Right now my ex and I have 50/50 custody, with alternating weekends and weekdays. Its actually a very screwy schedule, with up to 3 exchanges a week,but that is what friend of court decided. Our daughter is 3, and has some speech issues (which I think are related to the stress of her current schedule) and has been accepted into a free special ed preschool. The issue I am having is that I am in the school district for her preschool, and her father is not. Their are several different schools that offer the preschool, but the closest to him is still 45 min away from him. One of the schools is just down the road from me, and they would bus our daughter to and from that school. If for someone reason I wasn't home, her grandmother is on the same bus route so it wouldn't be an issue. Her father is absolutely against changing the parenting time schedule, which if it isn't changed it would make it almost impossible for our daughter to attend this preschool program. I think that she should reside with me during the week and him on weekends so that she can attend the school close by. He wants to take her to a school that is 45 min away from both of us. We live in northern michigan, and the roads are horrible in the winter. I can not convince him that it would be best for our daughter to attend the school close to me. I would be home to put her on the bus and take her off the bus. He also thinks since he is the one who found this program that he gets to decide. We were both searching for soemthing to help our daughter, and I was willing to pay a lot of money for a preschool, but he happaned to find this one that is free and specializes in speech issues. It doesn't help that his new gf was a teacher (now unemployed for almost a year) and she wants whatever he wants. She thinks because she is a teacher that this gives her a say. What can I do to make them see that it is ridiculous to be transporting a 3 yr old 45 min to an 1hr 30 min (snowy roads) for preschool and switching where she spends the night every other night, also adding in the additional gf address. I have a permanent home, a house that I own, while he has moved 3 times in the last 9 months, and is now living with his gf at her parents' house, so there is at least one more move in his future. I really want to avoid going to court, but it looks like I may have to go that route. Anyone have any experience or advise on this?
Well after several hours of talking to the ex, and having the school therapists/screeners talk to him (and having the gf (now suddenly wife,3 days before the meeting) stay outside) he finally came to his senses. At first he started talking about school in a totally different county, one that neither of us lived in and that the special ed program was not located in. He was very irrational at first, doing everything he could to put her somewhere other than the school close to me. However I am happy to say that our daughter has been attending the program at the school that is 5 min away from me for about 3 wks now. We altered the parenting agreement as well. The only concern I have is that he refuses to sign the agreement and have it made official by FOC. I think he is afraid of paying child support now that I have our daughter more. I told him I would not go for child support, but it doesn't matter. I would feel more comfortable if it was offical, however he seems to agree that this is working out well, and hopefully he won't try any funny business. Anyways, things have been peaceful for all. Even the gf/now wife and I are getting along very well. Its kind of weird. Its nice to be drama free for awhile.....however I keep feeling like something is going to happen. Oh well. Daughter is doing great and is happy, so I can't complain! Thanks for all the advice!
Hurry down to the court building and fill out the papers and tell them you will mail his notice to him that day and they will give you a court date that day and the sooner the better.
I dont think you will ever convince him since logic isnt working.
Why do they call it common sense when its not all that common?
If the 2 of you are not in the same school district then when she got to the age of school, what did he think was going to happen? That every other day she would go to a different school? Is it possible that he is in denial that she needs special ed? If that is the case, maybe heneeds to see the evaluations You are lucky that your district is offering free preschool, don't give up on this, so many problems later in school can be averted with early intervention. Since the circumstances have changed, you need to get a different custody arrangement, whichever way you can.
see if he is so arrogant in front of the judge....
sounds like you will have to go to friend of the court or family court....keep all records from drs and any other problems
You didn't specify when FOC set this schedule (was your ex living closer to you at the time?) and how long you've been working with it, but I think it may be time to go back and see if you can get it altered. I don't think you need to go to court necessarily. Just ask for mediation and talk out the issues. Personally, I think it's ridiculous that you should be splitting the time like this. What happens when she's in school? Is your ex going to expect her to go to a school half-way between you? We get my stepson every other weekend and 1/2 of Christmas and his mid-winter breaks. We also get two weeks (non-consecutive) in the summer. We live about an hour away. It's been set up this way since he was 3. That's a pretty standard setup, and although we would love more time with him, we realize that it's best for him. I really hope that you and your ex get some common ground here. (Oh, and don't worry about the girlfriend...she gets absolutely no say in the eyes of FOC (trust me, I know!). Good luck!
I would switch to an every other week parenting schedule.. you may have to go to court.
Good luck. I can't imagine a judge favoring placing her in in living situation taht consists of her father living with his girlfriends parents. If he doesn't have a stable living arrangement...you should have primary custody, at least until he has his own home.
It definately seems like this is an issue you may have to bring to the courts. Sending her to two different schools during the same week is outrageous! Doesn't your ex realize how much more stress that would put on your daughter? She needs consistency. If he's not going to be reasonable, then you need to find someone to mediate this situation. As for his g/f you NEED to tell her to butt out. You might not want to start an argument but SHE needs to realize that she has no say in the matter. From what you've wirrten she seems like the bossy controlling type. Tell your ex that if he can't settle this like a grown man then you have no other choice but to take him to court and that they will almost always side with you. Once you do go to court, explain everything. Like the fact that he doesn't have a stable home, the fact that your daughter has speech issues, how it's impossible and impractical to drive an hour to and from school, the fact that this school is an hour away from him also, etc. What if something happened and someone was unable to go get your daughter from school? I'd definately get this custody order changed and if your ex can comply then maybe he could get her a bit more during the week at your discretion, but that's only if the order's changed.
To make this whole process quicker than FOC, I would hire a lawyer. Seems like with your other posting, you have some pretty big issues with what is doing on with your ex's gf as well. As someone who ended up hiring a lawyer AFTER my divorce for parenting time issues and child support, I strongly suggest getting on the ball and doing it now. Thomas and Swaney in Holland if you live near here are great and have been lawyers for 30 years. Good luck.
As I stated in the previous post of yours. GO to the Friend of the Court. IF need be you need to go for FULL custody if this guy is not willing to do what is best for his child. Plus tell the WITCH TO BACK OFF it is your child and not hers. You gave birth do her and she did not and she needs to mind her own business!!! I would actually bring your issues up with her with the friend of the court. In fact I would call them ASAP. You have 50/50 custody and therefore he is not really allowed to do anything you do not approve of and vice versa. So I would play that card and tell the friend of the court you are not happy with him living with his GF at her Parents. You do not feel that it is a good situation for your daughter. He is actually making a good case for you to be able to push this issue to even maybe get full custody if you want to take it that far. It is sad when someone can not put their child ahead of their own issues.
Good Luck
