Preschool Dropoff - How Do We Make It Easier?

It's so hard to do the transition, but the quicker you make it, the easier on both of you. My son had a really hard time at the same age with pre-school. Basically, try to get in, give him kisses and get out as fast as you can. The crying normally stops pretty soon after you leave, but if you linger, it lasts longer...it'll get better!!!

Good luck!

One suggestion would be to read the book The Kissing Hand or Love You All Day Long. Both books deal with the subject of a child being apart from mommy. It would give you a starting point for a conversation, but then you can follow it up with something special at drop off time - either a kiss to hold on to or a special phrase. Every morning when I drop my almost-three-year old off at the sitter's, I give a big hug and whisper, "Love you all day long!". She loves it and it helps her to remember that she can have fun with her buddies but Mommy is still out there thinking of her.

It will break your heart but the best thing to do is drop him off, give him hugs and kisses and go. The teachers know how to distract him and will comfort him for the couple of minutes that he is crying. You have to work - he'll get used to it. And if he is the clingy type, it's better to do this now than in Kindergarten.

I like S.H.'s idea to find some books to read about going to school or preschool. Books are great for helping them understand and also forf starting coversation about his feelings. It's perfectly normal for him to cry at first because this is a transition and it's just becoming clear to him that this is going to be a regular thing.

From the teacher's perspective, here are some things that you can do to help. Have a routine that you do every morning when you drop him off. For instance, bring him in, put his stuff in his cubby, take him to circle time or his teacher 1 hug, 3 kisses, "I love you, have a great day, I will be back at (insert time here), bye". Then LEAVE. It's not that you aren't welcome in the classroom. You are or, at least, you always should be. If you aren't, run don't walk, to another center. It's that when you linger, the unspoken message is sent that you could possibly be talked into staying or taking him with you. Then when you actually leave your child will be even more distraught. I'm not, at all, saying YOU do this. I'm just saying whole process would be less stressful for everyone involved if everyone did. If you want to just sneak around the corner out of sight and listen in then do that. Actually, I recommend it. This will be very informative. You will hear just how long he cries, often it's only for a minute, or even seconds. You will also find out if the teacher is doing what she can to get him involved and happy. If she isn't, again, run don't walk to the next center. If a teacher isn't automatically available or the class isn't involved in a group activity, take him to a learning center and get him involved in an activity then one hug three kisses and so on. Talk the night before or in the morning while getting ready about what his favorite things to do are, or what he would like to do today when he gets to school then take him to that area of interest. Stay positive and upbeat because you don't want to indicate in anyway that you are worried or concerned. If you aren't sure this is a positive thing, he won't be either. Lastly, talk to the teacher about what she sees and find out what she feels would be helpful, that would make the transition successful for him and helpful for her. It always goes more smoothly when the parents and teachers tag team.

Hope this is helpful,

L.

It's hard, but the shorter the drop off, the better.
Don't drag it out.
"I love you! Have a great time! I'll see you when I pick you up!"
When you pick him up say, "Did you have fun? I promised I'd be back!"

Of course our kids miss us when we are gone, and we miss them too. And it's okay.
Honestly, in my experience, the longer you drag things out, the longer it gets dragged out and you'll find yourself being late for an appointment or for work because your child is crying at preschool and you feel you just can't leave.
But, you can. And your child will settle down and play and have fun. Don't be surprised when they get comfortable that you feel odd they aren't crying for you anymore, but that's a GOOD sign.

At 3, there's no need to get into lengthy explanations or anything. This is where he goes and is safe when you are away from him and it's all good.
This is really new for him, but he will be fine with brief drop offs.

That's just my opinion.

The book "The Kissing Hand" is real great. Its a classic. I got that when my Daughter started Preschool and read it to her a lot. You can find it anywhere, at barnes and noble, or amazon or e-bay or your local bookstore. Try calling and asking them if they have it.

Next, its just another form of 'separation anxiety' for a child. If it consoles you... even Kindergarten kids get like that. At my Daughter's school, all the Teachers and counselors are extra observant & vigilant during the time when the Kinder kids start... and for weeks after... because they have a hard time adjusting too.

It will come with time. He only just started. 4 days is NOT much. Kids this age, understand things in their head.... BUT it does not mean they can do it. That is the conundrum of toddlers. AND, their emotions are not even fully developed nor do they have total mastery of coping skills. So... give it time. Talk to him. Validate him though. A kids needs understanding at times like this. But.... he WILL get better. They all do.
Its just growing pains, for both kid and parent.

Next, how do the Teachers handle kids like this? Your son, is NOT the only one. Don't worry. It is a NORMAL part of any child getting used to a new routine and "lifestyle" for themselves. But the Teacher should be nurturing about it.

All the best,
Susan

my dd went through this when she started preschool at 2.4 years. she did not want to go through the door but once she walked in she had a fantastic time. once she had established friends we would talk about how they were waiting to have fun with her inside school and that would excite her. we also gave a book from home to bring for story time. she couldn't wait to bring that in to the teacher. those things along with not making a big "loving" moment everyday helped.

I used to think this was hard, too, until I took my son's teacher's suggestion: say goodbye, smooch & hug, then leave him -- even if he's crying. Then hide and look through the window and watch him (make sure your son doesn't see you).

You'll be REALLY surprised at what you see. The tears stop very quickly after you leave. He'll stop crying and start playing once he doesn't have you there to react to his tears. This happens with all kids that age.

Don't sneak out, just say goodbye and leave. Everything will be fine.

Good luck to you!

With my son, I would go about 20m early, and that seemed to give him time to get adjusted. With my daughter, we just say that she's going to 'her job' so that I can go to mine.

My son has been going to preschool since he was a year old. I have always given him lots of hugs and said, "Sweetie, I will pick you up after work!" Seems to help. We have has a few issues but nothing extreme.

Get the book "The Kissing Hand". It is such a cute book about a baby racoon missing his mom when he is at school and she kisses his hand before she drops him off so that when he is missing her he can put his hand to his cheek and feel her love. My 9 year old son still will sneak his hand over to me for a quick kiss before he goes off to school. The book comes with little heart stickers that you can put on his hand. And remember, he is still little. My 4 year old went when he was three and just was not ready. We started him at 4 instead and the difference was amazing! Good luck! I know it can be heartbreaking :-(

My sons were the same way. It is something that most little ones outgrow, but it does break your heart!
The way that I dealt with it was by making carline a special experience. I did not allow them to play with their Leapsters except in carline. Now they look forward to it and they are so distracted that they don't cry.
As far as talking to him, you might want to try books about school. Kids are visual learners at that age and books are a good way to start the conversation and they give him words for what he is feeling.
Good luck! It does get easier!

K.

I had a similar problem with my little girl but she didn't started to cried until 3 months after she started her new pre-school. She tells me that she wants me to stay and misses me too. What I did was brought a family picture and tape on her little box where she puts her belongings in. I told her that when she misses me or her daddy, she could come over to her box and look at our family picture. This made her feel a little comfortable and drop off slowly became easier as time past. Good Luck

This stage will last about 2 weeks then it should be over. Just tell him you love him and you'll be back... then leave. The teacher knows how to deal with this and most times the kids are playing and having fun before the parents gets their seat belt clicked and car started.

Unfortunately this is just something that you have to go through. After about 2 or three weeks into it, your son will deal with being dropped off so much easier. I know my son used to cling to my leg and beg/cry for me not to leave him. It broke my heart and I would cry all the way to my office. I ended up just having to drop him off and walk away from him, making it quick for the both of you. Once you're out of sight he can start adjusting to your absence. It is just the realization that it's not a once-in-a-while thing, but an every day occurrance. He'll get over it and so will you. So I guess in the end I don't really have any advice for you. I'm sorry. I just want you to know that you and your son are not alone in this situation.

Purchase a photo key chain and put a pic of yourself in it. When it's time for drop off, let him have it. If your preschool won't let him have it in school, make a small picture of a heart or a smile face with love mom on it. Fold it up and tell him he can keep it in his pocket and if he misses you he can take it out and look at it.

This is a tough one for the mom! One thing that helped my son is that I always told him without fail that I would be back to pick him up every time I dropped him off. They need reassurance that you will be back and that they will see you again. Talk with the teacher and have her help him integrate into play groups in the classroom when you are gone too. This cuts down on their social anxiety until they become comfortable. Good luck!

M., i hope your son gets over this quickly. my son has displayed various stages of separation anxiety every day from about the age of 1 1/2 to now, 3 1/2. i say various stages because he ranges anywhere from mild fussing, to full out clinging to me and tantrums, refusing to go in, refusing to be carried in....depending on his mood. i could probably count on one hand the times he has run laughing from me to join his friends, if i could remember far enough back! i honestly can only picture in my head a couple times. we started preschool (he was in an in home daycare - which he LOVED, by the way, and i had zero problems with leaving him there.) recently, and i feared the worst - well, daddy takes him and picks him up now, and he does pretty good actually. the one day i took him- absolute glued-to-the-leg. so i don't worry too much. i was actually the same way as a child. i even still have a bit of social anxiety at times.

i tell you all this to let you know you're definitely not alone - but don't worry. i am absolutely convinced my son is the exception. most kids (from what i hear!) get over this, the more settled in their routine they are, and the older they get. other moms can give you a more definite timeline...so good luck! like the other mamas said, keep goodbyes short and sweet...then RUN! lol. just kidding. kinda. ;)

M.,

It took my son a long time to adjust to daycare, and it just about broke my heart to see him looking so sad and lost when we said goodbye... it got better by talking about it, telling him that mommy has to go to my job, and his job is to be at school and play with friends and learn.

We also have little rituals, that sometimes change, depending on what he needs. For example, I will go with him to wash hands first thing in the morning, and then I give him two big hugs, and tell him when I will be back to pick him up. Then, I always bring a special snack. I always tell him how proud I am of him for having a good day, and that I missed him and am happy to see him.

I am also a teacher, and I see that children do well with regularity and knowing when they will be picked up. Keeping it short is good, but you don't have to run out of there!! Make sure your son feels secure and good by giving him all the love you can, and then reassuring him you will be back to pick up him soon. Of course he will want you there - he loves you and needs you. You are number one. But it's good he is learning to socialize and be with others. Keep a close eye on him in the first few weeks, and if anything seems off, then be sure to ask him about it, and make sure it is the right fit for him. Sometimes kids just won't adjust to a school because it is really not meeting their needs. So, this is something to watch. But, for the most part, those early school jitters calm down into a lovely rhythm, and pretty soon, he might be happy to go to school!! Hope for the best.

Best,

Nessa C.

He (and you) will get used to it soon, don't worry. It is hard the first couple of weeks. It may help to have a short good-bye routine. Keep smiling and be upbeat (even if he fusses and cries), say goodbye, reassure him that you will come pick him up, give him a kiss/hug and leave. It gets worse if you prolong the leaving process and if you look sad/worried yourself.

The teachers should also help you by encouraging him to participate in an activity as you leave, to wave good-bye to you etc... If he has something to do/play, it should be easier to let you go.

Another idea: Read the book "Llama llama misses mama" together.
http://www.amazon.com/Llama-Misses-Mama-Anna-Dewdney/dp/0...

Despite having been in the same day care over 18 months, our son's recent transition to a new room (full of kids he already knew) was really tough.

We tried to diffuse the anxiety by talking to him about the new friends he was making, what he liked about his new teachers, what he liked about his new classroom. it took a few weeks, but each day got easier and easier.

His sister, who has been in that day care since 9 weeks-old, had NO issues making her recent transition. Different kids, different personalities.

My only other advice (besides communication) is to make the drop-off very swift even if he's having trouble. The teachers really do know how to divert their attention quickly into something of interest. It's probably hardest on us because of guilt.

Good luck! It will get easier.