Pregnant Babysitter

I don't even know how I'm going to handle a baby and a toddler. So leaving all the other stuff aside about her life choices, no, I would not hire someone with a newborn to watch my young kids. I know moms do it all the time, but if I'm paying a non family member to watch my kids, I would expect their full attention to be on my kids.

If someone is watching my child, I want them to be watching HIM! Her child will be the priority. Her child's needs will come first. Her energy will go there first. I do not choose to pay someone to watch their own child, and just keep an eye on mine. I have watched other children while I have my child with me. I'll admit, he came first. I stopped watching children, because that's not fair.

I don't think I would keep her on, sorry.

As I read your SWH I was thinking, yep, she's 19. She thinks babies are cute and clothes are adorable and being a mom sounds like fun. It's almost impossible for her to fully understand, though. I thought I was ready to be a mom when I had my oldest at 34. Wow those first few months were rough!

I really understand where you're coming from and what your concerns are. I would just adopt that smile the moms used to give me when I was pregnant. You know the one - you say you're planning to breastfeed for at least 18 months and the mom standing there didn't make it past 3 months and is nodding and smiling. Or the time you said, "My kids won't watch any tv until they're 3 years old," and then you find yourself popping in a Wiggles DVD because you really need to take a shower and haven't had one for 3 days. I'm just saying, your perspective changes after the baby is born. If I was completely and totally unprepared at 34 (with a supportive spouse) imagine how unprepared she is.

She may have planned this, but she also may not have. She could simply be innocently excited about having an adorable baby. She's 19. She has no idea what she's in for. Give it some time and just see how she handles it. Chances are she's not going to have time for you anyway. But you never know. She could surprise you. There's always that one person who seems to adjust to motherhood with very little trouble.

i don't really get this at all.
she likes sex. she screwed up on birth control (a huge no-no in my book, but hardly a crime), and is choosing to have the baby, which takes some guts.
and having made her decision, she's also chosen to be happy and excited about it instead of ashamed and scared and miserable.
if she's a poor babysitter, don't use her. if she's good with your kids, there's no issue.
i suspect that if she knew you were making pejorative comments about her character because she's pregnant, she would just as soon find someone else for whom to babysit.
khairete
S.

Despite a couple negative comments from others, I understand your question and concern. Personally, I wouldn't probably want a babysitter that brings along her own kid(s). Especially if I am paying. I do swap sitting with siblings, but that's different. If you are just using her occasionally, I think it may be time to stop. She has no idea what she is in for, and even a seasoned mom (with a dad in the mix) has a hard time handling a newborn with 2 other kids.
I'd say its time to find a new babysitter.

I suppose it would depend on how often she sits for you and the ages of your children.
If she sits for you a lot and your kids are still infants/toddlers I probably wouldn't want a sitter with a baby of her own.
But if she only sits occasionally and your kids are preschool age and older I wouldn't see it as a big deal.
I'm not sure why you posted about how happy she is to be pregnant according to her Facebook, what does that have to do with what kind of sitter she is? Having a baby at 19 without a job or a husband may be a bad idea but if she's a great babysitter why would you give that up because you just don't agree with her personal choices? That doesn't sound very kind or fair to me.

I completely understand what you are saying, I was surprised at how defensive others became after reading this.. I did not read anything like they are suggesting..

I was in no way able to watch 2 young children along with our infant when she was first born..

Of course there are moms that have many children under the age of 5 and do great, but that was not me..

And so I would just give her time once she gives birth, to get into a routine and then you both can decide if this is something she really is going to be able to handle.

Just ignore the noise below..

Tough position for you to be in. I have to tell you that I would ask her to find a position in a full time daycare where she can bring her baby to her work. Tell her you are glad to have had her for as long as you did, but you don't want a newborn in the mix with your children. You don't have to explain anything else.

Tell her that you'll give glowing references and try to help her get a job. And then DO.

My real reason for asking her to go elsewhere to work would be because of her poor judgment. Whether she used this guy as a means of getting pregnant, or was so careless that she'd not use adequate protection, I would not feel that she is capable of good enough judgment to continue to watch my children along with her newborn. If she were OLDER, it would be less of an issue for me. Lots of women decide to have a baby without tying themselves to a man. WOMEN being the operative word here. She is NOT a woman. She's a girl who is acting like the girls she hangs with.

You can be kind AND firm in this. You don't have to bring up her life choices. It's YOUR dollar and your children's safety at stake. She has gleaned good experience from working with your kids, but a newborn that she is totally emotionally attached to is going to take away from your kids in a major way. The last thing you want is for something upsetting to happen, she doesn't handle it well, and you end up firing her. Help her get another situation. It can actually end up being a career for her. Daycare teachers move up as they get experience. She could even study online to get an early childhood education degree. Babysitting isn't a way to a career like working for a center is. You can help her along by explaining that to her.

Good luck.

It sounds like your views on your sitter are based on her personal life, which you don't seem to care for. Since this is the case, you should find someone else to sit for you the next time you need a sitter.

I am glad my employer doesn't judge me for the child I had before I was married, the occasional drink I have, or the rock concerts I like to go to. We have to allow people to be people.

You may need to get your next sitter from your church or social group so that she shares the same views as you...and you may still be on a difficult road.

Would you feel happier about her life choices if she were miserable and self-loathing for being on the young side and pregnant? My mom wasn't much older than that when she became pregnant with me, and she has been a fantastic mother. No, we weren't rich, but I had a very happy childhood. She loved (and still loves) me, and took excellent care of me. So it is entirely possible for those who become parents very young to be excellent parents and provide for their children. She is excited about the birth of her first child. Weren't we all?? It's a blessing, no matter what the timing (and no time is ever perfect, is it?).

Now, that being said, I myself have had several nannies who have had babies/children of their own. I have not had any problem with them bringing their child with them to work. Women everywhere have multiple children that they take care of at one time. Your kids are 3 and 5. Surely there are many, many women in the world with kids who are 5, 3, and newborn! Right? Yes, she will likely have to take a break after the birth of her child to recover, but after that, what would the problem be, exactly? She has always been good with your children. She will likely continue to be good with children after she becomes a mother herself.

The issue of how she will support herself is irrelevant. Perhaps the father of the child is paying her bills. It doesn't really matter. She brings in money babysitting, and her skill as a babysitter is all that really matters, in my opinion.

There are a lot of ways to judge someone's abilities, character, and values. Agreeing with one decision is sometimes relevant - depends on the decision. If she committed a crime, or even if she had a boyfriend over at your house, that's relevant. Having sex probably isn't relevant. After all, you have no idea about the sexual activity of any other sitter - and it's really not anyone else's business. She's very young and very excited about this baby, and whether or not you (or I) think it's a good decision is beside the point. She was good enough to watch your kids at 17 and 18, and you knew nothing of her sexual activity or anything else. She did a good job with your kids and you've kept her on.

I don't see why you have to discuss it with her. You're not "firing" her because she doesn't work for you on a regular basis. I certainly think she's in for a rude awakening about how tired and how broke she's going to be. Right now she's in the fantasy phase, thinking about cute clothes. She doesn't realize she won't be able to afford them, but it's not up to you to burst her bubble. On the plus side, she has some experience watching children (yours) and in seeing how to run a house and keep the environment safe for kids.

I don't know why the pay would change if you use her. I assume you mean you would pay her less? Why? Would she have less responsibility or less work for you? I doubt it.

She's going to need some adult support and advice, so I would applaud you for saving up some baby clothes, and you can alert her to garage sales that have baby equipment. That stuff is very expensive, as you know. If she asks about future babysitting, I think you can be noncommittal and just say, "Let's see how you are feeling. You're going to need to take some time to focus on your baby and your own health and rest."

As far as considering people's character, are you planning to investigate the personal lives of public school teachers? Do you know anything about local Sunday school teachers or Scout leaders? Hockey coaches? What matters is whether they are good with children and whether there are any risk factors involved (criminal activity, drug use, that sort of thing). You have no idea if any of those people have had children out of wedlock and I hope it wouldn't make a difference.

You need to understand that ALL young people lack full skills for predicting consequences and therefore sometimes, even often, engage in poor decision-making. The human brain is not fully developed until age 25. So be prepared for your own kids making some dumb decisions in life, especially in their teen years and early 20s. I think if we all look back, we can pick out dozens of things we wish we'd done differently. What is the true judge of character is how someone deals with those decisions, and whether someone learns from them.

Honestly I see this as a none issue, and a lot of presumptious on your part. So, she's happy about the baby. I had my first at 19, of course I was married when I was 18. Would you rather she wallow in misery over her choice, wanted or not?

As for babysitting, if she's good with the kids, then leave it be. If she can your kids and a baby, which I could at that age, again leave it be.

I don't think she will be able to babysit when she has a newborn. Maybe later on she will be able to babysit for you again.

But I think you should prepare her for the fact that she won't have a job with you at that point, by letting her know now.

I don't think you can assume she got pregnant on purpose, but that's beside the point. Teenagers are ignorant, period.

If it were me, I would be counseling this girl a little. I would tell her, kindly, that she's going to have a rude awakening once the baby is here, and ask her how she is planning on supporting herself, etc. I would tell her that you really like her as a babysitter but that you know from experience that moms of newborns can't take care of other kids. That's nothing personal, it's just reality.

I assume, perhaps wrongly, that this girl doesn't have the greatest mother? So she could probably use a little life advice, if you're someone she listens to.

Bet your kids love her!!!! You said you do not have her sit often, so I really do not see a problem here. Bringing her baby would be fine in my books. You liked her before you found out she was pregnant. I guess this gal has one less supportive person in her life.

I don't know why you would have to do anything here. She isn't your full-time while you are at work babysitter. If you only call her every now and again, then just don't call her if you aren't comfortable with the situation. Why would you feel the need to start some emotional explaination as to why you don't want her watching your kids anymore?

If you happen to run into her after the baby is born and she asks, just get a puzzled look on your face and tell her that you assumed that she had her hands so full with her newborn that she wasn't taking side jobs.

Put yourself in her position and remember that FB is just the image that we put out to people that we hope is the most positive image.

regardless of her Life Choices, it is not your place to judge her.

that said, it is your duty to provide the best care for your children. As a daycare provider, I know 1sthand how having a baby with older children completely changes the flow/pattern of the day. Especially with outside activities!

I 100% believe she will not be able to continue as is....with a newborn in the mix. Therefore, give her notice now & make the change before any possible issues arise in this pregnancy....leaving you without care.

I agree with Dawn. My baby is 6 months old & finally on a routine! I have a supportive hubby etc., but I brought my son to do childcare at church & felt awful because all I ended up doing was holding him, feeding him and that was for only 2 hours. I have decided that I will not bring him
to any church childcare jobs so I can give my full attn to the other kids.
Good luck,
Pammy

How often do you use her? Is she a nanny that comes regularly and frequently? Or is she just more of a date night babysitter?

Keep in mind - I don't know the laws in MA, but in CA, you can't fire someone because they are pregnant.