Pregnant Teens

R.,
I'm really sorry to hear that your daughter has gotten pregnant. I am 27 now, but I got pregnant when I was 16.The best advice I can give you is to support her in every way that you can, but also make her stand on her own 2 feet. Such as make sure when she turns 16 that she gets a job and understands that the baby is her responsibility to care for not yours. A program that helped me a lot was Henry Reis. I was in my senior year and i took all my classes there instead of at Central. It is independant study, but there is teachers there to help you. They also had people from all over come in to talk with us and we had classes on how to raise a baby, what to expect during childbirth, changing diapers, legal advice, even bathing your baby. It helped prepare me a lot. I still got to go to my prom at central and graduate with my class i just had shorter days and actually finished my work in may instead of june..i just had to show up for graduation..they also have cots to lay in if your not feeling well and nutritious snacks available all day. It really was a great program..one thing I always have regretted was not finishing college...so really push the issue of how important her education is..i was stubborn and didn't want to hear it at the time, but now i really wish I had listened..There is a lot of other really great programs that could also help..If you need to talk please feel free to email me at ____@____.com
Hope everything works out for you! :)
H.

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R., I am the director of a pregnancy prevention program, which their are far to few of. I can tell you that in 12 years we have only had one pregnancy, however, we "preach" to our parents and teens that if one becomes pregnant it is then too late to be angry. Disappointed...yes... angry doesn't help.
You need to make sure they both get into a parenting class and that they both realize that babies dont give love they take it, and are extremely selfish. Parenting classes at that young age is really important. Also, don't act like this is the best thing in the world, don't go and buy everything for the babies, make them understand you are there to support them and love them but you didn't get pregnant, they did and child support from the fathers is a must. I don't care if they dont' see a penny for years, put the fathers in the system, that way back support will be added in when they eventually have jobs.
Be supportive, don't kick them out, but don't do everything for them either, if you act grown then be grown, take care of business, and yes when they can get a work permit they both would be having jobs to pay for diapers and food, and I would start charging them rent, maybe not lots and lots of money but enough that they realize being a grown up means more than laying down with some boy for pleasure, it means paying bills, childcare, food, rent, utilities.
Stay strong and know that you will need a support system as well, take care of yourself and your husband and please dont' worry about what others are saying, they dont' know you or your situation, Take care of your family, love them, respect them, but do not let them use you. and most of all enjoy being a grandma, because remember it will not be the babies fault that they were brought into this world!!
Goodluck,

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Oh dear R.,

I can so relate. My daughter was 16 when she had her first child and is now pregnant again at 18. We were devastated when she 1st became pregnant and I thought I would never survive the ordeal. All of my hopes and dreams for her future I felt were lost. Then we all got a reality check and had even more to deal with than we could have imagined. My daughter started having serious health issues and ended up having her baby 3 mos early. Our little miracle was born weighing less than 3lbs and was more dead than alive when born. Through countless prayers and the miracles of modern medicine I am happy to say that we have a perfect, beautiful, very healthy 2yr old who blesses our lives daily. My daughter had gestational diabetes while she was pregnant which has now become full blown insulin dependant diabetes. Two monthes ago she informed us that she is pregnant again. Our rollercoaster ride is starting all over again. I'm 42 and was not ready to become a grandmother or have a baby under my roof. My kids are grown and my step-son is 10, life was pretty simple. It's been rough but we did it, and we'll do it again. And you can too. There are so many services available for pregnant teens and low income families. I would love to help you in anyway I can. The one thing I can tell you is that nothing is more important in this time than to love and support each other as much or more than ever. My husband (her step-father) has been amazing and often better than I have been. Our relationship is stronger than ever. We've talked, cried, argued, prayed, cried some more, and just sometimes hugged each in support but we are living proof that you can get through this difficult time. Just keep loving each other and you will all get through this. I will help in anyway I can. God bless you and your family. ~B. C.

R., the only thing I would add to what's already been said here is that if the girls choose to continue their pregnancies, they will need you to help them ensure the babies get the best possible starts with good nutrition and prenatal care. Pregnant teens have special nutritional needs and unfortunately, they also have a tendency to ignore those needs in favor of junk food. Get them prenatal vitamins ASAP, and be sure they are getting plenty of folic acid, calcium, protien, Iron and vitamins B, C, A and D. Eggs and apples should be part of every day's menus unless their doctor or nutritionist says otherwise. There are lots of good pregnancy diets on the internet, my favorite is Dr Brewer's, as it is geared toward preventing pre-ecclampsia. But do check with a doctor or nutritionist. Exercise is important too, though again that should be checked with the doctor. Walking every day will help keep them in good shape for delivery, and Kegel exercises can be especially beneficial. Encourage both girls to read all they can about pregnancy, labor and delivery and breastfeeding now, so they can make the best choices for themselves and their babies. Your library should have some great pregnancy books available. Good luck and best wishes for two healthy daughters and two healthy babies.

Well I can tell you I went through the same things you are going through but through one step daughter. She got pregnant at 15 with one boy, who isn't working and their relationship going no where. She has the baby they stay together and leaves after baby is a couple months old. Then she meets up with this guy she "went out with" in 5th grade they start to see each other. At this time she has had that birthcontrol implant in her arm. Things get rocky and she wants to keep him (mind you this one had 2 other kids that he does not see or support) my stepdaughter gets her implant out and gets pregnant. This one works off/on. When he wants to. They were living with my inlaws, now they just got an apartment. So now we have two little ones running around. One is now three and the other will be 1 on the 1st of Dec. We feel for the time being her and her boyfriend are staying together, so my husbands mother and a few others in the family pitched in and got HIM fixed so there will be no more children he won't take care of. Thats how we handled that. All I can really advise is to be patient, they will both need you cause at that age they aren't understanding what thier bodies are doing. It all works out and remember it could always be worse, let you know I really only hit the tip of the iceberg with my story. If you need someone to talk to just call on me. Do both girls live with you? Good luck!!

DO THE ONLY THING THAT YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW.... SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER NOW MORE THAN EVER. SHES GONNA LOSE HER FRIENDS, EXCEPT MAYBE A FEW CLOSE ONES OR IF SHES REALLY LUCKY SHE WILL HAVE ONE CLOSE FRIEND THAT STILL TALKS TO HER AFTER THE BABY IS BORN. AND IF THE FATHER DOESNT SEEM TO WANT TO PAY FOR THINGS...YOUR GONNA HAVE TO HELP HER OUT WITH THE COURT SIDE OF THINGS. SORRY TO BE LIKE THAT BUT IT DOESNT SEEM LIKELY THAT WHEN A 15 YEAR OLD IS PREGNANT BY A 17 YEAR OLD BOY THAT THE 2 WILL END UP IN ETERNAL MARITAL BLISS SO CHANCES MAY BE HIGH THAT YOUR DAUGHTER WILL END UP BEING A SINGLE PARENT. AND EVEN AT 15 SHE IS GONNA FEEL THE NATURAL MOTHERLY LOVE THAT ALL US MOMS FEEL....YET I KINDA REMEMBER THAT AGE ( IM IN MY 20S NOW) AND I DIDNT KNOW HOW I WAS GONNA FEEL FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT...ALWAYS MIXED UP INSIDE...AND THAT WAS JUST WITH THE LOAD OF NORMAL TEENAGE STUFF....BUT YOUR DAUGHTER IS GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH SCHOOL...BEING PREGNANT..AND LETS FACE IT, THE WHISPERS BEHIND HER BACK THAT PEOPLE PRETEND SHE CANT HEAR...SO YOUR DAUGHTER IS GONNA NEED YOU MORE NOW THAN EVER AND PROBABLY WONT BE THE BEST PERSON TO BE AROUND AT TIMES AND MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE HARD TO LOVE AT TIMES. BUT SHES GONNA NEED IT NOW AND WHEN HER BABY IS BORN. AND PLEASE DONT SHOW HER IF YOU FEEL THAT HER GETTING PREGNANT WAS A MISTAKE (NOT SAYING YOU DO BUT IF SO) BECAUSE SHE WILL EITHER RESENT YOU OR RESENT THE BABY AND IN THE END THE BABY WILL BE THE ONE WHO SUFFERS. SO FILL YOUR HOME WITH ALL THE LOVE YOU CAN AND ENJOY THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GONNA BE A GRAMMA. IM STILL LEARNING FROM EXPERIENCES THAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH IN THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS..WELL TRAGEDYS MORE SO...THAT WE ARE NEVER FACED WITH SOMETHING THAT WE CANT HANDLE. LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS HARD BUT ON OCCASION THERE IS SOMETHING THAT WILL HAPPEN TO TAKE OUR FAITHS AND STRENGTHS TO THEIR LIMITS.....JUST TO HAVE THE LIMITS EXPANDED. YOUR CHILD IS STILL JUST A CHILD ..EVEN IF SHE IS HAVING A BABY....SHE STILL WILL THINK AND ACT LIKE A 15 YEAR OLD FOR THE TIME BEING. BUT ONE DAY BEING A MOTHER IS GONNA HIT YOUR DAUGHTER HARD AND IF SHE FEELS THE LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM HER FAMILY THEN SHES GONNA GIVE THAT SAME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO HER CHILD....AND YOU, THE GRAMMA, COULD SAY YOU HELPED WITH ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS. GOOD LUCK WITH ALL. AND CONGRATS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!

You see when I became pregnant 11yrs.ago now my mom and I was so nervous about it,but you know what? Everything worked out just fine.So I know that it seems really scary right now but no matter what please try your best 2 keep a positive outlook on both of these situations.Always remember that God works in mysterious ways.Hang in there love your friend:S.

You will need to take this one day at a time and do the best that you can. Your oldest will need to get a job and help take care of the baby as best as she can.

Unfortunatly the only thing you can really do is give your daughter all the support and understanding. She is going to need it. Whether she wants to admit it she is scared to death.
I'm not a expert on this. Hope this helps
M. M

WOW! First of all, I would sit the both of them down and let them know what they are in for. In other words, tell them that you will not be responsible for this baby. Give them their options. Then, I would ask the father if he is ready for this. When he answers yes, ask him he does not have a job then? Then tell him if he is going to do this and be involved with your daughter and this baby, he is required to start working. I really think you need to put your foot down here. Now, if these two believe they are ready for adulthood, then let them be adults. In other words, this will be their problem to figure out, not yours. Good Luck!

All I can say is just be there for them both. My sister was pregnant at age 17 and when my mom finaly came to terms with it she desided to just be there for my sister and things just got easier around my house. They both need all the support they can get.

Well I didn't get pregnant that young but I did get pregnant with my first at 19. One of my friends got pregnant with her first at 15. She said it was hard and I know what I went through at 19. Be supportive and try to understand that it's prolly not what they wanted but now they are gonna feel tied down for atleast the next 18 yrs. I love both of my kids but now looking at my situation I wish I had waited until I was more stable. Stress that this is going to be they're responsibility to take care of the babies but at times they'll need help and a time that they can walk away for a couple of hrs. It will be better for them to know that your there for them if they need it. But do get them in parenting classes and if they have an alternative school try to get them in there.... It will help out alot. And Prepare them for anything they can expect. It will be more understandable if it comes form u. I hope this helps.

You surely have your hands full! But everyone is right, it is not for you to raise your daughters children, so I would make it abundantly clear you are not going to do their jobs as mothers for them.
I cannot imagine getting pregnant at 15. I was 18 and had just graduated from high school when I found I was pregnant with my son. I had him when I was 19 and now, at 24, I'm still struggling. I'm in college part time and work about 55 hours a week while I take care of him. His dad has been no where to be found since I ended up pregnant, so I don't get support from him or really care to have anything to do with him. That was an ugly situation and a different story all it's own.
I was really surprised at how my dad responded. I thought he would push me to give the baby up for adoption, yell and scream at me for being such an idiot, but he didn't. He asked me what I wanted to do, and left it at that. I didn't feel like adoption was an option, and I wasn't going to abort. As bad as it may sound, and as much as I love my son, I wish I would have considered the other options a bit more haevily. It is SO HARD to do this day in and day out. I watch the few friends I have actually kept since I had him go out whenever they want, a couple of them finished college and are having a blast with life, and here I sit, paying $1000 a month between daycare and rent alone, and sometimes I feel like I'm in way over my head.
After almost 5 years of this though I have adjusted. Life for me is not near what life would be like for any 20ish person who doesn't have kids, and I think your girls have to understand that. Your friends don't want to hang out with you or your loud, crying, pooping baby. You can't go party, hang out with the gang, and you spend days at work and nights at home or trying to finish your degree (if they have sense about them they will continue with school, it's just a LOT harder with a kid), and it's pulling teeth to get a sitter so I can go out on a date or hang out with the girls once every couple of months.
They have to understand the huge changes that will occur if they choose to keep the babies. To their life, their bodies, and most importantly, the stress os raising a child, especially alone.
I wish you the best of luck R., both your girls too. In the meantime, start checking into government programs that can insure the new babies, such as the Hoosier Healwise program offers in Indiana, a part of Medicaid, don't know what you have in KY. There are also a ton of services out there to help, during pregnancy ad after birth, pay for food for your girls while they are pregnant (the one in Indiana pays for milk, cereal, peanut butter, cheese, etc) and formula for the babies after they have them. That program helped me save about $100 or so a month in formula. I reccommend using google to find out what your local government has to offer.