August 10, 2011,
A.S. asks from Spokane, WA on August 09, 2011
Pregnant with Second Baby and Having a Hard Time Keeping Up
I'm 9 weeks into my second pregnancy and have a 3 year old son. I'm horribly sick and unbearably exhausted all the time. I can't keep up with the house, or dinners and I just feel bad that I'm not a very "fun" mom right now. I do have a lot of help from my husband, but I can only ask him to do so much. I know it will all pass, but at this very moment it feels so overwhelming! How do all you moms do it?
S.H. answers from Honolulu on August 09, 2011
What I did was:
Have a ROUTINE everyday.
I EXPLAINED to my daughter, about my pregnancy... ie: that I would get tired, have a harder time moving around, that Mommy's Doctor said I have to rest etc. and take naps. We would NAP TOGETHER. She understood.
I took her to ALL my prenatal exams and my Doc even taught her how to use the Doppler heart monitor on my tummy.
I used 'my' pregnancy, to FULLY PREP my daughter about her baby brother... in my tummy. We took photos of my growing belly with her, she sang to him, she talked to him, she BONDED with him, already in my tummy.
I TAUGHT her that she can tell me anything. I am there for her. I told her about baby development... that a baby cannot do what she does. He is a baby. That he will cry/I breastfeed/he will wake at all hours. SO that, she KNEW what to expect, once her baby brother came home. I explained, that Daddy will be home with her when I am at the hospital. I made "my" pregnancy, about HER. THUS, once my son was born, she was already... bonded with him, loved him, and was adapted to have a baby, too.
BECAUSE I fully prepped her about it and what a baby is.... before my son even came home.
Thus, she adjusted like a champ.
EVERYDAY, I explained how I was feeling. In a positive way. She would even help me as I went up and down our stairs, holding my hand. I told her dont' worry about Mommy, but as my belly grows, I have a harder time moving and I cannot, carry her. My Doctor told me etc.
You do what you can. And don't do what you can't.
You EXPLAIN to your oldest, about that.
I did not worry, about being "fun" everyday. My daughter, understood clearly, even at that young of an age. Because, I explained to her.
UNLESS you explain to a young child, they will NOT KNOW.... about anything per your pregnancy or about what a baby is once the baby comes home.
That is what I did.
That is what worked for me and my daughter when she was that age and I was pregnant with my 2nd.
You need to prep and explain to your oldest.
I ALSO, fully explained to my oldest when I was pregnant.. .that I DO NOT EXPECT HER TO CHANGE, once her baby brother comes home. That I KNOW, she is a child herself. She can tell me anything. She does not have to 'share' everything either. Her things are hers. It is special. A child needs to know those things. Because, in a little child's mind... those are 'important' things. To know. So that they feel secure.
I told her, Mommy does not expect her to 'act older' or anything. She is herself. Grumpy or happy or needing me... all she has to do is tell me. Even if there is another baby in the home.
Remember: your oldest child is having a 'baby' too. And Mommy will be busy. AND, they will need understanding. They were an only child, for 3-4 years. My kids are 4 years apart.
Once my son was born, my daughter felt secure, because I prepped her for everything... using my pregnancy, for that 9 months, to explain things to her and help her adjust.
2 moms found this helpful
M.G. answers from Chicago on August 09, 2011
I didn't! :) My twins had just turned two when I found out I was pregnant. So, I went through the terrible twos (times two at that!). I felt guilty almost everyday that I couldn't play with them. I did my best and read or colored or did things that didn't require me to be physical. They still love me, and my little girl is now six weeks old. They did just fine.
1 mom found this helpful
A.F. answers from Norfolk on August 09, 2011
I'm pregnant w/ our 4th and last boy. Due come Nov. Some days I can clean the whole house; other days I let it all go. Not like nasty go, but Just doing the bare minimum. I know how hard it can be. We had our first 2 back to back and now our 3rd and 4th are back to back (but not as close as the first two). On days you don't feel go just relax and take it easy. I know easier said than done w/ another child, but enjoy your time w/ him. My hubby understands when things don't get done. (well he better since he don't do anything anyways. hehe). It all gets done in the end. Congrats and good luck w/ your babies. :)
1 mom found this helpful
S.P. answers from Chicago on August 09, 2011
i am pregnant 18 weeks with my almost terrible two. I remember not long ago, when I felt the way you described. I remember not being able to cook or play with my little active toddler with lots of tantrums. I would suggest you do prenatal yoga, eat healthy. try taking naps when and if your son takes naps. if you can drop him off a few hours to neighbors or family's house so you can rest. it is definitely very overwhelming. but, I have started to think that all moms go through this and it passes, so it will... hang in there and stay positive.
S.H. answers from Hartford on August 09, 2011
I hear ya - I'm 9 weeks too (with a 2 year old). I find that being in environments around other people keeps me from noticing how horrible I feel. I just spent 2 weeks visiting with family and it was nice to not only have a second set of eyes, but also to be able to sit back on the couch and chit chat (while feeling awful). There's something wonderfully distracting about being around people you like. Also, when you're out and about you can find the one restaurant in town that serves the only food you don't have an aversion to.
Of course, if I was feeling too awful to even get dressed, I would probably take a shower - wrap myself in a towel, pull out the futon and close my eyes while my son either played or watched a movie. There's only so much you can do when you're feeling lousy - but I definitely notice that my symptoms diminish during planned activities and social gatherings.
S.F. answers from Utica on August 10, 2011
Well currently I am 12 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 and I have a almost 20 month old at home. I have a sick Mother in the hospital and a brother that is only causing more issues than helping. I too have a wonderfully fantastic husband that is there for me but between trying to be there for my family and visiting my Mother daily in the hospital all with worrying about the stress and everything that could cause issues with my pregnancy and needing to be able to eat and sleep (which is extremely difficult) and then the brother issues on the side I feel like I am going to crash and burn pretty much every minute of everyday. This is the hardest thing that I have ever faced in my life and I couldnt tell you how I am doing it but somehow I am still here and just taking it day by day
A.M. answers from Dallas on August 09, 2011
I was the same way with an 18 month old. No family or friends in the area. I chose a playschool 2 days a week for 5 hours at a time. Best thing I could do given I really had no options. I was sick almost the entire 9 months. I couldnt take care of myself much less an 18 month old. He loved to go so that made it easy. Have you tried a Mother's Day Out program?
S.T. answers from Kansas City on August 09, 2011
if you have a big bed you could bring books and games in the bed and read and play games with your son while you rest. if your son likes to play at cleaning or helping mommy you could let him play dust or pick stuff up. it wont be the greatest job but it can help so you dont have to do as much. maybe on a day you are feeling better you could make a few meals and freeze them for those days when the sickness is really bad and then you can just pop it in the oven to reheat. take this time to do coloring and "fun" teaching games while relaxing. luckily, your son is young enough he wont remember you being unfun...My oldest was just past his first birthday when I found out we were pregnant again. At 8 weeks I found out I was having TWINS!!! My twins are 8 months old now and my toddler is just shy of 2 1/2....it was really hard some days, I was super sick from day 1 with the twins. I was working full time plus taking care of a 1 year old who had just had surgery and was misserable for a couple of months. It sucked. I hope your exhaustion gets better as well as the sickness, I had all day sickness the whole time along with bad reflux. Take any help offered, nap any time you can and dont stress about the house. stretch everything out. one day work on vaccuuming, the next laundry, the next something else and so on. hope things perk up for you!!
S.S. answers from Salt Lake City on August 09, 2011
I am 28 weeks into my second pregnancy and have a 13 mo old daughter. I am having a hard time keeping up too. My physical exhaustion has given way to mental exhaustion. I also work full-time and I'm not sure how I'll manage with 2. Thanks to everyone for your encouraging words! I agree with the schedule advice though; if I make a schedule, then I can accurately set an expectation for myself about what I can accomplish after work. If I don't schedule it, I'll make a "to-do" list as long as the paper I'm writing on and feel like a failure at the end of the evening when I have only 2 things crossed off! Hang in there A., you're not alone!
L.G. answers from Eugene on August 10, 2011
Put your feet up and read him a book, read him many. Cuddle him more and just wait out the next few weeks. Are you eating at all? If you are fish can help with your nutritional needs so that you have more energy. Are you on prenatal vitamins? They are really a great help. If you are not vomiting all day plan to eat what you can in the hours that work.
Your body will calm down. If it does not go to a homeopath and get a remedy for yourself that will keep you healthy.
One time when I was in early pregnancy watching the room spin I craved meat. We were vegetarians but we went to the store bought a steak and I ate it. The "all day" sickness went away. In my first pregnancy I felt faint when I smelled meat cooking.
Every pregnancy is different.
J.B. answers from Houston on August 09, 2011
ugh it's hard! I was sick with this pregnancy up to about 18 wks, it was horrible!! Now I am digging my way out! I just caught up the laundry and the house is at least decent!! Don't worry, it will get better it is only a short time in your son's life, he will love having a sibling the rest of his life :) My first two play all the time, congrats and hang in there!
H.L. answers from Portland on August 10, 2011
When you are pregnant with a toddler in the house, you get through it day by day. Rotate his toys so he has some "new" ones to play with while you rest. Stick to easy meals or have hubbie pick up whatever you are craving that day. Mine learned to call in advance before coming home to see what I could stomach with the morning sickness. He would pick up dinner and come home. More than anything try to be patient with your son. I had a few days where I was so tired and sick that I had to nap and can remember feeling stressed when my daughter needed something. I wish I had set her up with a fun snack or craft project, turned on Elmo and napped! As far as housework, try flylady.com. She helps you get organized so you only need to do a little each day to keep up. Remember you will be back to your active, fantastic self soon and you will have not trouble keeping up. Let yourself have this time to rest as much as you can. My mom always reminded me "you are creating a baby, and that's the most important thing". That helped a lot.
A.M. answers from San Antonio on August 09, 2011
I'm pregnant with my seventh. I have six little kids to keep after and it's horribly hot this summer in Texas! I know how hard it can be. I think you have to use a strategy. Use the first hours of the day, when you feel the most rested to do the most important things. For example: put in a load of laundry before breakfast, eat small healthy meals every two hours (low blood sugar can cause "morning sickness."), put meat in the crockpot right after breakfast, rest, then do whatever chores are most important, rest, rest, rest. If you can you should exercise for 20 minutes even if only lightly. It will help you feel less exhausted. The second trimester will hopefully be better. Ask for help from friends and family. Other moms will be very sympathetic. Do your best and let the guilt go. Look at it this way, you are being wonderfully productive without "doing" anything.
M.F. answers from Youngstown on August 10, 2011
I have 3 boys ages 9,6,and 16 months. I am currently pregnant with my 4th. I am about 11 weeks and I totally feel you on the exhuastion and nausea. I had to force myself to clean my down stairs today and yesterday. I am just toughing it out until I feel better. My husband and other kids have to just deal with it and anyone who comes over knows why my house is a mess. Hang in there and nap when you can or go to bed early. A couple more weeks and you'll be fine,... until the last couple weeks and once the baby comes..lol Good luck and congrats