Even offering to do some grocery shopping for them would help, ask her for a list of what the kids eat and anything else they might need right now, or just get her some of the basics like toiet paper, paper towels, hand soap, etc.
Maybe have a class meeting with the other kids while he is still out for the funeral, and make it a point to tell them that even though this boy had been a bully in the past, that his father died and he would really need friends right now, and to try to be extra nice to him for a while.
I know from experience that all I really wanted was to have my Daddy back, but all the people being around and helping my mother really helped her to be able to concentrate on helping us cope and less on what the house looked like or what to cook.
I wish you well in finding some way to help the family!
I would ask the school if they are doing anything. My guess is they are and you can join in. Also as hard as it might be ask if boy can have a play date at your home, this will be a big help to his family. Good luck and sorry to hear this.
Meals would probably help, but since you don't know them well, it might be awkward. I would ask the teacher if yo ucould start a collection and give them a gift card or two from a local restaurant, maybe one that delivers.
Updated
Meals would probably help, but since you don't know them well, it might be awkward. I would ask the teacher if yo ucould start a collection and give them a gift card or two from a local restaurant, maybe one that delivers.
My heart breaks hearing this.... wow. Any kind of help in this situation would be appreciated. Food is a great idea and money/gift cards would help out alot.
money makes ahuge difference to a single mom you dont know if there is life insurance and how much andyou have no idea what the medical bills cost them. you can babysit. even though there was problems now you know the underlying cause. send food. talk to them offer to help in any way needed. askk the preschool teacher if the son needs clothes. if so take up a collection. give the family a care package of toilet paper, toothpaste, soap and other necessities. they will need paper plates and cups and plastic silverware. if someone owns a hotel and is willing to donate rooms to the incoming family that is a huge help. we had this done for us at my so sons funeral. this all may seem little to you but it would be huge to them. glad people like you exist. god bless you.
You and the other moms might want to just do for the family.
Just go over and clean her house, mow her lawn if it needs it.
When she is at the funeral and wake be in her house to serve the food and get it ready for when people come back to the house.
Offer to babysit and have playdates. The little guy is hurting too.
May God wrap his arms around them at this time.
.
I imagine that they're having a really hard time copping with everyday chores so I would recommend doing something that will help with the day to day. How about preparing them a full family meal? Everything from a hearty and healthy main course, side, salad, bread and dessert. It would also be a good idea to give it to them in throw away containers as they won't need one more thing to think about. Instead of collecting money and flowers are nice, but why not organize for several families to prepare meals? When you're grieving grocery shopping and cooking is really low on your priority list.
