Prepping 2 Year Old for Baby #2 - Davis,CA

Updated on March 30, 2010
T.H. asks from Davis, CA
8 answers

I'm 8 months pregnant and am expecting a baby boy. My first son just turned two last week. We spend lots of time with our son talking to him, reading, and playing. We thoroughly enjoy being parents. He's a delightful kid despite his two-year-old-ness which has so far been quite manageable. I'm a bit nervous about how he'll handle the transition when we bring the baby home and I want to prepare him as well as I can before the baby is born. We've had a fairly rocky year as a family (lay-offs, a very sick mom for 1/2 the pregnancy, my husband traveling for several weeks at once and my husband recently had shoulder surgery for a nasty broken bone), and each transition has been accompanied with him acting out. Once we've explained the situation and set boundaries (dad can't pick you up because he has an owie and reinforcing good behavior while giving time outs for bad), he's settled down and eventually gotten himself back together.

I have a baby doll for my son and we practice dressing and cleaning and rocking him, but I don't think that gives him any idea about how little attention he'll suddenly get from mom (and dad) when the baby comes around. How can we explain to him what to expect? What have other moms done? I know that a 2 year old may never understand how dramatically their lives will be turned up side down, but I want to do the best I can to prepare him. We're planning on offering him a gift from the baby when he's born and dedicating nursing time to reading stories, but I'm more concerned about what I can do before the baby arrives. I can't wait to hear your suggestions!

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J.C.

answers from Florence on

Well my daughter was a mere 15 months old when her baby sis came along. We let her pat my stomach all the time and she would say baby. But the real test is when the baby comes home. Of course Selena was jealous but we let her hold the baby( with supervison of course) and let her kiss the baby as long as she wasn't too rough. It was tough at first but she eventually got used to her baby sister and now they love each other to death. They fight so be prepared for that but I believe when you have them close together like that it is a good thing

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N.P.

answers from San Francisco on

I am so proud of you for thinking of this before the baby is born.
Your son's world is going to change more than he knows, helping him prepare for it is a good idea.

Since he's only 2 , you have to make this simple for him. Keep his routines steady as much as possible.

I think reading books about having a baby brother/sister can be helpful.
Making a plan to share the caring for the baby and him, between you, spouse and any other family member might help.

Having a few friends, his same age for play dates might work at times.
Please take one day at a time, count on some close friends to help you during this transition.

Congratulations to you and your family for the new addition to the family.

Do your best but forgive yourself if you are not able to manage *perfection*

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A.K.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with Teresa S is not making it too big of a deal and keeping your routine as normal as possible. Preparing him by talking bout the new baby and having him help decorate the new baby's room ect... can really help him feel like he's also caring and preparing for his new sibling.
I loved having siblings growing up and congratulations on your pregnancy! If you have not hired a doula already your should check out our site.

www.peninsuladoulacollective.com

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K.W.

answers from Stockton on

First off how exciting!! :) My son was 18 mths old when my second son was born, so a little younger but developmentally around the same age (sort of). I think you're looking at this as if he will act negativly which will probably help him act a little negative towards it. Bringing your new son home is just adding another element to the family. Yes there will be more attention on the new baby, but try to involve older brother as much as you can.
When feeding baby give him a very special job to do (holding baby brothers hand, making sure his blanket is near by, etc) or let him help as long as he's gentle.
the most important thing I think for me, was I had read in helping brother still feel important, if he and I were doing something and baby brother started to cry, unless baby brother was hurting. Big brother and I finished what we were doing and went to get baby brother together.
Once baby is home, you will find a way to work him into your schedule, not work your schedule around him. If you bring him into house and regain stability as soon as possible (or as much as you can) than it helps a lot. Life doesn't stop for baby, baby just enhances the life we have sort of thinking.

Also remember, infants sleep a lot in the begining so there is some time for big brother while baby is sleeping, there will be plenty of time for big brother to get used to baby before baby starts to walk and want to "share" toys.

good luck
K.

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

You may not be able to pay attention to him at the same time, but you and your husband should try to split yourselves between your children. When you're busy with the baby, have Dad play with your 2 yr old. When Dad can watch the baby, you take your older boy for some one on one time even if it's just a trip to the super market. It's not easy becoming a big brother, and he's still a baby himself. The terrible two's even without a new sibling can be overwhelming. He'll get through this, but try to be as understanding as you can.

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S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

My daughter was 2.5 when I had my second baby. She did remarkably well with the transition. She loves to help with her sissy. I made sure to include my oldest in literally EVERYTHING we did with the baby. She sat with me while I nursed, helped pick out the baby's clothes, read her baby sister stories, etc etc. I made sure that when the baby was sleeping that I spent that time with my oldest, not doing housework. If I had to do housework, she helped me. I think perhaps we just have a pretty easygoing kid, but the transition wasn't that hard for us at all. There were a few issues when my husband went back to work, but they were much more minor than I thought they would be. The hardest part, for me, was being SO tired. I was up all the time with the baby and my oldest decided to give up regular naps about the same time. I instituted quite time, instead of nap time. I put on a movie or PBS and made the oldest just relax. Good luck! and Congrats to you :D

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T.M.

answers from St. Louis on

To help my son (he was 2 years, 4 months when #2 came), we tried to "wean" him slowly from all the attention he was used to getting. I was very tired in my last trimester so we had him practice playing on his own while I was sitting down (similar to those times I'm nursing), walking when we went grocery shopping instead of riding in the cart (since the baby will be there), walking to the park instead of riding in the stroller, etc. It helped encouraging his independence. Once the baby came, he still had some acting-out/attention-seeking behaviors, which we expected, but after a few weeks he settled into the new routine fairly well. My second is now 5 months old and we still have days where my oldest wishes we'd "throw the baby away" but overall he's done well. Best of luck, and congratulations!

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Try not to make too big of a deal out of the new baby (though it is a big deal of course!) Keep your routine as normal as possible and keep your two year old as busy as possible. My son was two and a half when my daughter was born and I found regular trips to the park were a great way to get out of the house and let my son burn off some energy running around and playing with other kids. Sometimes as moms we can over think things and project our worries and fears onto our kids. I think if you keep it simple ("here's your new brother, he's going to be part of our family now, let's put him to sleep and you and I can go get some juice") it may be an easier transition than you think. Congratulations and best of luck :)

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