Preschool or Not? - Sylmar,CA

Hello, First of all, does your school district have a program for pre-kindergarten? Our Lakeside District does and it is very helpful for children like your son.
Also, is there a way you can stay with him the first day? That way, he is able to meet new friends and still feel secure about going because you are there. We went through the same anxiety with 3 of our 4 children. They all grew up being able to be without me :-) so I guess it doesn't matter if you let him cling a little. Just try to help him to understand that you will still have your special times together. We now have 6 grandchildren. When I dropped the oldest one off the second day of kindergarten (Mommy and Step-Daddy took him the first day), he went in and asked his teacher if I could stay. She said yes. That grandson is now in 8th grade and I am still volunteering at his old school with two other grandsons and not always in their classes. I help with kindergarten and a reading program and have no grandchildren in those. When it is my day to help in my second grade grandson's class he is so proud.
I am sure your son will do great. He has had a great start with wonderful parents.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

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Hi J., I would say keep him home and keep working with him. I have a 5 year old who just started kindergarten and she is very well adjusted infact she at the top of her class. I worked with her at home and before she started kinder we had already finished first grade books. She could read write sentences and count to 200. I work in her 3 days a week and I have seen some kids that were in preschool that are really struggling because they expected kindergarten to involve a lot of playing and resisted the structure that comes with kinder (the exception not the rule). My daughter on the other hand was able to adjust well.

If he is a social butterfly like my daughter he will be fine. Plus he is starting at 6 which means that he would adjust better than the younger ones. My daughter loves school so much that she now hates snow because it keeps her from going to school sometimes. Have fun with him the this last few months you have him at home mama.

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Why push to have him go early? He will be off and out soon enough! My daughter did NOT go to pre-school, and we enjoyed every minute of that year. It in no way hurt her - probably helped her to have the additional year to adjust. If you are concerned about him getting used to being apart from you...........set up a few times where he can be left at a relatives, or a close friends while you run some errands. Start with leaving him for 1/2 hour, and build over the year from there. These days, people make us feel like we are damaging our children if we don't push to get them out...............the damage is that people don't spend the time they used to with their kids in just plain, good old at home time.
K.

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My son is just 3 days older than your son, and we encountered the exact situation, BUT...I did put him in preschool. He has missed more than he's been there, because he catches everything. But, he's there nonetheless :) It was more of a struggle for me to "leave" him there, and he prefers to be at home, but I'm sticking with it. He is very smart and I work with him too, and he's great socially, but I notice a difference when I'm not there (sometimes I stand where he can't see me and watch)...he needs to learn how to jive with the other kids and figure out how to get along with them. THAT is the very reason I keep him in, because he needs to work on that!

It's a tough choice, and VERY hard to leave them! Good luck with your decision!

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I don't think your reasons for wanting him to go are substantial. Cross that bridge of separating when you have to. don't do it preemptively! Its a trend to send your kids to school earlier and earlier, but I think things will come full circle and people will realize its better to have your young children at home longer. I say keep him home. When you factor in your families resources double keep him home.
I really feel that preschool is a result of working moms and moms who are ready to get back some time for themselves. I think its great that in your heart you want to spend that year with him. I think the studies on preschool preparing kids better for K- college are more a reflection of the negative effect that day care has on children not the positive effects of preschool. If you're a stay-a-home-mom who takes the time to teach the concepts at home one-on-one he is at a huge advantage to preschoolers.

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You sound like a fabulous mommy and your son knows that! He WANTS to stay home with you! Keep him home. I have 2 little angels, my oldest who went to daycare from 6 mos until 14 mos, I can now stay home with my babies and I think it's more benficial than sending them to pre-school. Nobody can care for and teach a child more than their parent. I didn't go to pre-school, I was lucky enough to stay home with my mom and she watched a little girl, so I always had a playmate (who is still my best friend!) We learned more than a child in pre-school would learn, from my mom. I disagree with studies saying that children who go to pre-school are more advanced. I had a 4.0 through school & graduated with scolarships. I LOVED school because I wasn't forced to go before I needed to. Your son will adjust fine when it's time for Kindergarten! I had many hounding family members from my husbands side about how super pre-school is. It's fine if they think so, just not going to work for my family. They'll be in school for 13 years, enjoy our babies now!

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Tough decision. If you can afford it, do it, I think you won't be sorry. He will be much better prepared for Kindergarten. And I am sure he will love it.

What would you do if he says in his prayers next year "I wish I didn't have to go to kindergarten..." You can't let that kinda stuff tug at your heartstrings. You're the parent, you know whats best for him. You have a long road ahead of you if he will be allowed to call the shots on big decisions by manipulating you emotionally. (I know I am really reading deep into that one, and he is probably just saying his thoughts as a 5 year old not trying to consciouslty influence your decision... it's just that I work with Jr. Highres and I see so many spoiled ones whocan just "work" their pushover parents. I can just imagine that's how things started out with them).
Good luck, whatever you decide, no regrets :)

I would put him in preschool if you can afford it. That way he will be all ready for Kindergarten. I've seen study after study that shows those who attend preschool end up being smarter in school throughout the years, and it's very good socially.

If you just want to have him get used to being away from you, can you enroll him in a non parent participation class? Most cities have a parks and rec division that offer all kinds of classes drawing, painting, cooking, karate, baseball, etc. They are usually pretty cheap. Some even have preschool. That is where my 4 year old goes to preschool. It is only 2 hours 3 days per week (I do wish it was a bit longer) but for $89 for 6 weeks I can't complain. That way he can get used to being w/o you but it is no big deal.

As I go through the preschool touring and wait list process, I keep saying the same thing which is: We never went to preschool when we were little (maybe it was an east coast thing) Since I work work full time I think it's a great opportunity for my son to continue to be challenged but if I were home I don't think it would be as important to me. I honestly think your son will adjust even if he goes straight to kindergarten - take advantage of the fact he wants to stay home and save a little money!!

Sounds like he is waffling. If you can swing it financially, why not try it for 1 month. If he is unhappy, remove him. You can teach him the basics that he needs to know yourself, and I am sure there will be plenty of opportunities for him to socialize and play with friends.

Keep in home. It sounds like you're doing a fantastic job as it is!

Hi J.,
I was feeling the same way about my daughter going to preschool. We decided to take her to preschool, three times a week, half day. It's working pretty good for us. She's learning and socializing; I feel the best benefit is she's getting ahead when it comes to being on a classroom and following directions. Once she's in kindergarden, she'll have to go 5 times a week, full time. Right now she starting to tell me she want's to stay longer, which is much better than telling me she wants to say home with me, as much as I like the idea. Don't show him you're insecure, on the contrary, let him know school is a good place for him, a place for learning, and having fun. Good luck.

My shy little attached daughter benefited so much from being "without me" at preschool. At first she cried every day and had to be bodily removed from me by the teacher. I questioned myself every day if I was doing the right thing. But over time (months, that is) she eventually stopped crying and absolutely blossomed. When the time came for kindergarten, she walked right in with a smile and didn't even look back. I was so thankful that she was able to enter kindergarten with a good attitude and not have her "transition time" in kindergarten. The preschool environment is so much more loving and nurturing than kindergarten. The K teachers really don't have enough time and resources to help the kids get over that hump of separation. Good luck with your decision. For us, it was worth it.

Did the same thing. Was the best thing I did! Go for it!

J.,
There are reasons to send or not send your child to preschool, as many have pointed out. But I would recommend making the decision based on all of those decision factors, not just that he says "I want to stay home with Mommy". He will probably still be saying the same thing next fall. And, even if you send him to preschool and he loves it, there will still be days that he says it. He loves you and enjoys being with you, which is great. But I wouldn't use that as a reason to not do something that will benefit him and prepare him for all that lies ahead in life (academic, social, and just dealing with change and life's challenges).

Personally, both of my daughters are in preschool. One started when she was 3.5 and the other when she was almost 2, because that was the best childcare option for us. My older daughter has really blossomed since starting preschool (almost a year ago) and it has been a huge benefit for both girls. Soooo...while it was hard to finally send them off to a group situation, I highly advocate it.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I put my very clingy son into preschool. At first he didn't want to go, but then he started enjoying it and loved going. Plus it made the transition to kindergarten painless. It was the best decision I could have made for my son.

If you can finacially swing it, go for it. My friends that are teachers are always commenting that they can always tell which kids went to preschool and which ones didn't when they go to kindergarten.

It'll be good for him!

-M

My son went to a co-op preschool last year and LOVED it!!
His birthday missed the cut off too (1st week in DEC) so i kept him back a year too. It really helped with his socialization skills, and cemented his toileting skills in ways that I had resigned myself were never going to happen. Now the kindergarden teacher at my son's school says that the kids who have never gone to preschool are really struggling with having to be "left" at school. If your co-op works like mine did, you will be there regularly anyway, and so will other mom's, so it gives the kids a support base while acclimating them to saying goodbye to Mommy for a while. God bless and Merry Christmas! A.

You should definately do it! Even just part time (2 or three days a week)! Specially since he is already 5. He thinks he won't want to be apart from you, and he will have his days where it is fine to go and days when he may go kicking and screaming, but it will be soooo good for him. Wow, 6 hours, we are in SD and our Kinder is 3.5 hours a day, which I think is too short.

keep him home. we have precious little time with our children when they need us and only us. he is going to spend most of his life away from you, why start now?
MHO
V.

I'd keep him home. He'll be going to school soon enough. Enjoy this time with him. He won't be this small for very long.

I would keep him at home. I wouldn't burden your family's finances, plus he has another 9 months to grow and mature before beginning Kindergarten. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with him. Don't stress out about how he feels right now and enjoy the time you're spending with him!

Hi J.,

It sounds like you have a great little boy. I think you should give him every advantage he needs to do well in school and unfortunately due to "No Child Left Behind" Kindergarten is no longer just fun and games - they have to be able to write and do math and read. Pre-K gives your son the tools he'll need to do well in Kindergarten and get him used to the classroom setting, listening to the teacher and socializing with the other kids. He knows he has to go and he will be fine. He knows you'll be there waiting for him after school is over. Pre-K will help you identify any areas where he needs some extra help and you can work with him on those things over the summer so he's ready for Kindergarten. My son and my niece are both September babies so I understand why you waited an extra year. We chose not to wait and both my son and niece are doing great in school and both are youngest in their class. Your son will have the advantage that he's a little older and a little more mature but he will still need that preparation that Pre-K can give him.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

J.,
It sounds like a co-op preschool is exactly what he needs to transition him to kindergarten, because next year, there's no avoiding the fact that he will be totally without you. My daughter is in kindergarten (turned 5 in March) and at our recent parent/teacher conference her teacher told me that the biggest challenge for her is working with the kids who are away from mommy for the first time. My daugther did go to preschool and, while the seperation isn't really an issue, the transition to kindergarten IS a big deal for them. Its much more academic than preschool, and these days teachers really expect them to have the basic knowledge of classroom dynamics (circle time on the rug, morning calendar routine, sharing in front of a large group, etc. ) before they start. Your son will get to "practice" this in preschool so kindergarten will feel somewhat familiar to him next year and it will definitely help build his confidence.
I'll bet the co-op can be flexible - especially if you're willing to do some extra work for them (paperwork, etc.) so really, its a great way to transition him to the world he must eventually be in - and it will be good for you, too. Letting go is hard for mother and child, but a necessary part of development in order to make him a strong, self-confident individual. Good luck!

Since you have to "dig into savings until we can see if new paycheck will cover it", that is an indication that you can't really afford the preschool. So I would keep him at home until Fall 2010 and concentrate on working with him on kindergarten level workbooks (a teacher told me that they should be working on the next grade level in workbooks). Make sure that he knows letters, numbers, shapes, colors. Read to him and begin introducing math concepts (there is a alot of math in kindergarten). Continue to provide social activities when you are able to do so; bring him to the library, etc.

Hope this helps.

I know that it is really hard on the teachers when kids aren't up to speed. They aren't teacher letters, numbers and colors in K, they are teaching them to read.
However, studies have show that kids that don't go to preschool catchup to those that did very quickly, so I don't think it will harm him.
If you can't afford, don't. Or maybe part-time? Two of my kids went 2 days a week, and one of mine went 3 days a week.
If you don't, just work with him on basics. Maybe even go ask the K teachers what he should know coming in.

Good luck.

I'm obviously in the minority, but I believe in preschool. I'm assuming your son would be going 2-3 days a week for about 3 hours a day. It would give him exposure to an environment without you and set a great stage for kinder, which is more days and hours. He will learn to follow directions, listen, take turns, make choices, etc. And, while children who don't go to preschool adjust just fine when they start kinder, it still takes time and not all adjust easily. I don't want to ramble on, but my vote is to expose your son to preschool.

Hi J.! I would definately go for it! And of course he would rather be with you, that it is the precious age that he is at. You will see him blossom and become prepared for kindergarten in many ways. The LEAST of which is being used to being away from you, and yet that mommy always comes back. AND I would give it a little longer than a month. It could feasibly take him up to two weeks to stop being upset (uhm, both him AND you!). So I'd give it a "semester", just to be sure. In his prayers he sounds like he's already preparing himself, so that is good. Good luck and KNOW that you are doing the right thing.

Wow, the coop sounds like the best option for you. Less expensive, he gets the chance to experience being away from you, but you also usually have to work in the classroom, so you can spend time watching how he blossoms in a classroom setting.

Good luck. . .and I say go for it.

E.

Sounds like you have done a wonderful job preparing him for kindergarten. Now you have to do the things you just can’t do at home. He has to get ready for kindergarten by being in a class room situation. Learning to cope in a classroom full of kids and being without mom are very important steps to prepare him for the future. Your kindergarten is a long day; it would be quite a shock to go there for so long after being at home with mom 24/7. He will probably be unhappy some of the time, that’s quite normal. Just remember most of his peers will have attended preschool and will be adjusted to the classroom already when he goes to kindergarten.

Hi J.,

I am basicly in the same boat. We make too much money for the free preschool programs, but we are stretched thin financially, so what I decided is to put my daughter into preschool as soon as we can afford it. I have read that children who go to preschool are better prepared for school and they get a head start on their education that can not compare to not going. What we have been doing for the time being is homeschooling her with books, activities, games and playgroups until we can get her into a preschool we can afford. I hope this helps.

Great idea. Try it and see. My kids are very social and loved PreK, but it was part time and at a Christian school, and God provided for us. I met the teacher and told her I didn't know how we would afford it and she said you will be surprised how God will provide for you and He did. Pray a lot.

God Bless!

J.

go for it it will be good for him i raised4 children when they weere young we didnt have this oppertunity they did have a little problem when they started regular school A. no hills

Hi J.-

I absolutely would send your son to the co-op preschool. Both my kid's went to a coop preschool and they loved it and were so ready for kindergarten in so many ways. Enjoy your son and the coop experience!

Good luck!

i say have him go..it will get him ready for kindergarten.. i only have my son go to preschool 2 afternoons a week ..that's all i can afford..single mom ..the ex barely helps out..at first my son would cry and say he didn't want to go to school..then after 2 weeks he was excited about going and loves it there..he used to say.."school is hard mom" but its b/c they have their schedules and he has to listen...now he is asking to go more...i wish i could send him one more day..or maybe i will look or a different school or try to get in the scholarship program..my son started at 3..he is now 3.9 ...i have seen a huge improvement w/ him since he started..and i used to dread taking him out to dinner and now i look forward to dining out w/ him. I love the little art pieces he brings home too. I say yes...can u put him in just a couple times a week?

My son goes to preschool and we love it. Weekends are a bummer because every morning he wakes up and says 'I wanna go see my friends!'. It's cute but it's also been nice to see how easily he has adapted to the scheduled program. I say go for it. It will definitely make the Kindergarden experience a smoother process.

No I never did preschool.Didn't afford it. thought family example was more important and they want to be with Mom anyway. so be his mommy and here them say I want to marry my mommy. Really is a good thing for thier future. No to preschool. Its only babysitting anyway. How sad to start the caged up feelin in children so early and they do not get the home experience of their own imagination!!

My daughter went to preschool but I did not when I grew up. Considering he'll be one of the oldest in his class as well as your finances, I think you shouldn't send him. I know some people feel it's important but what they get at preschool, you're doing for him already! I would maybe have some playdates with friends where you leave him at their house. I think you're doing great! Preschool is nice but not necessary.